Golf

[Stubby Pecker]

Cuntish game for boring cunts. It's not a sport if you wear an ironed shirt and slacks with a nice crease down the leg or have to exert zero physical energy. Shouldn't be in the Olympics along with other 'sports' and those that already have their showcase events like tennis and kiss tag. The Ryder cup is wank, even the spectators are plebs. Any able bodied human under 65 who takes it up should be soundly thrashed and forced into ultra marathons, iron man and that skiing thing they do where they carry a fucking gun. All golf courses should be turned into nature reserves with the rotting corpses of the geriatric former occupants feeding the ecosystem. 

[Guest Lady Penelope]

Very harsh .. there is a poor soul battering himself to death in the cooler because of his fixation with the 18th hole.

[Wolfie]

8 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said:

Very harsh .. there is a poor soul battering himself to death in the cooler because of his fixation with the 18th hole.

The jokes literally write themselves sometimes.

[camberwell gypsy]

57 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said:

Very harsh .. there is a poor soul battering himself to death in the cooler because of his fixation with the 18th hole.

I think he's been up more holes than 18 

[Guest Lady Penelope]

41 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I think he's been up more holes than 18 

The 18th will always be his favourite as it was there that he had his hole in one with Frank.

[Guest Ollyboro]

Fucking Bollocks. Golf is a wonderful game. It gets you out in the fresh air and rewards you with a skinful at the end. Got the shits and need to get rid of last night's Hotshot Parmo? Not a problem; just calf it out in the rough to the right of the fairway on the first.  You try having a shite on a badminton court and see where that gets you. Thrown out the fucking leisure centre, that's where. Fancy a fag/cigar/joint? Feel free on the golf course. You try sparking up in the local swimming baths and see what happens. In fact they've even got signs up saying you can't. Are you racist? Unless you run into Tiger Woods there's no chance of meeting some cunt of a different hue on a municipal golf course. A Geordie bloke I once had the extreme displeasure of knowing told me about his experience of golfing in Thailand. He'd hired a  "me love you long time"  lady (no cock) for a fortnight. 5 days in he was a bit bored so got the pro to try her hand at being a golf pro and caddy for him. The poor cow was about 5ft tall and was made to carry a full set of clubs around in the 90 degrees heat. As well as sucking him off half way round. You try getting somecunt to suck you off at the local chess club and I swear you'll be on a gross indecency charge before you can say "Punkape's a massive cunt."

[Guest Cuntsman]

I fucking hate golf, and the cunts who do it. Apart from that film clip where the bad guy makes some poor sucker lay on the floor and twats one out of his mouth with a driver. I could have a go at that

[Eric Cuntman]

3 minutes ago, Cuntsman said:

I fucking hate golf, and the cunts who do it. Apart from that film clip where the bad guy makes some poor sucker lay on the floor and twats one out of his mouth with a driver. I could have a go at that

Frank Harper in 'Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels', easily the best actor among the 'Brit Gangster' crowd. Danny Dyer wasn't fit to lick his Doc Martens in 'Football Factory'.

[Cap'n Cunt]

37 minutes ago, Ollyboro said:

Fucking Bollocks. Golf is a wonderful game. It gets you out in the fresh air and rewards you with a skinful at the end. Got the shits and need to get rid of last night's Hotshot Parmo? Not a problem; just calf it out in the rough to the right of the fairway on the first.  You try having a shite on a badminton court and see where that gets you. Thrown out the fucking leisure centre, that's where. Fancy a fag/cigar/joint? Feel free on the golf course. You try sparking up in the local swimming baths and see what happens. In fact they've even got signs up saying you can't. Are you racist? Unless you run into Tiger Woods there's no chance of meeting some cunt of a different hue on a municipal golf course. A Geordie bloke I once had the extreme displeasure of knowing told me about his experience of golfing in Thailand. He'd hired a  "me love you long time"  lady (no cock) for a fortnight. 5 days in he was a bit bored so got the pro to try her hand at being a golf pro and caddy for him. The poor cow was about 5ft tall and was made to carry a full set of clubs around in the 90 degrees heat. As well as sucking him off half way round. You try getting somecunt to suck you off at the local chess club and I swear you'll be on a gross indecency charge before you can say "Punkape's a massive cunt."

Golf. For people that don't have a toilet.

[Guest Cuntsman]

7 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Frank Harper in 'Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels', easily the best actor among the 'Brit Gangster' crowd. Danny Dyer wasn't fit to lick his Doc Martens in 'Football Factory'.

I sort of figured you and Frank had a bit of a bromance going on. Do you get out much?

[Eric Cuntman]

6 minutes ago, Cuntsman said:

I sort of figured you and Frank had a bit of a bromance going on. Do you get out much?

Only when the nice man in the white coat signs my day release and I promise not to stab anyone with my crayons.

[Guest Cuntsman]

12 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Only when the nice man in the white coat signs my day release and I promise not to stab anyone with my crayons.

That'll be Rick_B, right?

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Cuntsman said:

That'll be Rick_B, right?

Yes. He confiscates my brown crayon so I can't draw pictures that upset minorities. But I get round it by using the black and orange ones to depict Burkas being set on fire.

[Guest Ollyboro]

26 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said:

Golf. For people that don't have a toilet.

No. A hobby for people who have a toilet, but also a hobby that they can still continue doing  even if they're desperate for the toilet - despite being nowhere near their own  toilet. Imagine pissing in a vase at one of your prison flower arranging classes.

[Guest Cuntsman]

7 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Yes. He confiscates my brown crayon so I can't draw pictures that upset minorities. But I get round it by using the black and orange ones to depict Burkas being set on fire.

That reminds me, there should be an exploding Arab heading my way. If he hurries up I can knock him up a fake profile, post some highly personal digs at Roops on his behalf and get him slapped in the cooler with his timer set to count zero prior to anyone being released. Nirvana and a merry fucking Christmas to all

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

1 hour ago, Ollyboro said:

Fucking Bollocks. Golf is a wonderful game. It gets you out in the fresh air and rewards you with a skinful at the end. Got the shits and need to get rid of last night's Hotshot Parmo? Not a problem; just calf it out in the rough to the right of the fairway on the first.  You try having a shite on a badminton court and see where that gets you. Thrown out the fucking leisure centre, that's where. Fancy a fag/cigar/joint? Feel free on the golf course. You try sparking up in the local swimming baths and see what happens. In fact they've even got signs up saying you can't. Are you racist? Unless you run into Tiger Woods there's no chance of meeting some cunt of a different hue on a municipal golf course. A Geordie bloke I once had the extreme displeasure of knowing told me about his experience of golfing in Thailand. He'd hired a  "me love you long time"  lady (no cock) for a fortnight. 5 days in he was a bit bored so got the pro to try her hand at being a golf pro and caddy for him. The poor cow was about 5ft tall and was made to carry a full set of clubs around in the 90 degrees heat. As well as sucking him off half way round. You try getting somecunt to suck you off at the local chess club and I swear you'll be on a gross indecency charge before you can say "Punkape's a massive cunt."

Sorry Olly, I disagree.  Golf is for poncing faggot cunts!  

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Ollyboro said:

Fucking Bollocks. Golf is a wonderful game. It gets you out in the fresh air and rewards you with a skinful at the end. Got the shits and need to get rid of last night's Hotshot Parmo? Not a problem; just calf it out in the rough to the right of the fairway on the first.  You try having a shite on a badminton court and see where that gets you. Thrown out the fucking leisure centre, that's where. Fancy a fag/cigar/joint? Feel free on the golf course. You try sparking up in the local swimming baths and see what happens. In fact they've even got signs up saying you can't. Are you racist? Unless you run into Tiger Woods there's no chance of meeting some cunt of a different hue on a municipal golf course. A Geordie bloke I once had the extreme displeasure of knowing told me about his experience of golfing in Thailand. He'd hired a  "me love you long time"  lady (no cock) for a fortnight. 5 days in he was a bit bored so got the pro to try her hand at being a golf pro and caddy for him. The poor cow was about 5ft tall and was made to carry a full set of clubs around in the 90 degrees heat. As well as sucking him off half way round. You try getting somecunt to suck you off at the local chess club and I swear you'll be on a gross indecency charge before you can say "Punkape's a massive cunt."

Why do you need so many fucking clubs anyway?  I'd only need one; that huge bulbous fuck off one that hits the ball a long way.  And that's just to twat the first cunt who came up to me to tell me that ladies aren't allowed in their club and to give the club captains car a make-over. 

[Guest Gong Farmer]

When I was a kid we used to break into the local park in the dead of night and shit in the putting green holes. The fun part was going to the park during the day to watch the 'putters' retrieve the balls from the very same holes we'd shat in the night before.

[Cap'n Cunt]

21 minutes ago, Ollyboro said:

No. A hobby for people who have a toilet, but also a hobby that they can still continue doing  even if they're desperate for the toilet - despite being nowhere near their own  toilet. Imagine pissing in a vase at one of your prison flower arranging classes.

Well, I'm pleased that your encopresis hasn't prevented you from having a hobby.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

2 hours ago, Gong Farmer said:

When I was a kid we used to break into the local park in the dead of night and shit in the putting green holes. The fun part was going to the park during the day to watch the 'putters' retrieve the balls from the very same holes we'd shat in the night before.

We used to put small round boards with nails through it in the bottom of the green cups.  When the cunts would reach in for their faggy, cunty little ball, they would soon regret it.  

[Stubby Pecker]

8 hours ago, Lady Penelope said:

The 18th will always be his favourite as it was there that he had his hole in one with Frank.

Old punky is more interested in holes 19th, 20th, 21st etc etc 

[Stubby Pecker]

7 hours ago, Ollyboro said:

Fucking Bollocks. Golf is a wonderful game. It gets you out in the fresh air and rewards you with a skinful at the end. Got the shits and need to get rid of last night's Hotshot Parmo? Not a problem; just calf it out in the rough to the right of the fairway on the first.  You try having a shite on a badminton court and see where that gets you. Thrown out the fucking leisure centre, that's where. Fancy a fag/cigar/joint? Feel free on the golf course. You try sparking up in the local swimming baths and see what happens. In fact they've even got signs up saying you can't. Are you racist? Unless you run into Tiger Woods there's no chance of meeting some cunt of a different hue on a municipal golf course. A Geordie bloke I once had the extreme displeasure of knowing told me about his experience of golfing in Thailand. He'd hired a  "me love you long time"  lady (no cock) for a fortnight. 5 days in he was a bit bored so got the pro to try her hand at being a golf pro and caddy for him. The poor cow was about 5ft tall and was made to carry a full set of clubs around in the 90 degrees heat. As well as sucking him off half way round. You try getting somecunt to suck you off at the local chess club and I swear you'll be on a gross indecency charge before you can say "Punkape's a massive cunt."

Granted you can take a shit whilst golfing but there are many other sports where wild ones can be laid, the "not taking a shit before going for a run" thread outlines this. As for half time fellatio, there are all gay rugby clubs you can join if that's your thing or just PM Spunkgape and pick a sport-you could probably do him up the shitter 'an all

[Cuntybaws]

7 hours ago, Gong Farmer said:

When I was a kid we used to break into the local park in the dead of night and shit in the putting green holes. The fun part was going to the park during the day to watch the 'putters' retrieve the balls from the very same holes we'd shat in the night before.

4 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

We used to put small round boards with nails through it in the bottom of the green cups.  When the cunts would reach in for their faggy, cunty little ball, they would soon regret it.  

Who says the Viet Cong contributed nothing to 20th century culture? Punji sticks, baby!

 

[Guest DingTheRioja]

On 14/03/2017 at 10:00 PM, Stubby Pecker said:

Cuntish game for boring cunts. It's not a sport if you wear an ironed shirt and slacks with a nice crease down the leg or have to exert zero physical energy. Shouldn't be in the Olympics along with other 'sports' and those that already have their showcase events like tennis and kiss tag. The Ryder cup is wank, even the spectators are plebs. Any able bodied human under 65 who takes it up should be soundly thrashed and forced into ultra marathons, iron man and that skiing thing they do where they carry a fucking gun. All golf courses should be turned into nature reserves with the rotting corpses of the geriatric former occupants feeding the ecosystem. 

They do ruin some lovely coastal walks.

[Stubby Pecker]

All members of ISIS report directly to the Ryder cup with an AK, 1000 rounds, grenades, 100ml each of novichok, anthrax and Ebola. If you dress like an utter cunt in slacks and a pastel polo shirt (raid franks wardrobe first) you won't be noticed.