Decimus Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 So my motor is in the garage today and I decided to risk catching crabs by taking the train into the city for work. Due to the abysmal timetable, I found myself with 40 minutes to kill. Lovely says I, I'll grab a pint and perv on some women in the pub. I realised I was out of fags so decided to pop into the shop near the pub for a pack of ten and a peperami wide boy. In the queue ahead of me was a decrepit, pissed soaked old bint dithering about. Next thing I know, ten minutes has passed whilst the old bat cashes in fifteen scratch cards and pays for enough value priced cat food to keep Frank in bedsit munchies for an entire year. As the old twat was still under the impression it was fucking 1974, it decided to pay for everything in tuppence's and ha'pennies, a task made even more laborious by the disgustingly greasy imbecile behind the counter who it appeared couldn't count past ten. What the fuck an octogenarian is doing wandering the pitch dark streets of the inner city unaccompanied at this time of night, I can't fathom. I can only hope that the old cunt gets viciously mugged for wasting my fucking drinking time. Cunt. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) I thought this was going to be a thread about terrorists. Or possibly bacon. Edited October 27, 2015 by deebom Potters Pumps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 I thought this was going to be a thread about terrorists. Or possibly bacon.Not quite bomber, although funnily enough we have been put on a "recognising radicalisation and preventing terrorism in Norfolk" course at work. What kind of chance has the county's grand total of 6 Muslims got against a crack team that consists me, Dave in the post room and Big Julie from accounts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Not quite bomber, although funnily enough we have been put on a "recognising radicalisation and preventing terrorism in Norfolk" course at work. What kind of chance has the county's grand total of 6 Muslims got against a crack team that consists me, Dave in the post room and Big Julie from accounts?...hmm....big julie, eh? Can you send me her mobile number? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 ...hmm....big julie, eh? Can you send me her mobile number? As long as you've got high definition, panoramic technology and a sixty inch flat screen, you're in for a fucking treat. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted October 27, 2015 Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 As long as you've got high definition, panoramic technology and a sixty inch flat screen, you're in for a fucking treat. Sounds like my mother in law, except I know she doesn't work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 I thought this was going to be a thread about terrorists. Or possibly bacon.Racist!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Can bacon be racist? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Can bacon be racist?It depends what you do with it, Alf. Personally I like to arrange mine along with my eggs to form a smiley face of the prophet Muhammed on my plate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Can bacon be racist?If you wrap it around your cock and ask a muslim to suck you off?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 If you wrap it around your cock and ask a muslim to suck you off?!We need to reserve this option for Brony and Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 28, 2015 Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Can bacon be racist?if its from black pigs then yes certainly, we have a resident Judge who could easily twist it into a racist attack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 On 28 October 2015 at 08:49:10, Cardinal Sin said: Can bacon be racist? If you create a bacon hijab... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 Christ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 3 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: If you create a bacon hijab... You are Lady Gaga's style advisor and I claim my £5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 On 27/10/2015 19:58:23, Decimus said: Not quite bomber, although funnily enough we have been put on a "recognising radicalisation and preventing terrorism in Norfolk" course at work. What kind of chance has the county's grand total of 6 Muslims got against a crack team that consists me, Dave in the post room and Big Julie from accounts? Ive now got the intro to The Champions tv series in my head now. But I bet Big Julie looks nothing like Alexandra Bastedo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Ive now got the intro to The Champions tv series in my head now. But I bet Big Julie looks nothing like Alexandra Bastedo. I don't care gypps, I just want to see Big Julie. Deccs ought to do the decent thing and post a pic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 5 minutes ago, scotty said: I don't care gypps, I just want to see Big Julie. Deccs ought to do the decent thing and post a pic. Unless you're posting on a 1988 Crays super computer with a screen which spans the entire frontage of your house, I doubt you'd fit more than her right cuntflap into frame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 2 hours ago, Decimus said: Unless you're posting on a 1988 Crays super computer with a screen which spans the entire frontage of your house, I doubt you'd fit more than her right cuntflap into frame. Stop it, I'm starting to sweat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 2 hours ago, Decimus said: Unless you're posting on a 1988 Crays super computer with a screen which spans the entire frontage of your house, I doubt you'd fit more than her right cuntflap into frame. Can't you set up a projector on the South Bank and beam a picture up onto the House of Commons and Big Ben, like they did with that TV presenter girl who went out with matey from the Prodigy? Her! You know who I mean? Say it was an art project or something.....'an external deconstruction of the cunts that work inside the Palace of Westminster', something that'll keep Plod occupied whilst we all get a good old gander at Big Julies vertical smile and decide whether we'd give her a punch up the whiskers or not. Get it sorted man - your public awaits! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 19 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: Can't you set up a projector on the South Bank and beam a picture up onto the House of Commons and Big Ben, like they did with that TV presenter girl who went out with matey from the Prodigy? Her! You know who I mean? Say it was an art project or something.....'an external deconstruction of the cunts that work inside the Palace of Westminster', something that'll keep Plod occupied whilst we all get a good old gander at Big Julies vertical smile and decide whether we'd give her a punch up the whiskers or not. Get it sorted man - your public awaits! Gail Porter. You wouldn't get much change out of her now, the poor bint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 1 hour ago, scotty said: Stop it, I'm starting to sweat. Kleenex? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 43 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Kleenex? Better make it a mansize one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 14, 2015 Report Share Posted December 14, 2015 37 minutes ago, luke swarm said: Better make it a mansize one Nah, I'll just shoot straight into the sink. That's a little trick neil taught me, he's the expert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 8 hours ago, scotty said: Nah, I'll just shoot straight into the sink. That's a little trick neil taught me, he's the expert. Wanking lessons from neil ?, very disturbing 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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