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Alton Towers


Guest MikeD

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Guest MikeD

Turn up, have a laugh, go home minus a limb.

Poor kid has had her leg amputated after the accident, her lawyer will be doing the paperwork to sue as we speak.

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Turn up, have a laugh, go home minus a limb.

Poor kid has had her leg amputated after the accident, her lawyer will be doing the paperwork to sue as we speak.

I often return home after a day out legless, those cunts at shepard neame will be hearing from my 'no win no fee lawyers' in the morning.

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Guest MikeD

I often return home after a day out legless, those cunts at shepard neame will be hearing from my 'no win no fee lawyers' in the morning.

​I'd imagine the bosses will be checking the insurance documents, this fucker's going to cost them.

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Guest nobgobbler

Not that you can put a price on one of your limbs or anything, but that girl is set to get millions from this.

It will be one of the biggest genuine claims made this year. I bet the insurers are hopping around on one leg trying to find any possible mitigating circumstances to reduce the payout. Bunch of cunts.

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Guest Lady Penelope

I shat myself on The Ghost Train, can I claim for a new pair of Corduroys? 

​A ride over the Heart of Wales Line with White Knuckles Brian was better than the ghost train.

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It's the capitalist imperative that Alton Towers had to re-open quickly.

It was pretty pinko-lefty for them to leave it 5 days and anyone who cancelled their visit or will not now go on The Smiler is anti-Britiain and may as well go right out and join the Socialist Workers Party!

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Guest nobgobbler

​Ah, but give it a few years or so and she'll THEN be claiming that it was an accident when she shot her old-man whilst he was having a shit with the bog door left open. 

​Oh yeah. Likely to get off with that one if the Ozzi debacle is owt to go by. Plus she could make a fortune on the next irn bru advert, just stick a bottle in his hand before the police photographer arrives and she'll be worth a fortune. 

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Guest nobgobbler

​It is my understanding, that these theme park rides are only legally bound to be tested for safety ONCE per year. And so provided nothing goes wrong, the poxy things are taking a constant battering, day in day out for say 51 weeks each year. They are ALL accidents waiting to happen, just as The London Eye will one day come crashing down into The Thames, with one almighty great splash.  That's if the fucking Mushlips don't blow the thing up first! 

​Those annual tests are only on the electrical components, the split pins that keep the bolts in place and a brief visual overall inspection. Whether they periodically test for stress and metal fatigue fuck knows. They don't on mobile funfair rides so I can't see static ones being treated any better. And how would you know if it's been done anyway? I bet they've been busy filling in back copies of their safety reports in between shitting themselves. 

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Guest DingTheRioja

I don't wish to be a total cunt, but it's always the pretty ones this kind of shit happens to...

...why couldn't it happen to someone more like, oh, I don't know, Nicola Turgid? Esther Rancid?

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It will be one of the biggest genuine claims made this year. I bet the insurers are hopping around on one leg trying to find any possible mitigating circumstances to reduce the payout. Bunch of cunts.

​The insurers loophole detectives will have been working 24/7 and the rate of on site buck passing will have been but a blur over the past week - and one things for sure .. as usual ,  it won't be anyone from upper managements bollocks on the bench.

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Guest nobgobbler

I dont bother with funfairs now. I just neck 2 bottles of Rioja, sit in an armchair and hey presto: The Waltzer!

​Then there's the treadmill cake walk and the hammock shamrock

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