Britons Who Want to Emigrate to Australia

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

7 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

They never, ever stop banging on about how great it is, yet here they fucking are. In contrast, most people I know who have been for an extended period say that they couldn't ever live there on account of all Australians being loud, roaring, thick, backward, sweaty, racist fuck-sticks and stupid witless sluts. Fucking unbearable cunts. 

Wot you tryin' say about 'Straya mate? You a Lebbo or somethin'? 

 

The thing I find entertaining about Australians is the drunken thuggery and their moral proselytising the rest of the time in the manner of 1950s Clergymen. As per:

 

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

My cock fucking stinks.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

3 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

My cock fucking stinks.

Lock your windows and doors Quince.  Frank has been spotted in your area prowling and fiddling with door and window fixtures.  You know how he likes your cock.  If you have the missus give it a good seeing to, you'll disguise the scent with one that he is rather unfamiliar. 

[southerncunt]

19 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

This might as well be titled "Australia", full stop. I'm sorry Southern, but it is so.

I once shared a flat with two Australian birds. They were a pair of loud, crass, annoying, braying fucking slags, and all their friends were as bad. I knew, because they all seemed to move in too.

There are loads of the cunts rocking up here as a common destination, and frankly I'm sick of the sight and sound of them. They never, ever stop banging on about how great it is, yet here they fucking are. In contrast, most people I know who have been for an extended period say that they couldn't ever live there on account of all Australians being loud, roaring, thick, backward, sweaty, racist fuck-sticks and stupid witless sluts. Fucking unbearable cunts. 

Also, aside from a very few cities, all their buildings are shitty, one storey, flimsy pieces of ugly shit, inhabited by sister fucking mongoloids.

My cousin married one, who is actually ok-a freak. At the wedding about 30 of them were over. They were all roaring, loud wankers with preposterous, jaunty hair cuts. It would have been far, far better had their plane smashed into the sea and they were all killed stone dead.

Fuck off.

lol

The travelling Australian in the 18-30 age bracket is the worst of the lot. Loud mouthed tattooed embarrassments to the rest of us relatively erudite folk.

I will counter that by saying that that demographic from over your way are just as bad. Certainly the ones over here. Braying cockheads travelling en masse pissed up and looking for a blue. 

Indeed, young cunts travelling together are all cunts.

Actually, young cunts shit me, but thats another nom that has no doubt been done to death

[Wolfie]

20 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

'I once shared a flat with two Australian birds. They were a pair of loud, crass, annoying, braying fucking slags...'

I bet their retrospective description of you included something like 'he was such a quiet, modest, reserved and polite gentleman... the quintessential Pommy poofter. We often got pissed on cheap lager and threatened to shite in his mouth, which deeply offended Quincy's fragile soul'.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

4 hours ago, southerncunt said:

The travelling Australian in the 18-30 age bracket is the worst of the lot. Loud mouthed tattooed embarrassments to the rest of us relatively erudite folk.

I will counter that by saying that that demographic from over your way are just as bad. Certainly the ones over here. Braying cockheads travelling en masse pissed up and looking for a blue. 

Indeed, young cunts travelling together are all cunts.

Actually, young cunts shit me, but thats another nom that has no doubt been done to death

Silence, you disgusting upside down hooligan. I can barely understand you anyway with your outlandish turns of phrase. 

[Guest Erroreptile404]

Some forum i came across last night had a load of kangaroo cunt ausfuck convicts, americunt trash and moose fuckers slagging off Brits and writing anti-brit shit in regards to an article about the hot weather we've had for quite a while now in the UK. Usual shit like " Hur hur hur 40+ degrees you pussies that's cold in wonga bonga land cor blimey cobber! " calling us pale poms siding with the yanks etc. Canadia has got to be the most laughable one though, some irrelevant shitty frozen icebox of a country that's wet and grey 99% of the year. Britain is vastly more humid than your shithole backwaters in the arse end of the world due to us being, y'know a fucking island. Basic geography you thick inbred backwards twats.

 

[nocti]

I realise this is going to sound rather hypocritical, but why choose to go on a forum filled with utter fucking morons? 

As a side note, I bet they're all air-conned up to the bollocks. Less than 0.5% of UK houses have it; ours are in fact insulated to utter fuck because more often than not it's brass monkeys. Even our cunting roads are melting, and train tracks are expanding. It's not the heat itself, it's just how under-prepared everything is for it. Same as the fucking cold then, really.  

[southerncunt]

4 minutes ago, nocti said:

I realise this is going to sound rather hypocritical, but why choose to go on a forum filled with utter fucking morons? 

As a side note, I bet they're all air-conned up to the bollocks. Less than 0.5% of UK houses have it; ours are in fact insulated to utter fuck because more often than not it's brass monkeys. Even our cunting roads are melting, and train tracks are expanding. It's not the heat itself, it's just how under-prepared everything is for it. Same as the fucking cold then, really.  

True. Everyone here has air conditioning. We have to. We don't get the humidity you get, at least here in Melbourne. But every summer we get 6 or so days over 44 deg C.  You may get a few days around 28 deg, but it feels far hotter than it is. Obviously hot enough to turn ereptiles brain to shit, by the look of it. Fucking thread trawling wanker.

[Guest Erroreptile404]

42 minutes ago, nocti said:

As a side note, I bet they're all air-conned up to the bollocks. Less than 0.5% of UK houses have it; ours are in fact insulated to utter fuck because more often than not it's brass monkeys. Even our cunting roads are melting, and train tracks are expanding. It's not the heat itself, it's just how under-prepared everything is for it. Same as the fucking cold then, really.  

Exactly that's what most of the simple twats couldn't seem to grasp despite people telling them over and over.

42 minutes ago, nocti said:

I realise this is going to sound rather hypocritical, but why choose to go on a forum filled with utter fucking morons? 

.....

I searched for something and one of the results was a link to a forum thread, i'd never even heard of the forum before.

[Guest Erroreptile404]

2 minutes ago, southerncunt said:

True. Everyone here has air conditioning. We have to. We don't get the humidity you get, at least here in Melbourne. But every summer we get 6 or so days over 44 deg C.  You may get a few days around 28 deg, but it feels far hotter than it is. Obviously hot enough to turn ereptiles brain to shit, by the look of it. Fucking thread trawling wanker.

44 degrees that's so precious, it's been 42+ here actually. Consistently hot since april isn't a "few days" either is it you kangaroo ramming cunt. 

[Decimus]

2 hours ago, southerncunt said:

Fucking thread trawling wanker.

In his defence, it was an absolutely fucking cracking nomination.

As for Reptile's original point, I think the colonials have got it spot on. I've yet to come across another race of people as obsessed with moaning about the weather as the English. 

I'd love to find out what the optimum meteorological conditions are in the opinion of the average Englishman. It seems like any deviation from grey and slightly nippy results in a national outpouring of absolute fucking outrage and panic. With the coverage in the media, you'd be forgiven for thinking that Southern England had been transformed into drought afflicted early 90's Somalia overnight.

[Jake The Muss]

Welcome to Australia...cock suckers !!

[Decimus]

They should give it to Owen Jones, just so Judge has a fatal coronary event.

[Eric Cuntman]

10 minutes ago, Decimus said:

They should give it to Owen Jones, just so Judge has a fatal coronary event.

Wrong thread.

[Bubba C]

6 hours ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

Some forum i came across last night had a load of kangaroo cunt ausfuck convicts, americunt trash and moose fuckers slagging off Brits and writing anti-brit shit in regards to an article about the hot weather we've had for quite a while now in the UK. Usual shit like " Hur hur hur 40+ degrees you pussies that's cold in wonga bonga land cor blimey cobber! " calling us pale poms siding with the yanks etc. Canadia has got to be the most laughable one though, some irrelevant shitty frozen icebox of a country that's wet and grey 99% of the year. Britain is vastly more humid than your shithole backwaters in the arse end of the world due to us being, y'know a fucking island. Basic geography you thick inbred backwards twats.

 

Post the fucking link then, you soppy cunt. Let’s have a fucking war. 

[Guest Erroreptile404]

2 minutes ago, Bubba C said:

Post the fucking link then, you soppy cunt. Let’s have a fucking war. 

Are you sure? Well here it is anyway but it's actually an archived thread.

http://archive.is/OaSHQ

[southerncunt]

4 hours ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

Are you sure? Well here it is anyway but it's actually an archived thread.

http://archive.is/OaSHQ

I didn't see a single Australian comment. And I assume you are in the United Kingdom, and it never got to 42, you bullshitter. 

[Guest N/A]

On 2/14/2017 at 2:36 PM, Decimus said:

There's normally at least a couple of these in any typical workplace. Absolute fucking bores, who have watched a couple of episodes of Neighbours and now want to leave everything behind to go get bitten on the arse by a fucking funnel web spider in a desolate fucking shithole.

They'll tell you at least five times a day about how it's a "better quality of life Down Under", but can't actually qualify that statement. If you ask them to, they just throw in a couple of disjointed sentences and constantly repeat the words "Down Under", which in itself is a phrase only used by simpletons.

Despite living in the worlds fifth largest economy, which is culturally and politically at the centre of the world, they are under the impression that living in a fucking desert that is 10 years behind the U.K. in most aspects, is preferable to being here.

Throw yourselves on the fucking barbie, you deluded, Fosters drinking cunts.

If Australia is so fucking good why are THEY all over here?    It’s a shithole dessert full of fucking bity things that kill you.  The locals fucking hate poms.  The beer is actually shit.  The voices and the upward intonation like they are fucking asking a question all the time is irritating.  They are all fucking FAT as they eat like Americans but do less exercise as it’s too fucking hot.  All cunts who move out there come back within 18 months.  I’ve sin it.... in the words of Phil Neville 

[Guest N/A]

8 hours ago, Decimus said:

In his defence, it was an absolutely fucking cracking nomination.

As for Reptile's original point, I think the colonials have got it spot on. I've yet to come across another race of people as obsessed with moaning about the weather as the English. 

I'd love to find out what the optimum meteorological conditions are in the opinion of the average Englishman. It seems like any deviation from grey and slightly nippy results in a national outpouring of absolute fucking outrage and panic. With the coverage in the media, you'd be forgiven for thinking that Southern England had been transformed into drought afflicted early 90's Somalia overnight.

I’ve just been to London today and it did look like Somalia.  

[Guest Lady Penelope]

7 hours ago, Monumental cunt said:

I’ve just been to London today and it did look like Somalia.  

But did you see any 'roos Mon's? Lundun is supposed to be full of Ausies. and Kiwis.

[southerncunt]

8 hours ago, Monumental cunt said:

I’ve just been to London today and it did look like Somalia.  

To be fair, some parts of Melbourne do too.

[southerncunt]

8 hours ago, Monumental cunt said:

If Australia is so fucking good why are THEY all over here?    It’s a shithole dessert full of fucking bity things that kill you.  The locals fucking hate poms.  The beer is actually shit.  The voices and the upward intonation like they are fucking asking a question all the time is irritating.  They are all fucking FAT as they eat like Americans but do less exercise as it’s too fucking hot.  All cunts who move out there come back within 18 months.  I’ve sin it.... in the words of Phil Neville 

Yes, lots of things here will kill you by being extravagantly poisonous and aggressive.

Some of my closest mates here are poms.

Yes, some of the beer is shit, but not all. Some of it is world class. Just like every other country. Except maybe Korea. All beer there is shit.

The upwards intonation isn't with all of us. Just the youth, and youth everywhere talk like cunts. 

And finally, we are not all fat of course, but some are. I dislike corpulent cunts of any creed. 

We are still majority British/Northern European, and not so different to you.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

1 minute ago, southerncunt said:

We are still majority British/Northern European, and not so different to you.

Hopefully you are still free of these white cunts who talk like west indian drug dealers.

[Stubby Pecker]

8 hours ago, Monumental cunt said:

If Australia is so fucking good why are THEY all over here?    It’s a shithole dessert full of fucking bity things that kill you.  The locals fucking hate poms.  The beer is actually shit.  The voices and the upward intonation like they are fucking asking a question all the time is irritating.  They are all fucking FAT as they eat like Americans but do less exercise as it’s too fucking hot.  All cunts who move out there come back within 18 months.  I’ve sin it.... in the words of Phil Neville 

Actually, most Aussies I met and worked with on my trips there were decent sorts, with a few exceptions of course. Every nation has it's quota of shitcunts. The country is stunningly beautiful with the likelihood of encountering deadly creatures pretty low if common sense is applied. The natives don't hate the poms with the vast majority still having a great affinity with Britain and the many shared facets of our culture. The amount of shit I took and gave back was mark of respect and such banter was always encouraged and enjoyed, a bit like here. Their sense of "always giving a bloke a fair go" and "mateship" is something to be admired as was their recent limp wristed performance against us in the cricket.

That said, Kalgoorlie is a fucking shit hole.