Attention all sheeple! Masks on and trousers down. Prepare your arseholes please.

[Witheredscrote]

35 minutes ago, Eddie said:

The ‘man’ is embarrassingly small, the Sugar loaf incident confirmed my suspicion, tiny and totally hairless. 

I purchased a packet of condoms, when travelling in the Far East. They were for the Chinese market, and about the size of a finger tip 'thingy' that bank tellers use to count money. The late Ming probably thought it was normal.

[Major Cunt]

1 hour ago, Witheredscrote said:

I purchased a packet of condoms, when travelling in the Far East. They were for the Chinese market, and about the size of a finger tip 'thingy' that bank tellers use to count money. The late Ming probably thought it was normal.

I'll doubt you'll be needing vaccinating given your penchant for fowl play, Withers. You're probably the only septuagenarian in Europe immune from all strains of avian flu.

If you'd added a bat cave to your B&Q shed cum-chateau, and indulged your passion for geese...you might have been looking at a Nobel Peace Prize.

[Eric Cuntman]

4 hours ago, Goober said:

The cartridge will be a bigger factor than the gun. I reckon a face shot using full choke (if it's a multichoke) and some 50g magnum AAA shot cartridges and you'd get that to 40 yards. 

 

You ever had any of those Russian magnum cartridges, the green waxed cardboard things? 

[Major Cunt]

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You ever had any of those Russian magnum cartridges, the green waxed cardboard things? 

Eric, is there such a thing as an automatic crossbow? Even one that's semi automatic per se, ie one that brings a bolt up to be fired after you've discharged one. I honestly can't believe how lax the laws are surrounding them. Cheers mate. 

[Witheredscrote]

26 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

I'll doubt you'll be needing vaccinating given your penchant for fowl play, Withers. You're probably the only septuagenarian in Europe immune from all strains of avian flu.

If you'd added a bat cave to your B&Q shed cum-chateau, and indulged your passion for geese...you might have been looking at a Nobel Peace Prize.

Needless to say, I will not be drawn on the subject, but I would just like to say that being sucked off by a fruit bat in a black cave, in Wuhan, is not for the faint hearted.

[Eric Cuntman]

7 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

Eric, is there such a thing as an automatic crossbow? Even one that's semi automatic per se, ie one that brings a bolt up to be fired after you've discharged one. I honestly can't believe how lax the laws are surrounding them. Cheers mate. 

EK Archery make some 'self loading' thing called a Cobra RX. I'm not sure how it works though. I think it's got a bolt magazine and drops one down into the flight groove when you pull a cocking handle. 

[Major Cunt]

19 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Needless to say, I will not be drawn on the subject, but I would just like to say that being sucked off by a fruit bat in a black cave, in Wuhan, is not for the faint hearted.

You'll only be drawn on the subject when there's a beak, or a bill around shrivelled baguette, I'd imagine... 

[Goober]

32 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You ever had any of those Russian magnum cartridges, the green waxed cardboard things? 

I've got some weird and wonderful cartridges in my ammunition chest, ranging from 12G magnum AAA swan shot down to 2 1/2" 9 shot. 410.

Haven't seen paper cartridges for years, I do remember them getting lodged in the chamber if they got even the slightest bit damp l though.

I recall using some old Baikal Russian jobs that kicked like a mule about 30 years ago.

 

[Eric Cuntman]

3 minutes ago, Goober said:

I've got some weird and wonderful cartridges in my ammunition chest, ranging from 12G magnum AAA swan shot down to 2 1/2" 9 shot. 410.

Haven't seen paper cartridges for years, I do remember them getting lodged in the chamber if they got even the slightest bit damp l though.

I recall using some old Baikal Russian jobs that kicked like a mule about 30 years ago.

 

They probably were Baikal. About four inches long and sent flames shooting out of the barrel.

[camberwell gypsy]

2 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

I purchased a packet of condoms, when travelling in the Far East. They were for the Chinese market, and about the size of a finger tip 'thingy' that bank tellers use to count money. The late Ming probably thought it was normal.

Velly small penis! 

[Major Cunt]

9 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

They probably were Baikal. About four inches long and sent flames shooting out of the barrel.

Baikal, the ghetto pistol of choice in most major UK cities. The 9mm's first started showing up in the late 90's with the fall of communism. I wouldn't mind getting my hands on a Skorpion sub machine pistol, they pack quite a punch. 

 

[Eric Cuntman]

24 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

Baikal, the ghetto pistol of choice in most major UK cities. The 9mm's first started showing up in the late 90's with the fall of communism. I wouldn't mind getting my hands on a Skorpion sub machine pistol, they pack quite a punch. 

 

It's really a Makarov. Loose copy of a Walther PP, James Bond gun.

[Goober]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

They probably were Baikal. About four inches long and sent flames shooting out of the barrel.

I've never seen a 4" 12g cartridge. I know wildfowlers that regularly use 3 1/2" though. 

Eley used to sell 12g tracer cartridges that produced a good flame. 

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Goober said:

I've never seen a 4" 12g cartridge. I know wildfowlers that regularly use 3 1/2" though. 

Eley used to sell 12g tracer cartridges that produced a good flame. 

Punt gun. Cartridge like a coke can. I'd love to have a go on one. 

[Goober]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Punt gun. Cartridge like a coke can. I'd love to have a go on one. 

Never seen one, but I've heard tales from the old timers, although their tales should always be taken with a huge pinch of salt. 

It's still legal to use punt guns up to a certain size here, but a pound of steel shot would be about £10 every time the trigger was pulled. 

If you get a chance, go to a  game show and have a go on an old black powder muzzle loader. They're rather fun. 

 

[Decimus]

4 minutes ago, Goober said:

Never seen one, but I've heard tales from the old timers, although their tales should always be taken with a huge pinch of salt. 

It's still legal to use punt guns up to a certain size here, but a pound of steel shot would be about £10 every time the trigger was pulled. 

If you get a chance, go to a  game show and have a go on an old black powder muzzle loader. They're rather fun. 

 

Have you seen The Dig yet, Goober? I have to say I've been impressed with the accent so far. It's technically Suffolk, but similar to ours. Usually whenever a Norfolk or Suffolk accent is attempted on film they get some West Country cunt to do it.

[Goober]

7 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Have you seen The Dig yet, Goober? I have to say I've been impressed with the accent so far. It's technically Suffolk, but similar to ours. Usually whenever a Norfolk or Suffolk accent is attempted on film they get some West Country cunt to do it.

Not yet. It's on my list of things to watch. I might be tempted have a dig in the garden after. 

I'm not entirely sad the Norfolk dialect is dying out. Listening to Canary call after a match is enough to make your ears bleed. 

[Eric Cuntman]

14 minutes ago, Goober said:

Never seen one, but I've heard tales from the old timers, although their tales should always be taken with a huge pinch of salt. 

It's still legal to use punt guns up to a certain size here, but a pound of steel shot would be about £10 every time the trigger was pulled. 

If you get a chance, go to a  game show and have a go on an old black powder muzzle loader. They're rather fun. 

 

I've had a go of a flintlock converted to cap and ball. I did some conversions on decorative Brown Bess wall hangers, turning them into noise makers for those reenactment loonies.

[Decimus]

6 minutes ago, Goober said:

Not yet. It's on my list of things to watch. I might be tempted have a dig in the garden after. 

I'm not entirely sad the Norfolk dialect is dying out. Listening to Canary call after a match is enough to make your ears bleed. 

I'll be sad to see it go. Whenever my sons bring one of their idiot fucking friends home, said little cunt always has some affected mockney, Guy Ritchie twang. Or worse, an inner city yard ape burr. 

Give me a Mundee and Toosdee any day of the week.

[Eric Cuntman]

Just now, Decimus said:

I'll be sad to see it go. Whenever my son's bring one of their idiot fucking friends home, said little cunt always has some affected mockney, Guy Ritchie twang. Or worse, an inner city yard ape burr. 

Give me a Mundee and Toosdee any day of the week.

Did you toype that owt on your compooter?

[Goober]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

I'll be sad to see it go. Whenever my sons bring one of their idiot fucking friends home, said little cunt always has some affected mockney, Guy Ritchie twang. Or worse, an inner city yard ape burr. 

Give me a Mundee and Toosdee any day of the week.

Fair point. I'll take a Norfolk mardle over that noise any day, bor. 

[Witheredscrote]

12 hours ago, Decimus said:

 Usually whenever a Norfolk or Suffolk accent is attempted on film they get some West Country cunt to do it.

Well that is ridiculous, surely there is more than enough local talent?  lol lol Fuck off

[Major Cunt]

8 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Well that is ridiculous, surely there is more than enough local talent?  lol lol Fuck off

What's the score with French regional accents, Withers, is it easy to spot a parisian from a local a resident of Rennes? Surely about 50% of the population are Arabs anyway, but have they developed the yard man accent, or is that just a curse of the English yoof. Fuck knows what the generation after are gonna sound like. 

I'll fully expect a fuck off in your retort. You florescent avian enthusiast. 

[Witheredscrote]

6 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

What's the score with French regional accents, Withers, is it easy to spot a parisian from a local a resident of Rennes? Surely about 50% of the population are Arabs anyway, but have they developed the yard man accent, or is that just a curse of the English yoof. Fuck knows what the generation after are gonna sound like. 

I'll fully expect a fuck off in your retort. You florescent avian enthusiast. 

Patois is still widespread in rural France, and I have become quite aux fait with it in this area, having moved back here 13 years ago. I visit cousins down in the Cantal, and quite honestly I struggle to understand them at times, as do 100% Frenchmen. So as a mongrel I am doing o.k.  In rural France there are very few Arabs, and I haven't seen one locally. As for Parisians, generally arrogant, self centred, overbearing, oversexed bunch of cunts with an inflated sense of self entitlement. I avoid them like the plague, which coincidentally, they have got now. Fuck them.

Pascal, my gardener is black, and the only one in the village.

Oh, fuck off.

[camberwell gypsy]

39 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

What's the score with French regional accents, Withers, is it easy to spot a parisian from a local a resident of Rennes? Surely about 50% of the population are Arabs anyway, but have they developed the yard man accent, or is that just a curse of the English yoof. Fuck knows what the generation after are gonna sound like. 

I'll fully expect a fuck off in your retort. You florescent avian enthusiast. 

Isn't it that the further south you go in France the swathier, shorter and more smellier they become? 

Les Blues always used to have short fat cunts in their front row, all from the south.