Ape™️ Posted February 11, 2017 Report Share Posted February 11, 2017 I had to make a number of trips to our local dump today, to dispose of a huge amount of shit that was generated during a recent building project. Hopefully this explanation will deter certain flids from making oh-so-hilarious jibes about living in a dump, etc. Anyway, several times during the numerous journeys we (as in my wife and I - fuck off) encountered people who only managed to reach the speed limit of the road they were "driving" on, about 50 yards from the end. We're talking about 2 miles to reach 50 mph. I'm not a fan of cunts who speed, but I'm far less of a fan of those who have no concept of the speed limit, where the limit changes and what the current speed limit is. Unsurprisingly, it's Nissan Micra drivers that are, by far, the biggest culprits. What is it about these cars? Oh, and while I think of it - fuck off Punky. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 11, 2017 Report Share Posted February 11, 2017 2 minutes ago, Ape said: I had to make a number of trips to our local dump today, to dispose of a huge amount of shit that was generated during a recent building project. Hopefully this explanation will deter certain flids from making oh-so-hilarious jibes about living in a dump, etc. Anyway, several times during the numerous journeys we (as in my wife and I - fuck off) encountered people who only managed to reach the speed limit of the road they were "driving" on, about 50 yards from the end. We're talking about 2 miles to reach 50 mph. I'm not a fan of cunts who speed, but I'm far less of a fan of those who have no concept of the speed limit, where the limit changes and what the current speed limitis. Unsurprisingly, it's Nissan Micra drivers that are, by far, the biggest culprits. What is it about these cars? Oh, and while I think of it - fuck off Punky. you boring little tit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 1 minute ago, Ape said: I had to make a number of trips to our local dump today, to dispose of a huge amount of shit that was generated during a recent building project. Hopefully this explanation will deter certain flids from making oh-so-hilarious jibes about living in a dump, etc. Anyway, several times during the numerous journeys we (as in my wife and I - fuck off) encountered people who only managed to reach the speed limit of the road they were "driving" on, about 50 yards from the end. We're talking about 2 miles to reach 50 mph. I'm not a fan of cunts who speed, but I'm far less of a fan of those who have no concept of the speed limit, where the limit changes and what the current speed limitis. Unsurprisingly, it's Nissan Micra drivers that are, by far, the biggest culprits. What is it about these cars? Oh, and while I think of it - fuck off Punky. Like those cunts who automatically slow to 40 whenever they see a camera that everyone in the local area knows hasn't worked for fucking years in a 50 zone on a dual carriageway. It's even worse for me. I'm weird, so I drive an automatic, and I have to wait around for all the useless cunts in front of me to lift the clutch as delicately as possible and crawl off at slower than walking pace so they don't fucking stall. If it was up to me they would all be fucking dead. Dead in fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 4 minutes ago, Roadkill said: Like those cunts who automatically slow to 40 whenever they see a camera that everyone in the local area knows hasn't worked for fucking years in a 50 zone on a dual carriageway. It's even worse for me. I'm weird, so I drive an automatic, and I have to wait around for all the useless cunts in front of me to lift the clutch as delicately as possible and crawl off at slower than walking pace so they don't fucking stall. If it was up to me they would all be fucking dead. Dead in fire. Or drive at 40 regardless of the limit. Those cunts who speed through a 30 are the worst mind. It's there for a reason Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 12, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 7 minutes ago, ratcum said: you boring little tit With only a minor alteration, your comment can be made 100% applicable to you: boring becomes weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Then, having finally reached the speed limit, they spy a roundabout several miles ahead and immediately begin to slow down again. They will eventually (and I mean fucking eventually) grind to a dead halt at said roundabout, even though there is quite obviously no other traffic at all within 400 yards in any direction EXCEPT FOR ME, WAITING FOR THE TOTAL FUCKING CUNT TO START THE WHOLE SORRY CYCLE ALL OVER AGAIN. Why oh fucking why don't they fit Exocet missiles as standard these days instead of cigarette lighters? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 12, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Just now, Cuntybaws said: Then, having finally reached the speed limit, they spy a roundabout several miles ahead and immediately begin to slow down again. They will eventually (and I mean fucking eventually) grind to a dead halt at said roundabout, even though there is quite obviously no other traffic at all within 400 yards in any direction EXCEPT FOR ME, WAITING FOR THE TOTAL FUCKING CUNT TO START THE WHOLE SORRY CYCLE ALL OVER AGAIN. Why oh fucking why don't they fit Exocet missiles as standard these days instead of cigarette lighters? Spot on 'Baws - one of the cunts we encountered today began his deceleration around half a mile from the next junction. I can only assume he must have been pissed off with the over-priced, low quality brake pads he'd bought from Eddie and Fatty, and wanted to reduce any stress on them. Or perhaps he was just a fucking idiot? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 We have a long urban 40 mph four lane highway (dual carriageway without a central reservation or crash barrier). It is the main East to West route through the city. It is eight miles long and has a large shopping area with a tesco etc which is a rght turn on the roundabout. There is one other significant right turn half way along. People will move into the outside lane at least 2 miles before their turn and sit there at 28 mph even though there are many signs advising that the limit on this road is 40. Then some idiot will move alongside them on the left but will not undertake them (even though it is obvious said fucktard is going to turn right eventually) blocking any attempt to go past. It would seem that a lot of people do not understand the national speed limit sign. A diagonal black line on a white background sems to be meaningless as a lot of people think country roads are 40 not 60 and dual carriageways are either 50 or 60 not 70 (must have a physical division between sides as said above). When an area is cordoned off for a right turn on a road with cross hatched markings you can go in early if it has broken lines along its sides. If it is a solid edge you can only go in that area in an emergency. Used to teach motorcycling and car driving back in late eighties and early nineties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Nothing as lovely as a 24mph drive along the A500 on a busy Saturday afternoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 8 hours ago, Ape said: With only a minor alteration, your comment can be made 100% applicable to you: boring becomes weird. Ape you spell it ACCELERATE and in the title too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Fucking motorists. They had better keep off my footpaths or risk death at the hands of a cycle ninja. By the way, I ride a bike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Worse than any of these is the cyclist who persists in using narrow main roads and gathering a long queue of motorists behind him as he struggles up a 1 in 8 hill rather than stopping every now and then to let fuckers pass him .. these cunts should be set on fire with bicycle tyres wrapped around their necks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Another type of trat is the 25 stone cunt on a 50cc moped that you can't overtake. About 35 years ago I followed one of these from Macclesfield almost all the way to The Cat & Fiddle. He must have weighed about 30 stones and he was on what looked to be a Raleigh Runabout moped. Most speed he made was about 10 miles an hour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 12 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said: Worse than any of these is the cyclist who persists in using narrow main roads and gathering a long queue of motorists behind him as he struggles up a 1 in 8 hill rather than stopping every now and then to let fuckers pass him .. these cunts should be set on fire with bicycle tyres wrapped around their necks. I don't like country roads. I don't like the countryside. I don't trust air you can't see. If I saw a 1 in 8 hill on my bike, I would catch PTSD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 6 minutes ago, Manky said: I don't like country roads. I don't like the countryside. I don't trust air you can't see. If I saw a 1 in 8 hill on my bike, I would catch PTSD. Some of the cunts only seem to be able to ride their bikes up 1 in 8 hills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 11 hours ago, Ape said: With only a minor alteration, your comment can be made 100% applicable to you: boring becomes weird. you're right Ape, so long as we both keep the tit bit I'm happy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 5 hours ago, Noakes said: We have a long urban 40 mph four lane highway (dual carriageway without a central reservation or crash barrier). It is the main East to West route through the city. It is eight miles long and has a large shopping area with a tesco etc which is a rght turn on the roundabout. There is one other significant righf turn half way along. People will move into the outside lane at least 2 miles before their turn and sit there at 28 mph even though there are many signs advising that the limit on this road is 40. Then some idiot will move alongside them on the left but will not undertake them (even though it is obvious said fucktard is going to turn right eventually) blocking any attempt to go past. It would seem that a lot of people do not understand the national speed limit sign. A diagonal black line on a white background sems to be meaningless as a lot of people think country roads are 40 not 60 and dual carriageways are either 50 or 60 not 70 (must have a physical division between sides as said above). When an area is cordoned off for a right turn on a road with cross hatched markings you can go in early if it has broken lines along its sides. If it is a solid edge you can only go in that area in an emergency. Used to teach motorcycling and car driving back in late eighties and early nineties. By and large, I take little notice of road signs. Nobody tells me how to fucking drive 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: By and large, I take little notice of road signs. Nobody tells me how to fucking drive As evidenced by the amount of hairy truckers that have ploughed hard and fast into the back end of you, smashing your exhaust pipe to pieces. Dirty tart. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 1 hour ago, Decimus said: As evidenced by the amount of hairy truckers that have ploughed hard and fast into the back end of you, smashing your exhaust pipe to pieces. Dirty tart. Very good Decs. On form as ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 18 hours ago, Cuntybaws said: Then, having finally reached the speed limit, they spy a roundabout several miles ahead and immediately begin to slow down again. They will eventually (and I mean fucking eventually) grind to a dead halt at said roundabout, even though there is quite obviously no other traffic at all within 400 yards in any direction EXCEPT FOR ME, WAITING FOR THE TOTAL FUCKING CUNT TO START THE WHOLE SORRY CYCLE ALL OVER AGAIN. Why oh fucking why don't they fit Exocet missiles as standard these days instead of cigarette lighters? You forgot something, they also put on the fucking handbrake and take the car out of gear, rattle the gearstick to make doubly sure it's in neutral... 1 hour ago, Decimus said: As evidenced by the amount of hairy truckers that have ploughed hard and fast into the back end of you, smashing your exhaust pipe to pieces. Dirty tart. 15 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Very good Decs. On form as ever. Not bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 20 hours ago, Roadkill said: Like those cunts who automatically slow to 40 whenever they see a camera that everyone in the local area knows hasn't worked for fucking years in a 50 zone on a dual carriageway. It's even worse for me. I'm weird, so I drive an automatic, and I have to wait around for all the useless cunts in front of me to lift the clutch as delicately as possible and crawl off at slower than walking pace so they don't fucking stall. If it was up to me they would all be fucking dead. Dead in fire. You call it an 'automatic'. Most people call them mobility scooters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted February 12, 2017 Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 2 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: You call it an 'automatic'. Most people call them mobility scooters. They see me rollin', They hate it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 On 2/11/2017 at 6:54 PM, Ape said: I had to make a number of trips to our local dump today, to dispose of a huge amount of shit that was generated during a recent building project. Hopefully this explanation will deter certain flids from making oh-so-hilarious jibes about living in a dump, etc. Anyway, several times during the numerous journeys we (as in my wife and I - fuck off) encountered people who only managed to reach the speed limit of the road they were "driving" on, about 50 yards from the end. We're talking about 2 miles to reach 50 mph. I'm not a fan of cunts who speed, but I'm far less of a fan of those who have no concept of the speed limit, where the limit changes and what the current speed limit is. Unsurprisingly, it's Nissan Micra drivers that are, by far, the biggest culprits. What is it about these cars? Oh, and while I think of it - fuck off Punky. While you were there, did you happen to turn up round Frank's large box and bludgeon him a few times with some scraps of building lumber? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest I know that Cunt Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 On 11/02/2017 at 11:54 PM, Ape said: I had to make a number of trips to our local dump today, to dispose of a huge amount of shit that was generated during a recent building project. But surely this must be normal in your household, anywhere you live must be full of bullshit. I do however agree with your sentiments regarding tardy drivers so I will give you a like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 3 minutes ago, I know that Cunt said: But surely this must be normal in your household, anywhere you live must be full of bullshit. I do however agree with your sentiments regarding tardy drivers so I will give you a like. Silence, you vile, thick, racist fucking cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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