Cars, Bikes, Trucks et al.

[Guest 'eavensabove]

44 minutes ago, The Guard said:

I am just wondring if Wofie is "Darren from Plymouth". Darren and his wife are a bit slow on the uptake. Darren has got one of those motorhome things and tows a smart car behind it. A couple of years ago he arrived home from a touring Holiday in the lake district and found that his smart car was not behind his motorhome. He reported it stolen and a couple of weeks later found out that it had been towed to a compound having been found abondoned at a car park in Keswick. It turned out that on the last day of his holiday he had drove the smartcar to Keswick from a camping site near Lancaster. Then him and his misses had seen the Keswick to Lancaster bus and his missus though that it would be a nice ride and got on the bus forgetting all about their smartcar. Having got back to the campsite in a taxi from Lancaster they got straight into the motorhome to drive back overnight to Plymouth.

You've more or less summed him up. However, the only thing that I've been able to substantiate for certain is that each time he comes on here he is depriving his village of its idiot. He is also somewhat vapid and banal. You know, a kind of 'Son of The Silent Age' that somewhere along the line acquired a few moments of fame (for want of word) by meeting and obtaining Jimmy Savile's autograph... as for the rest, well, one can only guess, albeit that any guess is odds-on favourite of being 100% correct. 

What else do you know about The Corner's resident Buffoon? I'm all ears. 

Edited April 12, 2019 by 'eavensabove

[Cunty BigBollox]

13 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

By that logic, I'd be curious to hear your guesses for Pen's probable auto brand.  

A Yugo Sana only because it sounds like some sort of piss-wick for an elderly (incontinent) fish wife of a boring old hag. 

[Guest 'eavensabove]

It is well recorded that DW Fwanky has a number of vehicles, most of which carry his personalised number plates to coincide with his rainbow boozer/come tranny venue (The 'Ole Frank) where it is rumoured he can be witnessed treading the boards and/or giving head in the staff carpark. Here is one such vehicle of his, complete with passenger who has been bored shitless by his tedious blithering... Comrade Baws, once opined that the word 'ole represents a greasy old Spaniard, and there's little to doubt his observation. 

  

[Eric Cuntman]

5 hours ago, The Guard said:

My last car was a Maestro.

But, did you ever have a Simca 1100, or a Daf Variomatic?

[Penny Farthing]

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

But, did you ever have a Simca 1100, or a Daf Variomatic?

No. The Raleigh Supermatic moped had a similar vairiomatic type gearing.

[Penny Farthing]

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

But, did you ever have a Simca 1100, or a Daf Variomatic?

I think that I have only ever driven two automatics .. I never felt comfortable with anything that did not have a clutch and gear lever.

[Penny Farthing]

 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Every fucking topic, you get to see pig shit thick Withers bawling his head off the Guard flooding the entire site with 3 or more ramblings in rapid fire succession.  Both need to go...dead or alive.  

[Guest Erroreptile404]

On 11/04/2019 at 23:50, Wolfie said:

I've never driven one although I have been a passenger and it was very impressive. They're a well-engineered, sensible choice – and a real driver's car which holds its value. But for £12-15K for a nice one, surely a Lotus Elise or Porsche Boxter beckons. You might even opt for a Subaru WRX, which would blow the tits off it. 

Plus you have to dig that 80's Casio watch style digital speedometer! I always wondered how the Elise compared to the MK1 MX5, suppose they're two totally different cars for different purposes to be compared like for like.

[Penny Farthing]

20 hours ago, 'eavensabove said:

It is well recorded that DW Fwanky has a number of vehicles, most of which carry his personalised number plates to coincide with his rainbow boozer/come tranny venue (The 'Ole Frank) where it is rumoured he can be witnessed treading the boards and/or giving head in the staff carpark. Here is one such vehicle of his, complete with passenger who has been bored shitless by his tedious blithering... Comrade Baws, once opined that the word 'ole represents a greasy old Spaniard, and there's little to doubt his observation. 

  

YAWN

[Wolfie]

Take a look at this fucking beastie:

 

[southerncunt]

Had a Ford XR6 Turbo ute with 295 rwkw as my work car for 2 years. Always wanted one, and hard work made it possible. I fucking loved it, wish I still had it. Funny thing is that power output is only a very mild tweak from standard, and it’s still scary fast. Barra the world…

First car was a Triumph 2000. Still have it, and I’m nearly 50. Bought it when I was 16. It has aged better than I have, but that’s not saying much. 

[King Billy]

7 hours ago, southerncunt said:

First car was a Triumph 2000

Triumph Spitfires used to be quite cool back in the day. Never seemed to take off though.

[Wolfie]

8 hours ago, southerncunt said:

Had a Ford XR6 Turbo ute with 295 rwkw as my work car for 2 years. Always wanted one, and hard work made it possible. I fucking loved it, wish I still had it. Funny thing is that power output is only a very mild tweak from standard, and it’s still scary fast. Barra the world…

First car was a Triumph 2000. Still have it, and I’m nearly 50. Bought it when I was 16. It has aged better than I have, but that’s not saying much. 

First cars are remembered fondly (esp. your Proton Saga @Roadkill, lol) and I'm sure even your ugly money pit of a Triumph is no exception Southern. Such a charismatic yet slow, thirsty and unreliable piece of shit might just fair better in dry Australia compared to the generally damp UK.

Even though my first was a mk1 Mini, which was great fun in wet leaves and snow (back in the days when it did snow in Surrey), my 'special' car was a mk1 Mazda Eunos Japanese import (MX5 in the UK, possibly Miata or Eunos in Oz?), in British racing green, with fawn leather seats. Despite its relative lack of power (115bhp), and the fact I caused about £1200 worth of damage by taking it out on a track day completely unprepared, it was the most fun of them all. It handled so well that you could totally overcook a corner, and still save the day thanks to its amazing grip (shit in the wet though). The weak link was the brakes – so I upgraded the standard ones on my 1.6 car to a higher spec. Also the last ever car of any in the UK to have pop-up headlights before they became illegal, I believe.

The only drawback was the fact just about every other cunt in a chavved-up hot hatch wanted to race. Sometimes I responded, especially when I was on roads I knew well (at quieter times) in dry conditions, esp. with s/unleaded fuel, though mostly I merely wanted to cruise with the roof down and music on. A superb car.     

[King Billy]

16 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

First cars are remembered fondly (esp. your Proton Saga @Roadkill, lol) and I'm sure even your ugly money pit of a Triumph is no exception Southern. Such a charismatic yet slow, thirsty and unreliable piece of shit might just fair better in dry Australia compared to the generally damp UK.

Even though my first was a mk1 Mini, which was great fun in wet leaves and snow (back in the days when it did snow in Surrey), my 'special' car was a mk1 Mazda Eunos Japanese import (MX5 in the UK, possibly Miata or Eunos in Oz?), in British racing green, with fawn leather seats. Despite its relative lack of power (115bhp), and the fact I caused about £1200 worth of damage by taking it out on a track day completely unprepared, it was the most fun of them all. It handled so well that you could totally overcook a corner, and still save the day thanks to its amazing grip (shit in the wet though). The weak link was the brakes – so I upgraded the standard ones on my 1.6 car to a higher spec. Also the last ever car of any in the UK to have pop-up headlights before they became illegal, I believe.

The only drawback was the fact just about every other cunt in a chavved-up hot hatch wanted to race. Sometimes I responded, especially when I was on roads I knew well (at quieter times) in dry conditions, esp. with s/unleaded fuel, though mostly I merely wanted to cruise with the roof down and music on. A superb car.     

I don’t know if you’re aware of the fact that the MX5/Eunos is the best selling soft top sports car ever. 
Not a lot of people know that.

[Roadkill]

17 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

First cars are remembered fondly (esp. your Proton Saga @Roadkill, lol) and I'm sure even your ugly money pit of a Triumph is no exception Southern. Such a charismatic yet slow, thirsty and unreliable piece of shit might just fair better in dry Australia compared to the generally damp UK.

Even though my first was a mk1 Mini, which was great fun in wet leaves and snow (back in the days when it did snow in Surrey), my 'special' car was a mk1 Mazda Eunos Japanese import (MX5 in the UK, possibly Miata or Eunos in Oz?), in British racing green, with fawn leather seats. Despite its relative lack of power (115bhp), and the fact I caused about £1200 worth of damage by taking it out on a track day completely unprepared, it was the most fun of them all. It handled so well that you could totally overcook a corner, and still save the day thanks to its amazing grip (shit in the wet though). The weak link was the brakes – so I upgraded the standard ones on my 1.6 car to a higher spec. Also the last ever car of any in the UK to have pop-up headlights before they became illegal, I believe.

The only drawback was the fact just about every other cunt in a chavved-up hot hatch wanted to race. Sometimes I responded, especially when I was on roads I knew well (at quieter times) in dry conditions, esp. with s/unleaded fuel, though mostly I merely wanted to cruise with the roof down and music on. A superb car.     

The MX-5's made it through the awful Pimp my Ride days of car modification largely due to them looking a bit feminine in comparison to everything else of interest at the time - even the Honda S2000 of the same era had angry headlights to appease the shallow cunts. It's thanks to that they're considered true purist cars these days - not enough wankers were interested in ruining them when they were new.

[King Billy]

24 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

The MX-5's made it through the awful Pimp my Ride days of car modification largely due to them looking a bit feminine in comparison to everything else of interest at the time - even the Honda S2000 of the same era had angry headlights to appease the shallow cunts. It's thanks to that they're considered true purist cars these days - not enough wankers were interested in ruining them when they were new.

The Honda S2000s engine had the highest BHP/ litre output of any non turbo engine in a mass produced road car ever, when it was launched in 1999.

Not a lot of people know that.

[Wolfie]

23 hours ago, Roadkill said:

The MX-5's made it through the awful Pimp my Ride days of car modification largely due to them looking a bit feminine in comparison to everything else of interest at the time - even the Honda S2000 of the same era had angry headlights to appease the shallow cunts. It's thanks to that they're considered true purist cars these days - not enough wankers were interested in ruining them when they were new.

It's hard to find mk1 MX5s which haven't been butchered nowadays. Like you in the north east, here in the south west around 4/5 have been cowboy'd to fuck with twin-turbos, max bhp engine remapping, ridiculous spoliers, lowered suspension, exhuasts the girth of Pen's cock etc... so anything pure as the Japanese factory intended is a fairly rare find (and yielding as much as 7-8k in nice condition). 

When I bought my 1.8 MX5 (UK spec), the lying cow who sold it to me left the CD playing loudly when I test drove it (which I turned off to hear the engine), and it was on the way home I realised she'd done it to mask the fact the radio lifelessly hissed on every station. I never got it fixed (£150-200, the whole thing needed replacing), instead preferring the gorgeous scream of the high-revving engine. When I came to sell it, I used exactly the same trick on the buyer, which worked perfectly. The only downside was sacrificing my copy of AC/DC's Powerage, which I thought would compliment their test drive without feeling the need to listen to the radio.

[Roadkill]

14 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

It's hard to find mk1 MX5s which haven't been butchered nowadays. Like you in the north east, here in the south west around 4/5 have been cowboy'd to fuck with twin-turbos, max bhp engine remapping, ridiculous spoliers, lowered suspension, exhuasts the girth of Pen's cock etc... so anything pure as the Japanese factory intended is a fairly rare find (and yielding as much as 7-8k in nice condition). 

When I bought my 1.8 MX5 (UK spec), the lying cow who sold it to me left the CD playing loudly when I test drove it (which I turned off to hear the engine), and it was on the way home I realised she'd done it to mask the fact the radio lifelessly hissed on every station. I never got it fixed (£150-200, the whole thing needed replacing), instead preferring the gorgeous scream of the high-revving engine. When I came to sell it, I used exactly the same trick on the buyer, which worked perfectly. The only downside was sacrificing my copy of AC/DC's Powerage, which I thought would compliment their test drive without feeling the need to listen to the radio.

I'm actually saying un-fucked-with ones are quite common up here. I don't actually think I've ever seen a modded MX-5 locally. Mind you, I don't think there's a Supra, Lancer or Impreza within a hundred fucking miles that hasn't been completely ruined by cunts. I think the worst I've seen is some cunts driving around in a "stanced out" 94 Honda Prelude - I fucking hate that shit in general. You're taking a perfectly functional car and making it shit on purpose. There is no benefit to having your wheels angled at 45 degrees - in fact I hope you rip open your petrol tank on a fucking pebble and die screaming in the fire because your doors won't open because you bent your chassis backing your fucking clown car off the driveway.

[Wolfie]

42 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

I'm actually saying un-fucked-with ones are quite common up here. I don't actually think I've ever seen a modded MX-5 locally. Mind you, I don't think there's a Supra, Lancer or Impreza within a hundred fucking miles that hasn't been completely ruined by cunts. I think the worst I've seen is some cunts driving around in a "stanced out" 94 Honda Prelude - I fucking hate that shit in general. You're taking a perfectly functional car and making it shit on purpose. There is no benefit to having your wheels angled at 45 degrees - in fact I hope you rip open your petrol tank on a fucking pebble and die screaming in the fire because your doors won't open because you bent your chassis backing your fucking clown car off the driveway.

Check out this rude boy:

[Roadkill]

33 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

Check out this rude boy:

Points for trying lol. To be fair he did relatively well on the door vents. What's the name of that Ferrari again?

[Wolfie]

8 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Points for trying lol. To be fair he did relatively well on the door vents. What's the name of that Ferrari again?

I think he was attempting to euthanise his Capri via way of Testarossa. In fact 'Capri' is the only thing the abomination above has in common with Italy, which is an island west of Naples. 

You're tempted, aren't you?  

[Roadkill]

Just now, Wolfie said:

I think he was attempting to euthanise his Capri via way of Testarossa. In fact 'Capri' is the only thing the abomination above has in common with Italy, which also happens to be an island west of Naples. 

You're tempted, aren't you?  

Of course I fucking am - I live near Sunderland for fuck sake! Grab my one funeral suit from the wardrobe and throw on some penny machine jewellery, polish the scuffs out of my steel-toe-caps so they can pass as shoes and the thick fucking bints over there would never know the difference.

[Neil]

Funnily enough I bought an MX 5 today, 2.0i Roadster ,60 plate with one lady owner and full main dealer service history. 77k,elec hard top and goes like fuck. Mid life crisis I think they call it, I told 'er indoors it's a tattoo,a night with 18 year old Russian twins or a soft top.Selfish cunt told me the car.

[Goober]

12 minutes ago, Neil said:

Funnily enough I bought an MX 5 today, 2.0i Roadster ,60 plate with one lady owner and full main dealer service history. 77k,elec hard top and goes like fuck. Mid life crisis I think they call it, I told 'er indoors it's a tattoo,a night with 18 year old Russian twins or a soft top.Selfish cunt told me the car.

How many, average body mass, King Street prostitutes can you fit in the boot?