Rich bastard murdered "They were lovely people who kept themselves to themselves."

[Stubby Pecker]

42 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

I bet you're running out of space in that house and garden, Neil. Cavity walls, patios, garden path, lawn, loft, and just about any other space that could conceal a body or parts of. 

Why not invest in one of those concrete crushers. I'm not talking about the industrial ones used on sites, but I'm sure there's smaller varieties. 

Obviously selling the house is completely out of the question as we'd be looking at another 25 Cromwell Street, and you joining that tiny minority of prisoners serving whole life tariffs. 

My advice to @Neilwould be a large deep freeze and a woodchipper. If the body parts are chipped before they thaw out, mess should be minimal- do it over a plastic concrete tray and on the lawn so the magpies will clear up any shrapnel 

The bulk can then be incinerated or better still dumped at sea or in a large “body” of water with a thriving fish population 

[Eric Cuntman]

7 minutes ago, Major Cunt said:

Would probably be sufficient. On the subject of the breadstick legged wanker, I've noticed he's picked up a new disciple in Dyslexic. I was just starting to warm to the cunt, but his sycophantic rimming of Frank has left a bad taste in my mouth, but I'm certain that it's nowhere near as foul as his. I'd imagine it's a concoction of KY Jelly, spunk from multiple ethnics, and turd peppered with cous cous 

You have to remember, DC spends a lot of time in close proximity to scousers. Frank must seem quite sophisticated and glamorous. 

I expect he'll learn that a scorpion is always going to be a scorpion, eventually.

[Major Cunt]

2 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

My advice to @Neilwould be a large deep freeze and a woodchipper. If the body parts are chipped before they thaw out, mess should be minimal- do it over a plastic concrete tray and on the lawn so the magpies will clear up any shrapnel 

The bulk can then be incinerated or better still dumped at sea or in a large “body” of water with a thriving fish population 

Stubbs, you seem to have a disturbing amount of knowledge regarding the disposal of bodies.

Was this something they taught in the Royal Marines, or just a hobby? 

[Stubby Pecker]

1 hour ago, Major Cunt said:

I knew some cunt would beat me to the punchline, Doc.

Apparently the best way to get rid of a corpse is to chop it into six pieces according to 'Bricktop' in 'Snatch'. Given Frank's aids ravaged body, I reckon you could do the job with a junior hacksaw. 

If I were ever lucky enough to be near franks freshly strangled corpse, firstly I’d remove the disposable gloves and simply pop him in warm sunshine for an hour or two. His Ethiopian frame would quickly dry to a crisp and the local badgers would enjoy a light snack when darkness falls.

[Stubby Pecker]

1 minute ago, Major Cunt said:

Stubbs, you seem to have a disturbing amount of knowledge regarding the disposal of bodies.

Was this something they taught in the Royal Marines, or just a hobby? 

Just common sense major. Nature wastes nothing and as long as the bits are too small to be identified, animals will do the job for you and be grateful 

After the Boxing Day tsunami many bodies were washed out into a rich shallow tropical sea, full of life. Not many bodies were recovered. Bumper catches the following year.

[Goober]

12 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Just common sense major. Nature wastes nothing and as long as the bits are too small to be identified, animals will do the job for you and be grateful 

After the Boxing Day tsunami many bodies were washed out into a rich shallow tropical sea, full of life. Not many bodies were recovered. Bumper catches the following year.

Stubby, did you see tonight's Panorama about all the raw sewage being released illegally into rivers by water companies? 

As a consequence of this hideous practice, when you fish a used French tickler out of a river with your benthos net, do you have to check inside for newt taddies? 

[Stubby Pecker]

5 minutes ago, Goober said:

Stubby, did you see tonight's Panorama about all the raw sewage being released illegally into rivers by water companies? 

As a consequence of this hideous practice, when you fish a used French tickler out of a river with your benthos net, do you have to check inside for newt taddies? 

Congealed spunk and newt eggs are almost indistinguishable doc...

[Cuntybaws]

1 minute ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Congealed spunk and newt eggs are almost indistinguishable doc...

You mean, in taste? You sick fucking freak.

[Eric Cuntman]

5 minutes ago, Goober said:

Stubby, did you see tonight's Panorama about all the raw sewage being released illegally into rivers by water companies? 

As a consequence of this hideous practice, when you fish a used French tickler out of a river with your benthos net, do you have to check inside for newt taddies? 

Have you ever tried 'canal fishing'?

You get a big fuck-off speaker magnet, tie a 40 foot bit of rope to it, throw it to the far side and drag it back towards you. You end up with a lot of tins and snagging on shopping trollies, but you find the odd lock-knife and other interesting thingies. Never found a gun though.

[King Billy]

1 hour ago, Major Cunt said:

I knew some cunt would beat me to the punchline, Doc.

Apparently the best way to get rid of a corpse is to chop it into six pieces according to 'Bricktop' in 'Snatch'. Given Frank's aids ravaged body, I reckon you could do the job with a junior hacksaw. 

A plastic spoon or a lollipop stick would suffice. Or why not just let the pigeons peck the 3OZs of gangrenous flesh from his matchstick skeleton? and then grind the remains into the pavement like a discarded fag butt.

[Goober]

8 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Have you ever tried 'canal fishing'?

You get a big fuck-off speaker magnet, tie a 40 foot bit of rope to it, throw it to the far side and drag it back towards you. You end up with a lot of tins and snagging on shopping trollies, but you find the odd lock-knife and other interesting thingies. Never found a gun though.

Haven't been freshwater fishing of any kind for over 30 years. Too fucking boring. 

Don't they use those super neodymium magnet thingies for that? 

I could tell you the location of a pond with a .22 rifle in it if you fancy giving it a go. Don't ask how I know. 

[King Billy]

13 minutes ago, Goober said:

Haven't been freshwater fishing of any kind for over 30 years. Too fucking boring. 

Don't they use those super neodymium magnet thingies for that? 

I could tell you the location of a pond with a .22 rifle in it if you fancy giving it a go. Don't ask how I know. 

How do you know?

[Eric Cuntman]

16 minutes ago, Goober said:

Haven't been freshwater fishing of any kind for over 30 years. Too fucking boring. 

Don't they use those super neodymium magnet thingies for that? 

I could tell you the location of a pond with a .22 rifle in it if you fancy giving it a go. Don't ask how I know. 

I already know. You shot that fat kid in the arse, then shit yourself and dumped the evidence. 

Was it a Webley Vulcan? 

[ChildeHarold]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I already know. You shot that fat kid in the arse, then shit yourself and dumped the evidence. 

Was it a Webley Vulcan? 

Probably in a swimming pool in Essex. 

[Goober]

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I already know. You shot that fat kid in the arse, then shit yourself and dumped the evidence. 

Was it a Webley Vulcan? 

No idea what it was. It'll be rusted to fuck by now. 

[Stubby Pecker]

32 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

You mean, in taste? You sick fucking freak.

Knowing your mob you’d deep fry it...

Off course I don’t taste it you northern savage: simply pop a bit up the nostril for a smell test 

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, ChildeHarold said:

Probably in a swimming pool in Essex. 

I imagine it would have been discovered on a regular verucca plaster sweep.

[Eric Cuntman]

Just now, Goober said:

No idea what it was. It'll be rusted to fuck by now. 

I knew you'd shot some cunt.

[Goober]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I knew you'd shot some cunt.

Of course I haven't.

Yet. 

[Stubby Pecker]

8 minutes ago, Goober said:

No idea what it was. It'll be rusted to fuck by now. 

If it were an AK, you could still whack off 1000 rounds no problem. They’ll still be killing skinny African cunts in 100 years

[Dyslexic cnut]

2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You have to remember, DC spends a lot of time in close proximity to scousers. Frank must seem quite sophisticated and glamorous. 

I expect he'll learn that a scorpion is always going to be a scorpion, eventually.

I’m having a dreadful week lads, and now this? For fuck’s sake.

[Major Cunt]

1 hour ago, King Billy said:

A plastic spoon or a lollipop stick would suffice. Or why not just let the pigeons peck the 3OZs of gangrenous flesh from his matchstick skeleton? and then grind the remains into the pavement like a discarded fag butt.

Out of likes, Bill. That's a scenario to cheer up my evening. It's a shame he doesn't live by the coast, but I'm sure he's a regular visitor to Brighton.

If the cunt sat on the beach with a bag of chips the ravenous Seagulls would probably take one of his arms off whilst dive bombing for a portion.

Then as Stubbs pointed out earlier just let mother nature take it's course. Frank would like an easy meal to an urban Fox. 

[Major Cunt]

12 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I’m having a dreadful week lads, and now this? For fuck’s sake.

Sage advice from Eric, DC, and you should certainly take it on board. Frank will fuck you over quicker than Punkers drops his golf slacks at his local cottaging spot. 

You've been warned. 

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 minute ago, Major Cunt said:

Sage advice, DC, and you should certainly take it on board. Frank will fuck you over quicker than Punkers drops his golf slacks at his local cottaging spot. 

You've been warned. 

Noted Major. Honestly, I’m having a grueller here and there’s only Frank who seems to give a fuck. I’m getting coolered, censored, moderated, abused and that’s without mentioning the domestic turmoil. An invite to the Groucho for brunch doesn’t happen every day of the week. What do you think I should do?

[Major Cunt]

9 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Noted Major. Honestly, I’m having a grueller here and there’s only Frank who seems to give a fuck. I’m getting coolered, censored, moderated, abused and that’s without mentioning the domestic turmoil. An invite to the Groucho for brunch doesn’t happen every day of the week. What do you think I should do?

There's about as much chance of him turning up than there is of Megan Fox knocking on my door in just a dressing gown, and then pleading with me to smash her doggy-style bareback. 

Resolve your domestic troubles with a bunch of flowers and the you were right speech (despite it no doubt being bollocks). You may have to resort to running the hoover round and a bit of washing up. 

I'm sure Mrs DC will come round eventually... 

Oh, and drop Harold the stupid out. You're not gonna get shot of him as the old players have already tried. Just block the fucker then you don't have to read his shite! 

Edited April 12, 2021 by Major Cunt