Wine Connoisseurs

[Guest Drew Peacock]

Fucking pretentious cunts. Snobby twats who rather than just necking a glass feel a need to try and appear sophisticated. An elaborate, attention-seeking show of swirling it about a bit, sniffing and sipping before unleashing a complete load of bollocks... I'm getting a nutty bouquet, yes, a soft, mellow yet fruity palate. It has a warm charm, but at the same time a cheeky and fresh personality. 

Fuck off you cunt.

The only characteristic of a wine worth knowing is whether you can drink a bottle or two without spending half the night cuddling the toilet bowl then waking up in the morning with a taste like a bear has shit in your mouth.

Before some cunt states the obvious, I know wine is for puffs.

[Guest Erroreptile404]

Wine is for poofs. lol

 

Joking aside red wine with a fancy meal now and again is ok, but i've noticed white white turns people absolutely fucking mental and aggressive. Tastes horrible too.

[Guest Drew Peacock]

46 minutes ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

Joking aside red wine with a fancy meal now and again is ok, but i've noticed white white turns people absolutely fucking mental and aggressive. Tastes horrible too.

I can remember when the only white wines available were Blue Nun and Black Tower.  After all the beers had gone at a party they were always the only alcohol left. Both tasted like fucking paint thinner so have never bothered with white wine since.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Wine is for the ladies.  They'll get good and pissed on it.  I prefer a good whiskey or bourbon.  The particularly fit birds can move rather quickly, so I suggest a small portion of a ruphie to ease their tensions.  

In Albert's case, it's the lads...

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, Drew Peacock said:

Fucking pretentious cunts. Snobby twats who rather than just necking a glass feel a need to try and appear sophisticated. An elaborate, attention-seeking show of swirling it about a bit, sniffing and sipping before unleashing a complete load of bollocks... I'm getting a nutty bouquet, yes, a soft, mellow yet fruity palate. It has a warm charm, but at the same time a cheeky and fresh personality. 

Fuck off you cunt.

The only characteristic of a wine worth knowing is whether you can drink a bottle or two without spending half the night cuddling the toilet bowl then waking up in the morning with a taste like a bear has shit in your mouth.

Before some cunt states the obvious, I know wine is for puffs.

A superb example of such pretentious fuckery is the fat bitch on the Lidl advert, visiting the winery to have her mind changed about the quality of Lidl plonk. When she tastes the crap, she pulls that 'knowledgable' face and says, "hmmm, lovely, it's a bit cherry, a bit raspberry...". No it fucking isn't, its grapes, you preposterous wannabe bourgeoise cunt. 

[Bubba C]

I miss Rioja. 

[Cuntybaws]

19 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

A superb example of such pretentious fuckery is the fat bitch on the Lidl advert, visiting the winery to have her mind changed about the quality of Lidl plonk. When she tastes the crap, she pulls that 'knowledgable' face and says, "hmmm, lovely, it's a bit cherry, a bit raspberry...". No it fucking isn't, its grapes, you preposterous wannabe bourgeoise cunt. 

Yeah, it's fuckin' wine flavour, innit.

In fairness, thanks mainly to Mrs Baws' persistence over the years, I can just about tell the difference between a Chardonnay, a Pinot Grigio, and a Sauvignon Blanc, and can force it down when in polite company, but I don't particularly enjoy any of them. You can take the boy out of Scotland....

However, given that tinned beer is almost invariably metallic pish which would put anyone off drinking it at home, I have been known to tan a bottle or two of M&S pink Cava for pre-drinks to get in the mood for a night out. This has the added advantage that the bottle is satisfyingly heavy enough to do serious damage to any cunt seeing this who dares to question my masculinity..

[Bubba C]

You were saying, @Cuntybaws.....?

[Cuntybaws]

19 minutes ago, Bubba C said:

You were saying, @Cuntybaws.....?

If only I knew where you lived.

Hey, wait...

[Bubba C]

20 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

If only I knew where you lived.

Hey, wait...

Ebbw Vale, according to The Hat’s IP locator. 

[Cuntybaws]

5 minutes ago, Bubba C said:

Ebbw Vale, according to The Hat’s IP locator. 

[Decimus]

1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said:

Proper's IP locator can locate you anywhere within time and space, providing he can see you through his window.

[Bubba C]

2 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Proper's IP locator can locate you anywhere within time and space, providing he can see you through his window.

How embarrassing that The Hat had to come and wipe Proper’s arse last night and cleanup the mess after Jazz 2018. 

[Cuntybaws]

1 minute ago, Bubba C said:

How embarrassing that The Hat had to come and wipe Proper’s arse last night and cleanup the mess after Jazz 2018. 

Did anyone break out the animated Tinkle Toonz potty, or did he go full retard all by himself?

[Decimus]

On 5/29/2018 at 8:04 PM, Bubba C said:

How embarrassing that The Hat had to come and wipe Proper’s arse last night and cleanup the mess after Jazz 2018. 

Proper has got all the technical expertise of a pensioner attempting to access the internet at their local library.

I can imagine him getting into action last night. Booting up his flashing whizz-bang machine, smoke billowing around his 50 inch waist like he's just walked out of the doors on Stars in Their Eyes. Frantically trying to hit the delete button as his machine repeatedly replicates the chimes of the spaceship in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. 

What a cunt.

[Bubba C]

9 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Did anyone break out the animated Tinkle Toonz potty, or did he go full retard all by himself?

No need, he went from utter melt to mother abuse to anal abuse by a dog in a few hours. Most impressive. 

[Bubba C]

3 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Proper has got all the technical expertise of pensioner attempting to access the internet at their local library.

I can imagine him getting into action last night. Booting up his flashing whizz-bang machine, smoke billowing around his 50 inch waist like he's just walked out of the doors on Stars in Their Eyes. Frantically trying to hit the delete button as his machine repeatedly replicates the chimes of the spaceship in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. 

What a cunt.

Indeed. When the 3rd generation of Proper’s were told they were being taken to see the silver surfer, they were probably expecting a trip to the cinema for another dreadful comic book film. 

What they didn’t bank on was another trip to grandad’s to change the batteries on his TV remote and an afternoon browsing through Ceefax holidays. 

What a fucking idiot. 

[Guest Drew Peacock]

2 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Wine is for the ladies.  They'll get good and pissed on it.  I prefer a good whiskey or bourbon.  The particularly fit birds can move rather quickly, so I suggest a small portion of a ruphie to ease their tensions.  

 

Indeed. That Josef Frizl probably had the right idea. Lock it in the cellar to let it mature.

[The Beast]

4 minutes ago, Bubba C said:

Indeed. When the 3rd generation of Proper’s were told they were being taken to see the silver surfer, they were probably expecting a trip to the cinema for another dreadful comic book film. 

What they didn’t bank on was another trip to grandad’s to change the batteries on his TV remote and an afternoon browsing through Ceefax holidays. 

What a fucking idiot. 

I have to say Bubs, you just aren't funny. Credit to Decimus, when he hands out a good caning I accept it in good grace, because it is genuinely amusing and makes me laugh. You try your best and you just can't deliver it, not even after all this time, fucking dreadful.

You are an absolutely fucking useless cling-on. 

[Eric Cuntman]

2 minutes ago, The Beast said:

I have to say Bubs, you just aren't funny. Credit to Decimus, when he hands out a good caning I accept it in good grace, because it is genuinely amusing and makes me laugh. You try your best and you just can't deliver it, not even after all this time, fucking dreadful.

You are an absolutely fucking useless cling-on. 

He did make me laugh in October 2016, when he thought I was Withers and called me a goose molesting son of a Nazi raped farmhand. And to be fair, his nomination describing when he went to a wedding, put his tie round his head, vomited and broke furniture wasn't bad.

[Guest luke swarm]

1 hour ago, Bubba C said:

I miss Rioja. 

a bit acidic and prone to repeating on one.

[Frank]

16 minutes ago, The Beast said:

I have to say Bubs, you just aren't funny. Credit to Decimus, when he hands out a good caning I accept it in good grace, because it is genuinely amusing and makes me laugh. You try your best and you just can't deliver it, not even after all this time, fucking dreadful.

You are an absolutely fucking useless cling-on. 

I’m the best on here. 

[Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt)]

2 minutes ago, Frank said:

I’m the best on here. 

I agree.

[Bubba C]

18 minutes ago, The Beast said:

I have to say Bubs, you just aren't funny. Credit to Decimus, when he hands out a good caning I accept it in good grace, because it is genuinely amusing and makes me laugh. You try your best and you just can't deliver it, not even after all this time, fucking dreadful.

You are an absolutely fucking useless cling-on. 

Noted. 

[Witheredscrote]

14 minutes ago, The Beast said:

I have to say Bubs, you just aren't funny. Credit to Decimus, when he hands out a good caning I accept it in good grace, because it is genuinely amusing and makes me laugh. You try your best and you just can't deliver it, not even after all this time, fucking dreadful.

You are an absolutely fucking useless cling-on. 

 

8 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

He did make me laugh in October 2016, when he thought I was Withers and called me a goose molesting son of a Nazi raped farmhand. And to be fair, his nomination describing when he went to a wedding, put his tie round his head, vomited and broke furniture wasn't bad.

Very true Eric, but the bigger question is why has it taken Proper 27 months to work out that Bubba is a cunt. Everybody else worked it out after 27 hours. He must be thick.