Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 Just a little update on a topic close to your hearts. Quincys bowels. Ive historic reason to be wary. I've just experienced imminent engine room pressure warnings on the bridge HUD, and scuttled up the road wincing on tippy-toes, dreading a reactor breach! Fucking hell! What now? Half way home I leapt like a ballet dancer into a boozer and to their bog- bags down - wait - grunt - grunt ..... Whooooooooshhhh! Fracking ! No oil !!! Convinced of a new field , but no- butane, ethane, methane of the worst kind, but no shite. My shirt tails flapped like broad sails in this brown sirocco , but no shite. A mix of sensation- let down , and relieved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 Stolen by the poo fairy. The little rascal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 Your problem is your fucking diet. There used to be a jolly fucking good thread about regulars' bowel movements on the old site. But in the absence of the encyclopaedic knowledge it gifted us all, here's what to do...part cook a chicken and throw the cunt into a pot of Butter Chicken Sauce, or Madras. Empty the bastard onto a plate after the first hint of steam and Bingo...the next day, you'll be scattergunning the cunt all over the fucking bed at the first fart. You know it makes sense. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 1 minute ago, Rev said: You know it makes sense. He fucking doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 55 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Just a little update on a topic close to your hearts. Quincys bowels. Ive historic reason to be wary. I've just experienced imminent engine room pressure warnings on the bridge HUD, and scuttled up the road wincing on tippy-toes, dreading a reactor breach! Fucking hell! What now? Half way home I leapt like a ballet dancer into a boozer and to their bog- bags down - wait - grunt - grunt ..... Whooooooooshhhh! Fracking ! No oil !!! Convinced of a new field , but no- butane, ethane, methane of the worst kind, but no shite. My shirt tails flapped like broad sails in this brown sirocco , but no shite. A mix of sensation- let down , and relieved. Irritable Bowel Syndrome . Wrong diet , too much alcohol , guts and colon full of acid. Sorry to be boring , but rather me than Roops giving you her expert advice . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Roops Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 2 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Irritable Bowel Syndrome . Wrong diet , too much alcohol , guts and colon full of acid. Sorry to be boring , but rather me than Roops giving you her expert advice . Trust me, I really really don't want advise punters with bowel movement issues, being a pain the arse like.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 1 hour ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Just a little update on a topic close to your hearts. Quincys bowels. Ive historic reason to be wary. I've just experienced imminent engine room pressure warnings on the bridge HUD, and scuttled up the road wincing on tippy-toes, dreading a reactor breach! Fucking hell! What now? Half way home I leapt like a ballet dancer into a boozer and to their bog- bags down - wait - grunt - grunt ..... Whooooooooshhhh! Fracking ! No oil !!! Convinced of a new field , but no- butane, ethane, methane of the worst kind, but no shite. My shirt tails flapped like broad sails in this brown sirocco , but no shite. A mix of sensation- let down , and relieved. You went into a pub and used their toilets....you did fucking what.....That alone deserves some kind of award for bravery. I would rather evacuate in my own trousers than use a pub bog...at least that way I would only have the products of my own bowels on my backside rather than various pissed up cunts with very poor Armitage shanks to arsehole coordination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 47 minutes ago, Mrs Roops said: Trust me, I really really don't want advise punters with bowel movement issues, being a pain the arse like.... Well done you , but when I said that I was spraying fizzy gravy on another nom you gave me a recipe to avoid such issue. I thought at the time 'what a boring fucker'., but enough of this banter . Show the lads your beaver you minx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 1 hour ago, Manky said: Stolen by the poo fairy. The little rascal. Yet no pound coins under my Andrex- tight cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 2 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Yet no pound coins under my Andrex- tight cunt. But you weren't as clean as gold pants. That is another kid that needs putting in a shredder , but his teacher is shaggable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 36 minutes ago, luke swarm said: You went into a pub and used their toilets....you did fucking what.....That alone deserves some kind of award for bravery. I would rather evacuate in my own trousers than use a pub bog...at least that way I would only have the products of my own bowels on my backside rather than various pissed up cunts with very poor Armitage shanks to arsehole coordination. Luke, that would normally be the case but it was the Cafe Royal, in their excellent Victorian tiled bogs. Sparkling vitrious tiling and German pans wot queen vic used to shite in, plus a very considerate flat tiled plinth behind these pans. Classy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 Just now, Quincy Cockfingers said: Luke, that would normally be the case but it was the Cafe Royal, in their excellent Victorian tiled bogs. Sparkling vitrious tiling and German pans wot queen vic used to shite in, plus a very considerate flat tiled plinth behind these pans. Classy. And full of aids infested arse bandits . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 4 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: And full of aids infested arse bandits . Withers, stick to your revolting French hole-in-ground that looks it's melted an Easter egg before cunting our fine Dunedin shitters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 12 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: And full of aids infested arse bandits . I would not advise you to enter into a debate about bog types here Withers....its a debate you would come to regret......The French are notoriously unfussy when it come to evacuation furniture and exponents of the...ahem... minimalist style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 13 minutes ago, luke swarm said: I would not advise you to enter into a debate about bog types here Withers....its a debate you would come to regret......The French are notoriously unfussy when it come to evacuation furniture and exponents of the...ahem... minimalist style. So in a nutshell you are saying our shitters are crap ?. The French invented the spray bidet which I consider its greatest achievement ( after the worlds best beer ) . That jet of cold water on a curry sauce inflamed ringpiece cannot be bettered in my opinion. Vive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 2 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Just a little update on a topic close to your hearts. Quincys bowels. Ive historic reason to be wary. I've just experienced imminent engine room pressure warnings on the bridge HUD, and scuttled up the road wincing on tippy-toes, dreading a reactor breach! Fucking hell! What now? Half way home I leapt like a ballet dancer into a boozer and to their bog- bags down - wait - grunt - grunt ..... Whooooooooshhhh! Fracking ! No oil !!! Convinced of a new field , but no- butane, ethane, methane of the worst kind, but no shite. My shirt tails flapped like broad sails in this brown sirocco , but no shite. A mix of sensation- let down , and relieved. Fuck me,no spunk,no shit,are you fucking empty or is that just your head? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 3 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Just a little update on a topic close to your hearts. Quincys bowels. Ive historic reason to be wary. I've just experienced imminent engine room pressure warnings on the bridge HUD, and scuttled up the road wincing on tippy-toes, dreading a reactor breach! Fucking hell! What now? Half way home I leapt like a ballet dancer into a boozer and to their bog- bags down - wait - grunt - grunt ..... Whooooooooshhhh! Fracking ! No oil !!! Convinced of a new field , but no- butane, ethane, methane of the worst kind, but no shite. My shirt tails flapped like broad sails in this brown sirocco , but no shite. A mix of sensation- let down , and relieved. That is what is called "a stealth shite". It basically slips round the u-bend like a phantom in the night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 3 hours ago, Rev said: Your problem is your fucking diet. There used to be a jolly fucking good thread about regulars' bowel movements on the old site. But in the absence of the encyclopaedic knowledge it gifted us all, here's what to do...part cook a chicken and throw the cunt into a pot of Butter Chicken Sauce, or Madras. Empty the bastard onto a plate after the first hint of steam and Bingo...the next day, you'll be scattergunning the cunt all over the fucking bed at the first fart. You know it makes sense. Rev..... You're back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 A similar phenomenon to the 'ghost piss' if I'm not mistaken. Absolutely fucking gurning to empty your bladder, finding a semi-acceptable spot to fire Pee Harvey Oswald, and then, fuck all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 What the fuck is wrong with you all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 3 hours ago, Mrs Roops said: Trust me, I really really don't want advise punters with bowel movement issues, being a pain the arse like.... Let me give you some advice Mrs Poops; sort that wookies arsehole out quick-sharp before it gets bejewelled in pink and orange cleg-gems of Andrex and part digested carrot... I bet that ends up looking like someone's wiped their muddy wellies on a doormat I wish I could poke my minds eye out.... Get out of my head!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Roops Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 8 minutes ago, Gurt said: Let me give you some advice Mrs Poops; sort that wookies arsehole out quick-sharp before it gets bejewelled in pink and orange cleg-gems of Andrex and part digested carrot... I bet that ends up looking like someone's wiped their muddy wellies on a doormat I wish I could poke my minds eye out.... Get out of my head!! Well, plenty have articulated your sentiments many times Gurt so nothing new. No worries, one man's paradise is another man's purgatory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 Im worried... Worried that you can't wipe your Chad without your Arse-beard grabbing the shit-rag out of your grasp and filling your fingernails full of shite. The horror,.. The horror Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 4 hours ago, Rev said: There used to be a jolly fucking good thread about regulars' bowel movements on the old site. There used to be a jolly fucking cunt on the old site whose avatar was Adolf wearing a set of bunny ears, but then he got married and fucked off and left me all alone in charge of the bark stripper. You're not still in the huff because they lost all your Voevod posts 5 minutes after you finally got them back, surely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Roops Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 4 minutes ago, Gurt said: Im worried... Worried that you can't wipe your Chad without your Arse-beard grabbing the shit-rag out of your grasp and filling your fingernails full of shite. The horror,.. The horror ...and your worries are much appreciated. Don't have nightmares now! I couldn't forgive myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.