Suella Braverman - Would You Fuck It?

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

At my age, the days of constant incipient-erections are long gone. I might wake up with what is seemingly a stiff-penis, but after that first piss, it quickly diminishes back to it's dormant normality.  But recently, I've noticed some odd changes down there, especially when watching Prime-Minister's questions in the commons. I'll sit there and watch the boring crap they drone on about, but the second that little minx Suella stands up, and starts going on about getting tough on immigration, I begin feeling twinges down there that I haven't experienced for over 30 years.  Wondered if any of the punters on here felt the same way about this horny little bitch?

[Roadkill]

Fuck no. She looks like one of those sad deep sea fish dragged out of... Well, out of a shit pipe, ironically.

[Last Cunt Standing]

Surely the only question worth answering here is whether you’d pick Suella, a modern day Norman Tebbit dipped in Ronseal, or her forerunner Pretti Vacant, a rather more dumpy girl with an odd line in flat shoes. 

I’ve no doubt both have stirred a few long-retired weapons among Majors in the Home Counties, dreaming about faraway postings and dusky maidens. But both Asian girls are completely outgunned in the forbidden fruit stakes by another prominent Lady member. Step forward Angela Rayner, delightful bit of northern rough, whose previous experience in a Care home tabard gets the Royal British Legion members of Sevenoaks stiffer than tetanus. 

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

Ok. I was actually hoping more for responses from heterosexual-types to be honest.

[Roadkill]

9 minutes ago, Shitpipe Sid said:

Ok. I was actually hoping more for responses from heterosexual-types to be honest.

I'm not the cunt who hasn't gotten a stiffy for thirty years looking at cunts who don't bare a resemblance to Rowan Atkinson's love child with Scary Spice.

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

5 hours ago, Roadkill said:

I'm not the cunt who hasn't gotten a stiffy for thirty years looking at cunts who bear a resemblance to Rowan Atkinson's love child with Scary Spice.

That's a good point. But since , as you've admitted that the bulk of your sexual experience to date has been limited to fluffing upwards of a dozen cocks a night at various dogging locations over the north-east of England, that would hardly leave you qualified to comment on the eminent suitability of flange in the fuck-stakes?

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

5 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’ve no doubt both have stirred a few long-retired weapons among Majors in the Home Counties, dreaming about faraway postings and dusky maidens. But both Asian girls are completely outgunned in the forbidden fruit stakes by another prominent Lady member. Step forward Angela Rayner, delightful bit of northern rough, whose previous experience in a Care home tabard gets the Royal British Legion members of Sevenoaks stiffer than tetanus. 

Another good point, and well written. But fag-ash Lil isn't going to gently moan "It's an Invasion" as you slowly divest her of her clothes to reveal the dusky unchartered secrets beneath. Nor is she likely to whimper "Stop the Boats" in your ear at the height of your passion.  But maybe with some dark tanning-lotion and a bit of obedience-training, our Angie might well be a prospect.

[Mike Hunt]

6 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Surely the only question worth answering here is whether you’d pick Suella, a modern day Norman Tebbit dipped in Ronseal, or her forerunner Pretti Vacant, a rather more dumpy girl with an odd line in flat shoes.

Mrs Vacant always brings to mind that self-pitying chubby Adele, whose imagination for album titles is almost as wild as Sid's is for women from the land of the karma sutra.  Why? Cos they're both pretty and all the media ever let you see was their head and shoulders.  Which reminds me of the old joke about how we knew Mountbatten had dandruff.

[Roadkill]

1 hour ago, Shitpipe Sid said:

That's a good point. But since , as you've admitted that the bulk of your sexual experience to date has been limited to fluffing upwards of a dozen cocks a night at various dogging locations over the north-east of England, that would hardly leave you qualified to comment on the eminent suitability of flange in the fuck-stakes?

You're not supposed to edit quotes, SS. Big no-no.

[Dave Umbongo]

On 17/05/2023 at 06:25, Roadkill said:

You're not supposed to edit quotes, SS. Big yes-yes.

Ho Ho Ho

Edited May 18, 2023 by Mrs Roops
Do not edit quotes

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

Not too shabby here.  If you cunts would crawl over this to get to Holly Willoughby, then you really are cunts.

 

Edited May 17, 2023 by Shitpipe Sid
I didn't mean the Rwandans. I'd crawl over them with a Chieftain Tank.

[camberwell gypsy]

19 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Surely the only question worth answering here is whether you’d pick Suella, a modern day Norman Tebbit dipped in Ronseal, or her forerunner Pretti Vacant, a rather more dumpy girl with an odd line in flat shoes. 

I’ve no doubt both have stirred a few long-retired weapons among Majors in the Home Counties, dreaming about faraway postings and dusky maidens. But both Asian girls are completely outgunned in the forbidden fruit stakes by another prominent Lady member. Step forward Angela Rayner, delightful bit of northern rough, whose previous experience in a Care home tabard gets the Royal British Legion members of Sevenoaks stiffer than tetanus. 

Rayner's got a face like a dropped pie 

[camberwell gypsy]

19 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Surely the only question worth answering here is whether you’d pick Suella, a modern day Norman Tebbit dipped in Ronseal, or her forerunner Pretti Vacant, a rather more dumpy girl with an odd line in flat shoes. 

I’ve no doubt both have stirred a few long-retired weapons among Majors in the Home Counties, dreaming about faraway postings and dusky maidens. But both Asian girls are completely outgunned in the forbidden fruit stakes by another prominent Lady member. Step forward Angela Rayner, delightful bit of northern rough, whose previous experience in a Care home tabard gets the Royal British Legion members of Sevenoaks stiffer than tetanus. 

Rayner's got a face like a dropped pie 

[Roadkill]

Just now, camberwell gypsy said:

Rayner's got a face like a dropped pie 

Say it one more time and she'll materialize behind you.

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

2 hours ago, Roadkill said:

Say it one more time and she'll materialize behind you.

Wouldn't be much of a shock though Roadkill, since the overpowering stench of a docker's urinal would fill the room long before her stinking body became semi-corporate.         Always Ultra are good, but they're not that good.

[Cap'n Cunt]

I think it all comes down to which one's got the biggest norks, doesn't it?

[Last Cunt Standing]

I think it’s generally acknowledged “best shag in the Tory Parliamentary Party” is a straight up oil wrestle between Laura Farris and Lucy Fraser. 

Once you exclude the Sunday Telegraph centrefold Therese Coffey, of course. Fair’s fair. 

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

40 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Once you exclude the Sunday Telegraph centrefold Therese Coffey, of course. Fair’s fair. 

I think if it were a straight "Tit-off", where the knockers were fettled with rubber-bands, and poked through two holes in a bit of panelling, it would be unfair to not include Abbott, Thornberry, Widdecombe, Coffey, Truss and many others around the cabinet. Watching live-televised House of Commons footage, I'm often astounded by the percentage of what would generally be considered Monster-titters. It is unfortunate that most of them, including the 5 above, have arses that really belong in a circus. It is also unfortunate that most of them would have us back in the EU as quick as you like. Which is one of the many reasons for me that anti-immigration Braverman rises to the horny summit, of what many would call a festering pile of shit-cunts.

[Dyslexic cnut]

25 minutes ago, Shitpipe Sid said:

I think if it were a straight "Tit-off", where the knockers were fettled with rubber-bands, and poked through two holes in a bit of panelling, it would be unfair to not include Abbott, Thornberry, Widdecombe, Coffey, Truss and many others around the cabinet. Watching live-televised House of Commons footage, I'm often astounded by the percentage of what would generally be considered Monster-titters. It is unfortunate that most of them, including the 5 above, have arses that really belong in a circus. It is also unfortunate that most of them would have us back in the EU as quick as you like. Which is one of the many reasons for me that anti-immigration Braverman rises to the horny summit, of what many would call a festering pile of shit-cunts.

Wanking over PMQ’s? Seek help.

[Eric Cuntman]

7 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Wanking over PMQ’s? Seek help.

I wank over WMDs.

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

45 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Wanking over PMQ’s? Seek help.

So far it's only Suella-fuelled twinges DC. Not quite running round the room, bumping into things, being sick in the ashtrays, pulling on the carpet, run of the mill Wednesday 9 'o clock stuff just yet.

[Eric Cuntman]

8 minutes ago, Shitpipe Sid said:

So far it's only Suella-fuelled twinges DC. Not quite running round the room, bumping into things, being sick in the ashtrays, pulling on the carpet, run of the mill Wednesday 9 'o clock stuff just yet.

Pulling lobsters out of Jane Mansfield’s arse.

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Pulling lobsters out of Jane Mansfield’s arse.

Fuck me, I've got the horn do you realise? I've got the fucking horn!

Edited May 18, 2023 by Shitpipe Sid
Back later

[Dyslexic cnut]

54 minutes ago, Shitpipe Sid said:

So far it's only Suella-fuelled twinges DC. Not quite running round the room, bumping into things, being sick in the ashtrays, pulling on the carpet, run of the mill Wednesday 9 'o clock stuff just yet.

Ok. Did you see any hamburger stands with no fucking hamburgers, just the stands?

[Guest Shitpipe Sid]

14 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Ok. Did you see any hamburger stands with no fucking hamburgers, just the stands?

No. But I was going for the fucking Guinness Book of Records record for the longest trail of snot. I've got 10 yards here for you to photograph, and it's about time you started behaving like a wife.