The Tourism Journalist At Forbes Magazine

[Decimus]

Forbes Magazine has just released its list of "The 10 coolest places to go in 2019". I'll get to the list in a moment, but I'd just like to register my absolute fucking disgust that a supposedly high-brow publication would head up an article with the word "coolest" included. Obviously, with the relative decline in the readership of The Beezer and The Dandy, Forbes is looking to expand its readership to include 10 year olds from the 1980s.

On this list are such tranquil utopias as Pakistan, Columbia and Rwanda, splendid resorts renowned for being top destinations to spend 14 days with the family.

Who can forget the time that their youngest daughter was kidnapped, gang raped and held hostage by Al Qaeda militants in the Karakorum mountain range? Or that family reunion when grandad was beheaded by Tutsi rebels in a Kigali Starbucks?

There's no doubt in my mind that whoever wrote this ridiculous article is the sort of gap-year taking, fairtrade buying, Hooray Henry Oxbridge cunt who gallivants around third world shitholes building orphanages and outhouses. He can take his list and shove it up his fucking arse to join the millions of intestinal parasites he's picked up on his hipster fucking jaunts.

[Penny Farthing]

6 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Forbes Magazine has just released its list of "The 10 coolest places to go in 2019". I'll get to the list in a moment, but I'd just like to register my absolute fucking disgust that a supposedly high-brow publication would head up an article with the word "coolest" included. Obviously, with the relative decline in the readership of The Beezer and The Dandy, Forbes is looking to expand its readership to include 10 year olds from the 1980s.

On this list are such tranquil utopias as Pakistan, Columbia and Rwanda, splendid destinations renowned for being top destinations to spend 14 days with the family.

Who can forget the time that their youngest daughter was kidnapped, gang raped and held hostage by Al Qaeda militants in the Karakorum mountain range? Or that family reunion when grandad was beheaded by Tutsi rebels in a Kigali Starbucks?

There's no doubt in my mind that whoever wrote this ridiculous article is the sort of gap-year taking, fairtrade buying, Hooray Henry Oxbridge cunt who gallivants around third world shitholes building orphanages and outhouses. He can take his list and shove it up his fucking arse to join the millions of intestinal parasites he's picked up on his hipster fucking jaunts.

Are you cross that he never mentioned Cromer?

[Cuntybaws]

The cunt probably just picked the brightest colours from the "Most dangerous countries in the world 2019 (World Risk Map)"

Top tip - don't go to fucking Africa.

[Penny Farthing]

3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

The cunt probably just picked the brightest colours from the "Most dangerous countries in the world 2019 (World Risk Map)"

Top tip - don't go to fucking Africa.

Tanzania would be "Extreme Risk" for @Earl of Punkape 🤔

[nocti]

Does anyone know of anywhere that does decent cocktails and smashed avocado toast in Helmand Province?

[Decimus]

1 hour ago, The Bishop of Phlegm said:

Are you cross that he never mentioned Cromer?

 

1 hour ago, The Bishop of Phlegm said:

Tanzania would be "Extreme Risk" for @Earl of Punkape 🤔

Today I've decided to log in every couple of hours or so in the hope that there will be a half-decent member online who has contributed something thought provoking or hilariously funny. 

Sadly, you're the only one who has been about, continuously churning out asinine shite like the above. 

Please fuck off, you serve absolutely no purpose here.

[camberwell gypsy]

2 hours ago, Decimus said:

Forbes Magazine has just released its list of "The 10 coolest places to go in 2019". I'll get to the list in a moment, but I'd just like to register my absolute fucking disgust that a supposedly high-brow publication would head up an article with the word "coolest" included. Obviously, with the relative decline in the readership of The Beezer and The Dandy, Forbes is looking to expand its readership to include 10 year olds from the 1980s.

On this list are such tranquil utopias as Pakistan, Columbia and Rwanda, splendid resorts renowned for being top destinations to spend 14 days with the family.

Who can forget the time that their youngest daughter was kidnapped, gang raped and held hostage by Al Qaeda militants in the Karakorum mountain range? Or that family reunion when grandad was beheaded by Tutsi rebels in a Kigali Starbucks?

There's no doubt in my mind that whoever wrote this ridiculous article is the sort of gap-year taking, fairtrade buying, Hooray Henry Oxbridge cunt who gallivants around third world shitholes building orphanages and outhouses. He can take his list and shove it up his fucking arse to join the millions of intestinal parasites he's picked up on his hipster fucking jaunts.

Holidays like these are probably taken by middle class twats who think camping is fun. "Hudson, Autumn we're going to spend 2 weeks in a tent. Toilets and showers are a ten minute walk away and daddy will do all the cooking on a tiny stove. Evenings will be spent singing songs round a campfire. No Hudson there is no swimming pool, we'll spend our days hiking in the woods. Autumn why are you crying?" 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

2 hours ago, Decimus said:

Forbes Magazine has just released its list of "The 10 coolest places to go in 2019". I'll get to the list in a moment, but I'd just like to register my absolute fucking disgust that a supposedly high-brow publication would head up an article with the word "coolest" included. Obviously, with the relative decline in the readership of The Beezer and The Dandy, Forbes is looking to expand its readership to include 10 year olds from the 1980s.

On this list are such tranquil utopias as Pakistan, Columbia and Rwanda, splendid resorts renowned for being top destinations to spend 14 days with the family.

Who can forget the time that their youngest daughter was kidnapped, gang raped and held hostage by Al Qaeda militants in the Karakorum mountain range? Or that family reunion when grandad was beheaded by Tutsi rebels in a Kigali Starbucks?

There's no doubt in my mind that whoever wrote this ridiculous article is the sort of gap-year taking, fairtrade buying, Hooray Henry Oxbridge cunt who gallivants around third world shitholes building orphanages and outhouses. He can take his list and shove it up his fucking arse to join the millions of intestinal parasites he's picked up on his hipster fucking jaunts.

If Forbes is giving these cesspit places endorsements, they obviously see untapped wealth to be gained in the kidnapping, extortion and human butchery industries.  Using the map graciously provided by Baws, I think the good US of A should have a robust orange hue, as well.  I remember reading about English tourists getting targeted in southern state like Florida, by scumbag thugs watching them rent a car at the airport then "jackin the foo" on the way to their destination, often ending with a parting head shot with a hand gun.  

[Neil]

I hear the wave machines in Indonesia are the nuts at this time of year or the fireworks in Lebanon.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

1 minute ago, Neil said:

I hear the wave machines in Indonesia are the nuts at this time of year or the fireworks in Lebanon.

We mustn't forget the Somalian safaris  

[Neil]

Perhaps we could club together and send some of the cunts on here on a rare tribe hunting expedition,I'm sure they'd make them feel welcome

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Can we crash the plane into a fuel and ammo site in the middle of a nuclear test? 

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Wizardsleeve said:

If Forbes is giving these cesspit places endorsements, they obviously see untapped wealth to be gained in the kidnapping, extortion and human butchery industries.  Using the map graciously provided by Baws, I think the good US of A should have a robust orange hue, as well.  I remember reading about English tourists getting targeted in southern state like Florida, by scumbag thugs watching them rent a car at the airport then "jackin the foo" on the way to their destination, often ending with a parting head shot with a hand gun.  

Florida's a shit hole. Was there when one of the hurricanes hit and turned the area into a third world khazi. After 2 weeks of shit food, I went into this pub ran by a Welsh couple and ordered a home made steak and kidney pie. Bit into it and tasted hot spices. Complained to the Welsh couple who told me the chef was Cuban who liked to likes to spice things up. Bora da fucking gringo's

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

14 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Florida's a shit hole. Was there when one of the hurricanes hit and turned the area into a third world khazi. After 2 weeks of shit food, I went into this pub ran by a Welsh couple and ordered a home made steak and kidney pie. Bit into it and tasted hot spices. Complained to the Welsh couple who told me the chef was Cuban who liked to likes to spice things up. Bora da fucking gringo's

Scientists say it'll be underwater in 20 years.  

[camberwell gypsy]

9 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Scientists say it'll be underwater in 20 years.  

Shame it's not 20 minutes. 

[Witheredscrote]

2 hours ago, Decimus said:

 

Today I've decided to log in every couple of hours or so in the hope that there will be a half-decent member online who has contributed something thought provoking or hilariously funny. 

Sadly, you're the only one who has been about, continuously churning out asinine shite like the above. 

Please fuck off, you serve absolutely no purpose here.

I notice the map shows Wales as green, and it should be high risk red.  I knew several people who lived,  holidayed there,  and died of boredom, drowning, and contracting deadly diseases from spittle.  Fuck off

[Penny Farthing]

2 hours ago, Decimus said:

 

Today I've decided to log in every couple of hours or so in the hope that there will be a half-decent member online who has contributed something thought provoking or hilariously funny. 

Sadly, you're the only one who has been about, continuously churning out asinine shite like the above. 

Please fuck off, you serve absolutely no purpose here.

You are finished here .. now fuck off.

[Penny Farthing]

36 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

I notice the map shows Wales as green, and it should be high risk red.  I knew several people who lived,  holidayed there,  and died of boredom, drowning, and contracting deadly diseases from spittle.  Fuck off

I that  that you would either be a rotting corpse or incinerated by now.

[Penny Farthing]

1 hour ago, Neil said:

Perhaps we could club together and send some of the cunts on here on a rare tribe hunting expedition,I'm sure they'd make them feel welcome

With you as the leader.

[Penny Farthing]

2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Holidays like these are probably taken by middle class twats who think camping is fun. "Hudson, Autumn we're going to spend 2 weeks in a tent. Toilets and showers are a ten minute walk away and daddy will do all the cooking on a tiny stove. Evenings will be spent singing songs round a campfire. No Hudson there is no swimming pool, we'll spend our days hiking in the woods. Autumn why are you crying?" 

There were some cunts holidaying a a couple of boats on the Shropshire union canal having a good sing song I I asked why the fuck they hadn't fucked off to the The Badger at Church Minshull to get some ale down their necks .. turned out that they were from a miserable elim pentacostal youth club. A couple of nights later I heard that the landlord at the pub at Wardle had told them to fuck off when they called in asking him to fill their water barrels.

[and]

24 minutes ago, The Bishop of Phlegm said:

A couple of nights later I heard tjat the landlord at the pub at Wardle had told them to fuck off when they called in asking him to fill their water barrels.

That's great British hospitality for you!

[and]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Complained to the Welsh couple who told me the chef was Cuban who liked to likes to spice things up. Bora da fucking gringo's

That's the problem these days, any cunt that's been on holiday abroad comes home thinking they're so cosmopolitan,wanting shite like peppers, garlic and spices in every fuckin' meal they eat, stinky-breathed cunts!

[Penny Farthing]

1 minute ago, cooze said:

That's the problem these days, any cunt that's been on holiday abroad comes home thinking they're so cosmopolitan,wanting shite like peppers, garlic and spices in every fuckin' meal they eat, stinky-breathed cunts!

If the Pakis and Jews would eat pork the world would be a far better place.

[camberwell gypsy]

18 minutes ago, The Bishop of Phlegm said:

There were some cunts holidaying a a couple of boats on the Shropshire union canal having a good sing song I I asked why the fuck they hadn't fucked off to the The Badger at Church Minshull to get some ale down their necks .. turned out that they were from a miserable elim pentacostal youth club. A couple of nights later I heard tjat the landlord at the pub at Wardle had told them to fuck off when they called in asking him to fill their water barrels.

I went to a dinner party years ago hosted by a couple who were teetotal Methodists (alcohol is the devil's spit) and were vegan. It was the most singular boring, depressing fucking 4 hours I've ever spent. They used to go on holidays with their church. Maybe, with any luck, someone will suggest a boating holiday off the coast of Somalia. Maybe. 

[camberwell gypsy]

8 minutes ago, cooze said:

That's the problem these days, any cunt that's been on holiday abroad comes home thinking they're so cosmopolitan,wanting shite like peppers, garlic and spices in every fuckin' meal they eat, stinky-breathed cunts!

Yeah but these were Welsh and willing to let some greasy cunt fuck with a great British dish.