Hello hello hello what's all this then? A crime? Fuck that

[Cuntybaws]

44 minutes ago, King Billy said:

When I’m driving through small country villages in my imaginary M4 I always watch my speed and make sure I never drop below 140 MPH until I’m well clear of any crusty old incontinent cunts carrying ‘SLOW DOWN’ placards under a cardboard box on a broom handle painted bright yellow. Same when I’m passing a school anywhere in London, say Wimbledon for example.

The theoretical top speed on mine is 186mph, but try as I might I've never been able to get it above 175mph, not even on the Autobahn let alone the Cotswolds. You become aware of your own mortality at that speed, when you're relying on some stupid old cunt not suddenly pulling into your lane without looking.

[Eric Cuntman]

8 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

The theoretical top speed on mine is 186mph, but try as I might I've never been able to get it above 175mph, not even on the Autobahn let alone the Cotswolds. You become aware of your own mortality at that speed, when you're relying on some stupid old cunt not suddenly pulling into your lane without looking.

You should have paid for the imaginary road clearing ballistic option. The South Africans came up with some ingenious solutions to the township carjacking problem. But sill mounted flame throwers never got approved. 

[Mike Hunt]

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You should have paid for the imaginary road clearing ballistic option. The South Africans came up with some ingenious solutions to the township carjacking problem. But sill mounted flame throwers never got approved. 

Still chuckle when I think of those high skip lorries full of army snipers picking off the rioting kaffirs in the townships.

[Cuntybaws]

3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You should have paid for the imaginary road clearing ballistic option. The South Africans came up with some ingenious solutions to the township carjacking problem. But sill mounted flame throwers never got approved. 

No Nissan Micra would be safe if they had KITT-style surface-to-surface missiles as a factory option.

[Eric Cuntman]

5 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

No Nissan Micra would be safe if they had KITT-style surface-to-surface missiles as a factory option.

KITT was a bit of an old woman though. 
 ‘Are you sure you wish to deploy the missiles Michael?’ Never trusted Devon Miles.. noncey.

 

[King Billy]

28 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

The theoretical top speed on mine is 186mph, but try as I might I've never been able to get it above 175mph, not even on the Autobahn let alone the Cotswolds. You become aware of your own mortality at that speed, when you're relying on some stupid old cunt not suddenly pulling into your lane without looking.

I’ve always thought of myself as immortal Baws since winning my first of several  Monaco GPs at my first attempt in a hired Fiat Uno 1.3 after a 5 day coke, whores and Absinth binge on my imaginary mega yacht with my old mates from Monte Carlo secondary modern school.

If James Hunt was still alive I’d race him to the offie and be back at the apartment having a threesome with him and Ayrton Sennas birds before his first pit stop.

As for your M4s top speed, have you checked if the handbrake is on? Or maybe get a heavier right shoe.

[Cuntybaws]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

KITT was a bit of an old woman though. 
 ‘Are you sure you wish to deploy the missiles Michael?’ Never trusted Devon Miles.. noncey.

Airwolf had the right philosophy. Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out.

[King Billy]

2 minutes ago, Dick Fiddler said:

Have you any idea how gay as fuck that sounds?

Not really. Please enlighten me as unlike you I’m not gay.

[Cuntybaws]

4 minutes ago, King Billy said:

As for your M4s top speed, have you checked if the handbrake is on? Or maybe get a heavier right shoe.

I suspect the marketing wonks may have exaggerated the theoretical figures. It's certainly not for lack of trying. Or maybe I just need to try it without the corpses in the boot.

[King Billy]

3 minutes ago, Dick Fiddler said:

Brilliant response, I mean, really good.

Idiot.

Rattled 

[Eric Cuntman]

8 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Airwolf had the right philosophy. Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out.

I thought Roy Scheider edged it with Bloo Funder though. Him mimicking Malcolm McDowell’s accent is a great scene. 

[Eric Cuntman]

6 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I suspect the marketing wonks may have exaggerated the theoretical figures. It's certainly not for lack of trying. Or maybe I just need to try it without the corpses in the boot.

They all do 209mph when you drop them out of a Hercules.

[King Billy]

3 minutes ago, Dick Fiddler said:

Indeed. Your superior wit has me stumped.

Where do you go from here?

Onward and upward. See you around dickwipe.

[King Billy]

1 minute ago, Dick Fiddler said:

Later thickster. Try not to drunkenly molest any relatives tonight.

Bed time already? Night night. Sleep tight and try not to fiddle all night you weird little cunt.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Mike Hunt said:

Still chuckle when I think of those high skip lorries full of army snipers picking off the rioting kaffirs in the townships.

I can’t think of that period in South African history without immediately visualising the Spitting Image song and sketch. Which then starts the fucking ‘chicken in the air’ song in my other ear. Fuck!

[Last Cunt Standing]

11 hours ago, Wolfie said:

such is the libellous society we have become. 

Society is increasingly litigious, too. 

[Dyslexic cnut]

9 hours ago, Dick Fiddler said:

Later thickster. Try not to drunkenly molest any relatives tonight.

Reported.

[Guest Fatty]

On 03/07/2023 at 12:54, camberwell gypsy said:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12258369/Sussex-Police-officer-refuses-attend-assault-whining-Ill-deal-it.html

The shit has kicked off in a supermarket that needs immediate police response. A copper is approached to attend, but bollocks to that. "Not my job".

So we have a PCSO (plastic rozzer) trying to look dead hard in a real actual police car whose basically not going to get involved in real policing. But attends after a real copper is called. What is the fucking point having one of these dildos occupying a police car but wont get involved when the shit hits the fan?   

This is yet another example of this country going to shit. These cunts turned up mob handed to close down businesses trying to earn a living during the chinky flu, bullying poor cunts who sat in a deserted field because they weren't wearing a face nappy, dance and mince about at pride marches and stand around watching a bunch of middle class soap dodgers blocking roads but arrest an irate van driving plumber who confronts them. 

I fucking despair I really do

 

What a total Cunt, he’s probably on here somewhere!!!!

[Guest Fatty]

16 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Reported.

Soppy Cunt

[Penny Farthing]

15 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

We've got some fat cunt who goes through our village with a bike that sounds like a fucking Peckham gun battle. For 3 minutes you can hear the cunt coming towards the village and then another 3 minutes for the cunt and his poxy machine to fade into the distance. I'd love to hide in the hedgerow with a 12 bore and blow the fucking thing up. The vision of the slab of blubber sitting on his badly singed arse in the middle of the road, till holding the handlebars would make my day. I'd need plastic surgery to remove the fucking grin off my face

This reminds me of a day back int he late 1960s when I saw a 30ish very fat circa 25 stone woman come of a shop with a load of shopping and strap it to the back of what I think was a 50cc mobylette moped and then ride off along a road that rose about 400 feet in a couple of miles, everyone could hear that moped struggle up the hill for at least 15 minutes. I was told that she kept house for her widowed dad they lived in a cottage at the top of the hill. I did wonder how she safely made it down that hill because I am sure that the oped's brake would never stop her weight. I saw the same woman about 15 years later at the same shop, by that time she was oozing in and out of a Fiat 126.

[King Billy]

22 hours ago, Dick Fiddler said:

Later thickster. Try not to drunkenly molest any relatives tonight.

Reported

[King Billy]

9 hours ago, Penny Farthing said:

This reminds me of a day back int he late 1960s when I saw a 30ish very fat circa 25 stone woman come of a shop with a load of shopping and strap it to the back of what I think was a 50cc mobylette moped and then ride off along a road that rose about 400 feet in a couple of miles, everyone could hear that moped struggle up the hill for at least 15 minutes. I was told that she kept house for her widowed dad they lived in a cottage at the top of the hill. I did wonder how she safely made it down that hill because I am sure that the oped's brake would never stop her weight. I saw the same woman about 15 years later at the same shop, by that time she was oozing in and out of a Fiat 126.

Got any more really interesting stories like this?