Decimus Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 No matter the time of day, whenever I nip outside for a smoke, I'm constantly being stalked by a fat cunt of epic proportions. As soon as I light up, the hairs on the back of my neck start to raise as I hear the inevitable approach of heavy breathing and the wet squelch of cankles that have been brutally crow-barred into imitation hush puppies. As it rounds the corner into view, it's invariably as red as an enraged dog's cock and swaying from side to side in perfect imitation of a tugboat at dock. The only saving grace is that the vile cunt is that out of breath after a 60ft walk that it's incapable of boring me to death by talking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 It's the grim reaper, waiting for you to die of a smoking-related disease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 This is desperate. Do some work, you fucking loafer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 20, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 23 minutes ago, FRANK said: This is desperate. Do some work, you fucking loafer. I'm busy trying to get some real cancer, not that fake shit you and Withers are riddled with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 15 minutes ago, Decimus said: I'm busy trying to get some real cancer, not that fake shit you and Withers are riddled with. Forget this shit.. no one cares. Do something with your life, boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 Is it a mirror? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 Just now, Decimus said: No matter the time of day, whenever I nip outside for a smoke, I'm constantly being stalked by a fat cunt of epic proportions. As soon as I light up, the hairs on the back of my neck start to raise as I hear the inevitable approach of heavy breathing and the wet squelch of cankles that have been brutally crow-barred into imitation hush puppies. As it rounds the corner into view, it's invariably as red as an enraged dog's cock and swaying from side to side in perfect imitation of a tugboat at dock. The only saving grace is that the vile cunt is that out of breath after a 60ft walk that it's incapable of boring me to death by talking. Is it male or female? Or not sure? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 20, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 10 minutes ago, FRANK said: Forget this shit.. no one cares. Do something with your life, boy. You seem rather touchy whenever the subject of smoking is brought up...Dicky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 1 hour ago, Decimus said: No matter the time of day, whenever I nip outside for a smoke, I'm constantly being stalked by a fat cunt of epic proportions. As soon as I light up, the hairs on the back of my neck start to raise as I hear the inevitable approach of heavy breathing and the wet squelch of cankles that have been brutally crow-barred into imitation hush puppies. As it rounds the corner into view, it's invariably as red as an enraged dog's cock and swaying from side to side in perfect imitation of a tugboat at dock. The only saving grace is that the vile cunt is that out of breath after a 60ft walk that it's incapable of boring me to death by talking. The thought of your tobacco encrusted, Werther's Original stinking teeth makes me feel physically fucking sick. Never mention it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 1 hour ago, Decimus said: No matter the time of day, whenever I nip outside for a smoke, I'm constantly being stalked by a fat cunt of epic proportions. As soon as I light up, the hairs on the back of my neck start to raise as I hear the inevitable approach of heavy breathing and the wet squelch of cankles that have been brutally crow-barred into imitation hush puppies. As it rounds the corner into view, it's invariably as red as an enraged dog's cock and swaying from side to side in perfect imitation of a tugboat at dock. The only saving grace is that the vile cunt is that out of breath after a 60ft walk that it's incapable of boring me to death by talking. Set your ringtone to "Thar She Blows" by Steel Panter and have a work colleague phone you every time you go to the shelter. Spend your entire time on the phone discussing a make-believe acquaintance who is an obese fucking slob that you can't stand. Rinse and repeat 'till the subject finally gets the fucking point. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 2 hours ago, FRANK said: Forget this shit.. no one cares. Do something with your life, boy. Do something with yours, end it. Grassing little faggot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 21 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: Do something with yours, end it. Grassing little faggot. Lower class underachiever with anal sepsis. lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 40 minutes ago, Punkape said: This is dreadful. Reported. Thank you. Much obliged, believe it or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 42 minutes ago, Punkape said: Lower class underachiever with anal sepsis. lol. Thank you. Much obliged. Slime bucket slop pile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 41 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: Thank you. Much obliged, believe it or not. There are limits.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 I see frank's dismal post about mrs noakes was removed. I would like to say that I did not report it and took it in good humour. However if anyone has the right to say my wife resembles a bloated hippo it is me (she doesn't by the way, a bit more like the back end of a bus that has been crashed in reverse with a passing resemblance to a sack full of spanners). I have reported myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 2 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: I see frank's dismal post about mrs noakes was removed. I would like to say that I did not report it and took it in good humour. However if anyone has the right to say my wife resembles a bloated hippo it is me (she doesn't by the way, a bit more like the back end of a bus that has been crashed in reverse with a passing resemblance to a sack full of spanners). I have reported myself. Valdez is coming Alf but I fear it may be too late. Ironically, Frau Rat can look like a bag of dead mice on occasion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 2 minutes ago, ratcum said: Valdez is coming Alf but I fear it may be too late. Ironically, Frau Rat can look like a bag of dead mice on occasion Brighton taking on a player called Izquierdo seems very ironic. Another phrase for the mrs is dogs breakfast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 38 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: I see frank's dismal post about mrs noakes was removed. I would like to say that I did not report it and took it in good humour. However if anyone has the right to say my wife resembles a bloated hippo it is me (she doesn't by the way, a bit more like the back end of a bus that has been crashed in reverse with a passing resemblance to a sack full of spanners). I have reported myself. Can I get her number? And do you have a night out with the lads planned shortly? Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 1 minute ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Can I get her number? And do you have a night out with the lads planned shortly? Thanks. She's so fat she's got a house number. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 17 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: She's so fat she's got a house number. mine's even fatter,got her own postcode! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Paul skinback Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 16 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: She's so fat she's got a house number. bill you are held in esteem by the flids on this site. With posts like the above it's a mystery to me . Can you explain? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 20, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 4 minutes ago, Paul skinback said: bill you are held in esteem by the flids on this site. With posts like the above it's a mystery to me . Can you explain? Ordinarily it's me logged in to the Bill account, but today it was Frank's turn. We are open to feedback so I will pass on your critique. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 5 minutes ago, Paul skinback said: bill you are held in esteem by the flids on this site. With posts like the above it's a mystery to me . Can you explain? Here he is! Enoch Pallid returns. Good evening last night? Were you compiling more examples from wikkpedia of white man's triumphs to make yourself feel better about being a dole-thieving work shy, insignificant little toe rag? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Paul skinback Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 1 minute ago, Decimus said: Ordinarily it's me logged in to the Bill account, but today it was Frank's turn. We are open to feedback so I will pass on your critique. Much appreciated Decimus. I take it Snatch is running the Eric account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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