Jeff Dunham, America’s Keith Harris.

[Last Cunt Standing]

a

A cursory flick through the lesser known Sky channels tonight, and I stumble on this unfunny cunt. This lip-twitching tosspot had a room full of Wisconsin cheeseburger addicts guffawing with the sort of shite that Hughie Green would have had taken round the back of Thames Television and quietly euthanised about 1974. It speaks volumes about the intellectual rigor of the “real America” that this gottle-of-geer fuckstick can play to packed houses every night, with an act so excruciating you’d expect to find it in a Bayswater basement being administered to a Tory MP strapped to a pommel horse. 

For a start, he is technically not that good - his lips move more than Sally Gunnell’s labia at the Barcelona Olympics, and his larynx boings about like Rick Waller doing a bungee jump. Then its the usual tired fare of tit jokes, dick jokes, fat jokes, gay jokes and digs at Blacks, Muslims, Mexicans and Women for 60 minutes using a variety of cunty puppets, while Jeff and Stacey Lardburger whoop and holler. This cunt can’t even dress like a grown-up, either; instead while somehow channelling Johnny Cash and Mark Wahlberg, he gurns away in his black leather jacket like the lovechild of The Fonz and Vicky Pattinson. Lastly, the camera pans over the audience to reveal his audience to be 40% giggling College bimbo, which means not only is the cunt truly awful, he’s also getting into more pussy than Whiskas. A more punchable man I would struggle to imagine, outside the Cheshire Catholic Golf Association. 

Roger De Courcey and Nookie Bear must be spinning in their graves. Or they would be, if they were dead. 

Cunt. 

[Guest judgetwi]

16 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

a

 Then it’s the usual tired fare of tit jokes, dick jokes, fat jokes, gay jokes and digs at Blacks, Muslims, Mexicans and Women 

Sounds exactly like Cunts Corner. So what’s your beef mate?

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

A fat guy with his hand up the arse of a lovable puppet? Like Decimus and Ape in other words? 

 

Gottle of geer, gottle of geer....

[camberwell gypsy]

All ventriloquists are cunts. Mind you, my brother went to a stag do and the act was Roger De Cuntsey and nookie bear and they were a fucking scream by all accounts. 

[Last Cunt Standing]

8 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

All ventriloquists are cunts. Mind you, my brother went to a stag do and the act was Roger De Cuntsey and nookie bear and they were a fucking scream by all accounts. 

I saw RDC do an after dinner routine about 20 years ago and saw hard faced rugby players laugh so hard one of them actually pissed himself. 

Sadly times are now so hard for Mr De Courcey he scratches a living as the Theatrical Agent for Rick “Keyboard” Wakeman. Nookie is giving furry hand jobs to HGV drivers in a lay-by on the M20. 

Ventriloquists are Cunts. Many were Children’s TV stars in the 1970s, too. Keeping tight lipped with your hand moving was a very useful skill back then. 

[Cuntybaws]

Silence! I kill you!

[Earl of Punkape]

1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said:

Silence! I kill you!

This is Dunham’s best creation.....

Achmed...

Great stuff.

[Guest Snatch]

14 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

a

A cursory flick through the lesser known Sky channels tonight, and I stumble on this unfunny cunt. This lip-twitching tosspot had a room full of Wisconsin cheeseburger addicts guffawing with the sort of shite that Hughie Green would have had taken round the back of Thames Television and quietly euthanised about 1974. It speaks volumes about the intellectual rigor of the “real America” that this gottle-of-geer fuckstick can play to packed houses every night, with an act so excruciating you’d expect to find it in a Bayswater basement being administered to a Tory MP strapped to a pommel horse. 

For a start, he is technically not that good - his lips move more than Sally Gunnell’s labia at the Barcelona Olympics, and his larynx boings about like Rick Waller doing a bungee jump. Then its the usual tired fare of tit jokes, dick jokes, fat jokes, gay jokes and digs at Blacks, Muslims, Mexicans and Women for 60 minutes using a variety of cunty puppets, while Jeff and Stacey Lardburger whoop and holler. This cunt can’t even dress like a grown-up, either; instead while somehow channelling Johnny Cash and Mark Wahlberg, he gurns away in his black leather jacket like the lovechild of The Fonz and Vicky Pattinson. Lastly, the camera pans over the audience to reveal his audience to be 40% giggling College bimbo, which means not only is the cunt truly awful, he’s also getting into more pussy than Whiskas. A more punchable man I would struggle to imagine, outside the Cheshire Catholic Golf Association. 

Roger De Courcey and Nookie Bear must be spinning in their graves. Or they would be, if they were dead. 

Cunt. 

And you learnt all that in the 10 seconds you watched it before changing the changing the channel. Good work.

[Jiggerycock]

Nina Conti has pretty much laid waste to this art form hasn't she?

She's so far ahead of the rest she makes Manchester City look like Accrington Stanley

[Last Cunt Standing]

46 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

Nina Conti has pretty much laid waste to this art form hasn't she?

She's so far ahead of the rest she makes Manchester City look like Accrington Stanley

Nina Cunti can suck my balls. Let’s see whether the talentless haggis-munching old bike can really not move her lips when she has to. 

I don’t understand football metaphors, I’m afraid, having lost all interest in bladder kicking about the same time as Gregory’s Girl. 

Ventrilocunts, as should by now be obvious, are fucking awful. 

[Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt)]

3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Nina Conti has pretty much laid waste to this art form hasn't she?

She's so far ahead of the rest she makes Manchester City look like Accrington Stanley

And she's fucking gorgeous!

[Last Cunt Standing]

53 minutes ago, Albert Ross said:

And she's fucking gorgeous!

Wrong. First thing in the morning she looks like a hungover Miriam Margolyes. Farts in bed, too. Rough as sandpaper. 

[camberwell gypsy]

23 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Nina Conti has pretty much laid waste to this art form hasn't she?

She's so far ahead of the rest she makes Manchester City look like Accrington Stanley

Accrington Stanley, who are they?

[Guest Lady Penelope]

7 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Accrington Stanley, who are they?

Accrington Stanley is a busker who sings at Manchester Piccadilly tram  stop.

[camberwell gypsy]

20 hours ago, Albert Ross said:

And she's fucking gorgeous!

Is she the one who drags an audience member on stage and puts mask on them and pretends they are speaking? Utter crap. Someone did that in the 80's and it was shit then. 

[Decimus]

On 16/12/2017 at 11:31 PM, Tata Steely Dan said:

A fat guy with his hand up the arse of a lovable puppet? Like Decimus and Ape in other words? 

 

Gottle of geer, gottle of geer....

I wish you'd do a Rod Hull, although I doubt that the impact of falling five foot off of the turf roof of your crofter's shack would do that much damage.