Guest Ollyboro Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Been burgled, or had your property damaged recently? What was Plods response? I'll take a guess. A cunt on the phone asked you if you had any CCTV evidence, or other information, otherwise you can fuck off. Basically, go and investigate it yourself. A nation of shopkeepers is now a nation of dicks. You see the cops don't have enough resources. They can't be expected to turn up to arrest junkie shoplifters, or throw feral kids in the cells for the night, or deal with ignorant wankers parking where the fuck they want. They have limited resources. Fortunately they can spare ten tits to pull random motorists and test them for drink and drugs. Cleveland police are conducting one of their regular campaigns where innocent people are pulled over and forced to demonstrate their innocence. The other day our defenders of truth and justice stopped 134 poor cunts. And caught one. One. That's one. Ten arseholes, employed for an entire shift, to catch one cunt pissed up from the night before. Before anycunt starts, no: catching one cunt probably didn't save any fucking lives. You know why? Because he'll have been stuck in the rush hour traffic, doing about five miles an hour, trying to make his 9am signing on slot, along with half of the rest of Middlesbrough. If the filth want to save lives they should get their vehicles on the roads and nick some cunts driving like Terry fucking Scott attempting to cross the Transporter Bridge. Cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 1 minute ago, Ollyboro said: Been burgled, or had your property damaged recently? What was Plods response? I'll take a guess. A cunt on the phone asked you if you had any CCTV evidence, or other information, otherwise you can fuck off. Basically, go and investigate it yourself. A nation of shopkeepers is now a nation of dicks. You see the cops don't have enough resources. They can't be expected to turn up to arrest junkie shoplifters, or throw feral kids in the cells for the night, or deal with ignorant wankers parking where the fuck they want. They have limited resources. Fortunately they can spare ten tits to pull random motorists and test them for drink and drugs. Cleveland police are conducting one of their regular campaigns where innocent people are pulled over and forced to demonstrate their innocence. The other day our defenders of truth and justice stopped 134 poor cunts. And caught one. One. That's one. Ten arseholes, employed for an entire shift, to catch one cunt pissed up from the night before. Before anycunt starts, no: catching one cunt probably didn't save any fucking lives. You know why? Because he'll have been stuck in the rush hour traffic, doing about five miles an hour, trying to make his 9am signing on slot, along with half of the rest of Middlesbrough. If the filth want to save lives they should get their vehicles on the roads and nick some cunts driving like Terry fucking Scott attempting to cross the Transporter Bridge. Cunts. Are you on another drink-driving ban Olly? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 9 minutes ago, Ollyboro said: Been burgled, or had your property damaged recently? What was Plods response? I'll take a guess. A cunt on the phone asked you if you had any CCTV evidence, or other information, otherwise you can fuck off. Basically, go and investigate it yourself. A nation of shopkeepers is now a nation of dicks. You see the cops don't have enough resources. They can't be expected to turn up to arrest junkie shoplifters, or throw feral kids in the cells for the night, or deal with ignorant wankers parking where the fuck they want. They have limited resources. Fortunately they can spare ten tits to pull random motorists and test them for drink and drugs. Cleveland police are conducting one of their regular campaigns where innocent people are pulled over and forced to demonstrate their innocence. The other day our defenders of truth and justice stopped 134 poor cunts. And caught one. One. That's one. Ten arseholes, employed for an entire shift, to catch one cunt pissed up from the night before. Before anycunt starts, no: catching one cunt probably didn't save any fucking lives. You know why? Because he'll have been stuck in the rush hour traffic, doing about five miles an hour, trying to make his 9am signing on slot, along with half of the rest of Middlesbrough. If the filth want to save lives they should get their vehicles on the roads and nick some cunts driving like Terry fucking Scott attempting to cross the Transporter Bridge. Cunts. You're not wrong... Only last month I was stopped on A3 and asked to provide a sample under caution by two plain-clothed coppers. I was relieved that they had, as I had ten pints inside me. Anyway, thinking quick on me feet, I grabbed the bottle and ran off with it. The cunts still fucking nicked me for taking the piss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Queefer Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 14 minutes ago, Ollyboro said: Been burgled, or had your property damaged recently? What was Plods response? I'll take a guess. A cunt on the phone asked you if you had any CCTV evidence, or other information, otherwise you can fuck off. Basically, go and investigate it yourself. A nation of shopkeepers is now a nation of dicks. You see the cops don't have enough resources. They can't be expected to turn up to arrest junkie shoplifters, or throw feral kids in the cells for the night, or deal with ignorant wankers parking where the fuck they want. They have limited resources. Fortunately they can spare ten tits to pull random motorists and test them for drink and drugs. Cleveland police are conducting one of their regular campaigns where innocent people are pulled over and forced to demonstrate their innocence. The other day our defenders of truth and justice stopped 134 poor cunts. And caught one. One. That's one. Ten arseholes, employed for an entire shift, to catch one cunt pissed up from the night before. Before anycunt starts, no: catching one cunt probably didn't save any fucking lives. You know why? Because he'll have been stuck in the rush hour traffic, doing about five miles an hour, trying to make his 9am signing on slot, along with half of the rest of Middlesbrough. If the filth want to save lives they should get their vehicles on the roads and nick some cunts driving like Terry fucking Scott attempting to cross the Transporter Bridge. Cunts. The plod will have taken a 20 qud bribe each for letting the other 133 off. They doubtless forgot to log for evidence all the bags of weed and pills they seized. Great bonuses working for the Cuntstabulary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ollyboro Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 25 minutes ago, The Bishop of Phlegm said: Are you on another drink-driving ban Olly? No, no. The same ban as before, Pen. There's no way the cunts will pull me over now though. I'm driving a Nissan and wearing a Burqa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 3 hours ago, Ollyboro said: Been burgled, or had your property damaged recently? What was Plods response? I'll take a guess. A cunt on the phone asked you if you had any CCTV evidence, or other information, otherwise you can fuck off. Basically, go and investigate it yourself. A nation of shopkeepers is now a nation of dicks. You see the cops don't have enough resources. They can't be expected to turn up to arrest junkie shoplifters, or throw feral kids in the cells for the night, or deal with ignorant wankers parking where the fuck they want. They have limited resources. Fortunately they can spare ten tits to pull random motorists and test them for drink and drugs. Cleveland police are conducting one of their regular campaigns where innocent people are pulled over and forced to demonstrate their innocence. The other day our defenders of truth and justice stopped 134 poor cunts. And caught one. One. That's one. Ten arseholes, employed for an entire shift, to catch one cunt pissed up from the night before. Before anycunt starts, no: catching one cunt probably didn't save any fucking lives. You know why? Because he'll have been stuck in the rush hour traffic, doing about five miles an hour, trying to make his 9am signing on slot, along with half of the rest of Middlesbrough. If the filth want to save lives they should get their vehicles on the roads and nick some cunts driving like Terry fucking Scott attempting to cross the Transporter Bridge. Cunts. Just 10! Is that all? You want to see how many they have at the MOT and insurance checkpoints. I've counted 25-30 at them, alongside the DoT Gestapo. Luckily the cunts didn't check for red diesel 😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 3 hours ago, 'eavensabove said: You're not wrong... Only last month I was stopped on A3 and asked to provide a sample under caution by two plain-clothed coppers. I was relieved that they had, as I had ten pints inside me. Anyway, thinking quick on me feet, I grabbed the bottle and ran off with it. The cunts still fucking nicked me for taking the piss. Plain clothed coppers? Do they have authority to pull people over? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 2 hours ago, Ollyboro said: No, no. The same ban as before, Pen. There's no way the cunts will pull me over now though. I'm driving a Nissan and wearing a Burqa. Olly, keep a supply of mouthwash in your car. As soon as one of the cunt puts you to test, take a drag, and spit it out on their fucking jack boots. If you don't fall over on them or piss yourself laughing, they'll probably let you go, because the field breath testing is then a non issue. Just don't drive into a nearby tree 50 paces away, and you'll be scot free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Just go the Withnaill route. Procure some unadulterated childs piss and empty it into Danny's contraption. Take the outlet pipe down the trouser and sellotape the valve to the end of 'the old chap'. Then you get horribly drunk and they can't fucking touch you. You refuse everything except a urine sample. You undo your valve, give them a dose of unadulterated child's piss and they have to give you your keys back. Of course, very few of you cunts will have a fucking Scooby as to what I'm on about - because you're all heathen scum and I'm fucking great, me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ollyboro Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 I want the finest way to avoid getting caught drink driving known to man, and I want it now. Just so everyone is aware, I'm not seeking tips on how to become a successful drink driver. Although, to be serious for a minute, drug driving is a concern. Cannabis is a drug which hits you pretty quickly, but the effects wear off pretty quickly too. The problem is it stays in your system, stored in fat cells, long after it ceases to affect you. There have been many cases of cunts failing drug test 12+ hours after they've felt remotely stoned. Given the low level the government set the drug drive limit this has resulted in injustice. Cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Queefer Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 20 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: Just go the Withnaill route. Procure some unadulterated childs piss and empty it into Danny's contraption. Take the outlet pipe down the trouser and sellotape the valve to the end of 'the old chap'. Then you get horribly drunk and they can't fucking touch you. You refuse everything except a urine sample. You undo your valve, give them a dose of unadulterated child's piss and they have to give you your keys back. Of course, very few of you cunts will have a fucking Scooby as to what I'm on about - because you're all heathen scum and I'm fucking great, me. Unadulterated child's piss - please expand on your exact meaning and methodology Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 3 minutes ago, Queefer said: Unadulterated child's piss - please expand on your exact meaning and methodology watch the film - it'll all make sense. Either that or go down the generic, 'this stuff writes itself' route, involving Punkers and his sordid beastliness Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Queefer Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 Just now, Jiggerycock said: watch the film - it'll all make sense It's the adulterated child concept that disturbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 3 minutes ago, Queefer said: It's the adulterated child concept that disturbs No its specifically unadulterated child's piss in the movie: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 36 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: Just go the Withnaill route. Procure some unadulterated childs piss and empty it into Danny's contraption. Take the outlet pipe down the trouser and sellotape the valve to the end of 'the old chap'. Then you get horribly drunk and they can't fucking touch you. You refuse everything except a urine sample. You undo your valve, give them a dose of unadulterated child's piss and they have to give you your keys back. Of course, very few of you cunts will have a fucking Scooby as to what I'm on about - because you're all heathen scum and I'm fucking great, me. Dangerous road here, Jiggers. Procuring child's piss in the post Savile/Glitter age could be harmful to one's future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said: Just go the Withnaill route. Procure some unadulterated childs piss and empty it into Danny's contraption. Take the outlet pipe down the trouser and sellotape the valve to the end of 'the old chap'. Then you get horribly drunk and they can't fucking touch you. You refuse everything except a urine sample. You undo your valve, give them a dose of unadulterated child's piss and they have to give you your keys back. Of course, very few of you cunts will have a fucking Scooby as to what I'm on about - because you're all heathen scum and I'm fucking great, me. Lighter fluid is a far superior drink to meths. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted December 10, 2018 Report Share Posted December 10, 2018 2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Plain clothed coppers? Do they have authority to pull people over? I say plain clothed, as they looked plain to me. White Coats would be a more accurate description. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 11, 2018 Report Share Posted December 11, 2018 21 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: Lighter fluid is a far superior drink to meths. Geoff Woad.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 11, 2018 Report Share Posted December 11, 2018 5 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: Geoff Woad.... ..Imagine the size of his balls, imagine getting into a fight with the fucker.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted December 13, 2018 Report Share Posted December 13, 2018 On 12/10/2018 at 11:18 AM, Ollyboro said: Been burgled, or had your property damaged recently? What was Plods response? I'll take a guess. A cunt on the phone asked you if you had any CCTV evidence, or other information, otherwise you can fuck off. Basically, go and investigate it yourself. A nation of shopkeepers is now a nation of dicks. You see the cops don't have enough resources. They can't be expected to turn up to arrest junkie shoplifters, or throw feral kids in the cells for the night, or deal with ignorant wankers parking where the fuck they want. They have limited resources. Fortunately they can spare ten tits to pull random motorists and test them for drink and drugs. Cleveland police are conducting one of their regular campaigns where innocent people are pulled over and forced to demonstrate their innocence. The other day our defenders of truth and justice stopped 134 poor cunts. And caught one. One. That's one. Ten arseholes, employed for an entire shift, to catch one cunt pissed up from the night before. Before anycunt starts, no: catching one cunt probably didn't save any fucking lives. You know why? Because he'll have been stuck in the rush hour traffic, doing about five miles an hour, trying to make his 9am signing on slot, along with half of the rest of Middlesbrough. If the filth want to save lives they should get their vehicles on the roads and nick some cunts driving like Terry fucking Scott attempting to cross the Transporter Bridge. Cunts. They do this so that they can pocket the fines to pay for their Xmas police party. fucking cunts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 14, 2018 Report Share Posted December 14, 2018 12 hours ago, Monumental cunt said: They do this so that they can pocket the fines to pay for their Xmas police party. fucking cunts BTW Mongy, I'm still planning of escaping my dull kin folk over Xmas and winging it across the 'wolds to Ironstone Villas. I'll be pissed as fuck, however. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted December 14, 2018 Report Share Posted December 14, 2018 13 hours ago, Monumental cunt said: They do this so that they can pocket the fines to pay for their Xmas police party. fucking cunts I expect they’ll invite the noirs who stole your shitty old Audi, and all have a fucking good laugh together about what a total wanker you are! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 14, 2018 Report Share Posted December 14, 2018 1 hour ago, Stubby Pecker said: BTW Mongy, I'm still planning of escaping my dull kin folk over Xmas and winging it across the 'wolds to Ironstone Villas. I'll be pissed as fuck, however. Any advice? Call the professional ladies the next town over. They might be higher priced, but they're less likely to be carrying common peasant social diseases. Just don't be fooled into feeding them, they're being compensated quite well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ollyboro Posted December 14, 2018 Report Share Posted December 14, 2018 Our brave cunts in blue centered their campaign on Newport Bridge this morning and have announced the results. They've increased their productivity vis-à-vis stopping law abiding members of the public going about their business. They managed to stop 150, compared to 134 the other day. So a big slap on their collective back for that. Unfortunately the number of over the limit drivers caught has shown a slight decrease. Down from one last week, to...........none. Fucking hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 14, 2018 Report Share Posted December 14, 2018 The label on my vodka said "Please Drink Responsibly". I thought "well, I'm wearing my seatbelt..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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