Whale strandings.

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

Just seen a whole fuckload of whales having a jolly old stranding somewhere down in New Zealand. For years scientists and the like have claimed that somehow humans are to blame for this. It must be submarine engines deafening them or underwater electrical cables knocking out their delicate Cetacea navigation systems. What if it is all bollocks, and whales are simply thick cunts? An animal the size of a van, but lives off fucking plankton? You've got delicious fish and squid all around you, but you choose to live of living sea dirt? Dozy cunts. Cunts are also mammals, so they are always holding their breath. It would be like us choosing to live in the fucking bath. Anyway, they might be mammals but they are still fish as far as I'm concerned. Big moronic fish.

The real kicker is when the do-gooders save the whales, point them back out to sea and the whales are all like 'fuckin' nah!', and turn back and promptly re-strand on the same beach with even more vim and vigor. Maybe this is just part of their natural cycle, and we shouldn't be interfering? 

[Stubby Pecker]

3 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

Just seen a whole fuckload of whales having a jolly old stranding somewhere down in New Zealand. For years scientists and the like have claimed that somehow humans are to blame for this. It must be submarine engines deafening them or underwater electrical cables knocking out their delicate Cetacea navigation systems. What if it is all bollocks, and whales are simply thick cunts? An animal the size of a van, but lives off fucking plankton? You've got delicious fish and squid all around you, but you choose to live of living sea dirt? Dozy cunts. Cunts are also mammals, so they are always holding their breath. It would be like us choosing to live in the fucking bath. Anyway, they might be mammals but they are still fish as far as I'm concerned. Big moronic fish.

The real kicker is when the do-gooders save the whales, point them back out to sea and the whales are all like 'fuckin' nah!', and turn back and promptly re-strand on the same beach with even more vim and vigor. Maybe this is just part of their natural cycle, and we shouldn't be interfering? 

Once they've been stranded the weight of their internal organs out of water means there basically fucked. 

[Cuntybaws]

"Whales are fucking stupid. Can you mention one whale in the history of mankind that has had a record in the top ten? Can you? Can you mention one whale who's written the equivalent of, er, 'Othello', Shakespeare, 'Health & Efficiency'? They've produced nothing in the way of literature. All they've fucking produced is a load of other whales and all they eat is fucking plankton, and they call them intelligent. Can you imagine drifting along in the sea with your mouth open and a lot of fucking plankton going in?"

"They're such cunts they can't even breathe underwater. They have to keep coming up the whole fucking time and spouting. Then some cunt comes on telly and he says, "Oh, the whale is being wiped out by mankind, save the fucking whales." Well! During the war, did we notice a lot of whales, rallying round and saying, "Save England? I didn't notice many down my part of the world."

[Guest Gong Farmer]

6 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

Just seen a whole fuckload of whales having a jolly old stranding somewhere down in New Zealand. For years scientists and the like have claimed that somehow humans are to blame for this. It must be submarine engines deafening them or underwater electrical cables knocking out their delicate Cetacea navigation systems. What if it is all bollocks, and whales are simply thick cunts? An animal the size of a van, but lives off fucking plankton? You've got delicious fish and squid all around you, but you choose to live of living sea dirt? Dozy cunts. Cunts are also mammals, so they are always holding their breath. It would be like us choosing to live in the fucking bath. Anyway, they might be mammals but they are still fish as far as I'm concerned. Big moronic fish.

The real kicker is when the do-gooders save the whales, point them back out to sea and the whales are all like 'fuckin' nah!', and turn back and promptly re-strand on the same beach with even more vim and vigor. Maybe this is just part of their natural cycle, and we shouldn't be interfering? 

They put them back in the sea after they're too tired to swim from being stranded. It's a pisser for all involved including the Whales so they're probably better off shooting the poor fuckers through the head with a high powered rifle and be done with it. It's an awful dilemma but  the best solution.

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said:

"They're such cunts they can't even breathe underwater. They have to keep coming up the whole fucking time and spouting. Then some cunt comes on telly and he says, "Oh, the whale is being wiped out by mankind, save the fucking whales." Well! During the war, did we notice a lot of whales, rallying round and saying, "Save England? I didn't notice many down my part of the world."

Plagiarist cunt. I thought that your riffing here was quite good, so naturally I Googled it and discovered you'd ripped it off from elsewhere. 0/10, poor effort.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

I'm sure the Japs will pay a fuckload for them....

[Cuntybaws]

Just now, Tata Steely Dan said:

Plagiarist cunt. I thought that your riffing here was quite good, so naturally I Googled it and discovered you'd ripped it off from elsewhere. 0/10, poor effort.

Yes, that's why I put fucking quotes round it.

"You don't last long on here if you don't know your Derek & Clive." - Oscar Wilde.

[Decimus]

12 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

Just seen a whole fuckload of whales having a jolly old stranding somewhere down in New Zealand. For years scientists and the like have claimed that somehow humans are to blame for this. It must be submarine engines deafening them or underwater electrical cables knocking out their delicate Cetacea navigation systems. What if it is all bollocks, and whales are simply thick cunts? An animal the size of a van, but lives off fucking plankton? You've got delicious fish and squid all around you, but you choose to live of living sea dirt? Dozy cunts. Cunts are also mammals, so they are always holding their breath. It would be like us choosing to live in the fucking bath. Anyway, they might be mammals but they are still fish as far as I'm concerned. Big moronic fish.

The real kicker is when the do-gooders save the whales, point them back out to sea and the whales are all like 'fuckin' nah!', and turn back and promptly re-strand on the same beach with even more vim and vigor. Maybe this is just part of their natural cycle, and we shouldn't be interfering? 

Dan, you verbose fucking bore. Your remedial lesson in marine biology aside, are you aware that a sperm whale isn't quite as exciting as your faggot wired brain assumes?

[Guest Welsh_cunt]

What an opportunity to have the biggest blubber explosion ever. The fun seeing those dull fuckers being blown far and wide would surely be an entertaining sight. They need a bit of light hearted fun after all the earthquakes that New Zealand have had in recent years.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

You never get whale strandings in Wales.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

6 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said:

You never get whale strandings in Wales.

Unless you include the ugly munters who can't get a taxi home after getting turfed out of the nightclub

[Guest Alfie Noakes]

9 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

"Whales are fucking stupid. Can you mention one whale in the history of mankind that has had a record in the top ten? Can you? Can you mention one whale who's written the equivalent of, er, 'Othello', Shakespeare, 'Health & Efficiency'? They've produced nothing in the way of literature. All they've fucking produced is a load of other whales and all they eat is fucking plankton, and they call them intelligent. Can you imagine drifting along in the sea with your mouth open and a lot of fucking plankton going in?"

"They're such cunts they can't even breathe underwater. They have to keep coming up the whole fucking time and spouting. Then some cunt comes on telly and he says, "Oh, the whale is being wiped out by mankind, save the fucking whales." Well! During the war, did we notice a lot of whales, rallying round and saying, "Save England? I didn't notice many down my part of the world."

Someone had to do it. You beat me to it you cunt!

[Guest Mingeeta]

9 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

"Whales are fucking stupid. Can you mention one whale in the history of mankind that has had a record in the top ten? Can you? Can you mention one whale who's written the equivalent of, er, 'Othello', Shakespeare, 'Health & Efficiency'? They've produced nothing in the way of literature. All they've fucking produced is a load of other whales and all they eat is fucking plankton, and they call them intelligent. Can you imagine drifting along in the sea with your mouth open and a lot of fucking plankton going in?"

"They're such cunts they can't even breathe underwater. They have to keep coming up the whole fucking time and spouting. Then some cunt comes on telly and he says, "Oh, the whale is being wiped out by mankind, save the fucking whales." Well! During the war, did we notice a lot of whales, rallying round and saying, "Save England? I didn't notice many down my part of the world."

Adeles had a top 10 record

[Ape™️]

10 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Yes, that's why I put fucking quotes round it.

"You don't last long on here if you don't know your Derek & Clive." - Oscar Wilde.

I expect the stupid cunt has Lobsterisimus Bummakisimus.

[Cap'n Cunt]

It's a cetacean anti-Trump protest. You can hear them blubbering from here.

[Guest Manky]

Is Diane Abbot on holiday in NZ?

[Guest 'eavensabove]

19 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Once they've been stranded the weight of their internal organs out of water means there basically fucked. 

Is Frank in New Zealand?

[camberwell gypsy]

19 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

"Whales are fucking stupid. Can you mention one whale in the history of mankind that has had a record in the top ten? Can you? Can you mention one whale who's written the equivalent of, er, 'Othello', Shakespeare, 'Health & Efficiency'? They've produced nothing in the way of literature. All they've fucking produced is a load of other whales and all they eat is fucking plankton, and they call them intelligent. Can you imagine drifting along in the sea with your mouth open and a lot of fucking plankton going in?"

"They're such cunts they can't even breathe underwater. They have to keep coming up the whole fucking time and spouting. Then some cunt comes on telly and he says, "Oh, the whale is being wiped out by mankind, save the fucking whales." Well! During the war, did we notice a lot of whales, rallying round and saying, "Save England? I didn't notice many down my part of the world."

The country and western singer Whalen Jennings. Fat gobshite James Whale. Veteran DJ Jo Whaley! 

I'll get me Sou'wester 

[Guest 'eavensabove]

5 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

The country and western singer Whalen Jennings. Fat gobshite James Whale. Veteran DJ Jo Whaley! 

I'll get me Sou'wester 

You wrote that on porpoise.

[camberwell gypsy]

1 minute ago, 'eavensabove said:

You wrote that on porpoise.

Don't blubber 

[Decimus]

6 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

The country and western singer Whalen Jennings. Fat gobshite James Whale. Veteran DJ Jo Whaley! 

I'll get me Sou'wester 

I'll wager that milky grey substance staining the front of your dress isn't ambergris, you nautical fucking tart.

[Guest 'eavensabove]

2 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Don't blubber 

I am not a Minky or for that matter a Sperm.

[camberwell gypsy]

14 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I'll wager that milky grey substance staining the front of your dress isn't ambergris, you nautical fucking tart.

Fuck off Captain Bird's-eye 

Or is it Captain jap's-eye?

[Eric Cuntman]

Call me Ishmael.

[camberwell gypsy]

22 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

"Whales are fucking stupid. Can you mention one whale in the history of mankind that has had a record in the top ten? Can you? Can you mention one whale who's written the equivalent of, er, 'Othello', Shakespeare, 'Health & Efficiency'? They've produced nothing in the way of literature. All they've fucking produced is a load of other whales and all they eat is fucking plankton, and they call them intelligent. Can you imagine drifting along in the sea with your mouth open and a lot of fucking plankton going in?"

"They're such cunts they can't even breathe underwater. They have to keep coming up the whole fucking time and spouting. Then some cunt comes on telly and he says, "Oh, the whale is being wiped out by mankind, save the fucking whales." Well! During the war, did we notice a lot of whales, rallying round and saying, "Save England? I didn't notice many down my part of the world."

Were you around in WW2?