The Asparagas Season

[Frank]

4 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Please provide an explanation for your absence and infequent, shit posting of late. I suggest you make it exceedingly fucking good.

Proper briefly had control of my account. Restrictions have been addressed and someone’s going to get it.  

[ratcum]

16 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

If this man was wearing glasses would he be a rastafoureye? 

I'll get me duchie and pass it pon the left hand side. 

have you been boffing 'Eavens?

[ratcum]

6 hours ago, Frank said:

Proper briefly had control of my account. Restrictions have been addressed and someone’s going to get it.  

Frank, I dreamt I was chased by a giant man-sized version of Susan Boyle's labia. When they laughed, your face appeared.

[cuntspotter]

6 hours ago, Frank said:

I don’t know what’s going on here, luke, but somehow you’ve gained a little confidence in your step since I last fucked you off. Your robotic prose and incoherent watered-down shit might be tolerated by the wankers on here, but I’m back now and this place needs me. 

Frank. What’s this? Compassionate leave?

[Frank]

29 minutes ago, cuntspotter said:

Frank. What’s this? Compassionate leave?

I’m in Andalusia for the season..Cadiz. Ming died in January.

[Guest 'eavensabove]

1 hour ago, Frank said:

I’m in Andalusia for the season..Cadiz. Ming died in January.

Follow suit. 

[Stubby Pecker]

14 hours ago, Decimus said:

I think you'll find that I also had a hand in the exodus of MikeD and the original Jazz incarnation as well. I've got more scalps than Natty Bumppo, and unless you want to end up on my mantelpiece, I suggest that you adjust your tone and show me some fucking respect.

Never fucking mind that shite, Francis has returned from a 5th bout of terminal cancer, but alas Ming didn't make it. However, thanks to a big deep freeze, his sex life hasn't suffered. On the contrary, he can get his oats whenever he pleases now, just got to remember to give "it" a good hour to defrost first.

[Decimus]

1 minute ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Never fucking mind that shite, Francis has returned from a 5th bout of terminal cancer, but alas Ming didn't make it. However, thanks to a big deep freeze, his sex life hasn't suffered. On the contrary, he can get his oats whenever he pleases now, just got to remember to give "it" a good hour to defrost first.

He's dead to me until he can prove that his last 568 posts were made under the influence of a brain tumour.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Never fucking mind that shite, Francis has returned from a 5th bout of terminal cancer, but alas Ming didn't make it. However, thanks to a big deep freeze, his sex life hasn't suffered. On the contrary, he can get his oats whenever he pleases now, just got to remember to give "it" a good hour to defrost first.

He's spending the summer in Cadiz, where the Spanish navy hang out.

The disgusting fucking faggot.

[Stubby Pecker]

5 minutes ago, Decimus said:

He's dead to me until he can prove that his last 568 posts were made under the influence of a brain tumour.

Under the influence of a gallon of spunk more like with plenty spilled on his skin tight pastel jacket, chinos and espadrilles combo.

[scotty]

5 hours ago, Frank said:

 Ming died in January.

I can't help thinking she's unlucky, that's twice she's croaked now. 

 

 

Unless of course, you're just utterly full of shit. 

[Guest 'eavensabove]

15 hours ago, Decimus said:

I think you'll find that I also had a hand in the exodus of MikeD and the original Jazz incarnation as well. I've got more scalps than Natty Bumppo, and unless you want to end up on my mantelpiece, I suggest that you adjust your tone and show me some fucking respect.

errrrm, although I like to give credit when & where it is due (and yes, you are worthy of some respect) I think you'll find that Jazzerene took a break without any influence save for the stench that is Fwank, a 30 day ban, and the repugnant Myth Woopth... It's almost uncanny how so little has changed regarding the three aforementioned. Isn't it.  I can only hazard a guess that the Cunt Finder General would agree, if only he was alive. 

[Guest judgetwi]

On 5/18/2018 at 7:36 AM, luke swarm said:

looks like my favourite two jokebutts are still  a little sore

oh don't be sore Judge, you seem to have been wounded by your last encounter with me, im just joking with you and really rather like your immature and daily expressish outlook on life. good work

Daily Express? What happened to the Daily Mail? So I come in from the pub, after celebrating the addition of another foreign ponce on my tax bill, with my carry out and my packet of original flavour hula hoops, and I have to read this flattery.

So , Mr Smarm, you think my brain is big enough to absorb the shit from two sources of propaganda at the same time? Thanks.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I told my GP that every time I have 8 pints of Guinness the next day my shit comes out like Victoria Falls and is black as the ace of spades, no offence intended Doc. ( she’s from Zimbabwe)

You know what she said? Stop drinking 8 pints of Guinness and expecting everyone to give a two bob fuck about what comes out of your bum hole. What a bitch eh?

I’m thinking about going on some website to elicit some sympathy from a bunch of wankers who recognise my innate superiority. What do you think Mr Smarmy?

[Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt)]

17 hours ago, Frank said:

I don’t know what’s going on here, luke, but somehow you’ve gained a little confidence in your step since I last fucked you off. Your robotic prose and incoherent watered-down shit might be tolerated by the wankers on here, but I’m back now and this place needs me. 

I definitely need you Frank.

[cuntspotter]

13 hours ago, Frank said:

I’m in Andalusia for the season..Cadiz. Ming died in January.

Sounds blissful...except for Ming, of course, although you seemed to have an ambivalent relationship there. I receommend a course of shouty and flappy flamenco dancing to blow away the vestigial cobwebs of regret.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

7 hours ago, judgetwi said:

So , Mr Smarm, you think my brain is big enough to absorb the shit from two sources of propaganda at the same time? Thanks.

What brain?

[Guest luke swarm]

7 hours ago, judgetwi said:

Daily Express? What happened to the Daily Mail? So I come in from the pub, after celebrating the addition of another foreign ponce on my tax bill, with my carry out and my packet of original flavour hula hoops, and I have to read this flattery.

So , Mr Smarm, you think my brain is big enough to absorb the shit from two sources of propaganda at the same time? Thanks.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I told my GP that every time I have 8 pints of Guinness the next day my shit comes out like Victoria Falls and is black as the ace of spades, no offence intended Doc. ( she’s from Zimbabwe)

You know what she said? Stop drinking 8 pints of Guinness and expecting everyone to give a two bob fuck about what comes out of your bum hole. What a bitch eh?

I’m thinking about going on some website to elicit some sympathy from a bunch of wankers who recognise my innate superiority. What do you think Mr Smarmy?

having read this rather amateurish nonsense I actually don't think you are old enough to drink or have recently come of age where its mysteries are just unfolding for you, I should nip out and purchase a cope of the sun on sunday to have relaxing read whilst your poor beleaguered mum gets breakfast ready and sorts out your clothes for tomorrow.

[Guest White van man]

On 5/17/2018 at 10:59 PM, luke swarm said:

I will be fucking glad when the English asparagus season is over, just been for a piss after eating this very tasty delicacy and my piss smells like a  diseased and two month old dead tramp cadaver who died in a rictus of agony held captive by Punkapes sphincter muscle lock on canal street. Bag of shite.   

I do hope the Air Ambulance reached you in time in your hour of need, and would like to add my name to all the other well wishers. Whilst you make a full recovery from your horrific ordeal in the intensive care unit, know that the initial suspicions of Russian involvement were false and those bloody white English farmers seem to be the main culprits. There's nothing more despicable than a penis attack.

On this note, whilst drifting in and out of consciousness, please try and spare a thought for the little Muslim girls who are subjected to female genital mutilation. I'm guessing you aren't familiar with the vagina, so I'll explain what that entails. A shape blade is used to cut off the vulva and in most cases the clitoris. This serves no purpose medically. I hope if you pull through, that you can agree, that the cunts who commit this horrific crime should be hung by the neck whilst set on fire after having their penises sawn off with a rusty blunt hacksaw.

[Guest luke swarm]

23 minutes ago, White van man said:

I do hope the Air Ambulance reached you in time in your hour of need, and would like to add my name to all the other well wishers. Whilst you make a full recovery from your horrific ordeal in the intensive care unit, know that the initial suspicions of Russian involvement were false and those bloody white English farmers seem to be the main culprits. There's nothing more despicable than a penis attack.

On this note, whilst drifting in and out of consciousness, please try and spare a thought for the little Muslim girls who are subjected to female genital mutilation. I'm guessing you aren't familiar with the vagina, so I'll explain what that entails. A shape blade is used to cut off the vulva and in most cases the clitoris. This serves no purpose medically. I hope if you pull through, that you can agree, that the cunts who commit this horrific crime should be hung by the neck whilst set on fire after having their penises sawn off with a rusty blunt hacksaw.

I take exception to that remark, how dare you say I am not familiar with vagina, I am talking to you aren't I.

[Guest 'eavensabove]

8 hours ago, Albert Ross Esquire said:

I definitely need you Frank.

You must be in one hell of a desperate shape, to need the Son of a dog-faced whore to come to your aid. Mind you, at least you're not requesting the assistance of Wu$$y, in which case your situation would be a dire one indeed.  She's a soppy little tart, you see, and somewhat akin to WAD. Try the little freaky divvy-nerd out for yourself, and see how quickly your status grows. She's everybody's punch-bag on here. Give her a ago. Job done. You'll no long have the need of any ones help, I assure you.  

[Guest luke swarm]

9 hours ago, Albert Ross Esquire said:

I definitely need you Frank.

What you need is euthanasia advice. 

 

Timer on Penny

[Guest luke swarm]

5 hours ago, Lady Penelope Of The North said:

What brain?

Its an organ located in the cranial regions Penny, regulates thought processes and higher functions. Alas I fear yours may have succumbed to wet rot or scabies.

 

Clocks ticking Albert.   

[Guest 'eavensabove]

Errrm, is this the Asperger's Season thread, or is that one of Alberts? 

[Guest Lady Penelope]

8 hours ago, luke swarm said:

Its an organ located in the cranial regions Penny, regulates thought processes and higher functions. Alas I fear yours may have succumbed to wet rot or scabies.

 

Clocks ticking Albert.   

But you lack that organ.. you are not even an intellectual giant amongst the fools of Bilston.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

On 5/19/2018 at 6:01 PM, Frank said:

I’m in Andalusia for the season..Cadiz. Ming died in January.

Ignore these fools Frank .. they have no culture  .. I am pleased to see you.