Neil Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 Without sounding too much like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm what's the cut off point for attending someone's funeral?.I knew the bloke through work,I quite liked him when our paths crossed but that may have been a good year or two apart and now I'm being frowned at by some because I ve said I didn't really know him well enough to attend.I'm gauging it on the question "Would he have come to mine?".I think the answer Is no so on that basis they can all go and get fucked.And yes I realise some of you would come to mine if only to salsa on my grave....you're welcome to do that,I'm getting buried at sea Fuck off 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 7 minutes ago, Neil said: Without sounding too much like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm what's the cut off point for attending someone's funeral?.I knew the bloke through work,I quite liked him when our paths crossed but that may have been a good year or two apart and now I'm being frowned at by some because I ve said I didn't really know him well enough to attend.I'm gauging it on the question "Would he have come to mine?".I think the answer Is no so on that basis they can all go and get fucked.And yes I realise some of you would come to mine if only to salsa on my grave....you're welcome to do that,I'm getting buried at sea Fuck off The cut off point is determined by Professor Mankys Funeral Etiquette Algorithm. I fed all your details into the programme and it said anytime is OK as long as the person is dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 I don't like funerals. People take them too fucking seriously Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 It's a formulae known as 'The Cark Coefficient' How much totty will be there x the quality of booze and food at the wake x are you in their will (squared) all over 'are they fucking Christadelphians or Quakers or some cuntingly dull entity who'll prattle on for fucking eons whilst all you want is to get first dibs at the buffet'? Amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 2 hours ago, Neil said: Without sounding too much like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm what's the cut off point for attending someone's funeral?.I knew the bloke through work,I quite liked him when our paths crossed but that may have been a good year or two apart and now I'm being frowned at by some because I ve said I didn't really know him well enough to attend.I'm gauging it on the question "Would he have come to mine?".I think the answer Is no so on that basis they can all go and get fucked.And yes I realise some of you would come to mine if only to salsa on my grave....you're welcome to do that,I'm getting buried at sea Fuck off I would have thought that it would have taken a full platoon of marines to hold you back from attending, Neil. It's got all of your favourite things. Emotionally fragile, drunken women, and as many Iceland prawn rings and sausage rolls that you can shove into your fat fucking gob in one sitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 40 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: It's a formulae known as 'The Cark Coefficient' How much totty will be there x the quality of booze and food at the wake x are you in their will (squared) all over 'are they fucking Christadelphians or Quakers or some cuntingly dull entity who'll prattle on for fucking eons whilst all you want is to get first dibs at the buffet'? Amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday. Also, emotionally unstable women in black turn me on, an ideal hunting ground. Ask around, was he well insured, how much is the estate worth, did the widow get everything? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 If you think he would have passed on attending your funeral, then he's a cunt! Fuck him, go get pissed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 8 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Also, emotionally unstable women in black turn me on, an ideal hunting ground. Ask around, was he well insured, how much is the estate worth, did the widow get everything? Albert, please don't take this the wrong way, but it needs to be said. You are absolutely fucking shit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 7 minutes ago, Decimus said: Albert, please don't take this the wrong way, but it needs to be said. You are absolutely fucking shit. You are getting too mouthy again. Pipe down or fuck off. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 2 minutes ago, The Beast said: You are getting too mouthy again. Pipe down or fuck off. Proper it carries far more weight when you say these things with your hat on. Do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 15 minutes ago, Decimus said: Albert, please don't take this the wrong way, but it needs to be said. You are absolutely fucking shit. Not as absolutely fucking shit as you, you fucking shit eating ladyboy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 6 minutes ago, Frank said: Proper it carries far more weight when you say these things with your hat on. Do it again. Noted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 22 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Not as absolutely fucking shit as you, you fucking shit eating ladyboy! Try and maintain an even temper. They will read this, smell blood and begin to circle. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 35 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Not as absolutely fucking shit as you, you fucking shit eating ladyboy! Stage 1 of Meltdown: Emboldening of shit posts 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 2 minutes ago, Bubba C said: Stage 1 of Meltdown: Emboldening of shit posts Do you think he will do the full Jazz or just minor meltdown territory? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 55 minutes ago, Albert Ross said: Not as absolutely fucking shit as you, you fucking shit eating ladyboy! Post-to-like ratio 149/13. Not a great start Al. Have you got anything up your sleeve, thicko? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 13 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: Do you think he will do the full Jazz or just minor meltdown territory? It’s got potential, Bert does seem incredibly fucking stupid. How is the maniac, by the way. Dead yet? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 1 hour ago, The Beast said: You are getting too mouthy again. Pipe down or fuck off. You'll not get in my top ten with that sort of attitude. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 1 hour ago, Albert Ross said: Not as absolutely fucking shit as you, you fucking shit eating ladyboy! Albers, I'm afraid that Proper has made it clear to me that we aren't allowed to spar for the foreseeable future. In the absence of being my new Ding toy, perhaps you'd like to alternatively butter me up with a few likes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 47 minutes ago, Frank said: Post-to-like ratio 149/13. Not a great start Al. Have you got anything up your sleeve, thicko? Never forget frank, most of your own "likes" came when we all thought you were dead, so why not improve your own figures by the simple expedient of suicide? You know it makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 40 minutes ago, Decimus said: Albers, I'm afraid that Proper has made it clear to me that we aren't allowed to spar for the foreseeable future. In the absence of being my new Ding toy, perhaps you'd like to alternatively butter me up with a few likes? I'll butter you up alright, just as Marlon Brando used it, but you'd love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 Imagine the size of the grave they'd need to dig to dispose of Neil's whale-like carcass. It would look like the foundations of a Dubai skyscraper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 2 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: Imagine the size of the grave they'd need to dig to dispose of Neil's whale-like carcass. It would look like the foundations of a Dubai skyscraper. Well as he has already said he's going to be buried at sea then yes, I can imagine his whale like carcass floating off Jaywick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 8, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 I want to be cremated and my ashes sprinkled in Frank's pants and that way he'll always remember me as an irritating little prick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 6 hours ago, Neil said: Without sounding too much like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm what's the cut off point for attending someone's funeral?.I knew the bloke through work,I quite liked him when our paths crossed but that may have been a good year or two apart and now I'm being frowned at by some because I ve said I didn't really know him well enough to attend.I'm gauging it on the question "Would he have come to mine?".I think the answer Is no so on that basis they can all go and get fucked.And yes I realise some of you would come to mine if only to salsa on my grave....you're welcome to do that,I'm getting buried at sea Fuck off Neil, you need to get out more you inward looking prick. Put on your suit, black tie and sad face...you get maybe:Alcohol Food Grieving totty needing comfort...and kudos for showing up! Booze, buffet and bonk....all free, WTF else do you want? I'll go if you like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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