Hull

[Decimus]

Hull- a vowel away from being Hell. Unfortunately, I had to make the trip for a two day course this week. What with it being up north, my expectations were already incredibly low, but what awaited me was even more terrible and Dickensian than I could ever have imagined.

From the looks of it, Hull was built in its entirety by a manically depressed, Lowry obsessed architect, working with a budget of the princely sum of £4.83. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I'd suspect that it was intentionally designed to be so shit and depressing, that it would inspire the vast majority of the benefit scrounging, peasant populace to fling themselves off of the Humber bridge at an early age to stop them being a drain on the state into old age.

The average native is a sorry looking creature. Stunted and bow legged from years of subsisting on a diet of gravy and Findus crispy pancakes, they shuffle from hovel to hovel with the sunken, dead eyes of a concentration camp victim. The only pleasure they seem to derive from their existence, is when they congregate together in large herds, sheltering in bus stops and sharing a can of super t between 12 of them. The grunts and chirps of their local dialect appears to be completely indecipherable to outsiders, although I did pick out the odd word, like "giro" and "ginsters pasty".

Easily the shittest place I've ever visited, and that's coming from someone who's been to Wales.

Rod Hull was a cunt.

[Jiggerycock]

It's only the '2017 UK City Of Culture'!! Seriously!

I know. Laugh it up.

The only culture there is the stuff its citizens grow on their genitalia.

[Cuntybaws]

2 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

It's only the '2017 UK City Of Culture'

Where's my revolver?

[cuntspotter]

2 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Where's my revolver?

I knew someone who went to college in Hull. All I could ask was... why?

[Guest MikeD]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

Hull- a vowel away from being Hell. Unfortunately, I had to make the trip for a two day course this week. What with it being up north, my expectations were already incredibly low, but what awaited me was even more terrible and Dickensian than I could ever have imagined.

From the looks of it, Hull was built in its entirety by a manically depressed, Lowry obsessed architect, working with a budget of the princely sum of £4.83. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I'd suspect that it was intentionally designed to be so shit and depressing, that it would inspire the vast majority of the benefit scrounging, peasant populace to fling themselves off of the Humber bridge at an early age to stop them being a drain on the state into old age.

The average native is a sorry looking creature. Stunted and bow legged from years of subsisting on a diet of gravy and Findus crispy pancakes, they shuffle from hovel to hovel with the sunken, dead eyes of a concentration camp victim. The only pleasure they seem to derive from their existence, is when they congregate together in large herds, sheltering in bus stops and sharing a can of super t between 12 of them. The grunts and chirps of their local dialect appears to be completely indecipherable to outsiders, although I did pick out the odd word, like "giro" and "ginsters pasty".

Easily the shittest place I've ever visited, and that's coming from someone who's been to Wales.

Rod Hull was a cunt.

Ever been to Aberdeenshire?

Makes Hull look like the fucking Caribbean.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

Hull- a vowel away from being Hell. Unfortunately, I had to make the trip for a two day course this week. What with it being up north, my expectations were already incredibly low, but what awaited me was even more terrible and Dickensian than I could ever have imagined.

From the looks of it, Hull was built in its entirety by a manically depressed, Lowry obsessed architect, working with a budget of the princely sum of £4.83. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I'd suspect that it was intentionally designed to be so shit and depressing, that it would inspire the vast majority of the benefit scrounging, peasant populace to fling themselves off of the Humber bridge at an early age to stop them being a drain on the state into old age.

The average native is a sorry looking creature. Stunted and bow legged from years of subsisting on a diet of gravy and Findus crispy pancakes, they shuffle from hovel to hovel with the sunken, dead eyes of a concentration camp victim. The only pleasure they seem to derive from their existence, is when they congregate together in large herds, sheltering in bus stops and sharing a can of super t between 12 of them. The grunts and chirps of their local dialect appears to be completely indecipherable to outsiders, although I did pick out the odd word, like "giro" and "ginsters pasty".

Easily the shittest place I've ever visited, and that's coming from someone who's been to Wales.

Rod Hull was a cunt.

There's a vein of real fucking shit running from the north east down towards Midlands , godforsaken shit holes of ex mining/industrial towns that should have been knocked flat but still cunts continue to abide there, no doubt trapped to some extent but still, awful dives they are. Hull, South Shields, Warrington , fucking utter bags of shite no cunt would ever ever elect to visit but are forced to travel through and marvel at the shite as it sails by. A doctor mate who did elective don there tells me these rat holes are absolutely rife with tramadol and/or Valium addiction, but mostly tramadol, on account of it being the cheapest possible way to a strong opiate kick, and it isn't just the youth, it's every fucking age, all popping 8 trams a day and sitting about twitching. Everyone is a fucking cunt, obnoxious tattooed cunts one and all. Definately the worst part of Britain. Plenty of Glasgow is utterly shite, but in their favour they aren't particularly bitter, unlike those grim ugly fucks.

[Guest MikeD]

15 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

There's a vein of real fucking shit running from the north east down towards Midlands , godforsaken shit holes of ex mining/industrial towns that should have been knocked flat but still cunts continue to abide there, no doubt trapped to some extent but still, awful dives they are. Hull, South Shields, Warrington , fucking utter bags of shite no cunt would ever ever elect to visit but are forced to travel through and marvel at the shite as it sails by. A doctor mate who did elective don there tells me these rat holes are absolutely rife with tramadol and/or Valium addiction, but mostly tramadol, on account of it being the cheapest possible way to a strong opiate kick, and it isn't just the youth, it's every fucking age, all popping 8 trams a day and sitting about twitching. Everyone is a fucking cunt, obnoxious tattooed cunts one and all. Definately the worst part of Britain. Plenty of Glasgow is utterly shite, but in their favour they aren't particularly bitter, unlike those grim ugly fucks.

Give it time and they'll eventually wipe each other out. Either a mass opiate overdose or they'll resort to cannibalism when the food gets scarce.

Probably how Scotland will go as well, Aberdeenshire's got a head start already.

[Witheredscrote]

58 minutes ago, MikeD said:

Ever been to Aberdeenshire?

Makes Hull look like the fucking Caribbean.

Peterhead , pearl of the north. Does that count ? Stayed in a hotel there once, enlightening.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

1 minute ago, witheredscrote said:

Peterhead , pearl of the north. Does that count ? Stayed in a hotel there once, enlightening.

It's shite, but Warrington is shiter.

[Guest MikeD]

18 minutes ago, witheredscrote said:

Peterhead , pearl of the north. Does that count ? Stayed in a hotel there once, enlightening.

You poor bastard, you'd need counselling after that one.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

1 hour ago, MikeD said:

Give it time and they'll eventually wipe each other out. Either a mass opiate overdose or they'll resort to cannibalism when the food gets scarce.

Probably how Scotland will go as well, Aberdeenshire's got a head start already.

I wouldn't eat one of those cunts if they were glazed in honey .

[Guest DingTheRioja]

Don't equate Hull with the North.....

... we do need somewhere to empty the cellpools into...

......If we don't empty them into Hull, we'll send it further south...

 

If you look on the Motorway signs on the M1 (or A1M, can't remember) they say "Hull, The North".... as in seperate entitities that just happen to be in the same vague direction.....

[Guest MikeD]

Just now, Quincy Cockfingers said:

I wouldn't eat one of those cunts if they were glazed in honey .

Have to defrost them first, fucking frozen shithole.

[camberwell gypsy]

I've found that the only way to get to Hull is by accident. Its sort of stuck to the side of England where it should have slid off into the sea. Bit like Portsmouth.

But I'll nominate Sunderland and Newport as the biggest shitholes. Once did a diebetic course up in Sunderland years ago and was driving there at 10pm on a freezing February night all that I kept thinking about was that Sunderland cunt who sent in that tape to the Yorkshire Ripper police.

Newport: The less said about that place the better.

[camberwell gypsy]

Just remembered, my nephew is at Hull uni. He said most of the students get through life there getting arseholed on the cheap beer they sell in the student union. Even some muslim students drink to get through it.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

22 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I've found that the only way to get to Hull is by accident. Its sort of stuck to the side of England where it should have slid off into the sea. Bit like Portsmouth.

But I'll nominate Sunderland and Newport as the biggest shitholes. Once did a diebetic course up in Sunderland years ago and was driving there at 10pm on a freezing February night all that I kept thinking about was that Sunderland cunt who sent in that tape to the Yorkshire Ripper police.

Newport: The less said about that place the better.

Aren't  Sunderland and south shields pretty much the same shite?

[Guest Manky]

Wreckless Eric is from Hull.

And Lena Lovich. And Paul Heaton who loved it so much he now runs a pub in Salford which is another armpit.

If the truth be told, the place has a decent music pedigree but is still a fucking awful place. A quarter of a million people with a speech impediment. Try the Greatfield estate for a life changing experience. Cancer of the heart is better.

[Guest Snatch]

3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Just remembered, my nephew is at Hull uni. He said most of the students get through life there getting arseholed on the cheap beer they sell in the student union. Even some muslim students drink to get through it.

It must be cold in the Uni what with the central heating pips being "requisitioned" by your nephew.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

5 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

Aren't  Sunderland and south shields pretty much the same shite?

Yes, and Hartlepool is for the monkey hangers...

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Snatch said:

It must be cold in the Uni what with the central heating pips being "requisitioned" by your nephew.

You just couldn't resist it could you?

[Guest nobgobbler]

You bunch of posh cunts. It's not Hull, it's Ull. All the kids go to skoooowell and wear shooowez. They are mostly named Shoh-ner and Keeeeyun. But it doesn't matter coz they're all up the duff by the time they are 12 years old. Roll on the next generation of knuckle draggers. 

[Guest nobgobbler]

6 hours ago, Manky said:

Try the Greatfield estate for a life changing experience. Cancer of the heart is better.

Greatfield gave us Mick Ronson so I'll see your Greatfield and raise you Orchard Park, uuuugh. 

[Decimus]

5 hours ago, Manky said:

Wreckless Eric is from Hull.ena Lovich. And Paul Heat on who loved it so much he now runs a pub in Salford which is another armpit.

If the truth be told, the place has a decent music pedigree but is still a fucking awful place. A quarter of a million people with a speech impediment. Try the Greatfield estate for a life changing experience. Cancer of the heart is better.

Agree with you about Heaton. He isn't originally from Hull, yet a lot of his material was inspired whilst living there, the shirty cunt. It might not be fashionable to admit it, but I love The Beautiful South.

[Guest luke swarm]

10 hours ago, Decimus said:

Hull- a vowel away from being Hell. Unfortunately, I had to make the trip for a two day course this week. What with it being up north, my expectations were already incredibly low, but what awaited me was even more terrible and Dickensian than I could ever have imagined.

From the looks of it, Hull was built in its entirety by a manically depressed, Lowry obsessed architect, working with a budget of the princely sum of £4.83. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I'd suspect that it was intentionally designed to be so shit and depressing, that it would inspire the vast majority of the benefit scrounging, peasant populace to fling themselves off of the Humber bridge at an early age to stop them being a drain on the state into old age.

The average native is a sorry looking creature. Stunted and bow legged from years of subsisting on a diet of gravy and Findus crispy pancakes, they shuffle from hovel to hovel with the sunken, dead eyes of a concentration camp victim. The only pleasure they seem to derive from their existence, is when they congregate together in large herds, sheltering in bus stops and sharing a can of super t between 12 of them. The grunts and chirps of their local dialect appears to be completely indecipherable to outsiders, although I did pick out the odd word, like "giro" and "ginsters pasty".

Easily the shittest place I've ever visited, and that's coming from someone who's been to Wales.

Rod Hull was a cunt.

Hull is quite a dreary and soulless place, I used to have to overnight there many years ago as my company was based there.....I cannot recall any treasured memories of that place.

However I do feel aggrieved that you annotate it the shittiest place you have ever been.....you are obviously not that well travelled my friend.......A trip to the Midlands will make you appreciate your current locality and just how lucky you really are.

If you are tired of life then visit Wolverhampton...it will finish you off....if you do survive this cultural jewel then may I recommend Dudley.....a veritable jewel of pointless cuntitude and lost hope.     

[Decimus]

12 minutes ago, luke swarm said:

Hull is quite a dreary and soulless place, I used to have to overnight there many years ago as my company was based there.....I cannot recall any treasured memories of that place.

However I do feel aggrieved that you annotate it the shittiest place you have ever been.....you are obviously not that well travelled my friend.......A trip to the Midlands will make you appreciate your current locality and just how lucky you really are.

If you are tired of life then visit Wolverhampton...it will finish you off....if you do survive this cultural jewel then may I recommend Dudley.....a veritable jewel of pointless cuntitude and lost hope.     

I find it hard to imagine that there is anywhere else in this universe, or any other theoretically possible parallel universe, worse than Hull. 

Or at least I did until you pulled out your joker card, Dudley. I've never been, but a town responsible for birthing and nurturing Lenny fucking Henry deserves international condemnation as being hell on earth.