Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 this has been a recurring cunt by total cunts and it has ground my last ounce of patience into a fine powder in a wind storm. Fuckers turn up, whether I invite them or not, expect me to offer them my wine and/or spirits, spend valuable time listening to them braying on about their boring lives. When they enter, they just keep heading for the alcohol, not a moments consideration to closing the fucking door! They complain about high energy costs and drive my usage up as well as my bill. When the cunts finally leave, booze depleted and my sociability obliterated, they walk out, and AGAIN, leave the fucking door wide open. At least with their departure I'm close behind to make sure I bolt the lock and fuck them off properly. I check the mirror regularly, and nowhere on my body does it say "I'm filthy fucking rich with money to burn, feel free to use my heat or air conditioning to make the outdoors more comfortable for vagrants, chaos and cunts like you!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hokey Gingers Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 Convert to Islam, babble shite at the top of your voice in the High Street on a Saturday and fly an ISIS flag in your front garden. Problem sorted. It worked for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 If people turn up uninvited do what I do; Dont let the fuckers in. People who turn up uninvited are cunts and should be told this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ahriman Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 Replace all the doors in your house with Bengal Tigers. That should provide ample opportunity for the cunts to learn some manners while they're having their balls chewed off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 I am rather confused by this. You are only allowed in my house if you are invited and, under those circumstances, i will be there to OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR and then CLOSE IT BEHIND YOU. If you are rude enough to help yourself to my alcohol, or anything else for that matter, you will have your arse kicked straight out the aforementioned door. Whether you leave by force , or by your own volition, i will be there to CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR BEHIND YOU OK CUNT? Perhaps it is the OP who is confused? May i suggest he grows a pair and stops allowing wankers to come in his house and walk all over him? Twat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I am rather confused by this. You are only allowed in my house if you are invited and, under those circumstances, i will be there to OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR and then CLOSE IT BEHIND YOU. If you are rude enough to help yourself to my alcohol, or anything else for that matter, you will have your arse kicked straight out the aforementioned door. Whether you leave by force , or by your own volition, i will be there to CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR BEHIND YOU OK CUNT? Perhaps it is the OP who is confused? May i suggest he grows a pair and stops allowing wankers to come in his house and walk all over him? Twat.There is no confusion. Do you not have family or friends that take it upon themselves to visit? I may need to train them about just "dropping in," but I don't mind saying I'm happy to have people that care enough to look in from time to time. I do take steps to safeguard the liquor supply, now. One learns through experience. When greeting a small group, and pretending to be happy about an unannounced visit, the rest of the group enters but don't close the door. That is what this topic is about. It isn't about a host needing to enforce his will upon caring, yet forgetful of good manners group of friends or family. Do you have friends? Do you have family that want to remain in contact with you? I suspect not. Work on it, then report back to us, Billy. Edited July 15, 2015 by Wizardsleeve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 I've found smearing satanic rants in my own blood on the walls and doors very effective in deterring visitors. It's also helping with my claim for mental incapacity benefit.If you're into dirty protests, there's a "Celtic Fans" thread that might benefit from your input.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 I've found smearing satanic rants in my own blood on the walls and doors very effective in deterring visitors. It's also helping with my claim for mental incapacity benefit.Broadmoor beckons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 this has been a recurring cunt by total cunts and it has ground my last ounce of patience into a fine powder in a wind storm. Fuckers turn up, whether I invite them or not, expect me to offer them my wine and/or spirits, spend valuable time listening to them braying on about their boring lives. When they enter, they just keep heading for the alcohol, not a moments consideration to closing the fucking door! They complain about high energy costs and drive my usage up as well as my bill. When the cunts finally leave, booze depleted and my sociability obliterated, they walk out, and AGAIN, leave the fucking door wide open. At least with their departure I'm close behind to make sure I bolt the lock and fuck them off properly. I check the mirror regularly, and nowhere on my body does it say "I'm filthy fucking rich with money to burn, feel free to use my heat or air conditioning to make the outdoors more comfortable for vagrants, chaos and cunts like you!"1) store your alcohol in old liquid laxative bottles.2) wear some ear plugs, at least 35db should do the trick.3) install an automatic door closer.or just pretend you're out. I find if you leave a top quality porn flick playing on the TV normally makes uninvited guests leave rather promptly. Works even better with a few scrunched up tissues lying about the place like next to the kettle or on the biscuit barrel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 1) store your alcohol in old liquid laxative bottles.2) wear some ear plugs, at least 35db should do the trick.3) install an automatic door closer.or just pretend you're out. I find if you leave a top quality porn flick playing on the TV normally makes uninvited guests leave rather promptly. Works even better with a few scrunched up tissues lying about the place like next to the kettle or on the biscuit barrel.any particular genre of porn you would recommend? I can't say I like the idea of a child snuff video, as is likely end in the iron bar inn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted July 16, 2015 Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 'Door'?You mean you don't have a portcullis, drawbridge and machine-gun tower combo going on?Schoolboy error, that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 'Door'?You mean you don't have a portcullis, drawbridge and machine-gun tower combo going on?Schoolboy error, that.The missus doesn't care for the fortress look. I should probably mention, that half of the time, the guilty cunts are her family. One of the greasy bastards did it again yesterday. Decided he just had to have a fag, so he went to the back garden, and not only did he leave the fucking door open, again, but the cunt threw the fucker on the ground without actually stepping it out! Sure, I have nothing better to do that pick up after these cretins. I left it for my wife to find, and she did in short order. I told her it was the work of her relative, and she promptly called him told him she needed his assistance, and made the fucker pick it up, and put it in the bin. It's possible we won't be blessed with his company for quite some time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 You need to move out into the sticks Wiz. They'll phone you before setting off to avoid a wasted journey. Caller recognition means you can pretend you are out and you won't even have to hide behind the sofa. Or chain your motherinlaw to the gate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 I find that talking at length about David Icke gets rid of most cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 You need to move out into the sticks Wiz. They'll phone you before setting off to avoid a wasted journey. Caller recognition means you can pretend you are out and you won't even have to hide behind the sofa. Or chain your motherinlaw to the gate.You're probably right, an isolated domicile has untold benefits, those you mentioned being at the top of the list. But I'll be fucked if I'm going to be run out by a bunch of ill mannered cunts. I just need to have a right chat with the missus about her family, and convince her we don't need or want them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 There is no confusion. Do you not have family or friends that take it upon themselves to visit? I may need to train them about just "dropping in," but I don't mind saying I'm happy to have people that care enough to look in from time to time. I do take steps to safeguard the liquor supply, now. One learns through experience. When greeting a small group, and pretending to be happy about an unannounced visit, the rest of the group enters but don't close the door. That is what this topic is about. It isn't about a host needing to enforce his will upon caring, yet forgetful of good manners group of friends or family. Do you have friends? Do you have family that want to remain in contact with you? I suspect not. Work on it, then report back to us, Billy. No......this topic is about a nothing to say loser attempting to strike up a conversation with other losers. The fact that it is on the internet simply makes it even more pathetic than some cunt on the train trying to talk to you about the weather, like you fucking care about this sadwank's opinion. Call me old fashioned but i was brought up among civilised people who know the social mores involved in most social situations, not a bunch of stinking pikeys or chavs. On the bright side if ever need any advice about caravans, scrap metal, wellard dogs or tattoos i'll give you a shout. Cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 No......this topic is about a nothing to say loser attempting to strike up a conversation with other losers. The fact that it is on the internet simply makes it even more pathetic than some cunt on the train trying to talk to you about the weather, like you fucking care about this sadwank's opinion. Call me old fashioned but i was brought up among civilised people who know the social mores involved in most social situations, not a bunch of stinking pikeys or chavs. On the bright side if ever need any advice about caravans, scrap metal, wellard dogs or tattoos i'll give you a shout. Cheers Please don't bother. I have observed two things about you, Judge. First, you rarely if ever, nom a cunt yourself. Second, you inevitably make your way through every topic on criticizing people who do put up noms and insulting those who contribute. There is no reason to call you old fashioned, or original, or remotely funny or intelligent. Your contributions scrape the bottom of the barrel for the base negativity cunts with nothing to post because they have never been involved in any type of relationship with other people, other than running from those you have convinced to kick the hell out of you. So as you sit there in the dark, shoving that kebab in that cavernous gob, praying the mob with torches and pitchforks, and cowering from a queue of blokes ready to crush you, maybe you can think of something of your own to nominate, and see how punters react to it. Also, consider trying to make some friends, even if you hire them from an 800 line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 No......this topic is about a nothing to say loser attempting to strike up a conversation with other losers. The fact that it is on the internet simply makes it even more pathetic than some cunt on the train trying to talk to you about the weather, like you fucking care about this sadwank's opinion. Oh the fucking irony... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Top quality porn would make me visit more. Try low quality porn instead. The website HeavyR has prolapse and vomit fetish films and things that would put even me off.In my more active porn viewing days, I preferred the absolutely ridiculous type of porn. You saw the microphone man's shadow on the wall, cunts' holding cue cards rustling about trying to avoid a shot in the eye, cables and cords running all over the floors, and just generally poor production techniques. The dialogue was awful, the performers couldn't act if their lives depended on it, but the action itself was raw and primal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Ah yes, irony. Theres a lot of it about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 That must've been back when I was too poor to afford porn. Wish I'd seen it. Sounds great, especially the raw and primal part. Nowadays most of them look so bored and frigid that it makes me feel like I'm married again. (Well technically I still am, but I'm celebrating the letter announcing that my decree Nisi will be declared next month so I'm cracking open the oxycodone again tonight.) Japanese porn is the only decent stuff I can find where they look like they're actually feeling anything, although it's usually pain and fear. With a dash of degradation thrown in, for good measure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Bucket loads of degradation amongst other things. What really annoyed me about 80's and 90's porn was the atrocious elevator muzak the producers always added. It detracts from the screaming and squelching. Why do they think this is sexy? I've never had anyone stop me during sex to say "darling, this would be so much better if a tone-deaf halfwit was playing "I'm forever blowing bubbles" on a kid's BonTempi organ."If it weren't so robotic, it wouldn't be so bad. But every single track is the same as the last, and like you said it was atrocious. It made porn a joke. Good wank material is no joking matter, it should be given all due respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ahriman Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Bucket loads of degradation amongst other things. What really annoyed me about 80's and 90's porn was the atrocious elevator muzak the producers always added. It detracts from the screaming and squelching. Why do they think this is sexy? I've never had anyone stop me during sex to say "darling, this would be so much better if a tone-deaf halfwit was playing "I'm forever blowing bubbles" on a kid's BonTempi organ."Speak for yourself, I find there's nothing quite like having some smooth porn jazz playing in the background to really get you in the mood while throwing up on a hookers tits and then proceeding to weep uncontrollably about how much of a failure your life has been thus far. Ah, good times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 19, 2015 Report Share Posted July 19, 2015 Speak for yourself, I find there's nothing quite like having some smooth porn jazz playing in the background to really get you in the mood while throwing up on a hookers tits and then proceeding to weep uncontrollably about how much of a failure your life has been thus far. Ah, good times.Oh dear, with charm and charisma in such quantity, how is it possible you would even need a hooker? Any woman that can't see the long term value in you isn't worth buggering! err...wait Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 19, 2015 Report Share Posted July 19, 2015 Next time these mother fuckers show up...make sure you have a couple of heads on spikes to greet them...Phillip Schofield & Michael Parkinson should do the trick...who wants to be greeted by those pair of smug cuntbreeds...give me a weeks notice and i will go head hunting for these sapbrains...If it comes down to it, I will do just that. However, I believe my wife is rather looking forward to fucking some of these cretins off herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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