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Infotainment: The Mark of the Moron (long words and shit)


Guest Piston

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The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated.
Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion.

So far so PC BUT

This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me.

The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only).
With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck...
 

I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all.

It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'.

Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus!  How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that?

Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know.

Why the fuck is this shit not banned?
 
BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it?


Readers' Digest colostomy bag:

The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because:

  • It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts.
  • It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts.

Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!!

and no, I do not!

 

Edited by Piston
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Just now, Jiggerycock said:

You're going to get dog's abuse for this nom 'it's all over the shop...it's too long....it's hyper-punctuated wank' etc.

But I like it

You are Dick Emery and I claim...etc

You're right but I was so pissed off.

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21 minutes ago, Piston said:

The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated.
Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion.

So far so PC BUT

This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me.

The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only).
With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck...
 

I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all.

It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'.

Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus!  How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that?

Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know.

Why the fuck is this shit not banned?
 
BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it?


Readers' Digest colostomy bag:

The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because:

  • It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts.
  • It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts.

Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!!

and no, I do not!

 

Fucking hell, another essay writing wanker. I didn't think you could disappoint me any further, but you have succeeded. Cunt

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9 minutes ago, witheredscrote said:

Fucking hell, another essay writing wanker. I didn't think you could disappoint me any further, but you have succeeded. Cunt

If it's too hard give up but don't fucking whinge. I know whingeing is a French thing but so is giving up.

So give the fuck up and shut the fuck up. Merde!

 

Ps Too long?

 

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps

Does the horn work on your car? You use this to warn other drivers of your presence. If you ever experience a similar event, use this to alert the driver. She? (Probably) will be alerted to your presence and if necessary take corrective action - which may involve them, you or both shitting yourself but a collision should be avoided. You fucking divvy.

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Guest luke swarm
42 minutes ago, Piston said:

The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated.
Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion.

So far so PC BUT

This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me.

The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only).
With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck...
 

I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all.

It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'.

Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus!  How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that?

Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know.

Why the fuck is this shit not banned?
 
BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it?


Readers' Digest colostomy bag:

The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because:

  • It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts.
  • It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts.

Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!!

and no, I do not!

 

To be fair to this chap, nobody ever really notices anyone driving a Smartcar.

I would say that it was probably your fault for buying one of these contraptions and then taking it into the countryside .....chap probably thought it was a piece of fly tip caught by the wind.

 

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52 minutes ago, Piston said:

The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated.
Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion.

So far so PC BUT

This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me.

The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only).
With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck...
 

I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all.

It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'.

Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus!  How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that?

Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know.

Why the fuck is this shit not banned?
 
BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it?


Readers' Digest colostomy bag:

The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because:

  • It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts.
  • It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts.

Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!!

and no, I do not!

 

What an all over the shop, elongated, hyper-punctuated, pile of wank of a nom. 

Did you have an early finish to go to the pub? 

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42 minutes ago, Ape said:

This nom is all over the shop. It's also way too long, and appears to be hyper-punctuated. It's wank.

Yes, all of the above has already been said by others.

What, precisely, do you bring to the party?

Plagiarising pillock.

Fuck off to mumsnet.

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19 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

Does the horn work on your car? You use this to warn other drivers of your presence. If you ever experience a similar event, use this to alert the driver. She? (Probably) will be alerted to your presence and if necessary take corrective action - which may involve them, you or both shitting yourself but a collision should be avoided. You fucking divvy.

No complaint re my horn.

A distress flare would have made sod all difference.

" I was there when it happened so I guess I ought to know"

Fuck! It was you wasn't it?

Drew P Touch-Screen, wipe your fingers here.

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12 minutes ago, Bubba C said:

What an all over the shop, elongated, hyper-punctuated, pile of wank of a nom. 

Did you have an early finish to go to the pub? 

Yep

I guess the colons were just too much for you.

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Guest luke swarm
Just now, Piston said:

No complaint re my horn.

A distress flare would have made sod all difference.

" I was there when it happened so I guess I ought to know"

Fuck! It was you wasn't it?

Drew P Touch-Screen, wipe your fingers here.

slow down, you are just lashing out needlessly...........its already well documented that Drews Mobility buggy is not licensed for road use so your accusations are weak...a bit like Drews legs.   

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10 minutes ago, luke swarm said:

slow down, you are just lashing out needlessly...........its already well documented that Drews Mobility buggy is not licensed for road use so your accusations are weak...a bit like Drews legs.   

Has Droopy got weak legs. Why doesn't he move to a bungalow?. Lets be honest, if you left him in charge of a Stannah stair lift he would manage to drive it into a wall.

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps
19 minutes ago, Piston said:

No complaint re my horn.

A distress flare would have made sod all difference.

" I was there when it happened so I guess I ought to know"

Fuck! It was you wasn't it?

Drew P Touch-Screen, wipe your fingers here.

You sound like one of those drivers that find it impossible to appreciate the exact size of their car. Have confidence in your abilities and 'use the force' you fucking numpty.

If the worst happens, do you have insurance? If yes, then you've got fuck all to worry about and it will brighten up what sounds like a very dull existence, being you.

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5 hours ago, Piston said:

The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated.
Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion.

So far so PC BUT

This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me.

The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only).
With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck...
 

I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all.

It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'.

Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus!  How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that?

Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know.

Why the fuck is this shit not banned?
 
BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it?


Readers' Digest colostomy bag:

The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because:

  • It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts.
  • It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts.

Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!!

and no, I do not!

 

Like James May on ketamine and even more boring. What the fuck?

Idiot 

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Guest Alfie Noakes

While I agree with the nomination, it seems very long winded. Surely it could have been a little more succinct? Something like....people programming their infotainment system while driving should have their eyes boiled in their own car's battery acid as they are obviously not using them to drive. 

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Guest Quincy Cockfingers
19 hours ago, Piston said:

The use of a hand held mobile phone whilst driving (pull over you cunt) is, rightly, deprecated.
Texting on the move is so obviously twatty that the chopping-off of hands seems fair to me. Then (oh the irony..); we can ban the use of 'hands free' phoning whilst the vehicle is in motion.

So far so PC BUT

This morning, driving along a country B-road (blind bends, blind brows etc): an anonymous bland shit-heap vehilcle cometh towards me.

The approaching driver keeps ducking down below the dashboard as though the cunt is being shot at (if only).
With each duck the fucker drifts onto my side of the road; the 'ducker' is oblivious to my presence. Oh fuck...
 

I slide and pray into a bit of a 'lay by' created by a wide farm-entrance and shit-for-brains (still ducking and diving) misses me, on 'my' side of the road, by mm. It never fucking noticed me at all.

It was trying to do something with its touch-screen (50p obsolete phone/tablet reject) Infotainment (a word for wankers if ever there was one) 'System'.

Shitty touch-screens with fucking sub-menus!  How utterly fucking dangerously stupid is that?

Ok, it saves the manufacturer a fortune; the cost is passed to the cuntsumer (when the cheap shit dies). As a bonus, retards think 'Touchscreen Infotainment' is a cool phrase, its the biggest word-pair they fucking know.

Why the fuck is this shit not banned?
 
BMW and Mercedes don't do anything so stupidly cheap and nasty, they know it's dangerous (various press releases) so how can the rest get away with it?


Readers' Digest colostomy bag:

The nom is: 'Touchscreen Infotainment' and the cunts that worship at the altar, because:

  • It's deadly (even the better systems). So users are thick and/or cunts.
  • It's such a fucking ugly word, designed by cunts for cunts.

Killed on the road, ah well. Killed by a heap-of-meat with the IQ of a brick? Fuck off!!

and no, I do not!

 

My oh my, this is truly, properly shite- undeniably so. Absolute shite. You would need to have been as drunk as fuck, or just recently suffered some awful brain injury.

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Guest Piston
4 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

My oh my, this is truly, properly shite- undeniably so. Absolute shite. You would need to have been as drunk as fuck, or just recently suffered some awful brain injury.

Guilty

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