Decimus Posted March 25, 2015 Report Share Posted March 25, 2015 So tonight I was at the checkout of a corner shop I've been frequenting for the past two weeks. As I like a fucking drink, I picked up a couple of bottles of wine and a peperami wideboy. As I loaded the goods for the ape behind the counter to scan, I heard him mumble "on the drink again tonight?" I could only assume that he's smarter than he looks and remembered my previous purchases involving booze (all of them). So I tell the cunt that, yes, I am, and assume that's the end of his god damn fucking cheek. What came next was a barrage of quetions more at home with a cunt manning the phones at the samaritans. "How many are for you?" "I take it you have a few days off?" "That reds a bit on the strong side". After a split millisecond of analysing my life and wondering if I have a problem that needs addressing, I snapped out of it and caused a scene. I won't repeat it, but the gist of it involved me carrying out an unlicensed colonoscopy on him with my peperami if he didn't shut his cunting gob. It was one of the spicy red ones as well, so I wasn't fucking about. What made the whole thing doubly unbearable was that the cunt was the spit of Barry Manilow. I havent been able to get Mandy out my head since, and now i wish i bought three fucking bottles to block it out. Now off home to get hammered, good times. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted March 25, 2015 Report Share Posted March 25, 2015 That's a coincidence, because every time I buy a month's supply of extra-extra-extra large condoms the bint at the chemist's checkout says, "Could It Be Magic?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 25, 2015 Report Share Posted March 25, 2015 So you don't feel like your in paradise on Copa-copacabana!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted March 25, 2015 Report Share Posted March 25, 2015 So tonight I was at the checkout of a corner shop I've been frequenting for the past two weeks. As I like a fucking drink, I picked up a couple of bottles of wine and a peperami wideboy. As I loaded the goods for the ape behind the counter to scan, I heard him mumble "on the drink again tonight?" I could only assume that he's smarter than he looks and remembered my previous purchases involving booze (all of them). So I tell the cunt that, yes, I am, and assume that's the end of his god damn fucking cheek. What came next was a barrage of quetions more at home with a cunt manning the phones at the samaritans. "How many are for you?" "I take it you have a few days off?" "That reds a bit on the strong side". After a split millisecond of analysing my life and wondering if I have a problem that needs addressing, I snapped out of it and caused a scene. I won't repeat it, but the gist of it involved me carrying out an unlicensed colonoscopy on him with my peperami if he didn't shut his cunting gob. It was one of the spicy red ones as well, so I wasn't fucking about. What made the whole thing doubly unbearable was that the cunt was the spit of Barry Manilow. I havent been able to get Mandy out my head since, and now i wish i bought three fucking bottles to block it out. Now off home to get hammered, good times.You came and you gave without taking?Geezer!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 25, 2015 Report Share Posted March 25, 2015 So tonight I was at the checkout of a corner shop I've been frequenting for the past two weeks. As I like a fucking drink, I picked up a couple of bottles of wine and a peperami wideboy. As I loaded the goods for the ape behind the counter to scan, I heard him mumble "on the drink again tonight?" I could only assume that he's smarter than he looks and remembered my previous purchases involving booze (all of them). So I tell the cunt that, yes, I am, and assume that's the end of his god damn fucking cheek. What came next was a barrage of quetions more at home with a cunt manning the phones at the samaritans. "How many are for you?" "I take it you have a few days off?" "That reds a bit on the strong side". After a split millisecond of analysing my life and wondering if I have a problem that needs addressing, I snapped out of it and caused a scene. I won't repeat it, but the gist of it involved me carrying out an unlicensed colonoscopy on him with my peperami if he didn't shut his cunting gob. It was one of the spicy red ones as well, so I wasn't fucking about. What made the whole thing doubly unbearable was that the cunt was the spit of Barry Manilow. I havent been able to get Mandy out my head since, and now i wish i bought three fucking bottles to block it out. Now off home to get hammered, good times.You need someone to kiss you and stop you from shaking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrCunt Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 (edited) Nest time, in addition to your vin rouge, buy a tub of vaseline, a cucumber, a Chuck Norris workout video and a jumbo box of tissues and see if the cunt gives you a grilling then. Edited March 26, 2015 by DrCunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 That's pretty shocking, tbh. I'd have thought a written complaint to the shops proprietor is in order. The cunt has no right to comment on what you're forking over your hard-earned cash for, (unless, I suppose, he thought you may have been drunk already, in which case they wouldn't have been allowed to serve it.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 I'm a nosey cunt at the check out. I like looking at what crap the fat cunt behind me has in their trolley or basket to see what makes up the putrid diet that's put them in the fat shit state they're in. Not only am I'm a nosey cunt but I also look down my nose at them, me with my healthy bunch of bananas and a bottle of Indian tonic water, them with their two litre flagon of fizzy pop and cheap value pack sausages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 I'm a nosey cunt at the check out. I like looking at what crap the fat cunt behind me has in their trolley or basket to see what makes up the putrid diet that's put them in the fat shit state they're in. Not only am I'm a nosey cunt but I also look down my nose at them, me with my healthy bunch of bananas and a bottle of Indian tonic water, them with their two litre flagon of fizzy pop and cheap value pack sausages. You're getting perilously close to a punkape impression there, farmer. Steady on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 You're getting perilously close to a punkape impression there, farmer. Steady on.Except that I drive a BMW and he drives a 'school run' shitbox Range Rover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Except that I drive a BMW and he drives a 'school run' shitbox Range Rover.They all look the same... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 They all look the same...Who? The cunts inside Range Rovers? I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 They all look the same...Cue Judge with a hysterical hissy fit bemoaning the racism on the site... Until he realises that this isn't the Trevor McDonald thread. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 You came and you gave without taking?Geezer!!!!If that was me I'd cant smile, can't sing and I'd probably find it hard to do anything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 If that was me I'd cant smile, can't sing and I'd probably find it hard to do anything!Don't come running to me with your problems!I'm writing the songs that make the whole world sing....about love and special things. I'm writing the songs (and do other things, er yes, hem-hem) that make the young girls cry, so shove your tales of shopping-related woe!I'm a busy man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Cue Judge with a hysterical hissy fit bemoaning the racism on the site... Until he realises that this isn't the Trevor McDonald thread.Probably, he seems to misconstrue any comment to be racist... can't even call a spade a spade these days... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 26, 2015 Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 You'll be Ready to Take a Chance Again with that particular shop when you run out of booze. Next time, wear a balaclava and carry a gun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 So there is this cunt oaf talking bollocks - bad, but at least the beast is doing something, like putting bottles in the bag and taking money. And you can always tell him when to get off if necessary. Go to any food store these days and you end up checking out for three hours straight, at one of these multi-cock up, fuck you shopper, cheapskate cunt DIY tills. I feel like sending a few pikeys with axes to take care of this shit at my local shop. A tenner well spent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 We do live in a society where no one really gives a shit about the others wellbeing, so long as it doesn't impact on the value of your property. Maybe this guy was just caring? it does sound like you drink too much. Take it from one who knows these things! No one wants to hear the truth... there the sermon endeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 We do live in a society where no one really gives a shit about the others wellbeing, so long as it doesn't impact on the value of your property. Maybe this guy was just caring? it does sound like you drink too much. Take it from one who knows these things! No one wants to hear the truth... there the sermon endeth.No, he's clearly a universal bad vibes merchant intent on destroying Decimus' karma with his prissy little commentary and his subliminal planting of Barry Manilow tracks in his head. I mean shit like that really puts ISIS beheadings into context as far as I'm concerned.PS The buggeryfuck of an edit button doesn't work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 We do live in a society where no one really gives a shit about the others wellbeing, so long as it doesn't impact on the value of your property. Maybe this guy was just caring? it does sound like you drink too much. Take it from one who knows these things! No one wants to hear the truth... there the sermon endeth.I would get annoyed if he made these comments to me. Its none of his damn business what he buys. I was at a restaurant some time back and the waitress kept joining in with our conversation. I wanted to tell her to do her job and the only thing I wanted coming from her gob was "yes madam, right away madam" . However I didn't because I didn't fancy my Sea bass coming into contact with her cunny. I'm not that sort of gal! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 I would get annoyed if he made these comments to me. Its none of his damn business what he buys. I was at a restaurant some time back and the waitress kept joining in with our conversation. I wanted to tell her to do her job and the only thing I wanted coming from her gob was "yes madam, right away madam" . However I didn't because I didn't fancy my Sea bass coming into contact with her cunny. I'm not that sort of gal!Well said. Who do these fucking cunts think they are? Priests or something? Decimus has every right to feel aggrieved imho. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 I wonder if Keith ever gets in to conversations regarding his purchases in the 'specialty' shop ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 I think more check out staff should comment on calorific value in peoples trolleys - might be a few less fat bastards about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted March 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 I would get annoyed if he made these comments to me. Its none of his damn business what he buys. I was at a restaurant some time back and the waitress kept joining in with our conversation. I wanted to tell her to do her job and the only thing I wanted coming from her gob was "yes madam, right away madam" . However I didn't because I didn't fancy my Sea bass coming into contact with her cunny. I'm not that sort of gal!Well said. Who do these fucking cunts think they are? Priests or something? Decimus has every right to feel aggrieved imho. Too fucking right, regardless of what you buy, be it booze, fags, a bag of apples or a cornetto. You should be able to do it without some moralising salvation army wannabe tutting in righteous disapproval. If I was to comment on everything that I found morally reprehensible and disgusting I'd be in A&E by the end of the day- or recruited to the post of editor of The Daily Mail. I much prefer the civilised and modern way of doing it i.e. anonymously on a website. If you're in a service industry you should at least have basic manners. Rude staff are one of my biggest pet hates and I won't be going back. That is unless I abandon venting on here and take the more old school tradition of kicking his fucking teeth down his throat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpeg.c6a3570f59a9af3275bac5c0f655573c.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.