Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 8 minutes ago, nocti said: If it's back on topic chatter that you're after, then allow me to announce without a hint of untruth, that it will only take two more visits to the shitter for the count to enter double figures. You could light a fucking cigarette off my ringpiece right now. I'm tempted to work out how much I've been paid today for the time I've basically been desecrating the gents. Not a single stella or curry last night either. The mind boggles, it really fucking does. Counterintuitively - hit your local turbanator venue and tan a vindaloo and 9 pints - face the storm head on and don't fuck about and get broadsided . Baton down the hatches and stop mincing off to the toilet with a copy of heat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Just now, Quincy Cockfingers said: Counterintuitively - hit your local turbanator venue and tan a vindaloo and 9 pints - face the storm head on and don't fuck about and get broadsided . Baton down the hatches and stop mincing off to the toilet with a copy of heat. There's heat in the cubicle I've been using alright Quince, but it ain't no fucking poof rag. It's got to the point where I am just farting gravy now. I think if I were to get on a session and finish off with a curry, I may tear a hole in the space time continuum, as well as my poor, poor arsehole. Appreciate the sage advice though. Hurry up Bill. Where are you in my hour of need you cunt!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 4 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Hold up! Who started a scat party and cut Quincy out of the mix? What is scat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted February 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 2 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: It is a bit. I like to see a few more meaty logs, more spatter and more humiliation in a fecal nom. and don't forget the bits of sweetcorn Quince Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted February 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 9 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: What is scat? Glass top coffee tables , Pyrex glass dishes , 2 girls + 1 cup . Gypps when I was a lad SCAT was Southern Counties Agricultural Traders . Mind you they were shit as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 It's arse cancer. Without a doubt, you all have arse cancer. You better start making videos showing your kids how to shave and stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 18 minutes ago, deebom said: It's arse cancer. Without a doubt, you all have arse cancer. You better start making videos showing your kids how to shave and stuff. I would if I knew how to myself, Dr Dee. If I left my nipper any kind of video tribute to the things I did best and would like to pass down, it'd just be footage of me lobbing myself around the house by my own cock whilst yakety sax plays in the background. I'd also leave the video (yes, VHS) itself wrapped in a jazz mag, hidden somewhere in the garden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 Thought there might have been some useful information about how to pick this up after your mutt has deposited an arse placenta on a frosty pavement using a 20 guage freezer bag. Fucking useless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 I've just started a new job, and the shitbox is right next the office kitchen and the CEOs office. This means I need to make shitting an extremely quick, quiet and odourless activity. I can't let them know how fucking horrible I am in week 1. I've taken to eating spicy food and then holding it in as long as possible, so I'm positively bursting to take the brown family to the Super Bowl by 3 o'clock. I then pop in the bog, and flush the chain just as I start crapping. I'm so pent up with nuggets and fluids and all sorts that I can deposit it all out my arse like some kind of pressure washer within 2 seconds flat, the same amount time it takes to complete the flush. This camouflages the noise and removes the smell, but my insides feel like they've been sucked out of my ring piece by an EU-outlawed vaccum cleaner. Great nom Withers. You've gone up in my estimation. I have a little black book with everyone's names in and a short description. Yours read "complete and utter fuckwit". I've now crossed out the word 'and'. Keep going on this course and I might scribble out some more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 6 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: I've just started a new job, and the shitbox is right next the office kitchen and the CEOs office. This means I need to make shitting an extremely quick, quiet and odourless activity. I can't let them know how fucking horrible I am in week 1. I've taken to eating spicy food and then holding it in as long as possible, so I'm positively bursting to take the brown family to the Super Bowl by 3 o'clock. I then pop in the bog, and flush the chain just as I start crapping. I'm so pent up with nuggets and fluids and all sorts that I can deposit it all out my arse like some kind of pressure washer within 2 seconds flat, the same amount time it takes to complete the flush. This camouflages the noise and removes the smell, but my insides feel like they've been sucked out of my ring piece by an EU-outlawed vaccum cleaner. Great nom Withers. You've gone up in my estimation. I have a little black book with everyone's names in and a short description. Yours read "complete and utter fuckwit". I've now crossed out the word 'and'. Keep going on this course and I might scribble out some more. I think the pre-flush technique you describe is fucking genius! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 9 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: I've just started a new job, and the shitbox is right next the office kitchen and the CEOs office. This means I need to make shitting an extremely quick, quiet and odourless activity. I can't let them know how fucking horrible I am in week 1. I've taken to eating spicy food and then holding it in as long as possible, so I'm positively bursting to take the brown family to the Super Bowl by 3 o'clock. I then pop in the bog, and flush the chain just as I start crapping. I'm so pent up with nuggets and fluids and all sorts that I can deposit it all out my arse like some kind of pressure washer within 2 seconds flat, the same amount time it takes to complete the flush. This camouflages the noise and removes the smell, but my insides feel like they've been sucked out of my ring piece by an EU-outlawed vaccum cleaner. Great nom Withers. You've gone up in my estimation. I have a little black book with everyone's names in and a short description. Yours read "complete and utter fuckwit". I've now crossed out the word 'and'. Keep going on this course and I might scribble out some more. After reading this harrowing tale of anal woe, I have but one question. What sort of dirty cunt puts the shitter next to the kitchen? It sounds like Stickers architecture for Dummies. What is probably a better course of action, Bill, would be to strut off to the traps, loudly whistling, smiling and nodding at your colleagues as you go. Say it once and say it loud "I'm having a shit, and I'm proud". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 2 hours ago, witheredscrote said: Glass top coffee tables , Pyrex glass dishes , 2 girls + 1 cup . Gypps when I was a lad SCAT was Southern Counties Agricultural Traders . Mind you they were shit as well. Means nothing to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 4 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: What is scat? Just log off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted February 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Means nothing to me Next you will be telling us you are a virgin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 3 hours ago, Bill Stickers said: I've just started a new job, and the shitbox is right next the office kitchen and the CEOs office. This means I need to make shitting an extremely quick, quiet and odourless activity. I can't let them know how fucking horrible I am in week 1. I've taken to eating spicy food and then holding it in as long as possible, so I'm positively bursting to take the brown family to the Super Bowl by 3 o'clock. I then pop in the bog, and flush the chain just as I start crapping. I'm so pent up with nuggets and fluids and all sorts that I can deposit it all out my arse like some kind of pressure washer within 2 seconds flat, the same amount time it takes to complete the flush. This camouflages the noise and removes the smell, but my insides feel like they've been sucked out of my ring piece by an EU-outlawed vaccum cleaner. Great nom Withers. You've gone up in my estimation. I have a little black book with everyone's names in and a short description. Yours read "complete and utter fuckwit". I've now crossed out the word 'and'. Keep going on this course and I might scribble out some more. This sounds like you have not balanced your opiates against your laxatives, fucking idiot! Trying to shit out your backed up shite while cranking the flush like a rusty chainsaw , the pan and gravity struggling to gulp down your shite in one big mouthful before its nearly bottle necked up with the next load of sloppy sausages: alas! Another truckfull, ahead of the cistern fill! Nightmare! Dry flush , dry flush! Have you enough piss to quench this pan thirst and wash down this shite-meal? Ah no! This brownaconda is unstoppable! What to do? Bill- think sharp! Troubleshoot! Triple fold the kak-roll and dip your hand under to catch the next load and slam dunk it in the cistern! No cunt but the next the wiser! Disaster! Air pressure flush- 2 hands to unscrew - cistern locked! Quick, stuff the shite in your shirt pockets, artex it on the ceiling and eat as much as possible, never mind the gagging. In for a penny.... When you stagger out of the public toilet retching, best scream for an ambulance, but most commuters on Paddington platform 2 flinch away in disgust, until a nice family adopt you and set you up in their attic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 58 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Next you will be telling us you are a virgin Nah. Life fucked me years ago. Double vodka please barman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 41 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: This sounds like you have not balanced your opiates against your laxatives, fucking idiot! Trying to shit out your backed up shite while cranking the flush like a rusty chainsaw , the pan and gravity struggling to gulp down your shite in one big mouthful before its nearly bottle necked up with the next load of sloppy sausages: alas! Another truckfull, ahead of the cistern fill! Nightmare! Dry flush , dry flush! Have you enough piss to quench this pan thirst and wash down this shite-meal? Ah no! This brownaconda is unstoppable! What to do? Bill- think sharp! Troubleshoot! Triple fold the kak-roll and dip your hand under to catch the next load and slam dunk it in the cistern! No cunt but the next the wiser! Disaster! Air pressure flush- 2 hands to unscrew - cistern locked! Quick, stuff the shite in your shirt pockets, artex it on the ceiling and eat as much as possible, never mind the gagging. In for a penny.... When you stagger out of the public toilet retching, best scream for an ambulance, but most commuters on Paddington platform 2 flinch away in disgust, until a nice family adopt you and set you up in their attic. '....slam dunk it in the cistern '.....ah so you're familiar with "Top decking" as well then Quince? Marvellous marvellous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 35 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: '....slam dunk it in the cistern '.....ah so you're familiar with "Top decking" as well then Quince? Marvellous marvellous. Gyps, I had just got into the house from a work thing bollixed and hadnt thought it through but got fired into it and one thing led to another and here's what halo wcs "I would offer my congratulations were it not for this tentacle gripping my leg." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 9 hours ago, Bill Stickers said: I've just started a new job, and the shitbox is right next the office kitchen and the CEOs office. This means I need to make shitting an extremely quick, quiet and odourless activity. I can't let them know how fucking horrible I am in week 1. I'm so pent up with nuggets and fluids and all sorts that I can deposit it all out my arse like some kind of pressure washer within 2 seconds flat, the same amount time it takes to complete the flush. This camouflages the noise and removes the smell, but my insides feel like they've been sucked out of my ring piece by an EU-outlawed vaccum cleaner. Does you tiny Winkie stay dry though bill ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 6 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: This sounds like you have not balanced your opiates against your laxatives, fucking idiot! Trying to shit out your backed up shite while cranking the flush like a rusty chainsaw , the pan and gravity struggling to gulp down your shite in one big mouthful before its nearly bottle necked up with the next load of sloppy sausages: alas! Another truckfull, ahead of the cistern fill! Nightmare! Dry flush , dry flush! Have you enough piss to quench this pan thirst and wash down this shite-meal? Ah no! This brownaconda is unstoppable! What to do? Bill- think sharp! Troubleshoot! Triple fold the kak-roll and dip your hand under to catch the next load and slam dunk it in the cistern! No cunt but the next the wiser! Disaster! Air pressure flush- 2 hands to unscrew - cistern locked! Quick, stuff the shite in your shirt pockets, artex it on the ceiling and eat as much as possible, never mind the gagging. In for a penny.... When you stagger out of the public toilet retching, best scream for an ambulance, but most commuters on Paddington platform 2 flinch away in disgust, until a nice family adopt you and set you up in their attic. Thought provoking stuff Quincy. The foremost provoked thought is that it's such a shame that of all the sperms that shot into your mothers cunt on the day you were conceived, it's desperately unlucky you were the winner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 2 hours ago, Bill Stickers said: Thought provoking stuff Quincy. The foremost provoked thought is that it's such a shame that of all the sperms that shot into your mothers cunt on the day you were conceived, it's desperately unlucky you were the winner. Excellent fucking work, Bill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 2 hours ago, Bill Stickers said: Thought provoking stuff Quincy. The foremost provoked thought is that it's such a shame that of all the sperms that shot into your mothers cunt on the day you were conceived, it's desperately unlucky you were the winner. Someone has to come first Bill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 12 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: Excellent fucking work, Bill. I wish I had a catchphrase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 17 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: I wish I had a catchphrase. Good work, Quincy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 9 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Someone has to come first Bill. I know Quincy, I know. Don't fret. And please don't take my comment about your mother too hard. After all, with a minge like a badly packed kebab and norks like a pair of tattered wind socks, she was the finest prostitute in all of Forfar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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