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Cunts with allotments.


Earl of Punkape

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8 minutes ago, Punkape said:

These sad, grubby, boring cunts are likely to put you to sleep with tales of supersized carrots or organic Algerian parsnips.Often found in the local bullshitting about their failed produce and strange insect infestations these cunts should be given a wide berth or a good hiding.

Fuck off.

Most of them only have allotments so they have a shed where they can go and drink Special Brew and masturbate.

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps

Allotments are for no hopers who cannot afford a property with a decent sized garden. I have a vegetable patch in the grounds of my garden and therefore don't have to travel to some piece of waste ground with a load of ricketty sheds and old oil barrels to see a bunch of, mainly old, cunts trying to grow cress.

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Guest Mingeeta
16 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Most of them only have allotments so they have a shed where they can go and drink Special Brew and masturbate.

Don't tell him that, before long he will be bombarding his local council with applications for one.

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I had one once,I noticed over a period of time the ground level rising,turns out a mystery figure was sneeking in and putting top soil on it......the plot thickens

 

I'm er all....oh fuck off

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32 minutes ago, Punkape said:

These sad, grubby, boring cunts are likely to put you to sleep with tales of supersized carrots or organic Algerian parsnips.Often found in the local bullshitting about their failed produce and strange insect infestations these cunts should be given a wide berth or a good hiding.

Fuck off.

You're missing a trick punkly. An inner city allotment could be a great source of revenue for you! Think of all those 50 or 60 something blokes who go there to get pissed and escape the mrs, I'd wager half are closet homos and would give you a fiver for a hand job. Either that or just put a flyer on their sheds to meet you at your imaginary golf club. 

Poofter

 

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5 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

And bury dead prostitutes. I'm sure a certain member of CC got one. I mean there's so many you can conceal under a patio 

Apparently, Rose West was a lager drinker, she told the police that at the end of a busy day, she couldn't wait to murder a couple of tenants... her hubby Fred was about to be released too, the detectives went through his receipts and found out he'd bought all his topsoil from Lockerbie. 

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Guest Manky
2 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

You've looked in Manky's shed then?

I don't have an allotment. My man cave in the back garden is done out to accurately resemble a junk filled shed. It may well be filled with dead prostitutes but I'm fucked if I'm going in looking because it is full of monstrous, venomous, probably man-eating spiders.

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps
1 hour ago, Manky said:

I don't have an allotment. My man cave in the back garden is done out to accurately resemble a junk filled shed. It may well be filled with dead prostitutes but I'm fucked if I'm going in looking because it is full of monstrous, venomous, probably man-eating spiders.

you'll be perfectly safe if they're man eating spiders then. You fucking Manc child.

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Guest Manky

Manc child. Excellent stuff. Put a bit of work into it and you could write a song for Nenah Cherry.

We are tough around here. Even man eating tigers walk round in pairs.

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Guest Gong Farmer

Fuck off with allotments, fishing, going to the footy or any other load pointless bollocks blokes feel the need to do to get out of the house. All my hobbies except for one revolve being within the comforts of my own home, boozing, blowing, wanking and shagging .The one hobby  that isn't home based is going on scooter rallies which includes, boozing, blowing, wanking and shagging.

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7 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Apparently, Rose West was a lager drinker, she told the police that at the end of a busy day, she couldn't wait to murder a couple of tenants... her hubby Fred was about to be released too, the detectives went through his receipts and found out he'd bought all his topsoil from Lockerbie. 

I've been Eric Cuntman, goodnight

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7 hours ago, Punkape said:

These sad, grubby, boring cunts are likely to put you to sleep with tales of supersized carrots or organic Algerian parsnips.Often found in the local bullshitting about their failed produce and strange insect infestations these cunts should be given a wide berth or a good hiding.

Fuck off.

Much like you then.

Fuck off.

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Guest 'eavensabove

I like allotments. Well, at least my local one. It beats the bollocks out of the veg at ASDA and is totally free. I simply wait until nightfall and fuck-off down there with me shovel. Lovely spuds and everything. Fruit and all come Summer. 

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Guest Spanky

People with allotments are the worst kind of cunt. They pretend like they grow all sorts of shit like what you get in Waitrose, but end up only with potatoes and courgettes (which they probably shove up their arse) because everything else dies. Then, invariably, they bring a filthy looking carrier bag full of the things into work and try offering them out. No one wants to go near them though because:

a.) they have probably masturbated on them; and

b.) they have probably shoved them up their arse

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Guest Alfie Noakes
9 hours ago, Punkape said:

These sad, grubby, boring cunts are likely to put you to sleep with tales of supersized carrots or organic Algerian parsnips.Often found in the local bullshitting about their failed produce and strange insect infestations these cunts should be given a wide berth or a good hiding.

Fuck off.

Those are the conversations you hear before phrases such as "you there, stop playing with yourself, you cannot sleep here, get off my land".

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