Road works

[Neil]

Is it just Norfolk at the moment or is every cunting council digging up our roads?.It seems every 5 miles is a temporary set of lights,45 minute journeys turn in to an hour and a fucking half.Just fuck off and dig up some other cunts roads will you,preferably Suffolk and dont forget to bury every cunt that resides there before you backfill.

[Decimus]

1 hour ago, Neil said:

Is it just Norfolk at the moment or is every cunting council digging up our roads?.It seems every 5 miles is a temporary set of lights,45 minute journeys turn in to an hour and a fucking half.Just fuck off and dig up some other cunts roads will you,preferably Suffolk and dont forget to bury every cunt that resides there before you backfill.

Don't get me fucking started on this shit, leaving my house to go anywhere by car at the moment takes that long that when I eventually get home my youngest son has grown a foot.

Fucking Caister high street dug up with no pre-warning or explanation as to why, the main roundabout road out of Yarmouth to Norwich is being dug up and down to one lane traffic until January, the fucking quay has got roadworks, and then when you get to Norwich you've got the joys of the knock on effects of the NDR works.

And that's without taking into account my fucking Postwick rounabout nemesis. By the time I've gone around a glut of the pointless circular bastards, I'm just about ready to vomit by the time I reach Thorpe, and that's even before I see you by the side of the road, eating a foot long Greg's pasty and masturbating furiously.

[Eric Cuntman]

58 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Don't get me fucking started on this shit, leaving my house to go anywhere by car at the moment takes that long that when I eventually get home my youngest son has grown a foot.

Fucking Caister high street dug up with no pre-warning or explanation as to why, the main roundabout road out of Yarmouth to Norwich is being dug up and down to one lane traffic until January, the fucking quay has got roadworks, and then when you get to Norwich you've got the joys of the knock on effects of the NDR works.

And that's without taking into account my fucking Postwick rounabout nemesis. By the time I've gone around a glut of the pointless circular bastards, I'm just about ready to vomit by the time I reach Thorpe, and that's even before I see you by the side of the road, eating a foot long Greg's pasty and masturbating furiously.

Your youngest has grown a foot? Does he now have 3 or does this represent the beginning of the end for the savings on shoes you have thus far enjoyed?

[Decimus]

25 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Your youngest has grown a foot? 

I originally typed "grown a couple of inches" but following legal advice I hastily edited the post.

[Neil]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Your youngest has grown a foot? Does he now have 3 or does this represent the beginning of the end for the savings on shoes you have thus far enjoyed?

Good job he hadn't grown another finger,seven fingers on one hand looks really weird

[camberwell gypsy]

4 hours ago, Neil said:

Is it just Norfolk at the moment or is every cunting council digging up our roads?.It seems every 5 miles is a temporary set of lights,45 minute journeys turn in to an hour and a fucking half.Just fuck off and dig up some other cunts roads will you,preferably Suffolk and dont forget to bury every cunt that resides there before you backfill.

Nope.  There's shitloads around here. What boils my piss is there is no planning whatsoever. Instead of doing it in phases some cunt decides to have roadworks all in one hit, so there's no escape routes because of road closures so it turns into one massive traffic jam. 

[Guest luke swarm]

4 hours ago, Neil said:

Is it just Norfolk at the moment or is every cunting council digging up our roads?.It seems every 5 miles is a temporary set of lights,45 minute journeys turn in to an hour and a fucking half.Just fuck off and dig up some other cunts roads will you,preferably Suffolk and dont forget to bury every cunt that resides there before you backfill.

Well it might be just Norfolk Neil, after all the schools are functioning and its not holiday season so an ideal time to carry out essential work to keep the swampy roads up there in tiptop condition.

I say this because here in the West Midlands and particularly the Wolverhampton area, the council plan these works for the peak of the holiday season when most cunts are trying to escape this dismal locality, Also it may be just a 2 by 2 foot square hole that needs digging on the kerbside but the contractors insist on a complicated 4 way traffic system for maximum fuck up factor.And they always seem to return to the same spot a month or two later because they fucked it up the first time.      

[colonelkurtz]

The motorway signs "My Mummy works here blah blah blah " ... well she's a lying bitch , because I've never seen any fucker "working" here.

[camberwell gypsy]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2470051/It-takes-SEVEN-road-workers-change-lightbulb--climb-ladder-watch.html

 

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

4 hours ago, Decimus said:

Don't get me fucking started on this shit, leaving my house to go anywhere by car at the moment takes that long that when I eventually get home my youngest son has grown a foot.

Fucking Caister high street dug up with no pre-warning or explanation as to why, the main roundabout road out of Yarmouth to Norwich is being dug up and down to one lane traffic until January, the fucking quay has got roadworks, and then when you get to Norwich you've got the joys of the knock on effects of the NDR works.

And that's without taking into account my fucking Postwick rounabout nemesis. By the time I've gone around a glut of the pointless circular bastards, I'm just about ready to vomit by the time I reach Thorpe, and that's even before I see you by the side of the road, eating a foot long Greg's pasty and masturbating furiously.

Doesn't Caister have an Aldi so you don't have to travel to Norwich to do your shopping?

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

Temporary traffic lights have appeared for the 3rd time this year on Plumstead Road. They're positioned strategically this time, smack bang in the middle of the faster 30mph zone on a junction so 3-way control is required. It's a fucking good job the kerbs are quite low to make it easier to negotiate these on the cycle. The stupid bastard car drivers don't realise you can cut through Plumstead Estate which is safe if you keep the doors locked, your headlights on full and 999 on speed dial.

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, Neil said:

Good job he hadn't grown another finger,seven fingers on one hand looks really weird

Didn't do Patrick Duffy any harm.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Didn't do Patrick Duffy any harm.

Decs could count the number of times he's heard that joke on one hand.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, luke swarm said:

Well it might be just Norfolk Neil, after all the schools are functioning and its not holiday season so an ideal time to carry out essential work to keep the swampy roads up there in tiptop condition.

I say this because here in the West Midlands and particularly the Wolverhampton area, the council plan these works for the peak of the holiday season when most cunts are trying to escape this dismal locality, Also it may be just a 2 by 2 foot square hole that needs digging on the kerbside but the contractors insist on a complicated 4 way traffic system for maximum fuck up factor.And they always seem to return to the same spot a month or two later because they fucked it up the first time.      

Yes, this new breed of hard hat sporting, high visibility road repair cunt is certainly no match for the portly, donkey jacketed, roll-up smoking, shovel leaning enthusiasts of our childhood. Sid from the council may have spent an inordinate amount of time slurping from his tartan thermos and choking on Old Holborn, but when he slapped down the concrete and tarmac, it fucking well stayed there for 10 years. Unlike the efforts of Jamal from the private sector contractor who specialises in creating a road surface that disintegrates as soon as a seven year old on a BMX traverses it.

[Guest Manky]

Same in Manchester. Our highly trained teams are busy clogging all the arterial  routes as they industriously install new potholes at the key bottlenecks. I counted 5 today, on one hand, with no fingers to spare. I even had to use my thumb or I would only have counted to four. If I have the trip four times this week, I will have to take my shoes and socks off to reach exactly 20 with no remainder. If they install a new potholes on the final trip, it will be no gloves, no socks and no underpants to keep an accurate tally.

[Stubby Pecker]

45 cunting mins to navigate half a mile through Hereford this evening, a one horse hick town designed for horse travel. They've been at it since July- fuck knows what they're up to. Something to do with apples or killing a Welshman with a bow and arrow perhaps 

[camberwell gypsy]

There's a junction in the next village (Dulwich) that seems to be closed off and torn up at least three times a year. It was last closed off in the summer for 6 weeks. As I went through there this lunchtime, all the 'road closed' signs and cones and striped barriers were being dropped off there by a lorry. Fuck knows what they're gonna do there now. 

[Guest luke swarm]

51 minutes ago, Manky said:

Same in Manchester. Our highly trained teams are busy clogging all the arterial  routes as they industriously install new potholes at the key bottlenecks. I counted 5 today, on one hand, with no fingers to spare. I even had to use my thumb or I would only have counted to four. If I have the trip four times this week, I will have to take my shoes and socks off to reach exactly 20 with no remainder. If they install a new potholes on the final trip, it will be no gloves, no socks and no underpants to keep an accurate tally.

may I suggest carrying a sharp razor blade with you and marking a nice line on you wrist every time you see a pothole.....be sure to press firmly with the blade to avoid miscounting, that should solve your lack of bodily digit numerical issue. 

[Eric Cuntman]

19 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

There's a junction in the next village (Dulwich) that seems to be closed off and torn up at least three times a year. It was last closed off in the summer for 6 weeks. As I went through there this lunchtime, all the 'road closed' signs and cones and striped barriers were being dropped off there by a lorry. Fuck knows what they're gonna do there now. 

I've had to give this a like Gyps, you calling Dulwich a Village is the first thing that's made me laugh for a week. You'll be describing Deptford as a 'quaint little hamlet' next. 

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I've had to give this a like Gyps, you calling Dulwich a Village is the first thing that's made me laugh for a week. You'll be describing Deptford as a 'quaint little hamlet' next. 

There is a Dulwich village. 

[Eric Cuntman]

7 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

There is a Dulwich village. 

I know, but describing anywhere near or in Southwark as a village is laughable you must admit. I saw a murder victim in that adventure playground next to the War Museum in Lambeth road when I was a teenager. The same park that they used to film 'Budgie' with Adam Faith. And Michael Winner filmed a lot of scenes from one of the Death Wish films in the big building opposite.

[Earl of Punkape]

16 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

There is a Dulwich village. 

Do you go to the fun-fare in Dulwich or do you work on fun-fairs swindling old ladies and the vulnerable by “reading” their palms ?

Charlatan.

Get stuffed.

lol.

[Jiggerycock]

Got loads of these monstrosities round our way.

Heards of dayglo-clad, fat, sweaty arsecracks staring into holes in the road and pointing, ensuring fuck-all gets done very slowly at the taxpayers expense.