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Happy Fucking Christmas


Rev

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That's not very seasonal is it ? Croissant and Cognac Francis ?


I can't stand it, Jackie. They've tried their best to please me with presents I don't want... with my fuckin money. Battery operated Peugeot salt and pepper grinders, fart extinguisher, willy-on-a-rope and more Apple shit. Every year I ask for a Terry's orange... that's all I want.
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I can't stand it, Jackie. They've tried their best to please me with presents I don't want... with my fuckin money. Battery operated Peugeot salt and pepper grinders, fart extinguisher, willy-on-a-rope and more Apple shit. Every year I ask for a Terry's orange... that's all I want.


I did buy you one, Frank but , I, er.... ate it. Sorry.
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I have plenty of beer and scotch. Plenty of bubbles for lunchtime. Calvados, brandy, Gin, a case of Margeaux. I should be able to submerge myself around teatime. I hope to resurface on Saturday around fourish. I am jealously guarding 24 bottles of spitfire..... Emergency rations. I'm smiling like a Buddhist while my grandchildren shout and scream. The Memsahib..... A treasure beyond price.... is beaming beatifically. My dogs have already repaired to the snug. I am trying to get there myself soonest ... Without attracting negative attention to myself although I am currently wearing shorts.

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Fuck Christmas and fuck every cunt. 47 quid i had to pay for a fucking average sized Turkey today. Why? Because it's Christmas. Why don't any cunt eat Turkey the rest of the year? Because it's shit. Why don't we eat Christmas pudding any other time of the year? Because it's shit. Why don't we eat mince pies any other time of the year? Because they are shit. But try pointing this out to the average cunt in the street and you are a miserable tight fisted fucking moany old cunt. Ok, shitbrain, if i'm such a cunt why do you send me little bits of cardboard telling me how great i am and telling me how at peace you are with the world.? If you love your fellow man so much why am i not allowed to be different? Why do i have to give you some two bob gift that you didn't want in the first place to avoid your disapproval? Why do i have to put up with cunts who say "i don't smoke, but it's Christmas", and then think they have a right to help themselves to my fags that i've fucking paid for. The same fucking cunts who spend the rest of the year telling me "you're killing yourself with those things you know?" Oh yeah? Well at least i chose to kill myself and i'm fucking paying for the things that are killing me. You, on the other hand are a thick as shit wanker who has never had an independent thought in your stupid fucking head. Fucking Christmas, just a big fucking con. I fucking hate it. FUCKING HATE IT!!!! :angry:  :angry:  :angry:

Ever felt like you have the piss taken out of you at this time of year? Happy Christmas cunt.

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Drop dead you moronic fucking tit.

Franco, you pissed soaked, old cunt. I suggest goose fat for your potatoes today. Pop them in on a high heat and get the crispy finish you deserve. Take a bite and savour. I will pray that the hard, crispy crusts cut an artery on the way down and you die of internal bleeding. Have a lovely day :)
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Guest KuntaCunty

Happy Christmas you bunch of utter fucking cock stain wankers.  At least I can be myself on here.  Today Matthew, I am a fucking domestic Goddess. Santa is quite simply not a cunt.  

 

Be yourself?  Which ID would that be you sad cunt?  Fuck off! 

 

Happy Christmas to some of you!  ;)

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Guest Alfie Noakes

Having retained the title of sprout eating champion this year, I've been letting rip this morning with the death farts of a hippo that are actually visible to the naked eye. It's what Christmas is all about.


Same here, my cat has run out of the house and is hiding in the shed. Plaster has been falling off the walls.
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