nocti Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 My mates all called me a poof when I fell off my skateboard a few times when attempting a flip earlier. I'd like to see them try it with high heels on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call centre in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitos from dying needlessly of AIDS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 Hellen Keller walks into a bar.......then a chair.....then a table.....then a wall....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 7 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Hellen Keller walks into a bar.......then a chair.....then a table.....then a wall....... And then Punkape who wasn't interested because she wasn't another bloke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 1 minute ago, Lady Penelope said: And then Punkape who wasn't interested because she wasn't another bloke. Even SHE could do better than Punky! What do you call a retarded Jew? Auschwistic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 There used to be a sign along Wrinehill Road at Wybunbury. It read "DUCK EGGS" .. Although I went along that lane hundreds of times I never ever saw any eggs being thrown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 50 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said: There used to be a sign along Wrinehill Road at Wybunbury. It read "DUCK EGGS" .. Although I went along that lane hundreds of times I never ever saw any eggs being thrown. Did you get out of your car? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 2 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: Hellen Keller walks into a bar.......then a chair.....then a table.....then a wall....... How did Helen Keller burn her ear?......... Answering the iron. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 2 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: Hellen Keller walks into a bar.......then a chair.....then a table.....then a wall....... What's Helen Kellers favourite colour? ....... Corduroy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 Helen Keller pick up a cheese grater,she reckoned that it was the most violent book she'd ever read 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 5 minutes ago, Neil said: Helen Keller pick up a cheese grater,she reckoned that it was the most violent book she'd ever read Her dog threw itself off a cliff, it couldn't stand the fact that it's name was 'grrhhhnnnh'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 What should you do if an epileptic falls into your pool? Throw in your laundry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 18, 2017 Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 What do you call an ethiopian having a shite? Showoff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 25, 2017 Report Share Posted January 25, 2017 I came home with some flowers for the wife. She said, "I suppose you're expecting me to go upstairs and open my legs now?" A vase will suffice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 25, 2017 Report Share Posted January 25, 2017 I felt like a right idiot when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year... Felt even more stupid when I remembered that David Bowie died too. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 25, 2017 Report Share Posted January 25, 2017 When I first met my wife she said she was "bi". I didn't realise she meant polar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 25, 2017 Report Share Posted January 25, 2017 1 hour ago, The Beast said: I came home with some flowers for the wife. She said, "I suppose you're expecting me to go upstairs and open my legs now?" A vase will suffice. Proper, this isn't the first time that you've rehashed this tired shit. Shut up/fuck off Ding. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 25, 2017 Report Share Posted January 25, 2017 My Irish neighbour recently bought a Gun Dog, unfortunately he broke it's back trying to load it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 25, 2017 Report Share Posted January 25, 2017 1 hour ago, Decimus said: Proper, this isn't the first time that you've rehashed this tired shit. Shut up/fuck off Ding. My Mrs caught me in bed with her best friend. She said to her friend, "I have to, but why you?" Long live MikeD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 26, 2017 Report Share Posted January 26, 2017 What did the blind, deaf, mute kid get for Christmas? Cancer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 26, 2017 Report Share Posted January 26, 2017 1 hour ago, Wizardsleeve said: What did the blind, deaf, mute kid get for Christmas? Cancer You fucker, the old ones are the best, owe you a like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted January 26, 2017 Report Share Posted January 26, 2017 A man and a girl are walking in the forest. The girl looks up at the man and says, "It sure is scary out here!" To which the man responds: "You think you're scared. I have to walk back alone." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted February 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2017 The first rule of Chinese Whispers Club is "Never talk about Tiny Whiskers Grub." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 5, 2017 Report Share Posted February 5, 2017 How do you seat four poofs on one bar stool? Turn it upside down Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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