Premature Ejaculators from Hull

[Last Cunt Standing]

Word reaches me from the nations’ favourite daily medical journal that when in bed residents of Kingston upon Hull last about as long as the token ethnic minority slebrity on Strictly Come Dancing. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5544919/How-long-sex-lasts-UK.html

I won’t question the methodology of any study funded by Superdrug, whose staff are by the look of them obviously experts on all things sexual dysfunction. Geneticists and Dermatologists too I shouldn’t wonder. 

But why might it be that the good people of Hull, City of Culture if you please, can fit in a full knee trembler before Peter Levy has finished the headlines on Look North? Is it something in the water, or is the area gripped by such a wave of bed-wetting inadequacy that anything longer than 90 seconds of intercourse will elevate you to Zorro-like legendary swordsman status.

It seems to me that Hull should have major beef with Superdrug for peddling such shite, and it’s a bit of cunt to be libelled en masse like this. I think the swinging dicks of Hull should turn up in the store and demand further testing against the clock, or perhaps a back-to-back playoff with the supposed eternal shaggers of Walsall. 

I understand they included a control group from Melbourne but they were disqualified for using a fine Wet and Dry paper, the cheating cunts. 

Neil, your thoughts on this subject are eagerly anticipated. 

Sting is a Tantric Cunt. 

 

[and]

It's because they've all been at sea for months on end, so by the time they get back to shore they're so desperate to drop the custard they can't hold back long enough to prolong decent bunk-up.

Alternatively, the women from that part Britain are so gorgeous you've got to splurge your slop before someone else gets in, but I doubt that very much if this trollop is anything to go by...

Kelly Lewis was said to be so angry at the price of the large cod at Tasty, in Hull, East Yorks, that she started racially abusing Turkish man Ugur Yaltiligil behind the counter. She then started throwing chips at the owner before kicking him in the groin and legs as he tried to restrain her.

 

Mick Ronson wasn't a cunt.

[Eric Cuntman]

32 minutes ago, r-soles said:

It's because they've all been at sea for months on end, so by the time they get back to shore they're so desperate to drop the custard they can't hold back long enough to prolong decent bunk-up.

Alterantively, the women from that part Britain are so gorgeous you've got to splurge your slop before someone else gets in, but I doubt that very much if this trollop is anything to go by...

Kelly Lewis was said to be so angry at the price of the large cod at Tasty, in Hull, East Yorks, that she started racially abusing Turkish man Ugur Yaltiligil behind the counter. She then started throwing chips at the owner before kicking him in the groin and legs as he tried to restrain her.

 

Mick Ronson wasn't a cunt.

Don't you just love the way foreigners with a limited grasp of English name their restaurants, "we call it TASTY, is good yes?" It's the same with East European cunts who upload wank films to Pornhub....."bitches are fukking with guys cos they love cocks".. fucking morons.

 

[Guest Lady Penelope]

@luke swarm Can you explain about WazzHall and Wulverhamtun?

[Witheredscrote]

37 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Don't you just love the way foreigners with a limited grasp of English name their restaurants, "we call it TASTY, is good yes?" It's the same with East European cunts who upload wank films to Pornhub....."bitches are fukking with guys cos they love cocks".. fucking morons.

 

Fucking Pornhub, very poor quality. It's Xhamster for me every time.  Have you seen 'Stormy Daniels Spanks Donald' in HD?

[Eric Cuntman]

28 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Fucking Pornhub, very poor quality. It's Xhamster for me every time.  Have you seen 'Stormy Daniels Spanks Donald' in HD?

The Polish rave on about xhamster. Must be a mainland Europe thing. Did Donald lose his wig during spanking?

[Jiggerycock]

It's the smell of fish that permeates their town.

The tangy woft of week old Cod and the promise of extra chips afterwards, from a fat lass from Clive Sullivan Way, turns them all into two-pump chumps.

[Guest Erroreptile404]

2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

 It's the same with East European cunts who upload wank films to Pornhub....."bitches are fukking with guys cos they love cocks".. fucking morons.

 

Albert Ross wanks to small cock humiliation videos on pornhub.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

6 minutes ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

Albert Ross wanks to small cock humiliation videos on pornhub.

Reported .. Breach of rule 7

[Neil]

11 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

 

Neil, your thoughts on this subject are eagerly anticipated. 

 

Yes,I'll take over from here,the reason is really quite simple.The less time you have to look at the ugly south Yorkshire munters the better,so chuck your muck asap,kick her in the cunt,chuck her out and go and have a proper wank on the internet......simples!

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Neil said:

Yes,I'll take over from here,the reason is really quite simple.The less time you have to look at the ugly south Yorkshire munters the better,so chuck your muck asap,kick her in the cunt,chuck her out and go and have a proper wank on the internet......simples!

It's a fucking travesty that you haven't been signed up by Mills & Boon.

[The Beast]

19 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's a fucking travesty that you haven't been signed up by Mills & Boon.

Back in the late 70's I asked my old man why my mother was always reading Mills & Boon novels.

He said, "fock knows, son. I'm off up the pub"

[Guest White van man]

12 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Word reaches me from the nations’ favourite daily medical journal that when in bed residents of Kingston upon Hull last about as long as the token ethnic minority slebrity on Strictly Come Dancing. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5544919/How-long-sex-lasts-UK.html

I won’t question the methodology of any study funded by Superdrug, whose staff are by the look of them obviously experts on all things sexual dysfunction. Geneticists and Dermatologists too I shouldn’t wonder. 

But why might it be that the good people of Hull, City of Culture if you please, can fit in a full knee trembler before Peter Levy has finished the headlines on Look North? Is it something in the water, or is the area gripped by such a wave of bed-wetting inadequacy that anything longer than 90 seconds of intercourse will elevate you to Zorro-like legendary swordsman status.

It seems to me that Hull should have major beef with Superdrug for peddling such shite, and it’s a bit of cunt to be libelled en masse like this. I think the swinging dicks of Hull should turn up in the store and demand further testing against the clock, or perhaps a back-to-back playoff with the supposed eternal shaggers of Walsall. 

I understand they included a control group from Melbourne but they were disqualified for using a fine Wet and Dry paper, the cheating cunts. 

Neil, your thoughts on this subject are eagerly anticipated. 

Sting is a Tantric Cunt. 

 

Think we've all done this a few times. Worst is when the kids are out and she's watching some shite on the telly, and you lead in with the good ole faithful "its nice to get some time on our own". You lock the door.......... and when you've  finished, she unpauses the tv and the little blue grassing spinning bastard in the bottom corner of the screen dobs you in it.  -7mins. You justify it to yourself that you enjoyed it and you had to be quick so you didn't get eat by a t rex or something but its the longest 5 seconds ever trying to distract her til it disappears.

[Eric Cuntman]

28 minutes ago, The Beast said:

Back in the late 70's I asked my old man why my mother was always reading Mills & Boon novels.

He said, "fock knows, son. I'm off up the pub"

..answering your question without realising it. They were quite a phenomenon back then, thousands of titles a year, if they're still going they are probably written by computer. Feed in a few dozen situations and plot devices, a few hundred character names, and just let the computer mix it all together randomly. The literary equivalent of Tesco value white bread.

[Guest Earl Albert of Ross (Bt)]

2 hours ago, EreptileDysfunction said:

Albert Ross wanks to small cock humiliation videos on pornhub.

I don’t actually, but please post a URL, it sounds very interesting.

[Guest Erroreptile404]

3 hours ago, Miss Penelope said:

Reported .. Breach of rule 7

I don't have a vendetta with him though, i just made an (admittedly) shit off the cuff quip.

[Stubby Pecker]

And I'm spent ....

[Neil]

On 3/27/2018 at 11:20 AM, Eric Cuntman said:

It's a fucking travesty that you haven't been signed up by Mills & Boon.

I did write one novel for them under my pseudonym but I think the prudish cunts didn't like the title.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

7 hours ago, Neil said:

Yes,I'll take over from here,the reason is really quite simple.The less time you have to look at the ugly south Yorkshire munters the better,so chuck your muck asap,kick her in the cunt,chuck her out and go and have a proper wank on the internet......simples!

On a similar note, have you seen the Simply Be advert with the plus size women slothing around in tablecloth sized lingerie thinking they look all sexy and 'curvaceous'. 

It makes me physically sick, what about you Neil

[Decimus]

3 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

On a similar note, have you seen the Simply Be advert with the plus size women slothing around in tablecloth sized lingerie thinking they look all sexy and 'curvaceous'. 

It makes me physically sick, what about you Neil

I saw it for the first time last night and couldn't believe my fucking eyes. They resembled a herd of depraved ungulates indulging in some sort of sex party at a Kalahari watering hole.

Fucking disgraceful cunts.

[Witheredscrote]

6 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

..answering your question without realising it. They were quite a phenomenon back then, thousands of titles a year, if they're still going they are probably written by computer. Feed in a few dozen situations and plot devices, a few hundred character names, and just let the computer mix it all together randomly. The literary equivalent of Tesco value white bread.

Don't forget their beans. Ape likes to feel included. lol Fuck off

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

I just imagined them taking the skid marked knickers to the local launderette and having to pay the duvet service wash prices to get them cleaned.

Edited March 27, 2018 by Drew P Pissflaps
too excited

[Neil]

14 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

On a similar note, have you seen the Simply Be advert with the plus size women slothing around in tablecloth sized lingerie thinking they look all sexy and 'curvaceous'. 

It makes me physically sick, what about you Neil

You paint a picture I never want to see,give me a advert with 7 st nymphs cavorting in their undies and.........oh fuck!,not again?

[Eric Cuntman]

24 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I saw it for the first time last night and couldn't believe my fucking eyes. They resembled a herd of depraved ungulates indulging in some sort of sex party at a Kalahari watering hole.

Fucking disgraceful cunts.

You wanked over it didn't you?

[Decimus]

7 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You wanked over it didn't you?

Certainly not.

Even if I could get over the visual stimulation of their hypnotic jiggling, I'd still be gagging over the certainty that they all smell of wet Billy Bear ham and festering tampons that have been pulled out of toxic shock syndrome afflicted gashes.