Guest Gareth Hunt Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 I know you lot have done the cuntishness "Coffee wankers" previously, but here's a new one on me. Back in the day, when I was advising Nescafe on the blending of three of the finest types of beans, you could get what you wanted in a cafe simply by asking. Wind forward to the present day, with me at the counter of a "boutique" coffee shop (no other nearby options, before you Gareth me for that), and the fucker won't serve me an Americano. "We don't water down our coffee", says the smug cunt behind the counter. Fucking wax-tached, moonfaced freak refused to make it like I want it and smart-eyed me as though *I'm* the cunt. Luckily, I had a sachet of Nescafe and found a half full pot of hot water that some hipster got with his herbal tea. Gareth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 Drink fucking tea, you great dead poof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 Did you have that “sachet of Nescafé” in your manbag you mincing fucking faggot? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 We’ve already got a stupid cunt on here that insists on “being” his avatar. If you really want to be like yours, then killing yourself would be a good starting point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, Ape said: We’ve already got an stupid cunt on here that insists on “being” his avatar. Fuck off dapps, all three of those old women were "natural causes", and I have the coroners reports to prove it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest King Rollo Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 22 minutes ago, Ape said: We’ve already got a stupid cunt on here that insists on “being” his avatar. If you really want to be like yours, then killing yourself would be a good starting point. It's so sweet that you remembered and are kind enough to post about it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Gareth Hunt said: and found a half full pot of hot water You should have stolen twenty sachets of sugar, mixed it in and then thrown it on to your fucking face. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Gareth Hunt said: I know you lot have done the cuntishness "Coffee wankers" previously, but here's a new one on me. Back in the day, when I was advising Nescafe on the blending of three of the finest types of beans, you could get what you wanted in a cafe simply by asking. Wind forward to the present day, with me at the counter of a "boutique" coffee shop (no other nearby options, before you Gareth me for that), and the fucker won't serve me an Americano. "We don't water down our coffee", says the smug cunt behind the counter. Fucking wax-tached, moonfaced freak refused to make it like I want it and smart-eyed me as though *I'm* the cunt. Luckily, I had a sachet of Nescafe and found a half full pot of hot water that some hipster got with his herbal tea. Gareth. Hello Mr Hunt, may I say that I am a big fan of your work and used to watch the New Avengers religiously, sadly I don't remember many of the episodes as I used to inevitably end up biffing myself to a jaded climax over your co star, the lovely young Miss Purdey. Great days. Thanks for the memories, your coffee ad days were a sad end to what could have been a promising career advertising Admiral Insurance and I really hate that smug cunt Anthony Head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 9 minutes ago, luke swarm said: Hello Mr Hunt, may I say that I am a big fan of your work and used to watch the New Avengers religiously, sadly I don't remember many of the episodes as I used to inevitably end up biffing myself to a jaded climax over your co star, the lovely young Miss Purdey. Great days. Thanks for the memories, your coffee ad days were a sad end to what could have been a promising career advertising Admiral Insurance and I really hate that smug cunt Anthony Head. 'opening gambit' is probably gay code for some Bovril based action Luke. I too admired Joanna Lumley but now she's taken to supporting, and let's call them what they are, small mercenaries from Nepal, she can fuck off out of it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 hours ago, Gareth Hunt said: I know you lot have done the cuntishness "Coffee wankers" previously, but here's a new one on me. Back in the day, when I was advising Nescafe on the blending of three of the finest types of beans, you could get what you wanted in a cafe simply by asking. Wind forward to the present day, with me at the counter of a "boutique" coffee shop (no other nearby options, before you Gareth me for that), and the fucker won't serve me an Americano. "We don't water down our coffee", says the smug cunt behind the counter. Fucking wax-tached, moonfaced freak refused to make it like I want it and smart-eyed me as though *I'm* the cunt. Luckily, I had a sachet of Nescafe and found a half full pot of hot water that some hipster got with his herbal tea. Gareth. A great attempt at a first nomination, gareth. All except for the first, second and third paragraphs. Kill yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 15 minutes ago, Bubba C said: A great attempt at a first nomination, gareth. All except for the first, second and third paragraphs. Kill yourself Are you taking over from the greasy Levant then Blubber? You certainly can't do any worse than the flaccid maggot's managed of late Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 3 hours ago, Gareth Hunt said: I know you lot have done the cuntishness "Coffee wankers" previously, but here's a new one on me. Back in the day, when I was advising Nescafe on the blending of three of the finest types of beans, you could get what you wanted in a cafe simply by asking. Wind forward to the present day, with me at the counter of a "boutique" coffee shop (no other nearby options, before you Gareth me for that), and the fucker won't serve me an Americano. "We don't water down our coffee", says the smug cunt behind the counter. Fucking wax-tached, moonfaced freak refused to make it like I want it and smart-eyed me as though *I'm* the cunt. Luckily, I had a sachet of Nescafe and found a half full pot of hot water that some hipster got with his herbal tea. Gareth. As you are dead have you seen Patrick Macnee since he curled his toes up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 55 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said: As you are dead have you seen Patrick Macnee since he curled his toes up? Have you seen your knees since your tits sagged 20 years ago, you lavender infused old hag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 18 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Have you seen your knees since your tits sagged 20 years ago, you lavender infused old hag. Yes .. I use a video camera. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 5 hours ago, Gareth Hunt said: I know you lot have done the cuntishness "Coffee wankers" previously, but here's a new one on me. Back in the day, when I was advising Nescafe on the blending of three of the finest types of beans, you could get what you wanted in a cafe simply by asking. Wind forward to the present day, with me at the counter of a "boutique" coffee shop (no other nearby options, before you Gareth me for that), and the fucker won't serve me an Americano. "We don't water down our coffee", says the smug cunt behind the counter. Fucking wax-tached, moonfaced freak refused to make it like I want it and smart-eyed me as though *I'm* the cunt. Luckily, I had a sachet of Nescafe and found a half full pot of hot water that some hipster got with his herbal tea. Gareth. Derivative low-effort shite. What exciting noms are going to be in your sights next? BMW drivers who don't indicate? Footballers who dive in mock agony to try and get their team the strategic advantage? Cunts who press the button at pedestrian traffic before checking to see if there are any cars or not? Honestly I'm on the edge of my seat here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Honestly I'm on the edge of my seat here. JUMP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Lady Penelope said: JUMP! Never been the biggest Van Halen fan, personally. Started off by stealing Montrose's album sound, and then totally lost their focus by snorting too much coke. A waste of a good band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 10 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Derivative low-effort shite. What exciting noms are going to be in your sights next? BMW drivers who don't indicate? Footballers who dive in mock agony to try and get their team the strategic advantage? Cunts who press the button at pedestrian traffic before checking to see if there are any cars or not? Honestly I'm on the edge of my seat here. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Lady Penelope said: Yes .. I use a video camera. Could you film yourself committing harakiri.. Fuck off you old limp whore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 32 minutes ago, Ape said: Do you have calluses on your fingers from your toy helicopter controllers? You might want to get some hand cream on those. Cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 Newbie, my arse, this is complete toss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 35 minutes ago, Ape said: Tarzan ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted February 24, 2018 Report Share Posted February 24, 2018 5 hours ago, Ape said: We’ve already got a stupid cunt on here that insists on “being” his avatar. If you really want to be like yours, then killing yourself would be a good starting point. Show the newbie how it's done Tarzan, try swinging off the edge of a cliff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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