Expats who comment on news stories from back 'ome.

[Bubba C]

10 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

If you are going to move abroad, go whole hog. Move somewhere where they don't speak English and eat boiled yak brains for dinner. Australia seems a lot like a hotter, duller version of a 1970s racist Dad's dream society. 

A bunch of folk that scraped a 2:1 in some irrelevant subject at university, did some demeaning, poor-paying job for a couple of years that had nothing to do with their qualifications and offered no chance of career development, and then finally decided that moving to a cultureless, burning-hot racist shithole on the other side of the world is somehow the solution to all their various problems. That sort of naivety, and the idea that these over-privileged, under-worked and under-stimulated halfwits would somehow discover an inner work ethic by doing menial work, seems laughable really.

This, and the "joiners" comment. Bravo, sir. 

 

Paul Hogan can kiss my arse. 

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

11 hours ago, DingTheRioja said:

The Shambles.

If you lived in a civilised part of the world, you would have got the connection.

Ah right 

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

On 28 July 2016 at 7:00 PM, Tata Steely Dan said:

William Wallace was Australian. We've all seen the film up here, as a free copy was sent to every school and hospital back when it came out. If William Wallace was around today he would be living out in Sydney, fitting satellite dishes or some shite like that, and reminding folk back home that the sun shines more in Sydney than fucking Bannockburn. Hippie cunt.

 

 

 

In a word, naw. As this forum has taught me in my years, months, weeks of lurking, football is the occupation solely of the iron hoof.

Besides I'm from the other, more civilised, coast of Scotland; home of hoors, poofs and junkies. Credit where it is beyond hesitatingly due, The Cellik is probably Scotland's least shite football club, which is about the same as being the most skilled window-licker. Embra has two football teams, but only pondlife and gum-chewing, Pringle Sweater-wearing small-time freemasons bother to support these dreadful teams. The sort of folk that consider corporate hospitality at Tynecastle to be somewhat ritzy. 

Either way, fuck football. Fuck all those twiglet-armed cretin players, with their Hitler Youth haircuts, dreadful tattoos, mankles, man-buns, Cheeky Nandos, Instagram selfies, platinum-white 4X4s and poofy little earrings. Somehow this bad lad's sport is played by the most effete, theatrical, poofy little runts going.

Well said. Fuck football. I had not clocked you were from civilised parts, as someone said your name references are not particularly associated with here.

[Guest nobgobbler]

23 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

You'll have to ask stickers himself on these niche matters, he is something of a tuber consultant now, you should make an appointment and he can come over, survey your potato, and provide a statement of condition, recommended remedial actions, and a valuation for insurance reinstatement purposes, should something out of your hands notwithstanding and act of God happen to your potato. Sticking my neck out, I always thought a potato first had to be cooked - by any means the owner deigned appropriate, but the key element for it to become "mash" , was the mashing act itself.

stickers, I'm out of my depth here and in danger of making a Cunt of myself - could you step in and set us right?

 

 

Proper mash has butter added to the mashing process but if you add too much it is known as creamed, and if you add cream it is dauphinoise. Isn't that right Punkape?

[Earl of Punkape]

43 minutes ago, nobgobbler said:

Proper mash has butter added to the mashing process but if you add too much it is known as creamed, and if you add cream it is dauphinoise. Isn't that right Punkape?

I hope you season properly and add a knob of butter however you're more likely to just stick your knob in it.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

2 hours ago, Punkape said:

I hope you season properly and add a knob of butter however you're more likely to just stick your knob in it.

You haven't quite got the concept of the differences between men and women yet have you?

[Guest Snatch]

17 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

I think I've mentioned it twice. Three times if you include this post.

Not declined admission as I never applied. I did go to a corporate event last year that shared a venue with some sort of pro-emigration event. All these chavs and their future Sheilas queuing up because they heard that Australia has a shortage of joiners. If you are going to move abroad, go whole hog. Move somewhere where they don't speak English and eat boiled yak brains for dinner. Australia seems a lot like a hotter, duller version of a 1970s racist Dad's dream society. 

No, I'm more hacked off because I know a good number of people who've moved there. Simple as that. 

 A bunch of folk that scraped a 2:1 in some irrelevant subject at university, did some demeaning, poor-paying job for a couple of years that had nothing to do with their qualifications and offered no chance of career development, and then finally decided that moving to a cultureless, burning-hot racist shithole on the other side of the world is somehow the solution to all their various problems. That sort of naivety, and the idea that these over-privileged, under-worked and under-stimulated halfwits would somehow discover an inner work ethic by doing menial work, seems laughable really.

Lastly, don't get me started on Australians themselves. They are right up there with Glaswegians* in terms of totally over-compensating for various inferiority complexes by being brash, loud and prone to over-sharing personal information. If you have to yell "I'm such a great guy, I can talk to anybody and I make friends all the time, I'm the life and soul of any party" to complete strangers everywhere you go then you are probably a cunt. Rupert Murdoch and Nick Kyrgios are just two examples of Australians who take great delight in trying to shit all over British customs and traditions, probably because they both come from a place with neither customs or traditions. If both were genuinely happy with their existences then they wouldn't bother. Murdoch has made it his life's goal to meddle with UK politics and Kyrgios seems to think he will be the guy who changes Wimbledon by verbally abusing everybody, including the fucking ball boys. No fucking class. 

* Us Edinbuggers get a lot of stick for being unfriendly, but the difference is we are actually sure of ourselves, whereas Glaswegians are one dropped plate away from an existential crisis.

So I'll take that as a no then.

[camberwell gypsy]

21 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

I think I've mentioned it twice. Three times if you include this post.

Not declined admission as I never applied. I did go to a corporate event last year that shared a venue with some sort of pro-emigration event. All these chavs and their future Sheilas queuing up because they heard that Australia has a shortage of joiners. If you are going to move abroad, go whole hog. Move somewhere where they don't speak English and eat boiled yak brains for dinner. Australia seems a lot like a hotter, duller version of a 1970s racist Dad's dream society. 

No, I'm more hacked off because I know a good number of people who've moved there. Simple as that. 

 A bunch of folk that scraped a 2:1 in some irrelevant subject at university, did some demeaning, poor-paying job for a couple of years that had nothing to do with their qualifications and offered no chance of career development, and then finally decided that moving to a cultureless, burning-hot racist shithole on the other side of the world is somehow the solution to all their various problems. That sort of naivety, and the idea that these over-privileged, under-worked and under-stimulated halfwits would somehow discover an inner work ethic by doing menial work, seems laughable really.

Lastly, don't get me started on Australians themselves. They are right up there with Glaswegians* in terms of totally over-compensating for various inferiority complexes by being brash, loud and prone to over-sharing personal information. If you have to yell "I'm such a great guy, I can talk to anybody and I make friends all the time, I'm the life and soul of any party" to complete strangers everywhere you go then you are probably a cunt. Rupert Murdoch and Nick Kyrgios are just two examples of Australians who take great delight in trying to shit all over British customs and traditions, probably because they both come from a place with neither customs or traditions. If both were genuinely happy with their existences then they wouldn't bother. Murdoch has made it his life's goal to meddle with UK politics and Kyrgios seems to think he will be the guy who changes Wimbledon by verbally abusing everybody, including the fucking ball boys. No fucking class. 

* Us Edinbuggers get a lot of stick for being unfriendly, but the difference is we are actually sure of ourselves, whereas Glaswegians are one dropped plate away from an existential crisis.

I had a pen friend in Perth when I was 12. My dad paid for me to spend a month over there.  A hot stinking shithole if ever there was one. My pen friend turned out to be a total mouthy shit head of  15 who, on the 4th day I was there,  I pinned her to the ground and was about to bludgeon her head in with a gnome type garden ornament for caling me a gypsy slag. Luckily my dad tore it off me. The family was a bunch of racist, mouthy cunts who made Les Patterson look like Jeremy Corbin. I have no desire to ever go there again. I'm planning to go to New Zealand only so I can take a shit as we fly over Australia. 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

14 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I had a pen friend in Perth when I was 12. My dad paid for me to spend a month over there.  A hot stinking shithole if ever there was one. My pen friend turned out to be a total mouthy shit head of  15 who, on the 4th day I was there,  I pinned her to the ground and was about to bludgeon her head in with a gnome type garden ornament for caling me a gypsy slag. Luckily my dad tore it off me. The family was a bunch of racist, mouthy cunts who made Les Patterson look like Jeremy Corbin. I have no desire to ever go there again. I'm planning to go to New Zealand only so I can take a shit as we fly over Australia. 

Are you actually a gypsy? 

[camberwell gypsy]

1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said:

Are you actually a gypsy? 

Yes. Otherwise I wouldn't be calling myself Camberwell Gypsy. Hang on; are you being sarcaaaarstic Bill? 

[Guest DingTheRioja]

22 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I had a pen friend in Perth when I was 12. My dad paid for me to spend a month over there.  A hot stinking shithole if ever there was one. My pen friend turned out to be a total mouthy shit head of  15 who, on the 4th day I was there,  I pinned her to the ground and was about to bludgeon her head in with a gnome type garden ornament for caling me a gypsy slag. Luckily my dad tore it off me. The family was a bunch of racist, mouthy cunts who made Les Patterson look like Jeremy Corbin. I have no desire to ever go there again. I'm planning to go to New Zealand only so I can take a shit as we fly over Australia. 

Kiwis are the cousins we talk to, Aussies are the cousins we try to ignore and disown. A bit like Canadians and Yanks.

[Witheredscrote]

9 hours ago, Punkape said:

I hope you season properly and add a knob of butter however you're more likely to just stick your knob in it.

Really, is Gobbler Nigerian?

[Frank]

12 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Yes. Otherwise I wouldn't be calling myself Camberwell Gypsy. Hang on; are you being sarcaaaarstic Bill? 

Good point.

No need to get fancy with a semicolon, gyppo. 

[Guest JackoTC]

13 hours ago, Frank said:

Good point.

No need to get fancy with a semicolon, gyppo. 

What's going on here Francois ? I see that sniveling shirtlifter Decimus is back. It has fairly put me off my breakfast granola, with extra hemp seed, goji berries and sea vegetable flakes. I met Ken Loach last night and he says he's never heard of you, but he liked your videos. I'm in Cannes for a week on expenses. Ask for me at the Martinez. 

[Guest JackoTC]

Oh, and air dried raspberries............

[scotty]

On 28/07/2016 at 8:49 AM, Snatch said:

A Bucks Fizz Greatest hits ALBUM? 

My thoughts as well. At least it doesn't take long to listen to a medley of their hit.

[Cuntybaws]

4 hours ago, JackoTC said:

It has fairly put me off my breakfast granola, with extra hemp seed, goji berries and sea vegetable flakes. Oh, and air dried raspberries............

All battered and deep-fried, then pureed so that it can be gummed down by their esteemed Scottish visitors.

[camberwell gypsy]

19 hours ago, Frank said:

Good point.

No need to get fancy with a semicolon, gyppo. 

You're a fan of Vangelis I presume? 

[Frank]

8 hours ago, JackoTC said:

What's going on here Francois ? I see that sniveling shirtlifter Decimus is back. It has fairly put me off my breakfast granola, with extra hemp seed, goji berries and sea vegetable flakes. I met Ken Loach last night and he says he's never heard of you, but he liked your videos. I'm in Cannes for a week on expenses. Ask for me at the Martinez. 

I used to rent Ken's house in NW5.. 5 storey Georgian number overlooking the Heath in Gospel Oak. What a lovely man. 

Did you manage to avoid that awful fiasco in Nice the other week? I'm in Ile de Ré if you're going west. 

[Frank]

3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

You're a fan of Vangelis I presume? 

no.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

7 minutes ago, Frank said:

I used to rent Ken's house in NW5.. 5 storey Georgian number overlooking the Heath in Gospel Oak. What a lovely man. 

Did you manage to avoid that awful fiasco in Nice the other week? I'm in Ile de Ré if you're going west. 

Ré?

I've told you before you twat, Oléron is much nicer, Ré is strictly for ponces...oh.. I see...nvm.

[Eddie]

1 hour ago, Frank said:

Did you manage to avoid that awful fiasco in Nice the other week? I'm in Ile de Ré if you're going west. 

Your aids ravished brain is playing tricks again Frank. You are currently bed bound on a piss soaked mattress in a council run hospice in Grimsby. Hopefully not for long. 

[Guest deebom]

Seeing as no ex pat ever learned the language of the country they moved to, all they can do is comment on news they read in the two day old copies of The Sun they buy....

[Frank]

1 hour ago, DingTheRioja said:

Ré?

I've told you before you twat, Oléron is much nicer, Ré is strictly for ponces...oh.. I see...nvm.

I know, ding.. it's full of fucking Parisians. I bought a place here in the 90's and Mrs K insists on using it during the busiest months. A six week summer rental would cover the annual costs. 

[Frank]

14 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Your aids ravished brain is playing tricks again Frank. You are currently bed bound on a piss soaked mattress in a council run hospice in Grimsby. Hopefully not for long. 

Eddie, you soppy wet pédé.. you feature in my new vid.