Guest luke swarm Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 The neighbour two doors down about 3 years ago decided to get 3 white pigeons, these cunts are now feral and have interbred with the local wild wood pigeons and now have formed a flying mafia that goes around being a general nuisance. Last count there was 14 of the bastards insolently sitting on my greenhouse as if to say fuck you and come and have a go if you think you are hard enough. The fucking wretched things are lodged under the solar heating panels of another neighbour and have shat all over it as well as clog the gutters with birdcack. They raid my garden every morning and night and steal the feed put out for our hens, they have also wrecked my lettuce and pea crop. I have shot a couple with an air rifle but they are hard little cunts and just refuse to die. I have heard that feeding them paint stripper sandwiches or alka seltzer tablets kills them but as of yet have been unable to bring myself to this extreme measure. bastards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 10 minutes ago, luke swarm said: The neighbour two doors down about 3 years ago decided to get 3 white pigeons, these cunts are now feral and have interbred with the local wild wood pigeons and now have formed a flying mafia that goes around being a general nuisance. Last count there was 14 of the bastards insolently sitting on my greenhouse as if to say fuck you and come and have a go if you think you are hard enough. The fucking wretched things are lodged under the solar heating panels of another neighbour and have shat all over it as well as clog the gutters with birdcack. They raid my garden every morning and night and steal the feed put out for our hens, they have also wrecked my lettuce and pea crop. I have shot a couple with an air rifle but they are hard little cunts and just refuse to die. I have heard that feeding them paint stripper sandwiches or alka seltzer tablets kills them but as of yet have been unable to bring myself to this extreme measure. bastards. Get a better air rifle. A Weirauch HW97 is superb and mine kills woodies with one shot. What rifle do you have? If it's one of those £40 Chinese things, you've no chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 31 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Get a better air rifle. A Weirauch HW97 is superb and mine kills woodies with one shot. What rifle do you have? If it's one of those £40 Chinese things, you've no chance. You're a decent shot if you can hit a raging hard on at twenty yards, eric. Fair play to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 54 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Get a better air rifle. A Weirauch HW97 is superb and mine kills woodies with one shot. What rifle do you have? If it's one of those £40 Chinese things, you've no chance. Alternatively he could import one of these fuckers from the good old USA and cook the neighbours in the process... The M2-2 could also be used on Islamic extremists and cunts who loiter in public lavatories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 4 minutes ago, Punkape said: Alternatively he could import one of these fuckers from the good old USA and cook the neighbours in the process... The Americans used those to cook Vietnamese dishes in the late 60s. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 3 minutes ago, Punkape said: Alternatively he could import one of these fuckers from the good old USA and cook the neighbours in the process... More realistically, get yourself one of these cunts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 1 hour ago, luke swarm said: The neighbour two doors down about 3 years ago decided to get 3 white pigeons, these cunts are now feral and have interbred with the local wild wood pigeons and now have formed a flying mafia that goes around being a general nuisance. Last count there was 14 of the bastards insolently sitting on my greenhouse as if to say fuck you and come and have a go if you think you are hard enough. The fucking wretched things are lodged under the solar heating panels of another neighbour and have shat all over it as well as clog the gutters with birdcack. They raid my garden every morning and night and steal the feed put out for our hens, they have also wrecked my lettuce and pea crop. I have shot a couple with an air rifle but they are hard little cunts and just refuse to die. I have heard that feeding them paint stripper sandwiches or alka seltzer tablets kills them but as of yet have been unable to bring myself to this extreme measure. bastards. You could use Frank's emaciated corpse as a scarecrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 7 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: More realistically, get yourself one of these cunts. Sparrowhawk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Couldn't give a shit Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said: Get a better air rifle. A Weirauch HW97 is superb and mine kills woodies with one shot. What rifle do you have? If it's one of those £40 Chinese things, you've no chance. I've got a .177 Webley Raider with a quantum silencer. That fucker is a made to measure pigeon murderer. It's also wacked a few grey squirrels, two foxes and my neighbour's evil little cunt of a cat. The only problem with it is my Mrs turns into John Rambo whenever I let her have a go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 I wouldn't bat an eyelid. Get yerself a batflap, you dingbat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 26 minutes ago, Punkape said: Alternatively he could import one of these fuckers from the good old USA and cook the neighbours in the process... The M2-2 could also be used on Islamic extremists and cunts who loiter in public lavatories. to the best of my knowledge the pigeons are English natives so probably C of E ....I seriously hope they are not Islamic pigeons as that would seriously affect house prices around here. Thanks for the suggestion though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 24 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: More realistically, get yourself one of these cunts. actually Baws, we did have one of these vicious cunts take a pigeon about 3 weeks ago, it ate half of it in my garden, I thought the cunt would stick around for some easy meals and my problem was solved but unfortunately I have not seen it since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 11 minutes ago, Couldn't give a shit said: I've got a .177 Webley Raider with a quantum silencer. That fucker is a made to measure pigeon murderer. It's also wacked a few grey squirrels, two foxes and my neighbour's evil little cunt of a cat. The only problem with it is my Mrs turns into John Rambo whenever I let her have a go. my rifle is a SMK Synx 22......cost 80 quid but I think its a bit underpowered, someone suggested putting a bit of wd40 in the pellet to make it diesel and increase velocity, not tried this yet. Trouble is that firing air rifles in the garden, you just don't know where the slug is going to end up and could end up in someone window or worse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 1 hour ago, luke swarm said: The neighbour two doors down about 3 years ago decided to get 3 white pigeons, these cunts are now feral and have interbred with the local wild wood pigeons and now have formed a flying mafia that goes around being a general nuisance. Last count there was 14 of the bastards insolently sitting on my greenhouse as if to say fuck you and come and have a go if you think you are hard enough. The fucking wretched things are lodged under the solar heating panels of another neighbour and have shat all over it as well as clog the gutters with birdcack. They raid my garden every morning and night and steal the feed put out for our hens, they have also wrecked my lettuce and pea crop. I have shot a couple with an air rifle but they are hard little cunts and just refuse to die. I have heard that feeding them paint stripper sandwiches or alka seltzer tablets kills them but as of yet have been unable to bring myself to this extreme measure. bastards. It's important that you get to know yer species. Are they racers or Egyptian Swifts? You could be coming across to them as being a bit of a stool-pigeon. God help you if they're homing ones, you'll never rid yerself of the pesky varmints. Give yer roof a coat of Evostick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 Put a little house up for them and sneak in there at night and wring their necks .. or offer them to your local islamic eatery and let them come and slit their throats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 14 minutes ago, luke swarm said: my rifle is a SMK Synx 22......cost 80 quid but I think its a bit underpowered, someone suggested putting a bit of wd40 in the pellet to make it diesel and increase velocity, not tried this yet. Trouble is that firing air rifles in the garden, you just don't know where the slug is going to end up and could end up in someone window or worse Sports Marketing/SMK buy all their shit from China and they are underpowered and inaccurate. Don't bother with WD40. Put a couple of drops of diesel through the transfer port into the cylinder, but it will smoke like a bastard for weeks if you do. Or just buy Prometheus pellets which up the power by 15%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 1 hour ago, scotty said: You're a decent shot if you can hit a raging hard on at twenty yards, eric. Fair play to you. quality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 My Aunty Vi used to catch pigeons with her piss flaps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 2 minutes ago, ratcum said: My Aunty Vi used to catch pigeons with her piss flaps She must have inadvertently come up with the idea of sanitary towels with wings. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 14 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: She must have inadvertently come up with the idea of sanitary towels with wings. She used to say "now Ratty, put your seed in here and watch those blighters come and peck me out" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 1 hour ago, Punkape said: Alternatively he could import one of these fuckers from the good old USA and cook the neighbours in the process... The M2-2 could also be used on Islamic extremists and cunts who loiter in public lavatories. I bet his wife's pubes are kept in order Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 15 minutes ago, ratcum said: She used to say "now Ratty, put your seed in here and watch those blighters come and peck me out" this all sounds a bit fishy to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted May 10, 2018 Report Share Posted May 10, 2018 Domestic doves can't interbred with out native wood pigeons, more likely feral town pigeons or escaped racing ones. Just sayin' A female sparrowhawk would happily take out prey this size as they're must bigger than the males which specialise in hunting small birds. I was lucky enough to get a fleeting glimps of a goshawk today as I shredded through the woods. These fuckers a dyed in the wool, cold hearted killers and no mistake as there's nothing they won't hunt upto pheasant size. Only found in or near extensive woodland, however. .410 bore shot gun would do the trick but you're likely to have the anti terror cops round if you go blasting avian pests with that cunt. I thought you lived in the midst of a million curry munchers? Surely those fuckers are on the look out for more "chicken"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted May 13, 2018 Report Share Posted May 13, 2018 On 5/10/2018 at 7:07 PM, scotty said: You're a decent shot if you can hit a raging hard on at twenty yards, eric. Fair play to you. He would run (huffing and puffing) twenty yards to suck on a hard on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted May 13, 2018 Report Share Posted May 13, 2018 On 5/10/2018 at 11:04 PM, Stubby Pecker said: Domestic "feral"doves can't interbred with out native wood pigeons, more likely feral town pigeons or escaped racing ones. Just sayin' "Domestic Doves "Actually Rock Doves" can interbreed with Wood Pigeons. male feral pigeons will shag anything with wings, so any hybrid would likely be from a male feral female woodie mating. It is not common but does occur. I doubt whether the offspring would be fertile though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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