The Rt Hon Gavin Williamson MP

[Last Cunt Standing]

5 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Your own Marise Payne is no honey Doc…ffs!

 

Her boyfriend, 15 years her junior, obviously disagrees. Perhaps he likes a challenge.

[Last Cunt Standing]

39 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

For the life of me I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t be spunking their pants at the prospect of a Ashes tour. These cunts will be spending xmas with their families for the next 50 years and probably hating it. A win down under would make them hero’s forever.

Getting the series done by Xmas at a few bubble grounds could be a compromise if we want the strongest squad but a team of county pros would probably get the same result of a right hammering by the convicts. 

It’s only commercial pressures keeping it alive now really. I say defer it until January, let the soft sods pull their crackers in Blighty, and jump on a plane on Boxing Day ready for a best of 3 back to back in Jan at safe cities Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane.

If the big names all pussy out and stay at home, they’ll go down several notches in my estimation. F S Trueman would have had much to say. Si’ thee. 

[camberwell gypsy]

10 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

It’s only commercial pressures keeping it alive now really. I say defer it until January, let the soft sods pull their crackers in Blighty, and jump on a plane on Boxing Day ready for a best of 3 back to back in Jan at safe cities Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane.

If the big names all pussy out and stay at home, they’ll go down several notches in my estimation. F S Trueman would have had much to say. Si’ thee. 

I'd say "Which English cricketer wants to go on the ashes tour over the Christmas period". Then select the 17 from those who indicate they're willing and fuck the rest. OK, the squad may not be the first selected squad, but at least you'll have players who want to play. And an excuse if they get tonked. Remember the '86 ashes tour? They weren't given a chance but look what they achieved. And they had a bowler with no neck. 

 

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Her boyfriend, 15 years her junior, obviously disagrees. Perhaps he likes a challenge.

Liz Truss or her…ten seconds. Take your pick.

[Last Cunt Standing]

8 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Liz Truss or her…ten seconds. Take your pick.

I’ll take the money, Des. Sure as shit I’m not opening the box. 

[Trucking Funt]

5 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’ll take the money, Des. Sure as shit I’m not opening the box. 

Morning Matron. Are you feeling safer today now Boris has reimposed British hegemony over Australia?   

[Stubby Pecker]

10 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

It’s only commercial pressures keeping it alive now really. I say defer it until January, let the soft sods pull their crackers in Blighty, and jump on a plane on Boxing Day ready for a best of 3 back to back in Jan at safe cities Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane.

If the big names all pussy out and stay at home, they’ll go down several notches in my estimation. F S Trueman would have had much to say. Si’ thee. 

The ashes have to be a 5 test rubber

5 tests in January and February could be the best bet, meaning we could focus on the T20 World Cup bollocks. However, no time for decent prep and warm up games so no change there…

[Last Cunt Standing]

3 hours ago, Trucking Funt said:

Morning Matron. Are you feeling safer today now Boris has reimposed British hegemony over Australia?   

Do fuck off you knobhead. Boris couldn’t pin the tail on the donkey, much less order another country about. You well know his track record on negotiations, including dropping his trousers and any pretence of environmental credentials to secure tuppence off Vegemite and Tim Tams. If it’s the submarines you’re clumsily referring to, then Australia has bought those as a paying customer and most of the kit is coming from Virginia as far as I know, which isn’t part of Britain anymore. I’d have thought you’d be applauding any move to contain the Chinese, as most Brexiteer dullards I know have segued neatly from Brussels to Beijing in their one dimensional narratives. You should also be predictably delighted to see the French complain about underhand negotiation tactics. 

It’s a shame your Grandad shuffled off to the great Legion Bar in the Sky before he’d chance to teach you the difference between a partner and a supplicant. Get someone to look it up for you next time you’re hanging about aimlessly in the Canteen waiting for your tachograph to let you go back to work. 

[Last Cunt Standing]

3 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

The ashes have to be a 5 test rubber

5 tests in January and February could be the best bet, meaning we could focus on the T20 World Cup bollocks. However, no time for decent prep and warm up games so no change there…

Tradition says it’s a five test rubber, but it’s not like it came down with Moses on tablets of stone. I fully expect Test series to shrink in years to come, I’m sorry to say. Dying format. Take the women’s Ashes, for example. Isn’t that one Test, one ODI, a T20, then a pillow fight and a Three-legged race?

[Goober]

12 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Tradition says it’s a five test rubber, but it’s not like it came down with Moses on tablets of stone. I fully expect Test series to shrink in years to come, I’m sorry to say. Dying format. Take the women’s Ashes, for example. Isn’t that one Test, one ODI, a T20, then a pillow fight and a Three-legged race?

Don't forget the scissoring and cunnilingus. The team of dykes generating the most orgasms in one hour wins an extra point. 

Never has winning the toss been more critical. 

My preference would be for the series to be canned. I can't bear the thought of a second rate England team being torn a new one, yet again, on those fast, flat wickets. I might have thought differently if England's fastest bowlers weren't crook and wanted to play. 

[Stubby Pecker]

7 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Tradition says it’s a five test rubber, but it’s not like it came down with Moses on tablets of stone. I fully expect Test series to shrink in years to come, I’m sorry to say. Dying format. Take the women’s Ashes, for example. Isn’t that one Test, one ODI, a T20, then a pillow fight and a Three-legged race?

I believe we played the Aussies in the early 80s (Brierley as skipper) in a series where the ashes weren’t at stake, but it’s got to be 5 test rubber (used to be 6 at times)- it’s cricket law.

I agree tests are dying, but not in England or where we play overseas, especially the West Indies where the grounds are full of travelling support. They shouldn’t though- think of the great games in recent years; Sri Lanka knocking off a huge score in South Africa, India the same in a Gabba deciding test, Stokes and Leach. I could mention a dozen games in the last few years which rank as some of the greatest of all time

As for the curry whallahs, fucking off to the IPL to get in their 10 days isolation. What cunts. I hope isis burn down their hotel 

[Goober]

21 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I'd say "Which English cricketer wants to go on the ashes tour over the Christmas period". Then select the 17 from those who indicate they're willing and fuck the rest. OK, the squad may not be the first selected squad, but at least you'll have players who want to play. And an excuse if they get tonked. Remember the '86 ashes tour? They weren't given a chance but look what they achieved. And they had a bowler with no neck. 

 

That Sandi Toksvig was lethal off a long run up. 

[Trucking Funt]

8 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Do fuck off you knobhead. Boris couldn’t pin the tail on the donkey, much less order another country about. You well know his track record on negotiations, including dropping his trousers and any pretence of environmental credentials to secure tuppence off Vegemite and Tim Tams. If it’s the submarines you’re clumsily referring to, then Australia has bought those as a paying customer and most of the kit is coming from Virginia as far as I know, which isn’t part of Britain anymore. I’d have thought you’d be applauding any move to contain the Chinese, as most Brexiteer dullards I know have segued neatly from Brussels to Beijing in their one dimensional narratives. You should also be predictably delighted to see the French complain about underhand negotiation tactics. 

It’s a shame your Grandad shuffled off to the great Legion Bar in the Sky before he’d chance to teach you the difference between a partner and a supplicant. Get someone to look it up for you next time you’re hanging about aimlessly in the Canteen waiting for your tachograph to let you go back to work. 

Oh dear Matron! You seem a little confused. It isn't coming FROM Virginia, it might be coming from the Virginia class which is a type of US attack sub, you fucking imbecile.

The likelihood however is that the Aussies will go with the Royal Navy's Astute class because it's cheaper and requires smaller crews. No doubt the Yanks will fill their boots by hybridising it with their reactors and weapons systems but I'm sure BAE systems will be doing most of the work down there in Adelaide seeing as they already have a yard set up to build Type 26 frigates for the Aussie navy as well. They might be paying for it all but we don't just sell this stuff to anyone and the RAN have a massive erection for the Astute. The Astute class is the deadliest attack sub in the world because of its superior detection systems and dive rate. Even the fucking yanks are scared of it after it humiliated their navy in a NATO exercise a few years back. Scott Morrison has landed Australia a good deal if that is the case.

Of course I'm celebrating French humiliation, what true blooded Englishman wouldn't after the filthy cunts have spent the last 18 months flushing their illegal migrant toilet on us. Hopefully it will be the catalyst for that pompous little twat Macron getting the French equivalent of a P45 in April and some proper right wing government in France to clean the place up. Many French cities are starting to look like a Dakar slum which is why the illegals won't stay put. 

Spitting in Beijing's eye is most definitely the icing on the cake however. It sets us apart from the cowardly EU who have been sucking Comrade Xi's dick in the hope he will throw them a few scraps. It's a wonderful start for the British return to the far east as well. Hopefully the Chinky flu will clear up in time for HMS Queen Elizabeth carrier group to make a stop in Sydney harbour on the way home so a proper Union Jack can fly gloriously over the colonials just like it did in the good old days. Do they still hunt Abos in the outback? I'm sure the Admiral wouldn't mind a bit of sport while he's ashore.

[Eric Cuntman]

12 minutes ago, Trucking Funt said:

Oh dear Matron! You seem a little confused. It isn't coming FROM Virginia, it might be coming from the Virginia class which is a type of US attack sub, you fucking imbecile.

The likelihood however is that the Aussies will go with the Royal Navy's Astute class because it's cheaper and requires smaller crews. No doubt the Yanks will fill their boots by hybridising it with their reactors and weapons systems but I'm sure BAE systems will be doing most of the work down there in Adelaide seeing as they already have a yard set up to build Type 26 frigates for the Aussie navy as well. They might be paying for it all but we don't just sell this stuff to anyone and the RAN have a massive erection for the Astute. The Astute class is the deadliest attack sub in the world because of its superior detection systems and dive rate. Even the fucking yanks are scared of it after it humiliated their navy in a NATO exercise a few years back. Scott Morrison has landed Australia a good deal if that is the case.

Of course I'm celebrating French humiliation, what true blooded Englishman wouldn't after the filthy cunts have spent the last 18 months flushing their illegal migrant toilet on us. Hopefully it will be the catalyst for that pompous little twat Macron getting the French equivalent of a P45 in April and some proper right wing government in France to clean the place up. Many French cities are starting to look like a Dakar slum which is why the illegals won't stay put. 

Spitting in Beijing's eye is most definitely the icing on the cake however. It sets us apart from the cowardly EU who have been sucking Comrade Xi's dick in the hope he will throw them a few scraps. It's a wonderful start for the British return to the far east as well. Hopefully the Chinky flu will clear up in time for HMS Queen Elizabeth carrier group to make a stop in Sydney harbour on the way home so a proper Union Jack can fly gloriously over the colonials just like it did in the good old days. Do they still hunt Abos in the outback? I'm sure the Admiral wouldn't mind a bit of sport while he's ashore.

The outback isn't what it used to be TF. The Antipodean LGBT  action group have won their appeal to have Australias most iconic landmark painted pink and resculpted into 'Ayers Cock'.

[Trucking Funt]

5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

The outback isn't what it used to be TF. The Antipodean LGBT  action group have won their appeal to have Australias most iconic landmark painted pink and resculpted into 'Ayers Cock'.

Bummer! (No pun intended, of course.)

[Stubby Pecker]

31 minutes ago, Trucking Funt said:

Oh dear Matron! You seem a little confused. It isn't coming FROM Virginia, it might be coming from the Virginia class which is a type of US attack sub, you fucking imbecile.

The likelihood however is that the Aussies will go with the Royal Navy's Astute class because it's cheaper and requires smaller crews. No doubt the Yanks will fill their boots by hybridising it with their reactors and weapons systems but I'm sure BAE systems will be doing most of the work down there in Adelaide seeing as they already have a yard set up to build Type 26 frigates for the Aussie navy as well. They might be paying for it all but we don't just sell this stuff to anyone and the RAN have a massive erection for the Astute. The Astute class is the deadliest attack sub in the world because of its superior detection systems and dive rate. Even the fucking yanks are scared of it after it humiliated their navy in a NATO exercise a few years back. Scott Morrison has landed Australia a good deal if that is the case.

Of course I'm celebrating French humiliation, what true blooded Englishman wouldn't after the filthy cunts have spent the last 18 months flushing their illegal migrant toilet on us. Hopefully it will be the catalyst for that pompous little twat Macron getting the French equivalent of a P45 in April and some proper right wing government in France to clean the place up. Many French cities are starting to look like a Dakar slum which is why the illegals won't stay put. 

Spitting in Beijing's eye is most definitely the icing on the cake however. It sets us apart from the cowardly EU who have been sucking Comrade Xi's dick in the hope he will throw them a few scraps. It's a wonderful start for the British return to the far east as well. Hopefully the Chinky flu will clear up in time for HMS Queen Elizabeth carrier group to make a stop in Sydney harbour on the way home so a proper Union Jack can fly gloriously over the colonials just like it did in the good old days. Do they still hunt Abos in the outback? I'm sure the Admiral wouldn't mind a bit of sport while he's ashore.

I’m sure the response to the chinks from the US-UK-Aussie pack was very diplomatic, unlike the nationalistic commie, Sabre rattling bullshit they come out with. Privately however, the governments of these 3 leaders of the free and non corrupt world will be telling the slopes to get fucked, it’s none of your business. 
I genuinely, genuinely hope there are plans afoot to hit the chinks with viruses that’ll make COVID look like grazed knee. Payback for their incompetence in unleashing it in the first place and the blatant lies and coverups since.

Kill them all

[camberwell gypsy]

1 minute ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I’m sure the response to the chinks from the US-UK-Aussie pack was very diplomatic, unlike the nationalistic commie, Sabre rattling bullshit they come out with. Privately however, the governments of these 3 leaders of the free and non corrupt world will be telling the slopes to get fucked, it’s none of your business. 
I genuinely, genuinely hope there are plans afoot to hit the chinks with viruses that’ll make COVID look like grazed knee. Payback for their incompetence in unleashing it in the first place and the blatant lies and coverups since.

Kill them all

The only way to hit these cunts is to stop buying their shit products. 

[Trucking Funt]

Just now, Stubby Pecker said:

I’m sure the response to the chinks from the US-UK-Aussie pack was very diplomatic, unlike the nationalistic commie, Sabre rattling bullshit they come out with. Privately however, the governments of these 3 leaders of the free and non corrupt world will be telling the slopes to get fucked, it’s none of your business. 
I genuinely, genuinely hope there are plans afoot to hit the chinks with viruses that’ll make COVID look like grazed knee. Payback for their incompetence in unleashing it in the first place and the blatant lies and coverups since.

Kill them all

I think this is a warning to Winnie the pooh to stay the fuck away from Taiwan and if they don't heed it, Japan, South Korea, Malaysia, the Philippines and Vietnam will be armed to the teeth as well because the Afghan money pit fund can easily find a new home. 

This agreement of course opens the door for US and Royal Navy vessels to regularly operate out of Aussie ports which is going royally fuck with the Chinese navy's ability to make surprise appearances in waters around Australia, something they've have done on several occasions. It would be piss funny if one of their shitty destroyers broke apart fleeing from an Anglo/US patrol then the pictures got beamed around the world showing these fucking animals up for the paper tiger they really are.

[Trucking Funt]

2 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

The only way to hit these cunts is to stop buying their shit products. 

True but there's too many greedy business owning cunts who wouldn't even dream of doing so unless there was a government trade embargo. I can see it coming though if India and Indonesia get their acts together and start offering an alternative to Chinese made crap. 

[camberwell gypsy]

9 minutes ago, Trucking Funt said:

True but there's too many greedy business owning cunts who wouldn't even dream of doing so unless there was a government trade embargo. I can see it coming though if India and Indonesia get their acts together and start offering an alternative to Chinese made crap. 

Thing is with India, as someone else pointed out on here, is the infrastructure in India is shit. Massive investment will need to be pumped into the place to get their transport system up to scratch. 

[Trucking Funt]

1 minute ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Thing is with India, as someone else pointed out on here, is the infrastructure in India is shit. Massive investment will need to be pumped into the place to get their transport system up to scratch. 

Oh it will take a few years but India has got big plans if Narendra Modi can stay in power and stay alive. The west is finally coming to the conclusion that China is about as trustworthy as Jimmy Savile running a creche and have to move their manufacturing bases somewhere else so I wouldn't be surprised if serious money starts getting pumped into India over the next several years. I believe Samsung has already fucked China off and moved its main production plant to Uttar Pradesh. Usually the Koreans are ahead of the curve on this type of thing so I would expect the Yanks will move everything en masse soon to take advantage of the ample supply of cheap child labour and fuck all in the way of employment laws.

[Cuntybaws]

3 minutes ago, Trucking Funt said:

Oh it will take a few years but India has got big plans if Narendra Modi can stay in power and stay alive. The west is finally coming to the conclusion that China is about as trustworthy as Jimmy Savile running a creche and have to move their manufacturing bases somewhere else so I wouldn't be surprised if serious money starts getting pumped into India over the next several years. I believe Samsung has already fucked China off and moved its main production plant to Uttar Pradesh. Usually the Koreans are ahead of the curve on this type of thing so I would expect the Yanks will move everything en masse soon to take advantage of the ample supply of cheap child labour and fuck all in the way of employment laws.

I made a stack of money from Chinese tech stocks last year on the Covid rebound, but ditched the lot this spring when the first signs of state interference became evident. Just as fucking well, as it turns out. I don't think I'm quite ready to invest in India just yet, though. 

[Trucking Funt]

3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I made a stack of money from Chinese tech stocks last year on the Covid rebound, but ditched the lot this spring when the first signs of state interference became evident. Just as fucking well, as it turns out. I don't think I'm quite ready to invest in India just yet, though. 

I'm probably teaching grandma to suck eggs but don't invest in any Chinese property companies. Their biggest one Evergrande is about to go tits up owing $300 billion and not even the Chinese government can bail the fucker out because the rest of the pack will expect the same when the dominos start to fall as expected. I might see if there is a punt on Chinese property auction houses. Business could be looking up.

[Last Cunt Standing]

3 hours ago, Trucking Funt said:

Oh dear Matron! You seem a little confused. It isn't coming FROM Virginia, it might be coming from the Virginia class which is a type of US attack sub, you fucking imbecile.

The likelihood however is that the Aussies will go with the Royal Navy's Astute class because it's cheaper and requires smaller crews. No doubt the Yanks will fill their boots by hybridising it with their reactors and weapons systems but I'm sure BAE systems will be doing most of the work down there in Adelaide seeing as they already have a yard set up to build Type 26 frigates for the Aussie navy as well. They might be paying for it all but we don't just sell this stuff to anyone and the RAN have a massive erection for the Astute. The Astute class is the deadliest attack sub in the world because of its superior detection systems and dive rate. Even the fucking yanks are scared of it after it humiliated their navy in a NATO exercise a few years back. Scott Morrison has landed Australia a good deal if that is the case.

Of course I'm celebrating French humiliation, what true blooded Englishman wouldn't after the filthy cunts have spent the last 18 months flushing their illegal migrant toilet on us. Hopefully it will be the catalyst for that pompous little twat Macron getting the French equivalent of a P45 in April and some proper right wing government in France to clean the place up. Many French cities are starting to look like a Dakar slum which is why the illegals won't stay put. 

Spitting in Beijing's eye is most definitely the icing on the cake however. It sets us apart from the cowardly EU who have been sucking Comrade Xi's dick in the hope he will throw them a few scraps. It's a wonderful start for the British return to the far east as well. Hopefully the Chinky flu will clear up in time for HMS Queen Elizabeth carrier group to make a stop in Sydney harbour on the way home so a proper Union Jack can fly gloriously over the colonials just like it did in the good old days. Do they still hunt Abos in the outback? I'm sure the Admiral wouldn't mind a bit of sport while he's ashore.

Jesus Christ. Classic armchair general guff. You’re the sort of prick that buys Navy News and Airliner World magazines, aren’t you? Or has this deep strategic knowledge been gleaned from loitering around the vending machines in some Portsmouth engineering company like a mobile office Colin? All this shit about getting one over on such and such, or whose got the biggest boat with the best dive rate….fucking dive rate….it’s impossible not to feel a bit sorry for you. 

My unsolicited advice would be to pack away the Airfix kit and the semen-encrusted back editions of Janes Defence Weekly, and brush up on the social skills so that one day you might find a nice lady who’ll touch your ickle winkle for you. Do your grandad proud, soldier. 

Oh, and The Norfolk Navy Yards, traditional home of US Naval manufacturing is in….Virginia. As if I’d pay any attention to what kind of boat ScoMo is ordering for 2030. I’m too busy learning Mandarin and digging a fallout shelter. 

[Eric Cuntman]

3 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Jesus Christ. Classic armchair general guff. You’re the sort of prick that buys Navy News and Airliner World magazines, aren’t you? Or has this deep strategic knowledge been gleaned from loitering around the vending machines in some Portsmouth engineering company like a mobile office Colin? All this shit about getting one over on such and such, or whose got the biggest boat with the best dive rate….fucking dive rate….it’s impossible not to feel a bit sorry for you. 

My unsolicited advice would be to pack away the air fix kit and the semen-encrusted back editions of Janes Defence Weekly, and brush up on the social skills so that one day you might find a nice lady who’ll touch your ickle winkle for you. Do your grandad proud, soldier. 

Oh, and The Norfolk Navy Yards, traditional home of US Naval manufacturing is in….Virginia. As if I’d pay any attention to what kind of boat ScoMo is ordering for 2030. I’m too busy learning Mandarin and digging a fallout shelter. 

Airfix.

'jolly tricky getting the little brush in to do the little chap.'