Decimus Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) So my perfect evening began a few hours ago. I seconded myself to the the couch, can of Kroney in one hand, Marlboro cig in the other. The missus and my progeny are at the mother-in-laws and I'm indulging in a Quantum leap marathon. Everything was fucking perfect until half an hour ago. Like a Jedi Knight, I felt a disturbance in the force, an overwhelming sense that something wasn't right. Pressing the mute button on the telly confirmed my suspicions. I could hear the faint resonance of what I can only describe as a mixture between whale song and a pack of marauding baboons high on crack. Bewitched like a pied piper of Hamlin victim, I slowly moved myself towards the source of the ruckus. Within three foot of the adjoining wall to our neighbours house, roughly where the staircase is, I heard the following: "Arghhhhhhhh fuck arghhhhhh, cock me you bastard, cock me, harder you fucking bastard, fuck me like you fucking mean it." The walls are quite substantial, so the dirty cunt was really going at it for it to be so coherent to me. To put my disgust it into context, my neighbour is approaching twenty stone and resembles the bastard love child of Bernard Manning and Vinny the Panda from the Fox's biscuits advert. Fuck knows who the unlucky fella is, she's been understandably single since I've lived here. It's put me right off the chicken kebab I had planned for later and I'm only relieved that my ungrateful brat children are currently making my witch of a mother in laws life hell instead of asking me what "cock me" means. Edited May 22, 2015 by Decimus 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 So my perfect evening began a few hours ago. I seconded myself to the the couch, can of Kroney in one hand, Marlboro cig in the other. The missus and my progeny are at the mother-in-laws and I'm indulging in a Quantum leap marathon. Everything was fucking perfect until half an hour ago. Like a Jedi Knight, I felt a disturbance in the force, an overwhelming sense that something wasn't right. Pressing the mute button on the telly confirmed my suspicions. I could hear the faint resonance of what I can only describe as a mixture between whale song and a pack of marauding baboons high on crack. Bewitched like a pied piper of Hamlin victim, I slowly moved myself towards the source of the ruckus. Within three foot of the adjoining wall to our neighbours house, roughly where the staircase is, I heard the following: "Arghhhhhhhh fuck arghhhhhh, cock me you bastard, cock me, harder you fucking bastard, fuck me like you fucking mean it." The walls are quite substantial, so the dirty cunt was really going at it for it to be so coherent to me. To put my disgust it into context, my neighbour is approaching twenty stone and resembles the bastard love child of Bernard Manning and Vinny the Panda from the Fox's biscuits advert. Fuck knows who the unlucky fella is, she's been understandably single since I've lived here. It's put me right off the chicken kebab I had planned for later and I'm only relieved that my ungrateful brat children are currently making my witch of a mother in laws life hell instead of asking me what "cock me" means.Stop it Dec's you're giving me a chubby 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 I love you Decimus. May your loins be fruitful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Pop in next door for a Diamond White Deco. I've moved over to Norfolk to be with the chubster of my dreams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 So my perfect evening began a few hours ago. I seconded myself to the the couch, can of Kroney in one hand, Marlboro cig in the other. The missus and my progeny are at the mother-in-laws and I'm indulging in a Quantum leap marathon. Everything was fucking perfect until half an hour ago. Like a Jedi Knight, I felt a disturbance in the force, an overwhelming sense that something wasn't right. Pressing the mute button on the telly confirmed my suspicions. I could hear the faint resonance of what I can only describe as a mixture between whale song and a pack of marauding baboons high on crack. Bewitched like a pied piper of Hamlin victim, I slowly moved myself towards the source of the ruckus. Within three foot of the adjoining wall to our neighbours house, roughly where the staircase is, I heard the following: "Arghhhhhhhh fuck arghhhhhh, cock me you bastard, cock me, harder you fucking bastard, fuck me like you fucking mean it." The walls are quite substantial, so the dirty cunt was really going at it for it to be so coherent to me. To put my disgust it into context, my neighbour is approaching twenty stone and resembles the bastard love child of Bernard Manning and Vinny the Panda from the Fox's biscuits advert. Fuck knows who the unlucky fella is, she's been understandably single since I've lived here. It's put me right off the chicken kebab I had planned for later and I'm only relieved that my ungrateful brat children are currently making my witch of a mother in laws life hell instead of asking me what "cock me" means.Pile of shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick_B Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 I'm only relieved that my ungrateful brat children are currently making my witch of a mother in laws life hell instead of asking me what "cock me" means. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Pile of shit.Francis, you fucking shagsack. I've been all over Londinium for the last few weeks, drinking and dining in the finest gaffs on expenses. You fucking weren't in any of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 So my perfect evening began a few hours ago. I seconded myself to the the couch, can of Kroney in one hand, Marlboro cig in the other. The missus and my progeny are at the mother-in-laws and I'm indulging in a Quantum leap marathon. Everything was fucking perfect until half an hour ago. Like a Jedi Knight, I felt a disturbance in the force, an overwhelming sense that something wasn't right. Pressing the mute button on the telly confirmed my suspicions. I could hear the faint resonance of what I can only describe as a mixture between whale song and a pack of marauding baboons high on crack. Bewitched like a pied piper of Hamlin victim, I slowly moved myself towards the source of the ruckus. Within three foot of the adjoining wall to our neighbours house, roughly where the staircase is, I heard the following: "Arghhhhhhhh fuck arghhhhhh, cock me you bastard, cock me, harder you fucking bastard, fuck me like you fucking mean it." The walls are quite substantial, so the dirty cunt was really going at it for it to be so coherent to me. To put my disgust it into context, my neighbour is approaching twenty stone and resembles the bastard love child of Bernard Manning and Vinny the Panda from the Fox's biscuits advert. Fuck knows who the unlucky fella is, she's been understandably single since I've lived here. It's put me right off the chicken kebab I had planned for later and I'm only relieved that my ungrateful brat children are currently making my witch of a mother in laws life hell instead of asking me what "cock me" means.Rambling and waffling... nothing more, nothing less. Tapping out two bob, witless and wankery fabricated stories, upsets me no end. Idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Francis, you fucking shagsack. I've been all over Londinium for the last few weeks, drinking and dining in the finest gaffs on expenses. You fucking weren't in any of them.I can imagine you dolling yourself up, stepping out up west, lump in throat.... waltzing into places where you know full well you don't belong. Mutton dressed as fuckin mutton. How are you Jackie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 I can imagine you dolling yourself up, stepping out up west, lump in throat.... waltzing into places where you know full well you don't belong. Mutton dressed as fuckin mutton. How are you Jackie?I confess, it was all a bit stressful for me. I coped by thinking "what would Francis do ?". So I drank the place half dry of good gin ( The Bermondsey ?, and the Ape & Bird ). Then I face fucked a strumpet and cried for lost love. The good people of London have accepted me as an equal, well, the cunts that relieved me of a small fortune in the space of a fortnight did, the fucking cockney cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Where the fuck did you come from Frank you cunt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 What a pair of dirty cunts. I'd get my guitar out, turn the speakers to the wall, turn the amp up full pelt, and play frankie goes to hollywood when you want to cum. They'll be embarrassed to fuck next time you see them putting the bins out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted May 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Rambling and waffling... nothing more, nothing less. Tapping out two bob, witless and wankery fabricated stories, upsets me no end. Idiot. I've missed you, Frank. If you wanted my attention you should have just done the usual, PM'd me pictures of the syphilitic lesions on your cock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 I confess, it was all a bit stressful for me. I coped by thinking "what would Francis do ?". So I drank the place half dry of good gin ( The Bermondsey ?, and the Ape & Bird ). Then I face fucked a strumpet and cried for lost love. The good people of London have accepted me as an equal, well, the cunts that relieved me of a small fortune in the space of a fortnight did, the fucking cockney cunts.Assuming you were dressed in your usual finery... flared and frayed stone-washed jeans, Stone Island military top and dirty shoes, your face fucking boast is at best questionable. I was in Seville for the start of the bullfighting season. How about you and Gobbie joining me in July for the Pamplona 'Running of the Bulls'. She'd deepthroat the legs of them hairy toro's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Fuckin' ell... That's a bit passé Frank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Fuckin' ell... That's a bit passé Frank.It's been a long time, spotcunt. I see it's all satnavs and smart phones these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 I've missed you, Frank. If you wanted my attention you should have just done the usual, PM'd me pictures of the syphilitic lesions on your cock. I'm making one last stand, decimus. To destroy all that jazz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 I'm making one last stand, decimus. To destroy all that jazz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Pop in next door for a Diamond White Deco. I've moved over to Norfolk to be with the chubster of my dreams.I saw a link to a website, "cats that look like hitler."We don't have a cat, but my mrs would be a natural for "pussies that look like castro". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Pile of shit. I'm currently in Lanzarote. Have you moored your yacht nearby? If so I'm willing to put on my best frock and gold sandals and sup wine on your quarter deck with you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 I'm currently in Lanzarote. Have you moored your yacht nearby? If so I'm willing to put on my best frock and gold sandals and sup wine on your quarter deck with youMore or less nearby... Seville-Cadiz-Veyer-Tarifa. Do you have a dusty dreadlocked and matted fanny like most of the travelling Brit-gyps in Spain? Fucking Bob Marley on loop, converted transit vans and unwashed toilet dodgers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 Rambling and waffling... nothing more, nothing less. Tapping out two bob, witless and wankery fabricated stories, upsets me no end. Idiot. Dear oh dear Frank. If i may quote from 'The Elephant Man" ........"You wanna be more sociable mate.....you'll get yourself disliked". Fuck me Frank, do i have to tell you everything you knob? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted May 22, 2015 Report Share Posted May 22, 2015 More or less nearby... Seville-Cadiz-Veyer-Tarifa. Do you have a dusty dreadlocked and matted fanny like most of the travelling Brit-gyps in Spain? Fucking Bob Marley on loop, converted transit vans and unwashed toilet dodgers. No Frank I haven't. You fucking shrimp dicked twat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted May 23, 2015 Report Share Posted May 23, 2015 Dear oh dear Frank. If i may quote from 'The Elephant Man" ........"You wanna be more sociable mate.....you'll get yourself disliked". Fuck me Frank, do i have to tell you everything you knob?An old mincer of your standing should not be reduced to trading insults with the likes of kid Snatch. There's thick, then there's thick... then there is Snatch. Good morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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