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Clavo
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22 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Flip the master switch on the breaker box. Tell the cunts there's a power cut.

If they don't fuck off after that, order the greasiest, cheapest kebab you can find, wash it down with some White Lightning and slowly gas the cunts. If that doesn't work, get your cock out and piss on them until they fuck off - that's sterile.

I’ve been arrested.

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11 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Sorry. Thought there was a decent chance of at least one of them liking it. Either way, you're getting a shag tonight - no need to thank me.

I’ll be back on later or tomorrow, bail pending. Thanks for all of your fucking advice today…

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7 hours ago, Frank said:

DC I've just bought myself a packet of Trebor Extra Strong mints to camouflage my cock and booze lunchtime breath. Not only are they half the size, they disappear on your tongue after two fucking sucks! What is going on in this world?

Frank you oxygen bandit; you’ve all the charm of a rancid stray dog chewing on a moldy badgers turd. 

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20 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I’ve just arrived home after helping my backward son-in-law paint his lounge walls WC. There are nine nineteen year old girls in the house with Cnutlette junior, playing jigger boom music and the walls are shaking. They have been carving their way through my booze cupboard and there are two empty bottles of St. Julien in the recycle bin. They’re drinking out of mugs and it’s not even 3pm! I’m clearly not going to ask @Neil, but how am I going to play this one?

Take 6x100mg Viagra and walk  round the house wearing fuck all but a fez and a huge grin, repeating over and over ‘Don’t worry girls DC won’t hurt you.’

If any of them still remain after about 5 seconds you’re in for a fun afternoon, or else she’s an undercover copper, in which case you’re not.

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19 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

CBB…my daughter is the 2nd fittest…there’s the dichotomy. Honestly, a simple request for advice on dealing with nuisance teenagers has led to a very dark place. Gypps is female too…you’re all a fuckin disgrace. Probably.

These cunts are obviously in need of some part time work imo. PM me the address and I’ll send a couple of cabs over to pick them up. Keep topping them up with booze as some of these snowflakes nowadays get a bit nervous when their first ever ‘client’ introduces them to the big fella.

Oh and make sure to pay the cabs in advance and tip them well. There’s a good chap.

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