HYDROPHOBIA OUTBREAK IN DORSET

[King Billy]

A large number of ‘guests’ (doctors, teachers etc. etc.) have been unable to board the luxury vessel ‘BIBBY STOCKHOLM’ near Portland today as they’ve been suddenly struck down with hydrophobia (a rare condition symptomised by a terrifying fear of water and usually only seen in patients infected with rabies, but which now appears to be spreading like wildfire (climate change probably) through several luxury hotels in the SW of England). 
This outbreak has baffled the scientific community as it was thought that all the infected had acquired natural immunity previously while bobbing about in overcrowded dinghys, or being taxied across the English Channel.by the RNLI. 
Professor Chris Whittey is due to address the nation on the BBC as soon as a name for the ‘new variant’ can be made up and some terrifying graphs and ridiculously exaggerated modelling predictions arrive from Prof. Pantsdown Ferguson at Imperial College. 

[Cunty BigBollox]

It begs the question, why would somebody with a fear of water seek asylum on an island surrounded by sea like ours having only just traversed a piece of land about 40 times bigger???

[King Billy]

Just now, Cunty BigBollox said:

It begs the question, why would somebody with a fear of water seek asylum on an island surrounded by sea like ours having only just traversed a piece of land about 40 times bigger???

It also begs the question…How many litres of Aldi own brand cider (that looks almost exactly like the genuine article with one eye closed but costs 50p less per litre) did you consume while formulating this question CBB? And what are your plans tomorrow vis a vis the money you’ve saved?

[Decimus]

6 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

It begs the question, why would somebody with a fear of water seek asylum on an island surrounded by sea like ours having only just traversed a piece of land about 40 times bigger???

From what I gather, the people involved in the legal challenge only developed the fear after witnessing people drown during the channel crossing.

I'm not suggesting that it isn't all a load fucking bollocks that has been cooked up by some left leaning, cunt of a lawyer, almost undoubtedly that's what has happened. But if there are genuine people who have been traumatised by their experience, it's fairly cruel to then stick them on a fucking boat.

[King Billy]

6 minutes ago, Decimus said:

From what I gather, the people involved in the legal challenge only developed the fear after witnessing people drown during the channel crossing.

I'm not suggesting that it isn't all a load fucking bollocks that has been cooked up by some left leaning, cunt of a lawyer, almost undoubtedly that's what has happened. But if there are genuine people who have been traumatised by their experience, it's fairly cruel to then stick them on a fucking boat.

Maybe chucking them off the pier would work. It did for both our cockapoos when they were  small pups. Poopy jumps in the river as soon as we arrive now and swims around for hours. My missus thinks he might be looking for his little sister who didn’t make it back to the bank all those years ago. Who knows, she might be right although she’s never been right about anything before?

[Cunty BigBollox]

1 hour ago, King Billy said:

It also begs the question…How many litres of Aldi own brand cider (that looks almost exactly like the genuine article with one eye closed but costs 50p less per litre) did you consume while formulating this question CBB? And what are your plans tomorrow vis a vis the money you’ve saved?

I don't really know. What the fuck does 25pence get you nowadays?

[Cunty BigBollox]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

From what I gather, the people involved in the legal challenge only developed the fear after witnessing people drown during the channel crossing.

Well, why the fuck didn't they video them on the iPhones that they all seem to have and then post them on the internet with a pay wall? I would pay to watch a doctor, dentist or engineer drown.

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, King Billy said:

Maybe chucking them off the pier would work. It did for both our cockapoos when they were  small pups. Poopy jumps in the river as soon as we arrive now and swims around for hours. My missus thinks he might be looking for his little sister who didn’t make it back to the bank all those years ago. Who knows, she might be right although she’s never been right about anything before?

We’ve got one of them cunts. A cockaprick he is. Thick as pigshit unless there’s food about. I hate the twat but she ruins him. She has him on the bed and the other night I was trying my hand, busting out my best foreplay manoeveres and thinking I was doing well due to her moans until I realised she was tickling the cunts belly mid-coital…it was him groaning! I slept in the spare room and the following day, when she went to work, I never fed the little cunt and told him Uncle Zev was taking him for a walk. That’ll learn him.

[King Billy]

12 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

I don't really know. What the fuck does 25pence get you nowadays?

That depends how long it’ll take you save up such a substantial amount. With the current inflation rate probably nothing tbh.

[King Billy]

11 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Well, why the fuck didn't they video them on the iPhones that they all seem to have and then post them on the internet with a pay wall? I would pay to watch a doctor, dentist or engineer drown.

Sick bastard. I suppose you’d love to see Shamima Begum dissolved in acid too?

[King Billy]

24 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

We’ve got one of them cunts. A cockaprick he is. Thick as pigshit unless there’s food about. I hate the twat but she ruins him. She has him on the bed and the other night I was trying my hand, busting out my best foreplay manoeveres and thinking I was doing well due to her moans until I realised she was tickling the cunts belly mid-coital…it was him groaning! I slept in the spare room and the following day, when she went to work, I never fed the little cunt and told him Uncle Zev was taking him for a walk. That’ll learn him.

Can’t fault you on anything there DC. In fact losing Poopys little sister in such a tragic way has settled a long running argument with the missus about biological males such as Lia Thomas participating in women’s swimming with an unfair advantage. She’s woke as fuck and never been able to give me a proper answer when I’ve asked her why only Poopy made it back to the bank and not his little sister? Poopy agrees with me and I’ve been training him to bite her.

[Eric Cuntman]

Give them a can of WD40 to disperse it and tell them to stop being gaylords.

[nocti]

Many phobias are diminished by gradual exposure to the object of fear itself, so perhaps they could be gently submerged in water, and slowly lowered towards the bottom until they stop panicking.

[Eric Cuntman]

2 minutes ago, nocti said:

Many phobias are diminished by gradual exposure to the object of fear itself, so perhaps they could be gently submerged in water, and slowly lowered towards the bottom until they stop panicking.

Daft isn’t it. Some people are really nervy and anxious about being hit in the temple with a lump hammer. But afterwards they completely relax.

[Decimus]

1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Well, why the fuck didn't they video them on the iPhones that they all seem to have and then post them on the internet with a pay wall? 

I don't know, Drew, perhaps The Daily Mail can confirm, they seem to know everything else about them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending them and I certainly wouldn't want a boat load of hirsute barbarians rocking up offshore of my local dog walking beach. All I'm saying is that IF it's true, which it almost certainly isn't, it's tantamount to torture to place people who have PTSD in a situation that triggers them. The whole reason they want to come here is that we're supposedly better than that.

[Last Cunt Standing]

12 hours ago, King Billy said:

A large number of ‘guests’ (doctors, teachers etc. etc.) have been unable to board the luxury vessel ‘BIBBY STOCKHOLM’ near Portland today as they’ve been suddenly struck down with hydrophobia (a rare condition symptomised by a terrifying fear of water and usually only seen in patients infected with rabies, but which now appears to be spreading like wildfire (climate change probably) through several luxury hotels in the SW of England). 
This outbreak has baffled the scientific community as it was thought that all the infected had acquired natural immunity previously while bobbing about in overcrowded dinghys, or being taxied across the English Channel.by the RNLI. 
Professor Chris Whittey is due to address the nation on the BBC as soon as a name for the ‘new variant’ can be made up and some terrifying graphs and ridiculously exaggerated modelling predictions arrive from Prof. Pantsdown Ferguson at Imperial College. 

I’d have thought as vocal champion of the downtrodden and terror of the elite, you might have a problem with the maths of the entire project. Isn’t it currently running at about £3k per person per night? For that price you could stick them all in Claridges and still have change for a bunk up in a West End brothel. Still, as long as the electorate get the scent of blood in the nostrils, who’s counting, eh? Certainly not Sunak, last seen at Disneyland spending like a drunken sailor. What a bag of shite. 

[Jake The Muss]

Professor Chris Whittey, what a wanker and should be put in stocks for the hilarious BS that comes out of his fat fucking red faced cuntface....i suppose he might just as well address the nation about the underground climate change as well.

Computer models hey, shit in, shit out...give me a page three model any day.

[King Billy]

9 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’d have thought as vocal champion of the downtrodden and terror of the elite, you might have a problem with the maths of the entire project. Isn’t it currently running at about £3k per person per night? For that price you could stick them all in Claridges and still have change for a bunk up in a West End brothel. Still, as long as the electorate get the scent of blood in the nostrils, who’s counting, eh? Certainly not Sunak, last seen at Disneyland spending like a drunken sailor. What a bag of shite. 

I might despise the fuckers a bit less if they weren’t filthy sand rats, kid rapers and most importantly if they weren’t here. 

[Hammer of Cunts]

10 hours ago, Decimus said:

it's tantamount to torture to place people who have PTSD in a situation that triggers them

Fun though.

[Last Cunt Standing]

2 hours ago, King Billy said:

I might despise the fuckers a bit less if they weren’t filthy sand rats, kid rapers and most importantly if they weren’t here. 

Good customers for your knocking shop though, if the stats are to be believed. I suppose your distaste ends at their wallet. 

[Cunty BigBollox]

14 hours ago, Decimus said:

I don't know, Drew, perhaps The Daily Mail can confirm, they seem to know everything else about them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending them and I certainly wouldn't want a boat load of hirsute barbarians rocking up offshore of my local dog walking beach. All I'm saying is that IF it's true, which it almost certainly isn't, it's tantamount to torture to place people who have PTSD in a situation that triggers them. The whole reason they want to come here is that we're supposedly better than that.

Another 41 hydrophobics discovered off the coast of Italy, so not just a UK issue.

[camberwell gypsy]

5 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Another 41 hydrophobics discovered off the coast of Italy, so not just a UK issue.

George Best was hydrophobic. It's what caused him to be an alcoholic. 

[King Billy]

9 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Good customers for your knocking shop though, if the stats are to be believed. I suppose your distaste ends at their wallet. 

My 6’9” burka clad ‘Head of security’ Fatima they/them  (formerly known as Johnny Granite Knuckles until his SIA badge was revoked) has strict instructions not to allow any of the odorous savages through the door. I’ve had to give him a slap a couple of times to remind him who’s boss as he’s not actually as sharp up top as he sounds but he’s fully on message now and quite easy to pay compared to two midgets half his size. So in essence your supposition is pretty much correct Doc. What I lose from barring the mussies is balanced out by the savings I make from Ahmed’s wages.

Swings and roundabouts. (which funnily enough is where they all seem to hang around now for some reason I don’t understand).

Apologies for repeatedly misgendering Fatima above.

[King Billy]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

George Best was hydrophobic. It's what caused him to be an alcoholic. 

Turning down Drew’s liver probably added a couple of years to Georges life.

[King Billy]

7 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Another 41 hydrophobics discovered off the coast of Italy, so not just a UK issue.

It must have been a very proud moment for the teacher yesterday when Imran the 6’3” 14 year old with the hairy hands and full beard blurted out his first ever words in English…..’Miss I’m hydrophobic‘.