nocti

When are her and Madonna going to have their giant game of chess, anyway?

With the trajectory that last year set us at, I wouldn't fucking rule it out.

Not wishing to break anonymity Baws, but to keep it as vague as possible... are you one of the Chasers?

They'll get a crew to abseil in and swab his, the hauntingly depraved individual. I bet it's like Bilbo Baggins' sock drawer. I shudder to think of what he's been up to during lockdown.

Jesus suffering fuck. This is the sort of post i expect to see a freeze-frame of on the news, or in some chilling Netflix documentary. Truly fascinating in a morbid, autistic sort of way.

Couldn't agree more, Decsworth. Just don't air any views of being centrist on or offline at the minute, lest you be called part of the problem. Silence is the real violence now, after all. You can't even say "it's nippy" now, you have to say it's "made in China."

"Why do they call you Dave Hedgehog?"

He's great in La Haine. Quality film that is. Not mad on hip-hop if I'm honest, but the soundtrack is great n'all.

Perhaps we will find that the cure all along is just to bore it to death.

USA 1950: "We're the leaders of the free world!" USA 2020: "I just lost my job for not putting a black square on my social media timeline." Also, if there's one thing 2021 has taught me so far, it's that it's harder to get into Sainsbury's without a mask, than it is to get into their fucking Capitol Building dressed as Jay Kay's autistic twin.

Does this mean one of them will have to die of bone cancer?

What you imagine, Punkape, should be considered a crime against humanity itself. Mind like a miner's hanky, you filthy cunt.

It's like a savoury 99.

Think nothing of it. I was just looking for an opportunity to shoehorn in a Partridge quote.

"A friend of mine said recently: 'What do you get if you cross a ballerina and a bastard?' - 'Ballesteros, was his answer.' I guess, if you analyse it, Seve combines the qualities of both those animals. He has the lithe sophistication and nimbleness of a ballerina, combined with the hard-nosed, ruthless thuggery of a bastard."

A similar reason for why Sunderland fans hate the aforementioned Coventry. Jimmy Hill had their last game delayed by 10 minutes allegedly due to crowd congestion, and knew that both them and Bristol City who they were playing would be safe with a draw, and Sunderland lost, which they did. So when Bristol City equalised they continued to just pass the ball around like a friendly game down the park. Bit naughty, but fuck 'em.

Funny you should say that Bawsy. The call for her sacking is apparently trending again at the moment for not condemning the storming of the shite house the other day. Not for condoning it, but for not condemning it. Fucking unreal.

Not content with shouting it to anyone within earshot of a grotty Premier Inn, this infuriatingly indignant talent-vacuum has just had a "manifesto" published on how to make our screens more diverse, despite BAME and indeed LGBTQ "minority groups" actually being overrepresented on TV, according to figures released by the Creative Diversity Network last year. What a fucking cunt. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08NRPV2MK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_zjo-FbRZ1ZMZN

Me meant where Frank was.

Ralph Fiennes is tipped to play the character. So not only white, but most probably like most cunts in films: English White Male.

Eric, what is your opinion on the casting of Miss Honey in the upcoming Matilda remake?

I wouldn't say that Baws, I did my bit. To be honest, this is about as close as I get to social media, and I missed the memo on the NHS wankery last time, so I just assumed all my neighbours were as fucking filthy as I am. The fact they've revived it with a slight name change indicates that they are fully aware of how fucking sick of it people are before they've even begun. The only way I'll be out the front clapping is if the belming cunt from UPS finds my front door finally, or if some kid comes off their bike/skateboard. I'm off to laugh at the septics now...

I can't devote myself full time to chatting utter shite on here Stubbs, those toe-curling romance novels won't write themselves you know. My last novella "Mavis Takes Three In The Mudeye" left my local retirement home in such a state of frigor mortis, that the floor of the communal area looked like the aftermath of a slug orgy on an oil slick.

In my defense, I thought it said senile instead of senior anyway, which explains the bi-monthly visits these days. I do appreciate it though, EC!

Oi you cunt. I'll have that laminated picture of Mary Berry back now then.