Jiggerycock Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 2 hours ago, Punkape said: And you so obviously haven’t been to Cambridge or got a degree you thick tosser. lol. You pusillanimous little skidmark! If I cared about what you tapped out on your grubby little keyboard with your tissue claws, I might take offence and be minded to release the dogs, so that they might flush you out of your squalid little freak cave. This would allow me to mount your peanut rat-head on the bonnet of my automobile and lead the other inmates of whatever assisted ghetto you infest, in a parade of joy, pied piper like, to the nearest seller of 2 litre bottles of Meths, where we could have an impromptu street party and I could claim my award from the pest control authorities, backed by the cheers of snaggle toothed yokels. As it is, you foetid bicycle seat sniffer, I have more pressing matters to attend to - Australia are four down and it's 'Vitai Lampada' time for Root and his men 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 2 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: You pusillanimous little skidmark! If I cared about what you tapped out on your grubby little keyboard with your tissue claws, I might take offence and be minded to release the dogs, so that they might flush you out of your squalid little freak cave. This would allow me to mount your peanut rat-head on the bonnet of my automobile and lead the other inmates of whatever assisted ghetto you infest, in a parade of joy, pied piper like, to the nearest seller of 2 litre bottles of Meths, where we could have an impromptu street party and I could claim my award from the pest control authorities, backed by the cheers of snaggle toothed yokels. As it is, you foetid bicycle seat sniffer, I have more pressing matters to attend to. Again, straight out of my school report!! What the fuck is going on here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 1 minute ago, ratcum said: Again, straight out of my school report!! What the fuck is going on here? Never! I had you pegged as a swaggering 'David Watts' kinda dude! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 14 minutes ago, ratcum said: Again, straight out of my school report!! What the fuck is going on here? Education, infiltration, it all rhymes. Dark forces at work mein Fuhrer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gronda Gronda Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 On 28/07/2016 at 7:39 AM, Fender777 said: I love the game of cricket as it's more skillful than the poofs game of choice (football) but there is many a cuntbrain that plays the game..as things stand with English cricket..not too bad at the moment but i am sure that will not last and soon the wankers will be losing silly games to Afghanistan...and Germany, Argentina if they ever play them at cricket..but fuck em, the middle order is a stinker of a cuntbundle, only Cook and Root are holding the innings together with some hitting down the order..but it's the middle order who need to pull their fucking fingers out and earn their crust..i would find a new opener as Hales doesn't seem to be doing his bit in the test side, bring Root up to three and find a couple of new young guns for 4 & 5, i think the bowling attack is in good shape and jonny bairstow is finding his feet now..cricket thread as promised OB.. When England lose to Australia, the Australians that I know eagerly ask me what I thought of the cricket. With their face contorted into a smug grin, they laugh in anticipation of my resentment. I'd be more perturbed if England lost a game of tiddlywinks. Cricket and golf might be fun to play, but how can anyone enjoy watching either on the telly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 11 hours ago, Fender777 said: I have to agree, this is the worst team we have sent in recent times, looks what happens when we send a good team. Its complete shite and a cuntfest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 9 minutes ago, Gronda Gronda said: When England lose to Australia, the Australians that I know eagerly ask me what I thought of the cricket. With their face contorted into a smug grin, they laugh in anticipation of my resentment. I'd be more perturbed if England lost a game of tiddlywinks. Cricket and golf might be fun to play, but how can anyone enjoy watching either on the telly? Thing is they can laugh all they want but they are the only side that have ever lost a test after enforcing the follow on and its happened three times, twice against England. I could have captained that team they used to have (Not that I would have wanted to) The difference is they want to win more than we do, that Nathan Lyon catch yesterday proved that. I noticed there were three c&b dismissals in that England innings, wonder what the record is for that type of dismissal in an innings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 9 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: This last session where we ran through the Aussie top order like a hot knife through butter? It's the hope that kills you, isn't it? Well that and an ISIS death squad putting you in a cage and setting fire to you....or cancer...or being buried alive....or being one of Harold Shipman's older patients.....or suicide, in fact scrub that, it's a crap analogy. Too little to late, 76/6 but they could declare, the game is lost for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 8 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: My plumber was doing some work for me today and he said "England are fucking useless" and "Cook couldn't hit water if he fell in a river". Also apparently Starc is a "Spivvy cunt who needs a good kicking". Agree with that, Cook did alright with his patient 37 but he's past it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 On 03/12/2017 at 7:53 AM, Last Cunt Standing said: Now the slips slam into each other. The embarrassment-ometer now reads “Harmison at the Gabba”, so fuck this, I’m walking the dog. Australia may as well declare and save themselves the embarrassment of doing bad against this mediocre England side. If England win this test I will turn up for work in my pants! Australia will win by 124 runs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 1st test Perth 2008 Aus: 375 SA: 281 Aus: 319 SA: 414/4 SA won by 6 wickets There is hope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 On 04/12/2017 at 3:11 AM, applescruff14 said: That look that woman gave me in my local shop the other night really freaked me out, I scarpered out the shop pretty quick, got in the car and drove off. Hopefully I wont see her again now. Her face exactly reminded me of seeing Steve Smith in a graveyard late at night, weird. Bit of a stab in the dark this, Scruffers, but I bet putting her up against the woman you really want would be like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 4 hours ago, applescruff14 said: 1st test Perth 2008 Aus: 375 SA: 281 Aus: 319 SA: 414/4 SA won by 6 wickets There is hope! I fucking hate you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 6 hours ago, applescruff14 said: 1st test Perth 2008 Aus: 375 SA: 281 Aus: 319 SA: 414/4 SA won by 6 wickets There is hope! The WACA is a flat deck. Big scores in the shield this season so we've to to hope the colonials get themselves out with the extra bounce and we go really big- Cooks due one big score soon. Last test at the WACA ever before they move to the new ground on Perth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 1 minute ago, Stubby Pecker said: The WACA is a flat deck. Big scores in the shield this season so we've to to hope the colonials get themselves out with the extra bounce and we go really big- Cooks due one big score soon. Last test at the WACA ever before they move to the new ground on Perth Unless we get Mark Wood out there and up to speed PDQ, Australia's attack are quicker than we are so if anyone's likely to be bounced out it's us. One can only hope that the cojones we've found these last couple of days, is taken to Perth and we compete professionally and bat and bowl smart Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 1 minute ago, Jiggerycock said: Unless we get Mark Wood out there and up to speed PDQ, Australia's attack are quicker than we are so if anyone's likely to be bounced out it's us. One can only hope that the cojones we've found these last couple of days, is taken to Perth and we compete professionally and bat and bowl smart I'm really not sold on wood, he looks somewhat innocuous and I think we're seduced by the wickets he gets in ODIs where the batsmen are going at you and playing shots. He looks straight up a down and could injure himself taking a shit and I think he might break 90mph once an over? Now, if he could consistently crank it up to 90 plus for 3 or 4 spells per day then he'd be worth it. The other boys did alright today, still love to see Rashid or Jack Leach giving it a tweak. I we can win this it'll be a miracle and we can only loose one wicket max in the first session tomorrow and that has to be Woakes. Get it below 100 and you have to think Bairstow and Mo get knock them off! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 20 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: I'm really not sold on wood, he looks somewhat innocuous and I think we're seduced by the wickets he gets in ODIs where the batsmen are going at you and playing shots. He looks straight up a down and could injure himself taking a shit and I think he might break 90mph once an over? Now, if he could consistently crank it up to 90 plus for 3 or 4 spells per day then he'd be worth it. The other boys did alright today, still love to see Rashid or Jack Leach giving it a tweak. I we can win this it'll be a miracle and we can only loose one wicket max in the first session tomorrow and that has to be Woakes. Get it below 100 and you have to think Bairstow and Mo get knock them off! Yeah - I was thinking Wood (fnarr!) purely from a speed perspective, from what is a pretty empty English cupboard. I remember Brett Lee putting the shits up us at the WACA and if it comes to a speed / bouncer war then we're bringing knives to a gunfight. You've got to make Australia favourites still, purely on the basis of the old Boycott maxim of 'add two wickets to the score and then see how clever you look' but you're right. A wicketless morning tomorrow - irrespective of how fast we score - and it's game on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 13 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: Education, infiltration, it all rhymes. Dark forces at work mein Fuhrer. Reggie Yates is my dark force bro. Censured for identifying a fat man who is jewish as a fat jewish man. I'm sure identifying a fat muslim man as such would be perfectly okay with the ADL nazis Yo bitch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 14 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: Education, infiltration, it all rhymes. Dark forces at work mein Fuhrer. What are you thoughts on the "crack of willow on leather"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 5 hours ago, Bubba C said: I fucking hate you. I hate myself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 6 hours ago, nocti said: Bit of a stab in the dark this, Scruffers, but I bet putting her up against the woman you really want would be like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Yes it would and today I had a pleasant surprise in the hairdressers with a woman about my age who cut my hair, was talking to her about the cricket and when I was in Australia visiting the grounds. She was asking me about my personal life and everything. I tried delving into her personal life and found she lived with her kids but no mention of a bloke but couldn't get any further, let her keep the £3 change. Comparing her to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 4 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: Yeah - I was thinking Wood (fnarr!) purely from a speed perspective, from what is a pretty empty English cupboard. I remember Brett Lee putting the shits up us at the WACA and if it comes to a speed / bouncer war then we're bringing knives to a gunfight. You've got to make Australia favourites still, purely on the basis of the old Boycott maxim of 'add two wickets to the score and then see how clever you look' but you're right. A wicketless morning tomorrow - irrespective of how fast we score - and it's game on. Wicketless morning? You need to see a Doctor quick! Or get yourself up your local A&E and fast, sounds like a brain problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 4 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: The WACA is a flat deck. Big scores in the shield this season so we've to to hope the colonials get themselves out with the extra bounce and we go really big- Cooks due one big score soon. Last test at the WACA ever before they move to the new ground on Perth Australia will win back the Ashes as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 4 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: Yeah - I was thinking Wood (fnarr!) purely from a speed perspective, from what is a pretty empty English cupboard. I remember Brett Lee putting the shits up us at the WACA and if it comes to a speed / bouncer war then we're bringing knives to a gunfight. You've got to make Australia favourites still, purely on the basis of the old Boycott maxim of 'add two wickets to the score and then see how clever you look' but you're right. A wicketless morning tomorrow - irrespective of how fast we score - and it's game on. I can see these last six wickets going pretty quick. Be 8 down at lunch at best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 5, 2017 Report Share Posted December 5, 2017 4 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: Unless we get Mark Wood out there and up to speed PDQ, Australia's attack are quicker than we are so if anyone's likely to be bounced out it's us. One can only hope that the cojones we've found these last couple of days, is taken to Perth and we compete professionally and bat and bowl smart Its all too late now, 2-0 tomorrow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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