Guest judgetwi Posted March 19, 2020 Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 On 18/03/2020 at 01:05, Ollyboro said: Doesn't explain why this imaginary bloke is hoarding shithouse paper. Unless he's planning to isolate his entire family and spend the whole time masturbating. Not only is shitting yourself not a symptom of IT, do the maths. How many sheets of tummy wipes do you get in the average roll? I'm sure it's 80. Now, I'm a two sheets per wipe type of guy; four wipes per shite, with maybe an extra wipe for under seat splattage. Say 2 shits a day - that means a single roll should last me four days. A twenty four pack should give a nuclear family nearly a week's worth of carefree shitting. So even if Joe Cunt doesn't believe a word the government tells him about stockpiling shit roll, basic maths should tell him that buying hundreds of toilet rolls is fucking ludicrous. These cunts aren't stockpiling toilet rolls because they don't trust the government (as logical as not trusting a demonstrable liar is), but because they're stupendously thick. Carol fucking Vorderman(sp?) could tell them that. You are talking about logic Smoggy, I am talking about emotion. I’m sure my man with the bog rolls understands the logic but his behaviour is driven by emotion, in this case the emotion of fear. He fears being abandoned by the cunts who have let him down so many times before. So he decides to do something for himself and his family ......... probably an overreaction but i’m not going to slag him off as an individual. Besides, all you Smoggies can wipe your arses with pages from “Fly Me to the Moon” and chuck them out the caravan window so what’s your fucking problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted March 19, 2020 Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 It's the tree hugging vegans that NEED the bog roll, trust me, I've tried eating nothing but vegetables for a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted March 19, 2020 Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 Here is one cunt who is now shitting himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted March 19, 2020 Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Dawn Chorus said: Here is one cunt who is now shitting himself. Context? Edited March 19, 2020 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 19, 2020 Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 17 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said: It gives me a comforting feeling inside to think that all those Ethiopians the UK have helped out in the past might consider holding some sort of benefit gig fund raiser to send some cash back here to help us out with now that we're in a bit of a pickle. I can imagine Bonio saying "Everytime I click my finger some British person gets coronavirus" and some Ethiopian shouts "Stop clicking your fucking fingers then". But in Ethiopian 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 19, 2020 Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 2 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: Context? He's brother was the cunt who blew himself up at the Manchester arena and now is getting fucked by 72 bug ugly fucking virgins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted March 20, 2020 Report Share Posted March 20, 2020 12 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: He's brother was the cunt who blew himself up at the Manchester arena and now is getting fucked by 72 bug ugly fucking virgins. I understand the attraction of Islam for men, who get promised 72 virgins. But what's in it for the women... 'tell you what love, find yourself 71 friends and you get one rapist!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 20, 2020 Report Share Posted March 20, 2020 7 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: I understand the attraction of Islam for men, who get promised 72 virgins. But what's in it for the women... 'tell you what love, find yourself 71 friends and you get one rapist!' Why are they virgins Eric? Ask yourself that. They probably make Claire Short look like Linda Lusardi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted March 20, 2020 Report Share Posted March 20, 2020 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: Why are they virgins Eric? Ask yourself that. They probably make Claire Short look like Linda Lusardi I've started re-watching 'monkey' on a site called 'Daily Motion' (sounds like shitting regularly). I appreciate it better now that I'm not 10 years old anymore. It's hilarious. In one scene, he's fighting some cunt who gives up and runs away, Monkey shouts after him... "Had enough have you, sissy, poofter!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 20, 2020 Report Share Posted March 20, 2020 8 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: I've started re-watching 'monkey' on a site called 'Daily Motion' (sounds like shitting regularly). I appreciate it better now that I'm not 10 years old anymore. It's hilarious. In one scene, he's fighting some cunt who gives up and runs away, Monkey shouts after him... "Had enough have you, sissy, poofter!" Friday nights 6pm. Remember watching it when getting ready to go out on the town Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted March 20, 2020 Report Share Posted March 20, 2020 9 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: I've started re-watching 'monkey' on a site called 'Daily Motion' (sounds like shitting regularly). I appreciate it better now that I'm not 10 years old anymore. It's hilarious. In one scene, he's fighting some cunt who gives up and runs away, Monkey shouts after him... "Had enough have you, sissy, poofter!" The nature of monkey was irrepressible! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted March 25, 2020 Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 I was in a shop today and witnessed an act of shithousery,Some cunt picked up 6 eggs and said to his cunt of a wife "I've got the eggs,do you think we could buy 2 boxes?" to which Mrs cunt said to the staff member "Are we allowed to buy 2" to which the reply was "3 is the maximum regarding eggs" so the selfish cunt went back for a third despite initially only wanting one box.I hope the virus is hidden in those extra boxes the horrible selfish cunts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted March 25, 2020 Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 On 17/03/2020 at 22:37, judgetwi said: Imagine a bloke, in Sainsbury’s car park loading untold bog rolls or whatever into his motor. Ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing and he’ll probably tell you “ looking after my family mate, ‘cos no other cunt is going to”. Yes he is told not to panic and there is plenty for everyone by the politicians, the very same cunts who have lied to him ten thousand times before. Add to that the doom and gloom from the Anti British Broadcasting Corporation, just because their man Jezza got his arse kicked, and suddenly his behaviour doesn’t seem so irrational after all. And there, my friends, is the moral dilemma. Makes total sense you’d be one of the utterly thick cunts who does this. Imagine being such an inadequate provider and protector that the best thing you can think to do is line your house with Andrex. Your family and friends, maybe only behind your back, laugh at your feeble attempts to play the breadwinner. You blithering fucking idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 25, 2020 Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 27 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Makes total sense you’d be one of the utterly thick cunts who does this. Imagine being such an inadequate provider and protector that the best thing you can think to do is line your house with Andrex. Your family and friends, maybe only behind your back, laugh at your feeble attempts to play the breadwinner. You blithering fucking idiot. Apparently Johnny Carson said on his show in 1973 as a joke that there would be a chronic toilet roll shortage. This caused mass hysteria and panic buying. Nobody stopped to think why was there a shortage. Everyone just went fucking handstand and stripped the shelves. It appears that the human race hasn't moved on in nearly half a century. Thick fucking muppets 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted March 25, 2020 Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 4 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Apparently Johnny Carson said on his show in 1973 as a joke that there would be a chronic toilet roll shortage. This caused mass hysteria and panic buying. Nobody stopped to think why was there a shortage. Everyone just went fucking handstand and stripped the shelves. It appears that the human race hasn't moved on in nearly half a century. Thick fucking muppets Have you heard something Gypps? Should I start queueing at Lidl now? I know you’ve got contacts in the bog roll world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted March 25, 2020 Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Neil said: I was in a shop today and witnessed an act of shithousery,Some cunt picked up 6 eggs and said to his cunt of a wife "I've got the eggs,do you think we could buy 2 boxes?" to which Mrs cunt said to the staff member "Are we allowed to buy 2" to which the reply was "3 is the maximum regarding eggs" so the selfish cunt went back for a third despite initially only wanting one box.I hope the virus is hidden in those extra boxes the horrible selfish cunts. Most of the pleb who are stockpiling food, will also feel compelled to eat the lot. Yep, that helps, keeping the cunts indoors, grazing for months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted March 25, 2020 Report Share Posted March 25, 2020 1 hour ago, King Billy said: Have you heard something Gypps? Should I start queueing at Lidl now? I know you’ve got contacts in the bog roll world. Yes. My uncle is ex-Man city and England striker Francis Lee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted March 26, 2020 Report Share Posted March 26, 2020 27 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Yes. My uncle is ex-Man city and England striker Francis Lee. So your auntie is Gypsy Rose Lee? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted March 27, 2020 Report Share Posted March 27, 2020 Went down the Tesco Express at 6pm to get my wife beater and fags and, after standing in the queue for 20 minutes, (2 metres apart, what happened to fucking yards?) and the fucking place was stripped bare!! Not that i’m bothered. For years I’ve been growing spuds, collies, cabbages and assorted veg in my garden as well as a large collection of chickens, rabbits and the odd squirrel I can trap. Add to that all the tinned and frozen stuff i’ve been storing up in anticipation of the disaster of leaving the wonderful E cunting U. I’m sitting pretty, me. Ok, I just made all that shit up so I can be the Big Clever Man on the Fucking Internet. Hey!.......just because i’m a braggart wanker lying through my teeth doesn’t mean I’m not smarter than you. Thick muggy cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted March 27, 2020 Report Share Posted March 27, 2020 7 minutes ago, judgetwi said: Went down the Tesco Express at 6pm to get my wife beater and fags and, after standing in the queue for 20 minutes, (2 metres apart, what happened to fucking yards?) and the fucking place was stripped bare!! Not that i’m bothered. For years I’ve been growing spuds, collies, cabbages and assorted veg in my garden as well as a large collection of chickens, rabbits and the odd squirrel I can trap. Add to that all the tinned and frozen stuff i’ve been storing up in anticipation of the disaster of leaving the wonderful E cunting U. I’m sitting pretty, me. Ok, I just made all that shit up so I can be the Big Clever Man on the Fucking Internet. Hey!.......just because i’m a braggart wanker lying through my teeth doesn’t mean I’m not smarter than you. Thick muggy cunts. Bollocks. I was just about to ask if Felicity Kendall was a better shag than Penelope Keith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted March 27, 2020 Report Share Posted March 27, 2020 6 minutes ago, judgetwi said: Went down the Tesco Express at 6pm to get my wife beater and fags and, after standing in the queue for 20 minutes, (2 metres apart, what happened to fucking yards?) and the fucking place was stripped bare!! Not that i’m bothered. For years I’ve been growing spuds, collies, cabbages and assorted veg in my garden as well as a large collection of chickens, rabbits and the odd squirrel I can trap. Add to that all the tinned and frozen stuff i’ve been storing up in anticipation of the disaster of leaving the wonderful E cunting U. I’m sitting pretty, me. Ok, I just made all that shit up so I can be the Big Clever Man on the Fucking Internet. Hey!.......just because i’m a braggart wanker lying through my teeth doesn’t mean I’m not smarter than you. Thick muggy cunts. I’d say you are right in the crosshairs Judy old son. An obese male Londoner who smokes heavily and gets his information from the Daily Express. Ticks all the WHO boxes. It’s only a matter of time before Nature books you a berth at HMS Nightingale or whatever it’s called, and you can spend the time you have left staring witlessly into the ceiling hoping that when it’s all over they don’t give your house to a nice young Lithuanian family. In the meantime, I can recommend going utterly batshit on the mobility scooter, as from what I can see on the telly London is empty. Perhaps you’d prefer that as your exit, screeching into the Thames off Westminster Bridge, the dressing from your rancid Leg ulcer flapping like the white flag of surrender as you sail through the air. It’s probably a good thing you shuffle off soon anyway, you really won’t like what’s coming next. Chins up, fella. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted March 27, 2020 Report Share Posted March 27, 2020 6 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said: I’d say you are right in the crosshairs Judy old son. An obese male Londoner who smokes heavily and gets his information from the Daily Express. Ticks all the WHO boxes. It’s only a matter of time before Nature books you a berth at HMS Nightingale or whatever it’s called, and you can spend the time you have left staring witlessly into the ceiling hoping that when it’s all over they don’t give your house to a nice young Lithuanian family. In the meantime, I can recommend going utterly batshit on the mobility scooter, as from what I can see on the telly London is empty. Perhaps you’d prefer that as your exit, screeching into the Thames off Westminster Bridge, the dressing from your rancid Leg ulcer flapping like the white flag of surrender as you sail through the air. It’s probably a good thing you shuffle off soon anyway, you really won’t like what’s coming next. Chins up, fella. Bertie Big Bollocks. A case in point. QED. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted March 27, 2020 Report Share Posted March 27, 2020 18 minutes ago, judgetwi said: Bertie Big Bollocks. A case in point. QED. I used to like QED. BBC2 I think. Simon Weston got his big reveal on one episode, like a Findus Crispy Pancake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted March 28, 2020 Report Share Posted March 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said: Bollocks. I was just about to ask if Felicity Kendall was a better shag than Penelope Keith. In the spirit of being a lying bullshitting internet wanker I can honestly say that Penny, as I used to call her, was the dirtiest slag I have ever come across. Never heard of this Felicity bird, sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted March 31, 2020 Report Share Posted March 31, 2020 (edited) By what I can gather, the new emergency currency being introduced goes by the name of "Buttcoin" and it is destined to become The Lord of Your Rings, until you can get down to Barclays. Edited March 31, 2020 by 'eavensabove WASHING MY HANDS FOR 20 SECONDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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