Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 My next door neighbour, Paul, nice bloke I've always got on with, has just knocked on my door, fuming after an encounter with our local constabulary. He got stopped on a random police check initiative. It wasn't that he got stopped that annoyed him, he had only popped to the Co-op to get some shopping, it was the ridiculous language that incensed him. The cop's initial approach was, "alright chap, where are you coming from and where are you going?". Who the fuck addresses anyone as "chap"? As a 25 year veteran of dealing with actual criminal cunts, if that wanker had approached me with that intro', I would have tazered the prick, kicked him in the head, and left him dribbling like a spastic in some cunts front garden. "Alright chap" wanker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 Good thing I don't drive, I would have answered every question with "No comment". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 3 minutes ago, Albert Ross Esquire said: Good thing I don't drive, I would have answered every question with "No comment". Good lad, but don't try and tell me that being referred to as "chap" wouldn't have got on your tits just a little bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Good lad, but don't try and tell me that being referred to as "chap" wouldn't have got on your tits just a little bit. Being referred to as a "tit" would get on my chaps a little bit Authoritah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 3 minutes ago, NORMAN WISDOM'S COCK said: Being referred to as a "tit" would get on my chaps a little bit Authoritah. I know, but remember, as an autonomous penis, you could only wear one chap. Perhaps made from a sperm whale foreskin, like Queequeg's disco skirt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 22 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: My next door neighbour, Paul, nice bloke I've always got on with, has just knocked on my door, fuming after an encounter with our local constabulary. He got stopped on a random police check initiative. It wasn't that he got stopped that annoyed him, he had only popped to the Co-op to get some shopping, it was the ridiculous language that incensed him. The cop's initial approach was, "alright chap, where are you coming from and where are you going?". Who the fuck addresses anyone as "chap"? As a 25 year veteran of dealing with actual criminal cunts, if that wanker had approached me with that intro', I would have tazered the prick, kicked him in the head, and left him dribbling like a spastic in some cunts front garden. "Alright chap" wanker. It’s a decent nom. Why do they always have to talk about ‘units attending the scene’ instead of saying ‘some police turned up’. ‘A male was located, deceased’ instead of ‘he was found dead’. A strange formalesque jargon that’s totally unnecessary. Saying that, no ones impressed with your attempts to stealth brag about being a doorman Eric. At £17 an hour we all know you’ve never tased anyone (even if you have eagerly thrown a few gimpy first year students out of a freshers night in some fourth rate university town). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 Just now, William T.D. Stickers said: It’s a decent nom. Why do they always have to talk about ‘units attending the scene’ instead of saying ‘some police turned up’. ‘A male was located, deceased’ instead of ‘he was found dead’. A strange formalesque jargon that’s totally unnecessary. Saying that, no ones impressed with your attempts to stealth brag about being a doorman Eric. At £17 an hour we all know you’ve never tased anyone (even if you have eagerly thrown a few gimpy first year students out of a freshers night in some fourth rate university town). Point taken. And as far as the all time leader board that you were just bragging about on another thread, you appear to be in no position to brag. I'm above you. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Point taken. And as far as the all time leader board that you were just bragging about on another thread, you appear to be in no position to brag. I'm above you. Fuck off. Maybe he needs to brag because he's so nondescript. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 6 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Point taken. And as far as the all time leader board that you were just bragging about on another thread, you appear to be in no position to brag. I'm above you. Fuck off. 7 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: To be honest, I don't really think of the leaderboard as a definitive expression of performance. I think the ratio percentage of likes to posts is the more prestigious scale, and you're ahead in that anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 Just now, William T.D. Stickers said: Don't pretend that you don't care. Coy little like teasing slut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 Eric, lay down your arms. Albert Ross is losing his tiny little mind in the other thread and I think you could be just the man to push him over the precipice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 2 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: Eric, lay down your arms. Albert Ross is losing his tiny little mind in the other thread and I think you could be just the man to push him over the precipice. Can't do it on your own then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 21 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: Eric, lay down your arms. Albert Ross is losing his tiny little mind in the other thread and I think you could be just the man to push him over the precipice. After extensive studies, I have concluded that the best way to send Albert into the abyss, is to let him step off the edge of his own accord. Try not to kill him though, I'm hoping to recruit him to the Cartel, because Pen will inevitably follow and we need someone to make sandwiches. thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said: Good lad, but don't try and tell me that being referred to as "chap" wouldn't have got on your tits just a little bit. Did he "fall down the stairs"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 10 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Pen will inevitably follow and we need someone to make sandwiches. thanks You could do with me in the Cartel as I could do my special sald for the enemy .. You have heard of "poison pen lettuce" I presume? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 3 minutes ago, Penelope said: Did he "fall down the stairs"? No ma'am, he "slipped on the soap in the showers". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 48 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: It’s a decent nom. Why do they always have to talk about ‘units attending the scene’ instead of saying ‘some police turned up’. ‘A male was located, deceased’ instead of ‘he was found dead’. A strange formalesque jargon that’s totally unnecessary. Saying that, no ones impressed with your attempts to stealth brag about being a doorman Eric. At £17 an hour we all know you’ve never tased anyone (even if you have eagerly thrown a few gimpy first year students out of a freshers night in some fourth rate university town). For the sake of accuracy, I have Tazered 3 people, the first was myself, to make sure it worked. And I'm not ashamed to say, it was fucking horrible and some wee- wee came out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 Just now, Albert Ross Esquire said: No ma'am, he "slipped on the soap in the showers". Did he have a big friendly policeman behind him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 Just now, Penelope said: Did he have a big friendly policeman behind him? Also in front. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 51 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: 'A male was located, deceased’ IC3, of course. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 4 minutes ago, Penelope said: You could do with me in the Cartel as I could do my special sald for the enemy .. You have heard of "poison pen lettuce" I presume? You're in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Erroreptile404 Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 Ello ello! alright chaps? You're all under a vest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: For the sake of accuracy, I have Tazered 3 people, the first was myself, to make sure it worked. And I'm not ashamed to say, it was fucking horrible and some wee- wee came out. Did you shout "don't taze me, bro" when you did it? 🤔 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: IC3, of course. I remember being stopped and searched by Norfolk's finest after a city match in the early 2000's. Said pig was snorting info into his radio, and identified me as an " IC2 male". It wasn't until I googled it the next day that I realised that this description identified a suspect as being southern European. God save Aidan Turner. Edited June 17, 2018 by Decimus Black as fucking bog. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 17, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 2 minutes ago, scotty said: Did you shout "don't taze me, bro" when you did it? 🤔 No. Which I know is a ridiculous mitigative statement, coming from someone who's just admitted pissing their boxers in the name of product testing. But in my defence, a brass knuckle duster is a guaranteed deal, but when you've just paid £60 for an ambiguous black box, you get curious as to whether it does what it's supposed to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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