Gym Equipment Monopolising Cunts

[Ape™️]

Me and Mrs Ape recently turned in our David Lloyd gym membership as it was proving too expensive, and have now joined DW fitness instead. I primarily concentrate on cardio exercise, so often use the treadmills and rowing machines for quite long periods. I am, however, using the piece of equipment continually, and there are plenty of other machines for others to use. Anyway, tonight I was running close to a leg press machine, of which there is only one, and witnessed a total cunt in action. He cruised in wearing tracksuit bottoms, a vest top and, for some unknown reason, a woollen hat. He placed his kit next to the leg press and then began some lengthy ritual in preparation for his “workout”. This involved casually putting a few weights on, eating a banana, fucking around with his phone, putting on his earphones, walking around aimlessly and generally not actually using the machine. Then, without warning, he did 10 reps! Way to go! However, he then moved around 3 metres away and started doing some elaborate stretching shit, interspersed with more phone-fucking. A young girl, believing the machine was vacant, began preparing to use it, when Rocky came back over and informed her that he was using it, and she fucked off somewhere else. In the 20-or-so minutes I observed this wanker monopolising this machine, I reckon he actually used if for no more than 5 minutes. Total prick.

[camberwell gypsy]

8 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Me and Mrs Ape recently turned in our David Lloyd gym membership as it was proving too expensive, and have now joined DW fitness instead. I primarily concentrate on cardio exercise, so often use the treadmills and rowing machines for quite long periods. I am, however, using the piece of equipment continually, and there are plenty of other machines for others to use. Anyway, tonight I was running close to a leg press machine, of which there is only one, and witnessed a total cunt in action. He cruised in wearing tracksuit bottoms, a vest top and, for some unknown reason, a woollen hat. He placed his kit next to the leg press and then began some lengthy ritual in preparation for his “workout”. This involved casually putting a few weights on, eating a banana, fucking around with his phone, putting on his earphones, walking around aimlessly and generally not actually using the machine. Then, without warning, he did 10 reps! Way to go! However, he then moved around 3 metres away and started doing some elaborate stretching shit, interspersed with more phone-fucking. A young girl, believing the machine was vacant, began preparing to use it, when Rocky came back over and informed her that he was using it, and she fucked off somewhere else. In the 20-or-so minutes I observed this wanker monopolising this machine, I reckon he actually used if for no more than 5 minutes. Total prick.

Using the machine and THEN doing stretches, clearly points to the fact that he is an out and out cunt. You'd be better off investing in your own rowing machine and exercise bike and doing it from home. 

As I'm writing this, a car ad has just come on with that screeching banshee Paloma Faith singing and my ears are starting to bleed. 

[Eric Cuntman]

19 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Me and Mrs Ape recently turned in our David Lloyd gym membership as it was proving too expensive, and have now joined DW fitness instead. I primarily concentrate on cardio exercise, so often use the treadmills and rowing machines for quite long periods. I am, however, using the piece of equipment continually, and there are plenty of other machines for others to use. Anyway, tonight I was running close to a leg press machine, of which there is only one, and witnessed a total cunt in action. He cruised in wearing tracksuit bottoms, a vest top and, for some unknown reason, a woollen hat. He placed his kit next to the leg press and then began some lengthy ritual in preparation for his “workout”. This involved casually putting a few weights on, eating a banana, fucking around with his phone, putting on his earphones, walking around aimlessly and generally not actually using the machine. Then, without warning, he did 10 reps! Way to go! However, he then moved around 3 metres away and started doing some elaborate stretching shit, interspersed with more phone-fucking. A young girl, believing the machine was vacant, began preparing to use it, when Rocky came back over and informed her that he was using it, and she fucked off somewhere else. In the 20-or-so minutes I observed this wanker monopolising this machine, I reckon he actually used if for no more than 5 minutes. Total prick.

Buy a treadmill and rowing machine, put it in your house and stop hanging around with wankers.

[camberwell gypsy]

Just now, Eric Cuntman said:

Buy a treadmill and rowing machine, put it in your house and stop hanging around with wankers.

Yeah. Hang around with cunts instead. 

[Roadkill]

33 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Me and Mrs Ape recently turned in our David Lloyd gym membership as it was proving too expensive, and have now joined DW fitness instead. I primarily concentrate on cardio exercise, so often use the treadmills and rowing machines for quite long periods. I am, however, using the piece of equipment continually, and there are plenty of other machines for others to use. Anyway, tonight I was running close to a leg press machine, of which there is only one, and witnessed a total cunt in action. He cruised in wearing tracksuit bottoms, a vest top and, for some unknown reason, a woollen hat. He placed his kit next to the leg press and then began some lengthy ritual in preparation for his “workout”. This involved casually putting a few weights on, eating a banana, fucking around with his phone, putting on his earphones, walking around aimlessly and generally not actually using the machine. Then, without warning, he did 10 reps! Way to go! However, he then moved around 3 metres away and started doing some elaborate stretching shit, interspersed with more phone-fucking. A young girl, believing the machine was vacant, began preparing to use it, when Rocky came back over and informed her that he was using it, and she fucked off somewhere else. In the 20-or-so minutes I observed this wanker monopolising this machine, I reckon he actually used if for no more than 5 minutes. Total prick.

I gave up on gyms long ago. Got a cheap electric treadmill (you can get them for £100 on ebay) and a cheap weight bench with an arm and leg curling extension for another £100. Both can be folded away against the wall and the weights go into the old boiler cupboard when they're not in use and you can listen to your own music or watch your own telly without having to fuck around with headphones falling out of your ears when you start jogging.

Plus you don't have to put up with any other cunts.

[Ape™️]

1 minute ago, Roadkill said:

I gave up on gyms long ago. Got a cheap electric treadmill (you can get them for £100 on ebay) and a cheap weight bench with an arm and leg curling extension for another £100. Both can be folded away against the wall and the weights go into the old boiler cupboard when they're not in use and you can listen to your own music or watch your own telly without having to fuck around with headphones falling out of your ears when you start jogging.

Plus you don't have to put up with any other cunts.

I’ve actually got a very good treadmill in the garage - cost over £1000, and I also owned a Concept 2 rower up until recently. The gym membership is more for Mrs Ape as she likes to do classes and have personal trainer sessions. I get a good corporate discount with DW so it’s relatively cheap, but I could just as easily do most of what I do at home. 

[ratcum]

39 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Me and Mrs Ape recently turned in our David Lloyd gym membership as it was proving too expensive, and have now joined DW fitness instead. I primarily concentrate on cardio exercise, so often use the treadmills and rowing machines for quite long periods. I am, however, using the piece of equipment continually, and there are plenty of other machines for others to use. Anyway, tonight I was running close to a leg press machine, of which there is only one, and witnessed a total cunt in action. He cruised in wearing tracksuit bottoms, a vest top and, for some unknown reason, a woollen hat. He placed his kit next to the leg press and then began some lengthy ritual in preparation for his “workout”. This involved casually putting a few weights on, eating a banana, fucking around with his phone, putting on his earphones, walking around aimlessly and generally not actually using the machine. Then, without warning, he did 10 reps! Way to go! However, he then moved around 3 metres away and started doing some elaborate stretching shit, interspersed with more phone-fucking. A young girl, believing the machine was vacant, began preparing to use it, when Rocky came back over and informed her that he was using it, and she fucked off somewhere else. In the 20-or-so minutes I observed this wanker monopolising this machine, I reckon he actually used if for no more than 5 minutes. Total prick.

we have these cunts in our local sweatorium. The Olympic bar and bench double as a chaise longue for them. 

[Roadkill]

Just now, ratcum said:

we have these cunts in our local sweatorium. The Olympic bar and bench double as a chaise longue for them. 

Sounds like you got the same breed of cunts I did - bunch of early 20's twats whose high school metabolism hasn't slowed down and think that around five reps on a ridiculously over weighted bar with no warm up followed by half an hour of yapping and taking selfies is a real workout.

I never considered you as the gym type, Ratty. Surely your superior Aryan genes make such trivial and time wasting activities moot?

[Eric Cuntman]

33 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

I gave up on gyms long ago. Got a cheap electric treadmill (you can get them for £100 on ebay) and a cheap weight bench with an arm and leg curling extension for another £100. Both can be folded away against the wall and the weights go into the old boiler cupboard when they're not in use and you can listen to your own music or watch your own telly without having to fuck around with headphones falling out of your ears when you start jogging.

Plus you don't have to put up with any other cunts.

I bet you only use that stuff to hang clothes on. That's what everybody does.

[Roadkill]

29 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

I’ve actually got a very good treadmill in the garage - cost over £1000, and I also owned a Concept 2 rower up until recently. The gym membership is more for Mrs Ape as she likes to do classes and have personal trainer sessions. I get a good corporate discount with DW so it’s relatively cheap, but I could just as easily do most of what I do at home. 

Never liked rowing machines myself. Rowing is for weird Oxford types and makes you look like you've got worms.

[Roadkill]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I bet you only use that stuff to hang clothes on. That's what everybody does.

The bench, yeah. The treadmill I've just done an hour on - so fuck off. And no it isn't just gay new years shite either. Campfire pissing on git.

[King Billy]

I spend at least an hour at the gym every morning. Jim’s Cafe.

[ratcum]

23 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Sounds like you got the same breed of cunts I did - bunch of early 20's twats whose high school metabolism hasn't slowed down and think that around five reps on a ridiculously over weighted bar with no warm up followed by half an hour of yapping and taking selfies is a real workout.

I never considered you as the gym type, Ratty. Surely your superior Aryan genes make such trivial and time wasting activities moot?

flying a desk leaves me ill prepared to resist attack by untermensch or local lesbians Killer.

Also, there's a Greggs next door. 

[Roadkill]

1 minute ago, ratcum said:

flying a desk leaves me ill prepared to resist attack by untermensch or local lesbians Killer.

Also, there's a Greggs next door. 

Fucking Greggs. Its like heroin for my people.

[Penny Farthing]

16 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I spend at least an hour at the gym every morning. Jim’s Cafe.

Do they do carrot cake like they do at the M & S cafe at The Willows?

[King Billy]

8 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said:

Do they do carrot cake like they do at the M & S cafe at The Willows?

No. If you asked Jim for carrot cake he’d probably break your jaw in at least 25 places.

[Eric Cuntman]

46 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

The bench, yeah. The treadmill I've just done an hour on - so fuck off. And no it isn't just gay new years shite either. Campfire pissing on git.

I imagine that they compliment your guitar door-stop feature. All misguided hobby equipment eventually becomes practical furniture.

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Roadkill said:

The bench, yeah. The treadmill I've just done an hour on - so fuck off. And no it isn't just gay new years shite either. Campfire pissing on git.

That is so fucking staged its untrue.

[Guest N/A]

2 hours ago, Ape™️ said:

Me and Mrs Ape recently turned in our David Lloyd gym membership as it was proving too expensive, and have now joined DW fitness instead. I primarily concentrate on cardio exercise, so often use the treadmills and rowing machines for quite long periods. I am, however, using the piece of equipment continually, and there are plenty of other machines for others to use. Anyway, tonight I was running close to a leg press machine, of which there is only one, and witnessed a total cunt in action. He cruised in wearing tracksuit bottoms, a vest top and, for some unknown reason, a woollen hat. He placed his kit next to the leg press and then began some lengthy ritual in preparation for his “workout”. This involved casually putting a few weights on, eating a banana, fucking around with his phone, putting on his earphones, walking around aimlessly and generally not actually using the machine. Then, without warning, he did 10 reps! Way to go! However, he then moved around 3 metres away and started doing some elaborate stretching shit, interspersed with more phone-fucking. A young girl, believing the machine was vacant, began preparing to use it, when Rocky came back over and informed her that he was using it, and she fucked off somewhere else. In the 20-or-so minutes I observed this wanker monopolising this machine, I reckon he actually used if for no more than 5 minutes. Total prick.

I must admit it’s a fucking pet hate of mine.... usually the perpetrators are fucking square head Kosovo’s who spend 90% of their time shouting down their phones to some cunt in Kosovo.   The gym I frequent had to post signs stating Gym Etiquette...no phone calls or texting please whilst  on the machines others are waiting...  gives the punters a bit of back up when you just push their shit out of the way and start using a machine....fuck em.   

[Guest N/A]

1 hour ago, Roadkill said:

Never liked rowing machines myself. Rowing is for weird Oxford types and makes you look like you've got worms.

I row 30 minutes at 6.45am every morning.  I’m not from Oxford and I’ve been dewormed.

[PANZER MURPHY]

Just run ..for real ...like..

Panzermurphybaby 

 

[southerncunt]

48 minutes ago, Monumental cunt said:

I must admit it’s a fucking pet hate of mine.... usually the perpetrators are fucking square head Kosovo’s who spend 90% of their time shouting down their phones to some cunt in Kosovo.   The gym I frequent had to post signs stating Gym Etiquette...no phone calls or texting please whilst  on the machines others are waiting...  gives the punters a bit of back up when you just push their shit out of the way and start using a machine....fuck em.   

That's all I do. Cunts hang towels or put a water bottle on the seat like it is their own personal property. If they are off yapping I just put their shit on the floor and use the machine. When they protest, I make a point of searching the machine before say " I'm sorry, I can't see your name on it anywhere". Fucking CUNTS

[camberwell gypsy]

2 hours ago, Monumental cunt said:

I row 30 minutes at 6.45am every morning.  I’m not from Oxford and I’ve been dewormed.

Are you a lighthouse keeper?

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, PANZER MURPHY said:

Just run ..for real ...like..

Panzermurphybaby 

 

Exactly. If you want to run, go out and run. If you're gay, get a push bike.

[Roadkill]

14 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Exactly. If you want to run, go out and run. If you're gay, get a push bike.

Cycling on roads isn't excersise. Its seeing how much of a cunt you can be before you get run over.

Any other vehicle of the road needs a licence to drive it and insurance, so spackers on bikes would be automatically exempt from claiming any sort of compensation in an accident if the world was sane.

I've tried it once in my adult life and it was a terrifying experience to put my trust in drivers I couldn't even see approaching. Something like that can't be fun unless you value being an obnoxious twat over your own personal safety.

Mountain biking can be fun for a few hours, but it isn't something I'd ever make a full on hobby.