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Bamboo.


Guest 'eavensabove

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Guest 'eavensabove

If like me you are proud of your gardens, then you will know that bamboo is cunt. However, for the less enlightened amongst you, then please try before you buy... I potted what I'd hoped would be a little-back-drop feature for my herbaceous border of Lupins, only to find that now (some years later) my garden has become the embankment of the River Kwai. I live in constant fear of attack from the Viet Kong or some spear-chucking cunt every morning whilst milking me goat. Bamboo, spreads like wild-fire and is a cunt to remove once it's established. Don't go there. Bamboo is a cunt.  

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19 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said:

If like me you are proud of your gardens, then you will know that bamboo is cunt. However, for the less enlightened amongst you, then please try before you buy... I potted what I'd hoped would be a little-back-drop feature for my herbaceous border of Lupins, only to find that now (some years later) my garden has become the embankment of the River Kwai. I live in constant fear of attack from the Viet Kong or some spear-chucking cunt every morning whilst milking me goat. Bamboo, spreads like wild-fire and is a cunt to remove once it's established. Don't go there. Bamboo is a cunt.  

Bamboo is a cunt, and so was my old Headmaster Mr Jones, who used it to create red marks across the palm of my hand a few times.

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Guest 'eavensabove
Just now, Eric Cuntman said:

Bamboo is a cunt, and so was my old Headmaster Mr Jones, who used it to create red marks across the palm of my hand a few times.

Kids today don't know what school punishment is. 

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24 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said:

If like me you are proud of your gardens, then you will know that bamboo is cunt. However, for the less enlightened amongst you, then please try before you buy... I potted what I'd hoped would be a little-back-drop feature for my herbaceous border of Lupins, only to find that now (some years later) my garden has become the embankment of the River Kwai. I live in constant fear of attack from the Viet Kong or some spear-chucking cunt every morning whilst milking me goat. Bamboo, spreads like wild-fire and is a cunt to remove once it's established. Don't go there. Bamboo is a cunt.  

"Milking me goat"? This is a blatant euphemism for wanking. Please explain yourself you dirty fucker! 

I agree though, bamboo is a cunt in the garden, but a great resource in the jungle if your got a sharp, heavy parang or machete 

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Guest 'eavensabove
Just now, Stubby Pecker said:

"Milking me goat"? This is a blatant euphemism for wanking. Please explain yourself you dirty fucker

I agree though, bamboo is a cunt in the garden, but a great resource in the jungle if your got a sharp, heavy parang or machete 

I am NOT dirty. No spunk on my bedsheets, and the goat doesn't answer me back. Bhhaaa.  

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3 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

"Milking me goat"? This is a blatant euphemism for wanking. Please explain yourself you dirty fucker! 

I agree though, bamboo is a cunt in the garden, but a great resource in the jungle if your got a sharp, heavy parang or machete 

Parang, machete, you're giving me the 'orn!

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2 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

If like me you are proud of your gardens, then you will know that bamboo is cunt. However, for the less enlightened amongst you, then please try before you buy... I potted what I'd hoped would be a little-back-drop feature for my herbaceous border of Lupins, only to find that now (some years later) my garden has become the embankment of the River Kwai. I live in constant fear of attack from the Viet Kong or some spear-chucking cunt every morning whilst milking me goat. Bamboo, spreads like wild-fire and is a cunt to remove once it's established. Don't go there. Bamboo is a cunt.  

You need a different type of bamboo. The stuff I've got is excellent. Let me have a look at its name......er.......oh yes here we are. It's called Wopbapaloobopawop bamboo. Its Latin name is Richardus Littlus. 

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Guest 'eavensabove
8 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

You need a different type of bamboo. The stuff I've got is excellent. Let me have a look at its name......er.......oh yes here we are. It's called Wopbapaloobopawop bamboo. Its Latin name is Richardos Littlus. 

nice one. out of likes.

I blame Dick Van Dyke.

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Guest 'eavensabove
1 minute ago, Hokey Gingers said:

Does Fanta bring you out in ..er..lumps? If so, yes, yes it is.

I don't want lumps. I wanna flame thrower. 

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2 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

If like me you are proud of your gardens, then you will know that bamboo is cunt. However, for the less enlightened amongst you, then please try before you buy... I potted what I'd hoped would be a little-back-drop feature for my herbaceous border of Lupins, only to find that now (some years later) my garden has become the embankment of the River Kwai. I live in constant fear of attack from the Viet Kong or some spear-chucking cunt every morning whilst milking me goat. Bamboo, spreads like wild-fire and is a cunt to remove once it's established. Don't go there. Bamboo is a cunt.  

Laffin bollox off 

Panzerknacker 

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Guest 'eavensabove
3 minutes ago, Panzerknacker said:

Laffin bollox off 

Panzerknacker 

Trust me, it's almost sprouting through me floors from 100 yards away. The fucking stuff pokes out anywhere it wants take root. 

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Guest Wizardsleeve
14 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

If like me you are proud of your gardens, then you will know that bamboo is cunt. However, for the less enlightened amongst you, then please try before you buy... I potted what I'd hoped would be a little-back-drop feature for my herbaceous border of Lupins, only to find that now (some years later) my garden has become the embankment of the River Kwai. I live in constant fear of attack from the Viet Kong or some spear-chucking cunt every morning whilst milking me goat. Bamboo, spreads like wild-fire and is a cunt to remove once it's established. Don't go there. Bamboo is a cunt.  

I'd like to harvest some of your bamboo.  I'll make punji sticks and keep the local funeral bloke in business with cunts trying to sell me shite.  If I'm really lucky, that spacker Frank will finally fall on one whilst trying to spy me and my missus in bed.  

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Guest Lady Penelope
13 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Don't get me talking about Mary Poppins and the London Eye 

My mother used to hang around with eye ties.

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Guest deebom

Fastest growing plant in the world is bamboo. I've known this since I was a child, so why didn't you know this before you planted it.

I would suggest that you're a stupid cunt and you deserve an infestation of Panda bears.

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Guest Lady Penelope
32 minutes ago, Punkape said:

And you hang around the bus station in Crewe looking for punters....

lol.

You know Crewe omnibus station .. you are the toilet cleaner from Wetherspoons!

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Guest 'eavensabove
3 hours ago, deebom said:

Fastest growing plant in the world is bamboo. I've known this since I was a child, so why didn't you know this before you planted it.

I would suggest that you're a stupid cunt and you deserve an infestation of Panda bears.

I aint stoopid. I planted the stuff above ground like it said on the packet, and had I known it was fast growing, I'd have put some on me head. 

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