Fucking Stupid Chiese instruction leaflets.

[Guest cuntcrapper]

So being obsessively acquisitive, I got myself a handy drink holder for the car, which fixes over a seat headrest. Filled with excitement I opened the article, fresh from some communist sweat shop, with is usual shit-hole instructions, verbatim viz;

"The car multifunctional tray is found that it is easy install and use by shoeover!"

"It makes use of car little space artfully. Whatever things can put into its dustbin of this product such as snack, orangeade and fruit et, It is great! Car surrounding will not be dirty"

Greedy little yellow cunts. If your going to sell something, at least invest in someone who can write out the instructions properly!

Edited February 25, 2015 by cuntcrapper

[camberwell gypsy]

So being obsessively acquisitive, I got myself a handy drink holder for the car, which fixes over a seat headrest. Filled with excitement I opened the article, fresh from some communist sweat shop, with is usual shit-hole instructions, verbatim viz;

"The car multifunctional tray is found that it is easy install and use by shoeover!"

"It makes use of car little space artfully. Whatever things can put into its dustbin of this product such as snack, orangeade and fruit et, It is great! Car surrounding will not be dirty"

Greedy little yellow cunts. If your going to sell something, at least invest in someone who can write out the instructions properly!

​I think they've sent you the drinks holder for the ZTZ299 attack tank favoured by the Chinese army.  I once sent off for a magazine rack for my Ford Galaxy 7 seater and got back a rack for the magazine compartment for one of China's stealth JIN class hunter submarines. Had to send it back because I couldn't fit it and a double buggy into the luggage compartment

[Decimus]

The worst thing about orientals, are there miniscule hands. I had a Chinese bird in my student days and every time she loved me long time, it felt like Jeremy Beadle was wanking me off with his tiny claw paw.

Edited February 26, 2015 by Decimus

[Guest nobgobbler]

It can be frustrating attempting to work out just what the fuck they're twatting on about. Certainly my Made in fucking China  "Top Of The Pops" boardgame (for 4 years old and above) caused all kinds of legal difficulties for my family back in '77, due to it's amauterish translation. I mean what the fuck does   "Dance nice for Jimmy Jimmy Jangle or lose hymen" actually fucking mean? But,  it's swings and roundabouts, isn't it? Clearly something was lost in translation when I presented those cockle pickers with the shipping tidal forecasts for Morecambe Bay, back in   '04.

​I think the slitty eyed fuckas had it spot on Warren. They must have known about Jimmy Savile and his lust for hymen!

[White Cunt]

At least those knee-high fuckers' translations into English are relatively cheery. My mother had some curling tongs with rather more menacing instructions: Use wisely else fire to your pubes and death to you.

 

 

​She would have ended up with smoked curlies.

[Jiggerycock]

The worst thing about orientals, are there miniscule hands. I had a Chinese bird in my student days and every time she loved me long time, it felt like Jeremy Beadle was wanking me off with his tiny claw paw.

​Look on the bright side

Scale-wise she'd make your 'old chap' look gigantic

[Jiggerycock]

So being obsessively acquisitive, I got myself a handy drink holder for the car, which fixes over a seat headrest. Filled with excitement I opened the article, fresh from some communist sweat shop, with is usual shit-hole instructions, verbatim viz;

"The car multifunctional tray is found that it is easy install and use by shoeover!"

"It makes use of car little space artfully. Whatever things can put into its dustbin of this product such as snack, orangeade and fruit et, It is great! Car surrounding will not be dirty"

Greedy little yellow cunts. If your going to sell something, at least invest in someone who can write out the instructions properly!

​Hey you syntax-Nazi!

Perhaps they're just trying to be 'avant'.

Imagine them writing a whole screenplay for a film using this kind of dialogue!

Be-bop or what?

[Guest Lady Penelope]

I remember reading about someone who had "ALVIS" tattood across his chest and was run over and killed a few days laterby his neighbour's Daimler.

[camberwell gypsy]

​

Quite, Decimus. I tend to be wary of them too. At my local chinky there's a demure Oriental lady, always smiling, "Herro, Mister Drew". Having ordered, she then goes through a door and starts barking in Chinese at some poor cunt in the kitchen like she's addressing the Reichstag.

 

​She's probably telling the chef to spunk up in your Beef in oyster sauce! because "Its that fucking iriot flom lound corner"!

[camberwell gypsy]

I find the Chinese are straight forward and get to the point...

​You wanna buy DVD?

[Guest Lady Penelope]

On 2/25/2015 at 11:40 PM, camberwell gypsy said:

I think they've sent you the drinks holder for the ZTZ299 attack tank favoured by the Chinese army.  I once sent off for a magazine rack for my Ford Galaxy 7 seater and got back a rack for the magazine compartment for one of China's stealth JIN class hunter submarines. Had to send it back because I couldn't fit it and a double buggy into the luggage compartment

You never did read that "Have Fun With Barcodes" book that I sent you, did you?

[ratcum]

Do the shake and vac and put the freshness back

Before Valdez gets here

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Miss Penelope said:

You never did read that "Have Fun With Barcodes" book that I sent you, did you?

Fucking hell Pen, you that bored you're going back over old posts? I can't even remember posting it. 

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

Whatever happened to cuntcrapper? He had the best avatar ever.

[Witheredscrote]

I look at these resurrected noms, and often think 'how many of the members who originally responded are now dead'.  I then go on to think ' hopefully all of them'   Vivre

[Guest 'eavensabove]

34 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

I look at these resurrected noms, and often think 'how many of the members who originally responded are now dead'.  I then go on to think ' hopefully all of them'   Vivre

The vast majority weren't alive in the first place. Not in the common sense of the word. 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

2 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

I look at these resurrected noms, and often think 'how many of the members who originally responded are now dead'.  I then go on to think ' hopefully all of them'   Vivre

I look at them and often think "why the fuck doesn't pen slice her own fucking throat with a stanley knife rather than bring up all this ancient fucking shit again."

[Neil]

They don't write 'em like that anymore..............thank fuck!

[Guest 'eavensabove]

21 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

I look at them and often think "why the fuck doesn't pen slice her own fucking throat with a stanley knife rather than bring up all this ancient fucking shit again."

She does it to annoy little shitless oiks like you.

[Eric Cuntman]

On topic, I have in the past been very amused by Chinese manufacturers version of English. The one which sticks in my mind was the instruction booklet which came with a Chinese B1 air rifle. 'Be aware when approaching the rifle that it is sumptuous and luxurious in appearance. Also being knowing that by cocking the barrel that is known to be a danger! Trigger lever will cause the rifle to fire accurately'. 

[camberwell gypsy]

12 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

On topic, I have in the past been very amused by Chinese manufacturers version of English. The one which sticks in my mind was the instruction booklet which came with a Chinese B1 air rifle. 'Be aware when approaching the rifle that it is sumptuous and luxurious in appearance. Also being knowing that by cocking the barrel that is known to be a danger! Trigger lever will cause the rifle to fire accurately'. 

Aah so! 

[Eric Cuntman]

18 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Aah so! 

I used to love those Charlie Chan films when I was a kid. "Aah so, velly good honoulabe offspling".

[camberwell gypsy]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I used to love those Charlie Chan films when I was a kid. "Aah so, velly good honoulabe offspling".

Velly lacist. 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

5 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

She does it to annoy little shitless oiks like you.

Only a matter of time....Where will you hide this time?  Your mum's cellar was filled with concrete due to the toxicity level of your last meltdown and clearly none of your children like you or welcome you into their home.  Not that I care, mind.  If you your were burning alive in the middle of the road I wouldn't stop to piss on you.  Just point and laugh, with the quaint toothless inbred cunts sharing your bedsit.  

[Guest 'eavensabove]

11 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

On topic, I have in the past been very amused by Chinese manufacturers version of English. The one which sticks in my mind was the instruction booklet which came with a Chinese B1 air rifle. 'Be aware when approaching the rifle that it is sumptuous and luxurious in appearance. Also being knowing that by cocking the barrel that is known to be a danger! Trigger lever will cause the rifle to fire accurately'. 

That don't look right to me either. You should have gone to Spacksavers.