Mongs with offroad cars that don't offroad

[Guest Williewhoopassjohnson]

So was just driving home down a relatively tight lane and came to a section where it gave way on my side to a massive pothole, i pulled up the same time as some middle class geography teacher type in a offroad kitted out landy who then stopped and wouldn't go up the fucking grass verge. Complete spunk sock of a human and given the opportunity I'd have like to have fed him his "one life live it" sticker. I'm well aware the obstruction was on my side but he had an offroad truck. Cuntbag. 

[Prints Harry]

23 minutes ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said:

So was just driving home down a relatively tight lane and came to a section where it gave way on my side to a massive pothole, i pulled up the same time as some middle class geography teacher type in a offroad kitted out landy who then stopped and wouldn't go up the fucking grass verge. Complete spunk sock of a human and given the opportunity I'd have like to have fed him his "one life live it" sticker. I'm well aware the obstruction was on my side but he had an offroad truck. Cuntbag. 

There are people here who will not like you starting a sentence with the word "So". Were you on an e-scooter?

[Guest Williewhoopassjohnson]

17 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said:

There are people here who will not like you starting a sentence with the word "So". Were you on an e-scooter?

If i was on an e scooter I'd have missed the pothole and kicked the landys door in, should probably trade my car in for one really. Great way to take in the scenery 

[colonelkurtz]

1 hour ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said:

So was just driving home down a relatively tight lane and came to a section where it gave way on my side to a massive pothole, i pulled up the same time as some middle class geography teacher type in a offroad kitted out landy who then stopped and wouldn't go up the fucking grass verge. Complete spunk sock of a human and given the opportunity I'd have like to have fed him his "one life live it" sticker. I'm well aware the obstruction was on my side but he had an offroad truck. Cuntbag. 

  ... and the dicksplashes who ponce around in the  Nissan or Izuzu pickup thinking they look like some jack the lad geezer when the Tesco weekly shop or Argos trampoline are the most edgy thing ever carried on that deck and the nearest it'll ever get to a grain of sand is Lytham foreshore.

[Guest Williewhoopassjohnson]

2 minutes ago, colonelkurtz said:

  ... and the dicksplashes who ponce around in the  Nissan or Izuzu pickup thinking they look like some jack the lad geezer when the Tesco weekly shop or Argos trampoline are the most edgy thing ever carried on that deck and the nearest it'll ever get to a grain of sand is Lytham foreshore.

Exactly this yes, i drive an 18 ton wagon in the week so take great delight in shoving them up verges and seeing the look of horror in there soulless dead eyes when they realise they've then got slightly muddy wheels and possibly grass on the bumper 

[Jiggerycock]

I wouldn't be so quick to knock these vehicles, especially the ones with the enhanced Electronic Warfare capabilities, including CTAS 40mm canon for taking out fat dayglo-vested arsecracks sitting about, scratching their goolies, staring into the council-sponsored big hole in the road the'yve just dug for no apparent reason.

[Witheredscrote]

1 hour ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said:

So was just driving home down a relatively tight lane and came to a section where it gave way on my side to a massive pothole, i pulled up the same time as some middle class geography teacher type in a offroad kitted out landy who then stopped and wouldn't go up the fucking grass verge. Complete spunk sock of a human and given the opportunity I'd have like to have fed him his "one life live it" sticker. I'm well aware the obstruction was on my side but he had an offroad truck. Cuntbag. 

Clock the latest U.K. Jeep Compass T.V Advert.  Some tart says 'Perfect for those urban adventures'.  What the fuck is an urban adventure, putting this pile of American crap into low-range, and traversing multiple piles of dog shit and pavement pizzas?. The ad also claims that it 'leaves its mark'. Maybe that is when you wheel spin it on top of 3 knife wielding mussies.  Absolute bollocks.

Just the kind of motor Eddie sells.   Cunt.

[Witheredscrote]

1 hour ago, Dawn Chorus said:

There are people here who will not like you starting a sentence with the word "So". Were you on an e-scooter?

Yes Pen, but who actually gives a shit about them.

[camberwell gypsy]

20 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Yes Pen, but who actually gives a shit about them.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54051423

Are you ok Withers? 

[Guest Williewhoopassjohnson]

37 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Clock the latest U.K. Jeep Compass T.V Advert.  Some tart says 'Perfect for those urban adventures'.  What the fuck is an urban adventure, putting this pile of American crap into low-range, and traversing multiple piles of dog shit and pavement pizzas?. The ad also claims that it 'leaves its mark'. Maybe that is when you wheel spin it on top of 3 knife wielding mussies.  Absolute bollocks.

Just the kind of motor Eddie sells.   Cunt.

I never understand why they try so hard to market the American lifestyle package on us, its hastings not downtown south central LA the cunts theres no glamour to be had, should just have a pg tips with one sugar and shut the fuck up 

[Witheredscrote]

57 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54051423

Are you ok Withers? 

A man in his 80's.  You cheeky fucking cunt.

[Witheredscrote]

43 minutes ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said:

I never understand why they try so hard to market the American lifestyle package on us, its hastings not downtown south central LA the cunts theres no glamour to be had, should just have a pg tips with one sugar and shut the fuck up 

Good old Hastings, spent some time there back in the day.  The women have more crabs than the local fish market.

[Eric Cuntman]

6 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

A man in his 80's.  You cheeky fucking cunt.

'Right, lets fire up the Quattro'

[Cunty BigBollox]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54051423

Are you ok Withers? 

If it was Withers there would have been a whole swarm of flies, not just one, those big clumsy ones who can't eat enough shit.

[Cunty BigBollox]

These 4x4 mongs are really in their element when we get some snow on the roads when everyone else is driving to the conditions doing about 15mph and one of these comes hurtling past at 40mph. The stupid cunts don't realise that every fucking car on the road has 4 wheel braking even if they don't have 4 wheel drive. One heavy touch of the brakes and it'll be sliding into the nearest ditch like any other fucking tin box on the road. Fucking thick twats.

[Witheredscrote]

3 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

These 4x4 mongs are really in their element when we get some snow on the roads when everyone else is driving to the conditions doing about 15mph and one of these comes hurtling past at 40mph. The stupid cunts don't realise that every fucking car on the road has 4 wheel braking even if they don't have 4 wheel drive. One heavy touch of the brakes and it'll be sliding into the nearest ditch like any other fucking tin box on the road. Fucking thick twats.

Thank you Jeremy Clarkson.  Fuck off

[Guest Williewhoopassjohnson]

29 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Good old Hastings, spent some time there back in the day.  The women have more crabs than the local fish market.

And beards, big ones

[Guest Williewhoopassjohnson]

21 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

These 4x4 mongs are really in their element when we get some snow on the roads when everyone else is driving to the conditions doing about 15mph and one of these comes hurtling past at 40mph. The stupid cunts don't realise that every fucking car on the road has 4 wheel braking even if they don't have 4 wheel drive. One heavy touch of the brakes and it'll be sliding into the nearest ditch like any other fucking tin box on the road. Fucking thick twats.

Then you can smile and wave as you roll past, at them parked upside down in the middle of a hedge, best car i ever drove for handling in snow was a 1.1 nissan micra so it shows they know fuck all anyway 

[Cuntybaws]

2 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Just the kind of motor Eddie sells.   Cunt.

Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats 35?

[Eric Cuntman]

15 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats 35?

Chevy Blazer? 

[Eric Cuntman]

18 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats 35?

Canyonero.

yes, I fucking googled it.

[ChildeHarold]

5 hours ago, Williewhoopassjohnson said:

So was just driving home down a relatively tight lane and came to a section where it gave way on my side to a massive pothole, i pulled up the same time as some middle class geography teacher type in a offroad kitted out landy who then stopped and wouldn't go up the fucking grass verge. Complete spunk sock of a human and given the opportunity I'd have like to have fed him his "one life live it" sticker. I'm well aware the obstruction was on my side but he had an offroad truck. Cuntbag. 

It's also part of the "big", bigger, biggest consumer addiction ushered in by The Whopper. Some of these cars are like small lorries and most of the people driving them do so aggressively with a "fucking get out of my way" attitude. A fair proportion are poor drivers who do not have any understanding of their cars dimensions who have limited maneuvering skills. Sometimes they cannot reverse to a passing point on a single track road. Yet the post colonial one upmanship Range Rover Disco is so common in the shires its become very boring. Apart from all the wrong reasons about British national identity, it is actually fucking squat ugly and technically well below the competition. 

[Guest Williewhoopassjohnson]

2 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

It's also part of the "big", bigger, biggest consumer addiction ushered in by The Whopper. Some of these cars are like small lorries and most of the people driving them do so aggressively with a "fucking get out of my way" attitude. A fair proportion are poor drivers who do not have any understanding of their cars dimensions who have limited maneuvering skills. Sometimes they cannot reverse to a passing point on a single track road. Yet the post colonial one upmanship Range Rover Disco is so common in the shires its become very boring. Apart from all the wrong reasons about British national identity, it is actually fucking squat ugly and technically well below the competition. 

Yeah i think offroaders trucks ect all lost the point when they started marketing to a different group, they were designed to be slung round fields through rivers off trees ect not designed to be blocking roads on the school run, the only pleasure i take with them is aiming my usually shit and always cheap vans at them when they refuse to let me merge, its the small pleasures in life they say 

[Hammer of Cunts]

Anyone with a 4x4 without a towbar is a twat, anyone who refers to a Land Rover as a "Landy" is a tosser. It's a good way of spotting toe rags. Likewise white blokes with dreadlocks, women carrying yoga mats and urban wankers walking around rural market towns wearing brand new tweed shooting jackets.

And anyone who buys anything made by Apple.

[Mrs Roops]

13 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

...Yet the post colonial one upmanship Range Rover Disco is so common in the shires its become very boring. Apart from all the wrong reasons about British national identity, it is actually fucking squat ugly and technically well below the competition. 

Technically, they are in fact well above the competition. The issue is and always has been quality control and reliability.