Christmas lunch cunts

[Ape™️]

1 hour ago, Witheredscrote said:

Too dry, and difficult to stuff.

Another hilarious goose-based comment! Fucking class!

[and]

7 hours ago, Queefer said:

A castrated domestic cock fattened for eating

Don't tell Frank he'll be slobbering at the very thought of a 'fattened cock'.

[and]

[Witheredscrote]

1 hour ago, DrCunt said:

I would have thought you'd have well basted your Canada Goose first. Maybe it's the saltiness of the baste that's making it dry.

You filthy cunt

[Guest judgetwi]

6 hours ago, cooze said:

Thank fuck for that! For a moment there I thought i’d accidentally stumbled upon mums.net.

Stick your Christmas cooking tips up your  shitboxes.

Poofs.

[The Beast]

5 minutes ago, judgetwi said:

Thank fuck for that! For a moment there I thought i’d accidentally stumbled upon mums.net.

Stick your Christmas cooking tips up your  shitboxes.

Poofs.

Cunt.

Just because the culinary choice is not some manky kebab wrapped in a stale pitta bread, served by a bunch of unhygienic Turks. The sort of cunts who put it under their axilla to keep the fucking thing warm for you.

[Guest N/A]

14 hours ago, Lord Punkape said:

Firstly Christmas Dinner is for peasants.The meal should be eaten at lunchtime with all participants having been to a Christian Service in the morning.

The traditional roast should be goose.Turkey is acceptable for lower-middle classes provided the bird is free range.

For the better connected, such as myself, a better version of goose is roast Swan which I’ve arranged for the Punkapes through a friend in Oxford.

Fuck off.

Swan is the preserve of the Queens table only, by law.

You  are a cunt and so cannot serve such fair game at your table.   Turkey Dinosaurs are more in line with your station in life.

Served on a bed of potatoe smiley faces, accompanied by Aldi baked beans heated from the microwave.

All washed down with American champagne.....or Pepsi max as it’s sold in the uk.

for pudding 

Sir will be having a whole Terry’s chocolate orange,   Ferret  ratchets.  A large tube of smarties and a Toblerone soo big even you couldn’t fit it up your arse.

To be fair, that’s not a half bad shout for Xmas day dinner.

[Guest N/A]

21 minutes ago, judgetwi said:

Thank fuck for that! For a moment there I thought i’d accidentally stumbled upon mums.net.

Stick your Christmas cooking tips up your  shitboxes.

Poofs.

Is this NOT mums net???   

Fucking hell I thought it was hence I’ve not said the word fucking ............. in ages.

[ratcum]

19 minutes ago, judgetwi said:

Thank fuck for that! For a moment there I thought i’d accidentally stumbled upon mums.net.

Stick your Christmas cooking tips up your  shitboxes.

Poofs.

Good old Jewdy!

Like a Pol Pot henchman; nasty bastard but boy could he stack a neat shelf!

[Eric Cuntman]

Meat samosa starter.

Ceylon chicken and pilau rice with Bombay potatoes. 

Retire to drawing room with bottle of Johnnie Walker, put 'Cross of Iron on DVD and tell any children or unwanted relatives to fuck right off.

Perfect.

Edited November 19, 2018 by Eric Cuntman
Dessert is for puffs

[ratcum]

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Meat samosa starter.

Ceylon chicken and pilau rice with Bombay potatoes. 

Retire to drawing room with bottle of Johnnie Walker, put 'Cross of Iron on DVD and tell any children or unwanted relatives to fuck right off.

Perfect.

Now you're talking Authoritah.

Finish off with "Where Eagles Dare (the rodent cut)", where naked nuns pop up in every scene doing something unspeakable with jerry stick grenades.

[Eric Cuntman]

3 minutes ago, ratcum said:

Now you're talking Authoritah.

Finish off with "Where Eagles Dare (the rodent cut)", where naked nuns pop up in every scene doing something unspeakable with jerry stick grenades.

Qualitah. Pop round about 2 pm. Tell Frau Rat & Junior that you need to gas some moles. I'll dig out my Horst Wessel 78s.

[camberwell gypsy]

39 minutes ago, Monumental cunt said:

Swan is the preserve of the Queens table only, by law.

You  are a cunt and so cannot serve such fair game at your table.   Turkey Dinosaurs are more in line with your station in life.

Served on a bed of potatoe smiley faces, accompanied by Aldi baked beans heated from the microwave.

All washed down with American champagne.....or Pepsi max as it’s sold in the uk.

for pudding 

Sir will be having a whole Terry’s chocolate orange,   Ferret  ratchets.  A large tube of smarties and a Toblerone soo big even you couldn’t fit it up your arse.

To be fair, that’s not a half bad shout for Xmas day dinner.

I feel sorry for Terry. Everyone wants to eat his chocolate orange. 

[Guest judgetwi]

2 hours ago, The Beast said:

Cunt.

Just because the culinary choice is not some manky kebab wrapped in a stale pitta bread, served by a bunch of unhygienic Turks. The sort of cunts who put it under their axilla to keep the fucking thing warm for you.

Racist

[Guest 'eavensabove]

12 hours ago, judgetwi said:

Thank fuck for that! For a moment there I thought i’d accidentally stumbled upon mums.net.

Stick your Christmas cooking tips up your  shitboxes.

Poofs.

Christmas Day is on a Tuesday this year, which puts you right out of the equation in terms of being fed.  Out of date stale Croissant reductions, as you will know, are on your every other Friday night out and at 5pm sharp. The chances of you being able to groom the shelf-fillers at your local TESCO's into knocking a £ off from a Mincingmeat Danish and a Pig in a Blanket are slim, even though it's on your agenda... You will undoubtedly therefore,  do the same as you do most years by splashing-out for once one of the only foodstuff that you recognise as being 1 of your 5 a month. 

[Stubby Pecker]

12 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Meat samosa starter.

Ceylon chicken and pilau rice with Bombay potatoes. 

Retire to drawing room with bottle of Johnnie Walker, put 'Cross of Iron on DVD and tell any children or unwanted relatives to fuck right off.

Perfect.

One of Peckinpahs finest!

[Guest 'eavensabove]

15 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Meat samosa starter.

Ceylon chicken and pilau rice with Bombay potatoes. 

Retire to drawing room with bottle of Johnnie Walker, put 'Cross of Iron on DVD and tell any children or unwanted relatives to fuck right off.

Perfect.

24th December: Put sprouts on to boil. Midnight Massacre. Man the Chimney to poach reindeer for lunch.

Christmas Day:  Watch back to back War & Peace.

Boxing Day: Closed

 

 

 

[Penny Farthing]

On 11/19/2018 at 8:47 AM, Lord Punkape said:

 is roast Swan which I’ve arranged for the Punkapes through a friend in Oxford.

Fuck off.

I would have thought a big well roasted Indian game cock would have been more to your taste.

[Guest Arthur Fuqs-Aches]

On 11/19/2018 at 8:47 AM, Lord Punkape said:

Firstly Christmas Dinner is for peasants.The meal should be eaten at lunchtime with all participants having been to a Christian Service in the morning.

The traditional roast should be goose.Turkey is acceptable for lower-middle classes provided the bird is free range.

For the better connected, such as myself, a better version of goose is roast Swan which I’ve arranged for the Punkapes through a friend in Oxford.

Fuck off.

Yeah roast swan I first had in a little place in Swanage. You'd never believe it would you? True it is. 

[Guest N/A]

23 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I feel sorry for Terry. Everyone wants to eat his chocolate orange. 

It’s not Terry’s , it’s mine.

[Guest N/A]

4 hours ago, Wybunbury Bertie said:

I would have thought a big well roasted Indian game cock would have been more to your taste.

A big black cock.

[Guest N/A]

23 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Meat samosa starter.

Ceylon chicken and pilau rice with Bombay potatoes. 

Retire to drawing room with bottle of Johnnie Walker, put 'Cross of Iron on DVD and tell any children or unwanted relatives to fuck right off.

Perfect.

That’s Diwali not Xmas dinner isn’t it?

My personal favorite is, 

Steal a  large tube of smarties off the kids in the morning

Small party sausages on sticks, sausage rolls, ham and bread rolls, onion bargies, assorted Iceland frozen foods for lunch at 12 noon, washed down with what ever shit wine we have acquired from cunts at work.

Dinner at 5pm is frozen Morrison’s turkey breast in butter, paxos stuffing, roast potatoes done to Delia’s recipe, peas, carrots, ........ I know it’s a huge faux....but I do enjoy aunt Bessie’s finest Yorkshire puddings with my Xmas dinner.  Side dish of pigs in blankets.

Condiments ....opus pickled walnuts. Northern boys luv gravy.

Retire to the orangery, for parlour games.  

Break open the finest wines.....those costing between £6 to £9 per box.  Served with a cardboard packet of cheese buscuits and assorted small cheeses from the coop.

Watch TV.   Pick the shittest musical on offer.  Last year it was Oliver.    Having not watched it all the way through since 1978 be amazed at how many songs you can sing all the way through !

Eastenders ominibus edition, always livens up a dull Xmas and makes one appreciate not living in a house full of miserable cockney wankers.

Xmas treat blow job off the Mrs whilst watching Michal Hussein read the news.

Perfect.

[Earl of Punkape]

12 minutes ago, Monumental cunt said:

That’s Diwali not Xmas dinner isn’t it?

My personal favorite is, 

Steal a  large tube of smarties off the kids in the morning

Small party sausages on sticks, sausage rolls, ham and bread rolls, onion bargies, assorted Iceland frozen foods for lunch at 12 noon, washed down with what ever shit wine we have acquired from cunts at work.

Dinner at 5pm is frozen Morrison’s turkey breast in butter, paxos stuffing, roast potatoes done to Delia’s recipe, peas, carrots, ........ I know it’s a huge faux....but I do enjoy aunt Bessie’s finest Yorkshire puddings with my Xmas dinner.  Side dish of pigs in blankets.

Condiments ....opus pickled walnuts. Northern boys luv gravy.

Retire to the orangery, for parlour games.  

Break open the finest wines.....those costing between £6 to £9 per box.  Served with a cardboard packet of cheese buscuits and assorted small cheeses from the coop.

Watch TV.   Pick the shittest musical on offer.  Last year it was Oliver.    Having not watched it all the way through since 1978 be amazed at how many songs you can sing all the way through !

Eastenders ominibus edition, always livens up a dull Xmas and makes one appreciate not living in a house full of miserable cockney wankers.

Xmas treat blow job off the Mrs whilst watching Michal Hussein read the news.

Perfect.

You fucking peasant.

[Eric Cuntman]

11 minutes ago, Monumental cunt said:

That’s Diwali not Xmas dinner isn’t it?

My personal favorite is, 

Steal a  large tube of smarties off the kids in the morning

Small party sausages on sticks, sausage rolls, ham and bread rolls, onion bargies, assorted Iceland frozen foods for lunch at 12 noon, washed down with what ever shit wine we have acquired from cunts at work.

Dinner at 5pm is frozen Morrison’s turkey breast in butter, paxos stuffing, roast potatoes done to Delia’s recipe, peas, carrots, ........ I know it’s a huge faux....but I do enjoy aunt Bessie’s finest Yorkshire puddings with my Xmas dinner.  Side dish of pigs in blankets.

Condiments ....opus pickled walnuts. Northern boys luv gravy.

Retire to the orangery, for parlour games.  

Break open the finest wines.....those costing between £6 to £9 per box.  Served with a cardboard packet of cheese buscuits and assorted small cheeses from the coop.

Watch TV.   Pick the shittest musical on offer.  Last year it was Oliver.    Having not watched it all the way through since 1978 be amazed at how many songs you can sing all the way through !

Eastenders ominibus edition, always livens up a dull Xmas and makes one appreciate not living in a house full of miserable cockney wankers.

Xmas treat blow job off the Mrs whilst watching Michal Hussein read the news.

Perfect.

And those little sausage rolls that aren't actually sausage rolls, with cheese & onion in the middle. I fuckin' hide them from every other cunt.

[Guest N/A]

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

And those little sausage rolls that aren't actually sausage rolls, with cheese & onion in the middle. I fuckin' hide them from every other cunt.

Nah...I do that with the Arctic Roll for pudding.