Guest Williewhoopassjohnson Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 49 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: I am home alone Little Willie .. the guests have gorn to Cheshire to deliver the presents that they were going to take on the 27th. They say that they will be back about 8pm .. I reckon that midnight is the likely time. Midnight sounds about right, make the most of the peace and quite. My inlaws have turned up so I'm staying out till they have left to avoid murdering them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 36 minutes ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said: Midnight sounds about right, make the most of the peace and quite. My inlaws have turned up so I'm staying out till they have left to avoid murdering them. I have already told them that I will leave the key under the mat as I am going to bed at 11pm regardless of whether or not they are back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williewhoopassjohnson Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 14 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: I have already told them that I will leave the key under the mat as I am going to bed at 11pm regardless of whether or not they are back. Leaves you the day to do as you please, i suggest a baileys induced coma, its standard Christmas procedure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said: Leaves you the day to do as you please, i suggest a baileys induced coma, its standard Christmas procedure I am going out for a last minute panic shop and then a little drive to Tinmuth .. they have left the keys for the kia electric thingy .. they used the nephews focus for today's trip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williewhoopassjohnson Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 8 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: I am going out for a last minute panic shop and then a little drive to Tinmuth .. they have left the keys for the kia electric thingy .. they used the nephews focus for today's trip Christmas eve panic buying is essential, i usually rememeber everything I've forgotten about 5pm, doesn't make a huge difference now everything is open Christmas and boxing day. Electric car is a big gamble, imagine the horror of running out, middle of the high street. Breakdown recovery will be about three grand Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 4 hours ago, Dawn Chorus said: I am home alone Little Willie .. the guests have gorn to Cheshire to deliver the presents that they were going to take on the 27th. They say that they will be back about 8pm .. I reckon that midnight is the likely time. Home alone. No change there then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 3 hours ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said: Christmas eve panic buying is essential, i usually rememeber everything I've forgotten about 5pm, doesn't make a huge difference now everything is open Christmas and boxing day. Electric car is a big gamble, imagine the horror of running out, middle of the high street. Breakdown recovery will be about three grand I gave up as I couldn't work out how to start the engine .. I got my shopping trolley out and walked down to the shops instead. I then caught the bus to Babbacombe to see Queen Mary 2 .. she a big 'un. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 9 hours ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said: Leaves you the day to do as you please, i suggest a baileys induced coma, its standard Christmas procedure I had a text .. they left Cheshire at just after 8pm .. likely to be back here around 2am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 8 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: I had a text .. they left Cheshire at just after 8pm .. likely to be back here around 2am. Bolt the door. Leave a can of beans on the step for them, no opener. That'll learn 'em. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goober Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Bolt the door. Leave a can of beans on the step for them, no opener. That'll learn 'em. Are you still buying things in cans without ring pulls, Eric? Punkers will be on your case soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 10 hours ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said: Leaves you the day to do as you please, i suggest a baileys induced coma, its standard Christmas procedure A Domestos induced slow and painful death is a far more preferable option for it. (imho) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williewhoopassjohnson Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 38 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: I had a text .. they left Cheshire at just after 8pm .. likely to be back here around 2am. I imagine your response was, keys under the mat, wake me and I'll bottle you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williewhoopassjohnson Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 14 minutes ago, King Billy said: A Domestos induced slow and painful death is a far more preferable option for it. (imho) Being a firm believer in taking the positives from the negatives, atleast it would leave you with citrus fresh breath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 26 minutes ago, Goober said: Are you still buying things in cans without ring pulls, Eric? Punkers will be on your case soon. You'd be surprised what stuff ends up on the market when Colchester barracks have a clear out. Have you heard of 'babies heads'? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goober Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 16 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: You'd be surprised what stuff ends up on the market when Colchester barracks have a clear out. Have you heard of 'babies heads'? My brother spent 9 months in Colchester chokey for faggot bashing whilst in Germany, but that unpleasantly named delicacy has, fortunately, not come to my attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 18 minutes ago, Goober said: My brother spent 9 months in Colchester chokey for faggot bashing whilst in Germany, but that unpleasantly named delicacy has, fortunately, not come to my attention. Babies heads are miniature steak & kidney puds. I think you could get a commercial version of them, branded as 'Goblin'. When you get them out of the tin, they look like, well.. babies heads. One of the more popular ration items. Along with the tins of boiled ham and peas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goober Posted December 24, 2020 Report Share Posted December 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said: Babies heads are miniature steak & kidney puds. I think you could get a commercial version of them, branded as 'Goblin'. When you get them out of the tin, they look like, well.. babies heads. One of the more popular ration items. Along with the tins of boiled ham and peas. You can live on it... Most squaddies I've known would eat the crusty bits out of their own arse cracks. If push came to shove, they'd eat them from other people's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 25, 2020 Report Share Posted December 25, 2020 10 hours ago, King Billy said: A Domestos induced slow and painful death is a far more preferable option for it. (imho) Fuck all to do with you MERRY CHRISTMAS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 25, 2020 Report Share Posted December 25, 2020 10 hours ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said: I imagine your response was, keys under the mat, wake me and I'll bottle you They got back at 2:15 and had the nerve to bang on my bedroom door and tell me to cook the christmas dinner as they won't be up until about 11am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williewhoopassjohnson Posted December 25, 2020 Report Share Posted December 25, 2020 12 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: They got back at 2:15 and had the nerve to bang on my bedroom door and tell me to cook the christmas dinner as they won't be up until about 11am. Turn the gas on, leave the oven door open, flick a match in through the letterbox from the street. Adios guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 25, 2020 Report Share Posted December 25, 2020 1 minute ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said: Turn the gas on, leave the oven door open, flick a match in through the letterbox from the street. Adios guests. All electric bar the central heating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williewhoopassjohnson Posted December 25, 2020 Report Share Posted December 25, 2020 53 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: All electric bar the central heating. Well I'd say grenades but they wont fit through the letterbox and i doubt you've got any semtex laying about. Looks like you'd better get the sprouts on like Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted December 26, 2020 Report Share Posted December 26, 2020 On 25/12/2020 at 09:31, Dawn Chorus said: They got back at 2:15 and had the nerve to bang on my bedroom door and tell me to cook the christmas dinner as they won't be up until about 11am. Do as you’re told and shut up. No one believes you have anyone staying with you for Christmas anyway, so hanging yourself in your living room with the curtains wide open, seems to be your best option of anyone even noticing you at all. Merry Christmas. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted December 29, 2020 Report Share Posted December 29, 2020 Just read this on the SkyNews website. Biggest CHINK?? is he taking the piss? "NHS boss Sir Simon Stevens has told Sky News the country is in the "back in the eye of the storm", as the number of patients being treated for COVID-19 in England's hospitals overtaking the peak back in April. He praised medical staff, but highlighted that many people would currently be feeling "anxious, frustrated and tired". Looking forward to the large scale roll out of the vaccine, he called it the "biggest chink of hope for the year ahead"." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted December 29, 2020 Report Share Posted December 29, 2020 I hesitate to ask, as I suspect the Corner will be full of tinfoil-hatted refuseniks who want to argue that it’s the same every year, hospitals are half empty, what about the Nightingales yadda yadda, but I’m amazed it has not yet been mentioned that ICU’s all over the UK are reporting overcrowding, impending oxygen shortages and are asking anyone with any experience of managing prone unconscious people to report for immediate duty. @Neil, get that white coat dusted off. Don’t worry about the blood stains. But seriously, what an epic shitshow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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