Decimus Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 For want of anything better to do and bored to fucking tears with The Corner indulging in one of its periodic navel-gazing Punkape phases, I've put on a documentary about Ancient Egypt. G&T in hand, I sat down ready to be soothed by the stentorian tones of some bellowing fucking toff condescending to entertain and inform the filthy masses. Imagine my absolute fucking consternation when the voiceover broke over the vista of the pyramids and it was some fucking cunt who sounded exactly like Vera Duckworth attempting to stumble through a read through of Carry on Cleo. I soon realised that all was lost when the she-northerner eventually revealed itself to be some sort of Ronald McDonald inspired, wild haired fucking dog. It was the BBC of course. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 5 minutes ago, Decimus said: For want of anything better to do and bored to fucking tears with The Corner indulging in one of its periodic navel-gazing Punkape phases, I've put on a documentary about Ancient Egypt. G&T in hand, I sat down ready to be soothed by the stentorian tones of some bellowing fucking toff condescending to entertain and inform the filthy masses. Imagine my absolute fucking consternation when the voiceover broke over the vista of the pyramids and it was some fucking cunt who sounded exactly like Vera Duckworth attempting to stumble through a read through of Carry on Cleo. I soon realised that all was lost when the she-northerner eventually revealed itself to be some sort of Ronald McDonald inspired, wild haired fucking dog. It was the BBC of course. Looks like Leo Sayer has been in a terrible accident with an industrial belt-sander, then the ambulance was driven by David Blunkett through a fucking minefield. What an unfortunate looking bitch. I can't begin to even joke about what it must've sounded like. Hopefully you're making a speedy recovery, though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 29, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 19 minutes ago, nocti said: Looks like Leo Sayer has been in a terrible accident with an industrial belt-sander, then the ambulance was driven by David Blunkett through a fucking minefield. What an unfortunate looking bitch. I can't begin to even joke about what it must've sounded like. Hopefully you're making a speedy recovery, though. I'd say that this nom could be the start of The Corner's very own DSMO style Mary Beard moment. However, I doubt that this pit-digging northern fucking pig has the intelligence to engage in any sort of litigious nonsense. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 Yes, that's Joann (sic) Fletcher, from Barnsley, 'appen. Without a hint of irony, her thesis was entitled, "Ancient Egyptian Hair: a study in style, form and function". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 30 minutes ago, Decimus said: For want of anything better to do and bored to fucking tears with The Corner indulging in one of its periodic navel-gazing Punkape phases, I've put on a documentary about Ancient Egypt. G&T in hand, I sat down ready to be soothed by the stentorian tones of some bellowing fucking toff condescending to entertain and inform the filthy masses. Imagine my absolute fucking consternation when the voiceover broke over the vista of the pyramids and it was some fucking cunt who sounded exactly like Vera Duckworth attempting to stumble through a read through of Carry on Cleo. I soon realised that all was lost when the she-northerner eventually revealed itself to be some sort of Ronald McDonald inspired, wild haired fucking dog. It was the BBC of course. How revolting. The kind of new age harridan who sports wildly overgrown armpits, a disgustingly precocious column of pubic hair stretching up to her navel, and certainly the type of cunt who, having given birth to a gender neutral child named 'River', would make a pie out of the placenta and invite the other members of her tribal pottery class round to eat it and chant Buddhist mantras while burning organic incense. I bet her cunt absolutely fucking stinks. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 Just now, Eric Cuntman said: How revolting. The kind of new age harridan who sports wildly overgrown armpits, a disgustingly precocious column of pubic hair stretching up to her navel, and certainly the type of cunt who, having given birth to a gender neutral child named 'River', would make a pie out of the placenta and invite the other members of her tribal pottery class round to eat it and chant Buddhist mantras while burning organic incense. I bet her cunt absolutely fucking stinks. Now, now, I quite like her as it, er, 'appens. She's knowledgeable and competent, and the fact that she sounds like Ding on helium should not be held against her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 Fuck sake, the lenses on my readers shattered at first glance of that hideous ginger pile of shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 Nowt wrong with her you owd werrits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 13 minutes ago, Slippers said: Nowt wrong with her you owd werrits. Would you have a go at it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 27 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Would you have a go at it? No, but I know a few who would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 3 hours ago, Decimus said: For want of anything better to do and bored to fucking tears with The Corner indulging in one of its periodic navel-gazing Punkape phases, I've put on a documentary about Ancient Egypt. G&T in hand, I sat down ready to be soothed by the stentorian tones of some bellowing fucking toff condescending to entertain and inform the filthy masses. Imagine my absolute fucking consternation when the voiceover broke over the vista of the pyramids and it was some fucking cunt who sounded exactly like Vera Duckworth attempting to stumble through a read through of Carry on Cleo. I soon realised that all was lost when the she-northerner eventually revealed itself to be some sort of Ronald McDonald inspired, wild haired fucking dog. It was the BBC of course. That's Charlie Chuck. Woof bark donkey! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 4 minutes ago, Slippers said: No, but I know a few who would. Be it known this day, I am not one of them, unless given a chainsaw and machete. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 Just now, Wizardsleeve said: Be it known this day, I am not one of them, unless given a chainsaw and machete. I bet that MC would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 3 minutes ago, Slippers said: I bet that MC would. Neil? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 Just now, Wizardsleeve said: Neil? Yes .. no doubt I about that, I also think that Snatch might have had a go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 6 minutes ago, Slippers said: Yes .. no doubt I about that, I also think that Snatch might have had a go. I rather miss old Snatchers. He brought a certain rebellious spirit to this place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 3 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: I rather miss old Snatchers. He brought a certain rebellious spirit to this place. I bet that both of the Drew's would look her over as well and that she might Apple's woman of his dreams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 16 minutes ago, Slippers said: I bet that both of the Drew's would look her over as well and that she might Apple's woman of his dreams. Sometimes I pity old scruffo. Then I come to my senses and remember he's taking the fucking piss. Dress a mannequin in Ann Summers and he'd be ready to wed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 2 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Sometimes I pity old scruffo. Then I come to my senses and remember he's taking the fucking piss. Dress a mannequin in Ann Summers and he'd be ready to wed. I miss him as a mod .. he took less than 10 seconds to take down my nom that called John Lennon a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 7 minutes ago, Slippers said: I miss him as a mod .. he took less than 10 seconds to take down my nom that called John Lennon a cunt. At least 4 P45's and numerous broken dreams later for poor Apple, Lennon is, was, and always shall be a colossal cunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted July 29, 2018 Report Share Posted July 29, 2018 12 minutes ago, Slippers said: I miss him as a mod .. he took less than 10 seconds to take down my nom that called John Lennon a cunt. I always assumed he was a Beatles enthusiast. 'Applescruffs' was the nickname of the group of hardcore fans that followed the band around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted July 30, 2018 Report Share Posted July 30, 2018 8 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: I always assumed he was a Beatles enthusiast. 'Applescruffs' was the nickname of the group of hardcore fans that followed the band around. The Beatles are his other fixation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Roops Posted July 30, 2018 Report Share Posted July 30, 2018 15 hours ago, Decimus said: For want of anything better to do and bored to fucking tears with The Corner indulging in one of its periodic navel-gazing Punkape phases, I've put on a documentary about Ancient Egypt. G&T in hand, I sat down ready to be soothed by the stentorian tones of some bellowing fucking toff condescending to entertain and inform the filthy masses. Imagine my absolute fucking consternation when the voiceover broke over the vista of the pyramids and it was some fucking cunt who sounded exactly like Vera Duckworth attempting to stumble through a read through of Carry on Cleo. I soon realised that all was lost when the she-northerner eventually revealed itself to be some sort of Ronald McDonald inspired, wild haired fucking dog. It was the BBC of course. Really Decs, you've forgotten to add your disclaimer as a fully paid up misogynist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted July 31, 2018 Report Share Posted July 31, 2018 I have to say that just because I don't find her attractive does not mean I don't think she should present a history documentary. If she is knowledgeable and has a compelling presentation style then good, less of a distraction from the subject. If it was a documentary about the history of the Brazillian or development of the bikini then perhaps it would be better presented by Bettany Hughes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 31, 2018 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2018 12 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: I have to say that just because I don't find her attractive does not mean I don't think she should present a history documentary. If she is knowledgeable and has a compelling presentation style then good, less of a distraction from the subject. If it was a documentary about the history of the Brazillian or development of the bikini then perhaps it would be better presented by Bettany Hughes. Being a disgusting fucking pig is the thing I find least offensive about her. Listening to her ramble on about Ramses the Great in her godfuckingawful Barnsley accent has all the gravitas of a northern pub bore in Wakefield banging on about how he misses the pre-decimal monetary system. She might have a doctorate from the university of Manchester, but I wager it was honorary in recognition of holding the record for "Most Ferrets Down Her Trousers 1987". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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