Neil Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 I'll start........My son-in-law,bought him a lovely fucking axe for his firewood,leather handle,finest forged steel,was he grateful?,was he bollocks.Wish i'd bought the cunt the 6 quid one off the market,then buried in his 'orrible fucking head.Anyway,they've fucked off now round his parents,a proper cuntfest if ever there was one Fuck off santa you cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 My son has just rolled in for Xmas dinner. That’s fine, but he’s brought his girlfriend along too, who obviously doesn't want to be here, and if she doesn't crack a fucking smile at some point soon I'm going to dismember the hatchet-faced whining cunt with a handily-positioned carving knife. I don’t know if she has giblets, but I'm going to go digging for them anyway. Perhaps they look like ovaries? Or kidneys? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: My son has just rolled in for Xmas dinner. That’s fine, but he’s brought his girlfriend along too, who obviously doesn't want to be here, and if she doesn't crack a fucking smile at some point soon I'm going to dismember the hatchet-faced whining cunt with a handily-positioned carving knife. I don’t know if she has giblets, but I'm going to go digging for them anyway. Perhaps they look like ovaries? Or kidneys? When you locate her giblets baws, here's a useful tip; they make an excellent gravy. Waste not want not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 6 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: My son has just rolled in for Xmas dinner. That’s fine, but he’s brought his girlfriend along too, who obviously doesn't want to be here, and if she doesn't crack a fucking smile at some point soon I'm going to dismember the hatchet-faced whining cunt with a handily-positioned carving knife. I don’t know if she has giblets, but I'm going to go digging for them anyway. Perhaps they look like ovaries? Or kidneys? Put your cock in her ear CB. If she asks why, say you're trying to fuck some sense into her 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 3 minutes ago, scotty said: When you locate her giblets baws, here's a useful tip; they make an excellent gravy. Waste not want not. I've just demolished what purports to be a 3-month supply of Hotel Chocolat's finest, so the only gravy currently on my mind is the baby gravy that I'm going to pour on Mrs Baws' face later in an on-topic display of gratitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 We had goose today. Badly fucked up crap that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 I didn't buy any cunt anything this year. I don't conform to filthy capitalist ideals... Plus I'm skint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 46 minutes ago, Dr. Chernobyl said: I didn't buy any cunt anything this year. I don't conform to filthy capitalist ideals... Plus I'm skint. By skint, do you mean "blew all my benefits on crack"? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 No ungrateful little cunts are allowed to spoil Christmas Day for me. I have none of my own and Mrs Manky's are grown up. My whole day is meticulously planned, down to the last detail, to enable me to watch a seasonal Tarantino film. This year, Hateful Eight. (There is snow in it) Thank fuck it is over. Christmas that is, not the film. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Me and my clan have been on a country walk to work off the 7000+ calories per person demolished in the viking cunt festival of Christmas dinner. Now back in the manor house preparing for a Christmas tea. Personally I can't wait to spend boxing day wearing pj's, eating choc, drinking wine and watching darts and lovejoy. Oh and conversing with a bunch of bastards on line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 2 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Me and my clan have been on a country walk to work off the 7000+ calories per person demolished in the viking cunt festival of Christmas dinner. Now back in the manor house preparing for a Christmas tea. Personally I can't wait to spend boxing day wearing pj's, eating choc, drinking wine and watching darts and lovejoy. Oh and conversing with a bunch of bastards on line Who are the bastards on line? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 6 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said: Who are the bastards on line? I meant to say "cunts" but I'm a lady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Fuck Christmas, it's my birthday tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 4 minutes ago, deebom said: Fuck Christmas, it's my birthday tomorrow. Have a very happy birthday DB. XX Now fuck off 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 3 hours ago, ratcum said: Put your cock in her ear CB. If she asks why, say you're trying to fuck some sense into her She'll probably let him as well. Especially if she doesn't like it in her mouth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 I'm stuffed. Now I'm gonna have a sleep and when I wake up there's a bottle of Chocolate Drop with my name on it. Happy Christmas cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 3 hours ago, ratcum said: We had goose today. Badly fucked up crap that is. Don't mention that to Withers... he'll be moaning you nicked his bird.... D'ya see what I did there? No? Right, back to topic... who the fuck invented christmas pudding? You've just waded your way through 4lb of turkey, 2lb of pork, 6lb of stuffing, matching roast potatoes and gravy, 2 sprouts, (a balanced meal!!) then some cunt puts a soggy cannonball in front of you, douses it in brandy, set's it on fire (the fucking waste!!) then puts the fire out with "brandy sauce"...? Just give me the fucking brandy and shut up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 8 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said: Don't mention that to Withers... he'll be moaning you nicked his bird.... D'ya see what I did there? No? Right, back to topic... who the fuck invented christmas pudding? You've just waded your way through 4lb of turkey, 2lb of pork, 6lb of stuffing, matching roast potatoes and gravy, 2 sprouts, (a balanced meal!!) then some cunt puts a soggy cannonball in front of you, douses it in brandy, set's it on fire (the fucking waste!!) then puts the fire out with "brandy sauce"...? Just give me the fucking brandy and shut up. I like Christmas pudding. Anyone who sets light to it is a cunt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 22 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: I like Christmas pudding. Anyone who sets light to it is a cunt It gives me acid reflux that a bucket of Omeprazole won't kill. If I get offered any I'll save it for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 52 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said: Don't mention that to Withers... he'll be moaning you nicked his bird.... D'ya see what I did there? No? Right, back to topic... who the fuck invented christmas pudding? You've just waded your way through 4lb of turkey, 2lb of pork, 6lb of stuffing, matching roast potatoes and gravy, 2 sprouts, (a balanced meal!!) then some cunt puts a soggy cannonball in front of you, douses it in brandy, set's it on fire (the fucking waste!!) then puts the fire out with "brandy sauce"...? Just give me the fucking brandy and shut up. Ding, I realise it's Xmas, but even that can't excuse this load of utter, utter fucking shit. If I could indeed give you the brandy, I'd make sure it was enough to kill you. Merry Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 1 hour ago, DingTheRioja said: Don't mention that to Withers... he'll be moaning you nicked his bird.... D'ya see what I did there? No? Right, back to topic... who the fuck invented christmas pudding? You've just waded your way through 4lb of turkey, 2lb of pork, 6lb of stuffing, matching roast potatoes and gravy, 2 sprouts, (a balanced meal!!) then some cunt puts a soggy cannonball in front of you, douses it in brandy, set's it on fire (the fucking waste!!) then puts the fire out with "brandy sauce"...? Just give me the fucking brandy and shut up. Good tidings we bring, To you and your Ding, We wish you a merry Christmas, You dirty northern fucking queer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 2 hours ago, DingTheRioja said: Don't mention that to Withers... he'll be moaning you nicked his bird.... D'ya see what I did there? No? Right, back to topic... who the fuck invented christmas pudding? You've just waded your way through 4lb of turkey, 2lb of pork, 6lb of stuffing, matching roast potatoes and gravy, 2 sprouts, (a balanced meal!!) then some cunt puts a soggy cannonball in front of you, douses it in brandy, set's it on fire (the fucking waste!!) then puts the fire out with "brandy sauce"...? Just give me the fucking brandy and shut up. I can only get through the pudding by thinking of some starving cunts in Africa 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 25, 2016 Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 1 hour ago, Decimus said: Good tidings we bring, To you and your Ding, We wish you a merry Christmas, You dirty northern fucking queer. again I'm choking on something and have to explain myself to Frau Rat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 6 hours ago, Ape said: By skint, do you mean "blew all my benefits on crack"? I stay away from the hard stuff. Silver paint is getting more fucking expensive these days, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 26, 2016 Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 I sent Frank a container of bleach with his name on it and two plastic drinking flutes. Do you think the cunt could be bothered to say thank you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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