Guest Piston Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 (edited) The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated. Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion. So far so PC BUT This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me. The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only). With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck... I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all. It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'. Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus! How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that? Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know. Why the fuck is this shit not banned? BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it? Readers' Digest colostomy bag: The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because: It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts. It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts. Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!! and no, I do not! Edited September 30, 2016 by Piston Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 You're going to get dog's abuse for this nom 'it's all over the shop...it's too long....it's hyper-punctuated wank' etc. But I like it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Just now, Jiggerycock said: You're going to get dog's abuse for this nom 'it's all over the shop...it's too long....it's hyper-punctuated wank' etc. But I like it You are Dick Emery and I claim...etc You're right but I was so pissed off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 This nom is all over the shop. It's also way too long, and appears to be hyper-punctuated. It's wank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 21 minutes ago, Piston said: The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated. Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion. So far so PC BUT This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me. The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only). With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck... I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all. It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'. Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus! How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that? Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know. Why the fuck is this shit not banned? BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it? Readers' Digest colostomy bag: The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because: It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts. It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts. Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!! and no, I do not! Fucking hell, another essay writing wanker. I didn't think you could disappoint me any further, but you have succeeded. Cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 11 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Fucking hell, another essay writing wanker. I didn't think you could disappoint me any further, but you have succeeded. Cunt Du Vin, Du pain, Du Boursin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 9 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Fucking hell, another essay writing wanker. I didn't think you could disappoint me any further, but you have succeeded. Cunt If it's too hard give up but don't fucking whinge. I know whingeing is a French thing but so is giving up. So give the fuck up and shut the fuck up. Merde! Ps Too long? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Does the horn work on your car? You use this to warn other drivers of your presence. If you ever experience a similar event, use this to alert the driver. She? (Probably) will be alerted to your presence and if necessary take corrective action - which may involve them, you or both shitting yourself but a collision should be avoided. You fucking divvy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 42 minutes ago, Piston said: The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated. Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion. So far so PC BUT This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me. The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only). With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck... I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all. It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'. Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus! How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that? Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know. Why the fuck is this shit not banned? BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it? Readers' Digest colostomy bag: The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because: It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts. It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts. Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!! and no, I do not! To be fair to this chap, nobody ever really notices anyone driving a Smartcar. I would say that it was probably your fault for buying one of these contraptions and then taking it into the countryside .....chap probably thought it was a piece of fly tip caught by the wind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 52 minutes ago, Piston said: The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated. Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion. So far so PC BUT This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me. The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only). With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck... I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all. It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'. Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus! How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that? Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know. Why the fuck is this shit not banned? BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it? Readers' Digest colostomy bag: The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because: It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts. It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts. Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!! and no, I do not! What an all over the shop, elongated, hyper-punctuated, pile of wank of a nom. Did you have an early finish to go to the pub? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 42 minutes ago, Ape said: This nom is all over the shop. It's also way too long, and appears to be hyper-punctuated. It's wank. Yes, all of the above has already been said by others. What, precisely, do you bring to the party? Plagiarising pillock. Fuck off to mumsnet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 19 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Does the horn work on your car? You use this to warn other drivers of your presence. If you ever experience a similar event, use this to alert the driver. She? (Probably) will be alerted to your presence and if necessary take corrective action - which may involve them, you or both shitting yourself but a collision should be avoided. You fucking divvy. No complaint re my horn. A distress flare would have made sod all difference. " I was there when it happened so I guess I ought to know" Fuck! It was you wasn't it? Drew P Touch-Screen, wipe your fingers here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 12 minutes ago, Bubba C said: What an all over the shop, elongated, hyper-punctuated, pile of wank of a nom. Did you have an early finish to go to the pub? Yep I guess the colons were just too much for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Just now, Piston said: No complaint re my horn. A distress flare would have made sod all difference. " I was there when it happened so I guess I ought to know" Fuck! It was you wasn't it? Drew P Touch-Screen, wipe your fingers here. slow down, you are just lashing out needlessly...........its already well documented that Drews Mobility buggy is not licensed for road use so your accusations are weak...a bit like Drews legs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 19 minutes ago, Piston said: Yes, all of the above has already been said by others. What, precisely, do you bring to the party? Plagiarising pillock. Fuck off to mumsnet. It was intended as a light hearted joke, you touchy fucking prick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 10 minutes ago, luke swarm said: slow down, you are just lashing out needlessly...........its already well documented that Drews Mobility buggy is not licensed for road use so your accusations are weak...a bit like Drews legs. Has Droopy got weak legs. Why doesn't he move to a bungalow?. Lets be honest, if you left him in charge of a Stannah stair lift he would manage to drive it into a wall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 19 minutes ago, Piston said: No complaint re my horn. A distress flare would have made sod all difference. " I was there when it happened so I guess I ought to know" Fuck! It was you wasn't it? Drew P Touch-Screen, wipe your fingers here. You sound like one of those drivers that find it impossible to appreciate the exact size of their car. Have confidence in your abilities and 'use the force' you fucking numpty. If the worst happens, do you have insurance? If yes, then you've got fuck all to worry about and it will brighten up what sounds like a very dull existence, being you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 5 minutes ago, Ape said: It was intended as a light hearted joke, you touchy-screeny fucking prick. Aye. Fair enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Honky-tonks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 35 minutes ago, Piston said: Yep I guess the colons were just too much for you. Indeed. Although Pinky will never tire of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 5 hours ago, Piston said: The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated. Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion. So far so PC BUT This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me. The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only). With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck... I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all. It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'. Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus! How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that? Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know. Why the fuck is this shit not banned? BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it? Readers' Digest colostomy bag: The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because: It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts. It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts. Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!! and no, I do not! Like James May on ketamine and even more boring. What the fuck? Idiot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted October 1, 2016 Report Share Posted October 1, 2016 While I agree with the nomination, it seems very long winded. Surely it could have been a little more succinct? Something like....people programming their infotainment system while driving should have their eyes boiled in their own car's battery acid as they are obviously not using them to drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted October 1, 2016 Report Share Posted October 1, 2016 19 hours ago, Piston said: The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated. Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion. So far so PC BUT This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me. The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only). With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck... I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all. It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'. Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus! How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that? Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know. Why the fuck is this shit not banned? BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it? Readers' Digest colostomy bag: The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because: It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts. It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts. Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!! and no, I do not! My oh my, this is truly, properly shite- undeniably so. Absolute shite. You would need to have been as drunk as fuck, or just recently suffered some awful brain injury. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted October 1, 2016 Report Share Posted October 1, 2016 4 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: My oh my, this is truly, properly shite- undeniably so. Absolute shite. You would need to have been as drunk as fuck, or just recently suffered some awful brain injury. Guilty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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