Rented holiday apartments.

[scotty]

I usually prefer staying in an apartment or villa while on holiday, but two things always niggle me beyond endurance. The first is the fittings and contents. There seems to be an unwritten rule that everything in it has to be not quite bad enough to lodge a complaint, yet sufficiently crap to not want to steal it.

Secondly, the owners never tell you honestly what arrangements have been made for getting the keys. The caretaker/cleaner always does something different to what you've been told. We arrived in spain last week, with written instructions to phone the guy when we had an eta, and that he wouldn't go to the place until he'd heard from me. This suited me perfectly, we'd been on the go since 4am, and I didn't want to be on a timetable from the moment we landed. I had planned to scout the place out, then go and get lunch and a beer before calling. But I couldn't find the address on the satnav, (they'd given me a non existing address,) so I phoned him from the hire car. He gave me the correct address, and asked what time was I arriving because his wife had already been waiting there for an hour. Fucksake. So by the time we got there, his Mrs gave mine an earful while I spent half an hour parking the car, (market day,) I showed her the email from the owners, but it still meant nobody was happy. 

I nominate them as cunts. The cunts.

[Decimus]

Good man Scotters, when faced with angry foreigners abroad, I often leave Mrs. D to pick up the pieces too, especially in the more unstable Muslim countries. I hope you did what I would have done in the same situation after your missus was finished with Juanita? Namely shat on the kitchen floor and slandered the natives for the next four days?

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

I hope you told them they were cunts, they certainly deserved it, the fucking cunts!  

[scotty]

I hope you told them they were cunts, they certainly deserved it, the fucking cunts!  

I will do exactly that, wizz, but not til I get home and have the damage deposit returned. Once that happens they'll get a bollocking by phone, email, Holiday Lettings and TripAdvisor. Don't want to waste too much holiday time, I'm still here for a week yet, just thought I'd blow off some steam on the corner, the usual therapy. 

And deccs,  these were English cunts. Which makes it even worse. 

 

[Ape™️]

And deccs,  these were English cunts. Which makes it even worse. 

There's no cunt more cuntish than an English cunt Scotters (with the possible exception of a Welsh cunt) hope you fuck them over good and proper. Fucking cunts!

[camberwell gypsy]

I usually prefer staying in an apartment or villa while on holiday, but two things always niggle me beyond endurance. The first is the fittings and contents. There seems to be an unwritten rule that everything in it has to be not quite bad enough to lodge a complaint, yet sufficiently crap to not want to steal it.

Secondly, the owners never tell you honestly what arrangements have been made for getting the keys. The caretaker/cleaner always does something different to what you've been told. We arrived in spain last week, with written instructions to phone the guy when we had an eta, and that he wouldn't go to the place until he'd heard from me. This suited me perfectly, we'd been on the go since 4am, and I didn't want to be on a timetable from the moment we landed. I had planned to scout the place out, then go and get lunch and a beer before calling. But I couldn't find the address on the satnav, (they'd given me a non existing address,) so I phoned him from the hire car. He gave me the correct address, and asked what time was I arriving because his wife had already been waiting there for an hour. Fucksake. So by the time we got there, his Mrs gave mine an earful while I spent half an hour parking the car, (market day,) I showed her the email from the owners, but it still meant nobody was happy. 

I nominate them as cunts. The cunts.

I second that nom. Had the same problem when I went to Grand Canaria in May. The fucking idiot left the keys in a small box with four figure combo lock but gave me the wrong number. Suffice it to say I had to leave shitloads of messages on his phone. After 2 hours he managed to get his fat greasy arse over to retrieve the keys.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

I deduce that this was all your fault as you appear to not even know the name of the island. There is nothing grand about Canaria.

[Guest Manky]

English cunts abroad with roots in foreign lands, ie business, family or residence, can rightly be treated as johnny  foreigner due to their treacherous nature in deserting  good old blighty. ( Manky travel guide , page 1 )

[Guest Gong Farmer]

English cunts abroad with roots in foreign lands, ie business, family or residence, can rightly be treated as johnny  foreigner due to their treacherous nature in deserting  good old blighty. ( Manky travel guide , page 1 )

What's good about Blighty? Certainly not the fucking beer that's for sure. Oh and it's always pissing down with rain and you can get stabbed for merely looking at some cunt the wrong way. Fucking place, it makes my fucking teeth itch.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

What's good about Blighty? Certainly not the fucking beer that's for sure. Oh and it's always pissing down with rain and you can get stabbed for merely looking at some cunt the wrong way. Fucking place, it makes my fucking teeth itch.

Still, it could be worse, you could be cross the pond and having bullets whizzing by your head, losing your car to some group of desperate thugs, drinking even shittier, mass-produced beer, and bludgeoned with yank reality tele.  

[Guest Manky]

What's good about Blighty? Certainly not the fucking beer that's for sure. Oh and it's always pissing down with rain and you can get stabbed for merely looking at some cunt the wrong way. Fucking place, it makes my fucking teeth itch.

If you don't like the beer, stick with your girly lager and shit like that. Try some good northern real ales and the sun will shine on your life. You can always fuck off and live abroad and drink San fucking Miguel drain cleaner like the faggot you obviously are.

Edited October 8, 2015 by Manky
Dicktype

[Guest Gong Farmer]

Still, it could be worse, you could be cross the pond and having bullets whizzing by your head, losing your car to some group of desperate thugs, drinking even shittier, mass-produced beer, and bludgeoned with yank reality tele.  

I hate the States with a vengeance after having to go over there for work years ago, never again. For me the US is full large ugly cunts in big cars, thick insular vulgar shite that can't even find their own country on the map let alone their own dicks under all that fat. Grotesque wobbly arrogant cuntoid crap eating literate shitarses that just fuck clean off.

[scotty]

I hate the States with a vengeance after having to go over there for work years ago, never again. For me the US is full large ugly cunts in big cars, thick insular vulgar shite that can't even find their own country on the map let alone their own dicks under all that fat. Grotesque wobbly arrogant cuntoid crap eating literate shitarses that just fuck clean off.

Stop holding back mate, tell us what you really think. 

[Cuntybaws]

I hate the States with a vengeance after having to go over there for work years ago, never again. For me the US is full large ugly cunts in big cars, thick insular vulgar shite that can't even find their own country on the map let alone their own dicks under all that fat. Grotesque wobbly arrogant cuntoid crap eating literate shitarses that just fuck clean off.

Fuck, it's worse than I thought - they're "literate"? That's the pits!

There is a minority alternative i.e. the Californian vegan health freak, with their fucking Prius and their fucking Fitbit. It must be like fucking a piece of knotted string.

[Guest Gong Farmer]

If you don't like the beer, stick with your girly lager and shit like that. Try some good northern real ales and the sun will shine on your life. You can always fuck off and live abroad and drink San fucking Miguel drain cleaner like the faggot you obviously are.

Like the faggot I obviously am? *coughs* You were alright up until you said that. Not the most of intelligent retorts was it now? Rather wanting I'd say. In case you hadn't picked it up already I do live abroad you thick flat capped whippet's arse fingering northern twat. and you can decanter your horse piss 'Ale' up your fucking arse for all I care mate, you touchy thin skinned humourless shitkrieg. "Ale" ffs! This ain't the fucking 17th century old chap. Ye Ol' flagon-o-ale in t' inn  next t' slag heap. I don't want to hear all that fucking "Pie and a fookin" pint' bollocks either thankyouverymuch, steak and kidney pies are pure shit.  

 Now fuck off you regrettably cheerless  bag of bastard.

[Guest Manky]

Hey Gong Fucker, Do you know me? That description is spooky. How can you llive abroad, when your post is in English?

[Guest Gong Farmer]

Fuck, it's worse than I thought - they're "literate"? That's the pits!

There is a minority alternative i.e. the Californian vegan health freak, with their fucking Prius and their fucking Fitbit. It must be like fucking a piece of knotted string.

I couldn't find any skinny birds over there that would let me shag them. They were all lumpy wide loads that wanted to 'bond' before they took the plunged. One of them tried to introduce me with this wondrous new burger relish that she'd recently discovered, Dijon mustard mixed with honey. She got the right 'ump when I told her that I'd never had a hamburger without it and that Dijon mustard is actually from a far away country called France, in Europe, you've heard of Europe right?

She was as thick as her thighs.

Hey Gong Fucker, Do you know me? That description is spooky. How can you llive abroad, when your post is in English?

Because I'm really fucking clever, multilingual, I can also wank in three different languages.

[southerncunt]

Try some good northern real ales and the sun will shine on your life...

I'll give you that, Manky.

You may not believe an Aussie, but I loved the real ales when I was over there for work. And you blokes do the best pubs in the world. Ours are poker machine filled shitholes, with fuck all variety on tap. Carlton Draught, or VB. Fuck that.

[Guest nobgobbler]

I deduce that this was all your fault as you appear to not even know the name of the island. There is nothing grand about Canaria.

It might be deliberate though. Sean Canary is a cunt.

[Guest Manky]

I hope all you cunts are aware the Canary Islands are not named after the Canary. They are in fact named after the Minke Whale"s Latin name. I consider your education my duty.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

I hope all you cunts are aware the Canary Islands are not named after the Canary. They are in fact named after the Minke Whale"s Latin name. I consider your education my duty.

Shame you are so wrong, it actually comes from the latin for dogs, canaris. It was the Islands of Dogs. The romans came to the islands and they encountered fierce natives with dogs,hence canaris. The minke whale in latin is Balaenoptera acutorostrata.

Sorry but bad education is the pits.

Edited October 8, 2015 by Alfie Noakes

[Guest Manky]

Shame you are so wrong, it actually comes from the latin for dogs, canaris. It was the Islands of Dogs. The romans came to the islands and they encountered fierce natives with dogs,hence canaris. The minke whale in latin is Balaenoptera acutorostrata.

Sorry but bad education is the pits.

Alfie lad..  You wasted time looking that up?  If I am thick and have had a bad educatiin, it says little for the gullible fools who reacted to a blatant red herring. Sack your advisers. You are a dozy cunt.

[Guest Snatch]

Still, it could be worse, you could be cross the pond and having bullets whizzing by your head, losing your car to some group of desperate thugs, drinking even shittier, mass-produced beer, and bludgeoned with yank reality tele.  

So really there's not much difference to the UK.

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

News for you mank, didn't need to look it up.Tenerife was like a second home to me for a good few years in the 1970s, before the second airport and development in the south of the island. I also paid attention all those years ago in biology and knew cetation and canine were different species so it is something I actually knew. You need advisors, advisors to tell you how to lick windows, advisors to tell you when to breathe and advisors to explain the words in front of your face. You tiny flaccid organ.

Edited October 8, 2015 by Alfie Noakes

[Guest judgetwi]

Alfie lad..  You wasted time looking that up?  If I am thick and have had a bad educatiin, it says little for the gullible fools who reacted to a blatant red herring. Sack your advisers. You are a dozy cunt.

Don't beat yourself up mate .........you live in a society where millions of cunts wet their pants with excitement over watching arseholes baking fucking cakes. Combine that with the thick wankers on this site and i make you head of fucking MENSA. Bask in the glory.