Jiggerycock Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 I understand the need for 'snuggles'. I can dig romance. I am down with grand emotional gestures. But then I come to the execution part of it all and well...exhibit A, one Valentines Card and a fancy bag to put her presents in (I'm not taking this whole 'New Man' thing as far as actually wrapping her presents up. That's a tacit admission of homosexuality! Fuck that!). Price £9.45 Several expletives and a shocked Clintons Card employee later and she's getting a can of Stella, two straws ('cos it's all about the sharing isn't it?) and a punch up the whiskers ........and that opening paragraph? That was a load of bollocks 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 The look on her face when she opens her new "Dragon Dildo with Barbed Anal Probe" - priceless. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest White van man Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said: I understand the need for 'snuggles'. I can dig romance. I am down with grand emotional gestures. But then I come to the execution part of it all and well...exhibit A, one Valentines Card and a fancy bag to put her presents in (I'm not taking this whole 'New Man' thing as far as actually wrapping her presents up. That's a tacit admission of homosexuality! Fuck that!). Price £9.45 Several expletives and a shocked Clintons Card employee later and she's getting a can of Stella, two straws ('cos it's all about the sharing isn't it?) and a punch up the whiskers ........and that opening paragraph? That was a load of bollocks JC, don't be so daft with your money. There's a easier way that's free, and works anytime, not just Valentines day. Instead of saying "I'll make tea tonight" say "I'm gonna make you a nice meal tonight". It's exactly the same thing for you, but you get a guaranteed payout. Honestly it works everytime. Even if they're on to you, they're on the back foot. Just throw in "i just wanted to show how much i love you". They just want to tell their friends you made a lovely meal. It's foolproof. Me and my mates have been doing it to our wives for years. They even discuss who got made the nicest meal. They're thick as fuck. Obviously this doesn't leave this site. Last thing we want is a #valentinesmetoo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 I'm going to surprise her this year,I've booked a table for 7 o'clock,I just hope she remembers to bring her cue I'm 'ere all week 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 Another cuntfest, i have known couples to be at each others throats all year round (including birthdays and Christmas) but as soon as Valentines arrives, they put off Hostilities for that day so they can have one massive shag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt) Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 30 minutes ago, Fender777 said: Another cuntfest, i have known couples to be at each others throats all year round (including birthdays and Christmas) but as soon as Valentines arrives, they put off Hostilities for that day so they can have one massive shag. What makes a "shag" become a "massive shag"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 1 minute ago, Albert Ross said: When makes a "shag" become a "massive shag"? Shall we put it this way , so that your one brain cell doesn't implode...when does a cunt become a massive cunt. Al, just look in the mirror. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 3 hours ago, Neil said: I'm going to surprise her this year,I've booked a table for 7 o'clock,I just hope she remembers to bring her cue I'm 'ere all week The only surprise being that the poor cow won't be expected to spend another Valentine's day running from security guards as you both raid the bins at your local Asda in search of discontinued XXXL George range spanx. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 3 hours ago, Albert Ross said: What makes a "shag" become a "massive shag"? You unbelievably dull cunt, you could never understand. Dead barn animals and aborted foetus parts are not involved. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 £9.45.... How fucking much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 10 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: You unbelievably dull cunt, you could never understand. Dead barn animals and aborted foetus parts are not involved. Fuck off. I visited the seaside with the stubblets yesterday wiz (inbetween the the rain/hail/snow) and saw several shags and other bird species specific to that environment. I'd happily go there with Bertie dross and show him the cliff tops as long as I could walk behind him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 3 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: I visited the seaside with the stubblets yesterday wiz Stubby, you're not a stay at home father are you? Or one of those fucking saps with a picture of their children on their office mug who insist on taking every half term off? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 4 minutes ago, Decimus said: Stubby, you're not a stay at home father are you? Or one of those fucking saps with a picture of their children on their office mug who insist on taking every half term off? They'll look after me in my old age, yours will pack you off to Switzerland or just bump you off here at the first opportunity 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: They'll look after me in my old age Never mind them wiping your arse in 40 years, I imagine that they're already tying your shoelaces for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 Decs,has the postman delivered your self written cards to you yet? I hope you remembered to send one to your greatest love....Dear right hand,love you loads xx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 1 hour ago, Stubby Pecker said: They'll look after me in my old age, yours will pack you off to Switzerland or just bump you off here at the first opportunity Do you listen to Women's Hour on your DAB radio whilst the missus is out earning the bread? I'd commend you on being such a modern husband, willing to do that out of choice regardless of societies prejudices about stay at home fathers. Truth is you can't find gainful employment, probably resent the whole situation deeply and lie to your thick as pig shit mates down the pub that you're an astronaut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 24 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: lie to your thick as pig shit mates down the pub that you're an astronaut. Pilot actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 I've invited a dozen strangers round for a bukkake evening. 10 quid a head. The missus gets a nice 'meal' and I get 120 quid to spend on gentleman's grooming products. Win:win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 What is this fucking pony? A christian saint's day bastardised so corporate cunts can pick on the lowest common denominator, a male who wants his leg across. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest White van man Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 23 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I've invited a dozen strangers round for a bukkake evening. 10 quid a head. The missus gets a nice 'meal' and I get 120 quid to spend on gentleman's grooming products. Win:win. It's not 'Vaseline Day'. She's gonna be raging if she comes home early from her meal and catches you with the 12 dudes still there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 @Drew P Pissflaps did old Jack pay you a visit today? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, Decimus said: @Drew P Pissflaps did old Jack pay you a visit today? What the fuck are you on about now you fucking sticky-Bisto stirrer. Edited February 14, 2018 by Drew P Pissflaps reads better with a hyphen in my new gay euphanism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: What the fuck are you on about now you fucking sticky-Bisto stirrer. Ordinarily I'd suggest the visitation from old Jack would be in reference to "Frosty Jack". Especially on Drewsday. As it's Valentine's Day though, I'm of course talking about that proud Norfolk lad known as Jack Valentine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 Just now, Decimus said: Ordinarily I'd suggest the visitation from old Jack would be in reference to "Frosty Jack". Especially on Drewsday. As it's Valentine's Day though, I'm of course talking about that proud Norfolk lad known as Jack Valentine. I'm only familiar with that 'too much time on his hands' Norfolk lad, Billy Blue light who used to race trains too Yarmouth or something. Obviously didn't feel he was quick enough to race trains 'out' of yarmouth. Stupid cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 9 hours ago, Decimus said: Never mind them wiping your arse in 40 years, I imagine that they're already tying your shoelaces for you. Yes, I've taught them the art of tying their shoelaces already and have on occasions got them to do mine for me when I'm feeling lazy. How are yours getting on with helping you with your Velcro club foot boots? 8 hours ago, William T.D. Stickers said: Do you listen to Women's Hour on your DAB radio whilst the missus is out earning the bread? I'd commend you on being such a modern husband, willing to do that out of choice regardless of societies prejudices about stay at home fathers. Truth is you can't find gainful employment, probably resent the whole situation deeply and lie to your thick as pig shit mates down the pub that you're an astronaut. Actually thickers, the occasional bit of woman's hour doesn't hurt, you should try it- it's the closest you'll get the a female voice not telling you to fuck off with your lecherous advances. That's unless you've managed to save your pennies for a cheap ho to spaff your load on within 20 seconds. Alas, I'm back to work tomorrow to earn some "bread" thanks to my 2 science degrees. Let me know your email address and I'll attach some of the papers I've co authored and some help with the big words Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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